CONTENTS
Free to be
MARFAM News
SACBC Family Life Desk News
2010 Family Calendar and themes
Some activities of the month
SOCCER WORLD CUP SNIPPETS
MORE ON “THE PARENTING GAME”
CORRESPONDENCE
SNIPPETS
IN CONCLUSION - a recipe for a healthy family
MAY THEME: THE PARENTING GAME
MARFAM’s vision and aim since its beginnings in 1995 has been the renewal of family life in the Church through education and enrichment. MARFAM’s publications are a resource for families, educators, parishes and for the work of the Family Life Desk of the Southern African Catholic Bishops’ Conference.
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Free to be
I started writing this (free) monthly Family Matters e-newsletter on Freedom Day in South Africa, 27th April, the day on which in 1994 all the people of this rainbow nation for the first time went to the polls to elect a democratic government. The day became a Public Holiday and is celebrated in different ways by different members of our rainbow nation. That is what it means to be free. Some people attended rallies. Others went to work, because they had to, some because they believed they need to and maybe some because they had nothing better or nothing else to do. Municipal workers started to collect the trash that is still littering our neighbourhoods after a weeklong strike. Of course we were all encouraged to celebrate commemorating that momentous event of 16 years ago.
Last weekend the SA Bishops’ Family Life Desk ran a workshop for Parish Family Ministry and delegates from six different dioceses participated. The focus of the whole programme is very much “The Church as Family” (African Synod) and “The Family as the Domestic Church” (Vatican II) and how that concept can be integrated into church life which is also the life of the domestic church.
Last month’s Family Matters letter dealt in general with the topic of the abuse of children by priests, but tried to address it from the perspective of family life. It elicited quite some comment, positive and negative, and of course that is one of the objectives of sending out a newsletter. Some didn’t agree with bringing up the issue at all, some thought there should be strong condemnation, but the conclusion that it is largely an issue power, its use and abuse is relevant once again for families. This is so both on the theme of freedom but also the theme of “The Parenting Game” which is our family theme for May with the overall 2010 theme of “Families Play the Game.” How does one deal with power in a parent-child situation. It is not only parents who have power, positional power, but children too from very early on play power games that often leave parents furious, helpless and as a result sometimes abusive. Teaching and sharing of parenting skills is an element of parish family ministry and the particular concept of Family Preservation and finding, developing and implementing programmes for this need is a dream of family ministry.
This ministering to families and their needs is not just an add-on in the Church’s work of evangelisation. At a presentation to leaders of religious congregations I presented the broader vision of the Church as Family at three levels. Yes, we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, but that is the simplest level. “If the Church is truly to be a Family of God then both the family which is its model and the Church should reflect God’s priorities.” Aylward Shorter in Tangaza Papers. So the second level is addressing families and their needs at a practical level, i.e. building strong families, marriage preparation, parenting skills, dealing with issues of substance abuse etc. The third level is also essential and consists of theological reflection, catechesis and promoting a spirituality of the sacrament of Matrimony and of family relationships. So becoming a Christ-centred, family-focused Church is important for the whole body.
Freedom is often considered a justice and peace issue and again is relevant for families too.
Teaching parenting skills with a view to empowering both parents and children to make choices for which they are to be responsible and should be held accountable is promoting freedom. This requires communication, decision-making, conflict resolution, anger management and much else and applies to all families rich and poor, advantaged and disadvantaged.
15th May has been designated by the United Nations as International Day of Families and the theme for 2010 is “The Impact of Migration on Families Around the World.” Many families migrate in search of freedom. True freedom, the freedom of the children of God, is the freedom to be able to make the right choices and good parenting, by whomever plays the parenting role, is a gift, a right and a responsibility. Let us invite Mary, the mother of Jesus and our mother too to pray for us, for all mothers and families that they may truly experience and promote the concept “Free to be.”
Toni Rowland
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MARFAM NEWS
The April – June issue of Marriage and Family Living is still available and as usual links with the Family Life Calendar for 2010 and its theme “FAMILIES PLAY THE GAME.” As the time for the Soccer World Cup draws closer with the kick-off less than 2 months away some aspects of the Soccer Cup are included. The article on www.marfam.org.za for May is on the theme for the month of parenting and the poem too reflects on parents co-parenting with God. There are some prayers and blessings and activities for families on current themes including Pentecost on the website www.marfam.org.za. These as well as some of the articles and reflections in the magazine can be used for FAMILY HOUR, the concept being promoted for family enrichment.
Other appropriate MARFAM booklets are PARENTING A LABOUR OF LOVE (Cost R8) and HELLO MARY (Cost R4) an activity booklet for children with explanatory notes for parents on the different feast of Our Lady during the year and relevant for the month of May, traditionally Mary’s month.
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St. Luke's Retreat Centre 10 Park Lane, Central, Port Elizabeth. P O Box 12194, Centrahil 6006. South Africa Tel: +27 +(0)41 373 0039 Fax: +27 +(0)86 606 5307 Mobile:+27 +(0)74 376 5833 Read more about our "Directed Retreats" http://www.catholic-pe.co.za/directed.htm |
SACBC FAMILY LIFE DESK NEWS
The SACBC Family Life Desk has as its 2010 theme, “Families Play the Game.” The annual family life calendar is one of the main projects of the FL Desk, used for education and enrichment. Its monthly subthemes are developed in different ways throughout the year.
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SOCCER WORLD CUP 2010
Visit www.churchontheball.com for aspects of the Church’s response and activities. A Mass against Human Trafficking will be concelebrated in Pretoria on 8th May.
13th June is Soccer World Cup Sunday and families and parishes are challenged to become involved in creating a family-friendly atmosphere on that day.
The special prayer book Play and Pray is available from the SACBC, Salesian Fr Jonathan Daniels at 011 680 1235, MARFAM, dioceses, Knights of da Gama.
PRAYER FOR SUCCESS OF THE WORLD SOCCER CUP |
As people from every nation gather with excitement and enthusiasm for the World Soccer Cup of 2010
CPLO Briefing Paper 227: Legalizing Prostitution: The Debate..
The Catholic Parliamentary Liaison Office acts as a link between Parliament and the Church in Southern Africa. It seeks primarily to keep the Bishops and others in Church leadership informed about public policy and legislation - and to influence Parliament and government through insights and inspirations drawn from Church teaching, especially Catholic Social Teaching.
The briefing paper on this debate is particularly relevant at this time with the expected inflow of thousands of visitors into the country. Visit www.cplo.org.za
A presentation at St Augustine’s Catholic University Johannesburg by visiting Professor Jan Jans, a moral theologian from the University of Tilburg in the Netherlands also provided food for thought. Is total or partial criminilisation, regulation, or self-regulation the answer to what Professor Jans described as “this sad profession” the answer to this worldwide perennial problem?
IS SOUTH AFRICA PREPARED?
The Church is doing its thing as we have heard. The organising committee tells us that they are or will be ready? The whole government Justice/protection/policing/social development cluster has also unveiled their plans to offer protection and fight crime of all kinds. Many thousands of police and other personnel including health and social workers will be deployed around the country, mainly in centres where games are being played or teams being hosted. An important element in their plan is the protection of children from harm, exploitation, abuse and assisting where children are lost or separated from their families. Another facet is youth from other countries who may choose to “get lost” and stay behind, becoming asylum seekers. Together with all the officials everyone is certainly called on to do their bit to make the event the success it could and should be.
MORE ON “THE PARENTING GAME”
With the current month’s theme in mind and having received a request from a school I conducted a little research. There are a number of programmes available in the Catholic and also the wider network in South Africa and elsewhere. Information can be requested from the SA Social Development Department, and also from local FAMSA offices or other Christian denominations. Programmes such as “Toddler Taming” STEP Junior and STEP Teen are some programmes offered.
The Cape Town Archdiocese offers a BASIC PARENTING SKILLS progamme which has been adapted and is one of the programmes from the UK Family Caring Trust.
Sophiatown Community Services is running a “parenting lekgotla” at a local school while some parishes do from time to time offer this as part of a counseling service. Those are the kind of resources interested people, especially parents could tap into. A sad reflection is that while the need for parenting skills is widely recognized parents seldom avail themselves of what is on offer.
A DVD set with a workbook, “Breakthrough Steps to Step-Parenting” by Family Lifechange Centre SA is not only for step-parents but with its range of themes is valuable for all parents.
Life Talk’s awareness-building initiatives include talks given at schools, companies and universities. The talks and workshops cover the issues and challenges faced by adolescents, parents and educators, and they explore solutions and important areas to focus on. The audiences comprise parents (of children from toddler to young adult) and educators, and the content facilitates developing a proactive parenting approach.
Corporates are enthusiastic about the talks because “most employees are parents too, so facilitating the parenting role results in greater productivity and job satisfaction”. And the awareness, focus on solutions, and subsequent positive behaviour change can have a hugely positive impact on society, and on the world our youth are entering. Contact forum@lifetalk.co.za
I would welcome any correspondence or information on what is available, what has been tried and especially on what works.
CORRESPONDENCE
from Bernadette Williams, FAMSA How You Can Observe the International Day of Families
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SNIPPETS
Survey: Parents Want Less Sex, Drugs on TV
Poll Shows Effort to Control What Children See
WASHINGTON, D.C., APRIL 15, 2010 (Zenit.org).- A national survey shows that parents are concerned about what their children see on TV and want more help to control the amount of sex, violence and drugs viewed by children. These were the findings of a random survey of 500 parents, commissioned by the U.S. episcopal conference. www.usccb.org/comm/Parents-Hopes-Concerns-Impact-Media-on-Children.pdf
The survey showed that parents are trying to control what their children see, with more than 90% reporting household media rules. Some two-thirds expected they would use parental controls more with the following three factors: better understanding of controls, the ability to block inappropriate ads, and greater availability of media products with parental controls already set. And parents are calling on the media industry to help protect children, with three-fourths saying the industry should do more, and 58% saying government should too.
Children Need Protection and Fundamental Respect - International Catholic Child Bureau (BICE) Stresses Rights of Youth.
GENEVA, Switzerland, APRIL 23, 2010 (Zenit.org).- Young people need to be protected from pedophiles, but even more fundamentally they need to be respected, said the International Catholic Child Bureau.
A google search on this organization lists many areas of concern including the plight of refugee children which is related to migrant families too. BICE is an international non-governmental organisation promoting and protecting child rights around the world. Founded in 1948, BICE steps in to promote and to defend the dignity and rights of children faced with all forms of abuse, such as exclusion, exploitation and violence. BICE supports the most vulnerable children: street children, children in conflict with the law, children sexually abused or exploited through work, and children with disabilities. It implements actions of prevention, protection and reintegration for all children, irrespective of their ethnic, cultural or religious origins. www.bice.org
In its communiqué it called for people to help "in the implementation of the United Nations Convention regarding the rights of children, and especially in the application of its Articles 19 and 34, which order the states to protect children from all forms of exploitation and sexual violence."
IN CONCLUSION
A RECIPE FOR A HAPPY FAMILY
Take a matching pair of human individuals.
Prepare well by tenderising and moulding into shape.
Settle securely in a cosy nest and allow to propagate.
Bond the growing mess together with endless patience and acceptance until it is bubbly
adding countless cups of the beverage of choice
laced with spoonfuls of sugar to make the medicine go down.
Mix in lashings of common sense and the occasional dollop of healthy pride.
Measure out a good helping to each of generosity and kindness
using a level head and a two-way memory to be used as a sieve or storing facility.
Blend all together with the oil of gladness
using a strong wooden spoon and keeping a purposeful sense of direction.
Pepper with words of wisdom and let the salt of tears strengthen the flavour.
Keep a bucket of cold water handy for emergencies
and celebrate in harmony the unity and togetherness
as the peace and joy of God's Spirit permeate the broth.
And remember…
no matter who takes the cake, it is good to invite God to the party.
T Rowland - Christmas 1998