CONTENTS
Another take on abuse.
MARFAM News
SACBC Family Life Desk News
2010 Family Calendar and themes
Some activities of the month
BITS AND BYTES
SOCCER WORLD CUP SNIPPETS
CORRESPONDENCE
IN CONCLUSION
APRIL THEME: GOD’S GAME PLAN
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ANOTHER TAKE ON ABUSE
It so happened that on the 5th Sunday of Lent I shared in the Eucharist in a small town in Holland, one of the countries in Europe that is currently experiencing a spate of accusations about abuse of minors and how it was handled by church authorities. The local bishop had written a letter and at the same time Pope Benedict’s letter to the Irish bishops was made public. Reflecting on all this and subsequent news reports from my family perspective I was prompted to write the following “open letter” to priests. Please note that the operative and relevant “s…..” word is not mentioned to avoid the possibility of this newsletter being rejected by internet servers.
Dear Rev Father,
After hearing the gospel of the 5th Sunday of Lent of the forgiveness of the woman caught in adultery (why don’t we talk about this gospel as a typical forgiveness story like that of the forgiving father and the prodigal son) I wondered whether instead of the priest preaching to us, the laity, at this time with such an international focus on the pain and suffering of the abuse scandals, we should be preaching to you. Maybe you should be going to confession to us. Maybe the Sacrament of Reconciliation could take on a new meaning. I’m not saying you are all guilty, or even many of you but who really knows how many? I’m also not trying to be like the scribes and the Pharisees and yes, the bystanders too, gloating over the brokenness of the accused. That for me is one of the many other sinful aspects of this situation. The hypocrisy of the non-involved I find frightening. Who among us is able to cast the first stone?
Jesus did not condemn the woman. The gospel account does not go into detail but did he look at her with love or compassion or with a neutrality that would already have been a sign of acceptance of a woman caught in an act in which she was a partner and not a single wrongdoer? Did he judge her in some way but show himself capable of forgiveness and add, “go and sin no more?”
South Africa had its Truth and Reconciliation Commission. It was a part of the painful process of social reconstruction that in fact continues. It wasn’t perfect but its gift to the world was the possibility of reconciliation, of victim and perpetrator facing one another and sharing their pain. And if the perpetrator is no longer alive, and so cannot answer the charges, can a form and means of healing of those memories not be found through loving relationships. The 2nd African Synod chose Reconciliation as its theme. Some of us think there is not much more to be reconciled about. Others experience a great need for reconciliation in their personal relationships, but surely the Church as a body is in massive need of reconciliation. Abuse doesn’t only happen with clergy and religious but often enough in our own homes. So who are we to cast the first stone? What is the real motivation of the media who ferret out cases and the lawyers for whom it is easy to see the possibility of filthy lucre.
Yes, very great wrongs have been done by a class of men and women who should have been above reproach. Maybe one of our faults as lay family people has been to consider them as such and not as the same fallible human beings that we all are. Except our Master, Jesus, who from the depths of his compassion and yet his love of righteousness was able to say. “I don’t condemn you. Go and sin no more.” Dare we follow him?
The TRC and Nelson Mandela have given us all examples of reconciliation, but what is it about this type of issue that titillates and incites us to near-irrationality in our reactions and yet does not seem to challenge us to modify our own behaviours in this and other related issues. Everyone just talks endlessly.
We could ask you father, with St Paul, “Have you stood before your Lord eating and drinking condemnation on yourself“ but is that really up to us to ask? We could ask your bishops whether they acted justly and fairly. We could even ask whether you have confessed to a brother priest and made a firm purpose of amendment. But are those questions up to us to ask? Jesus didn’t. Was her shame in being exposed wiped out by the shame of those who had to turn away?
We as families know only too well the pain of abuse by your and our own members. We know the anger at a child’s suffering. We know that voyeurism too is a great evil. Processes are now in place in the Church to deal with abuse cases. Can this chapter be closed? Can parents teach their children and create the climate of openness that can prevent these things occurring? Can we stop the abuse in our own homes and communities? And even then dare we be the first to cast a stone? We are all products of our families and we as families have formed those who are now found wanting. Are we not acting as the woman’s unseen partner? How can we be so judgemental?
Maybe we could confess to one another, confess our guilt and our vulnerability. When we can all see Jesus in each other and follow in his way the need and urge for stoning will end. Then we can begin the process of reconciliation and rebuilding and celebrate a new Resurrection. For this let us pray for one another.
A committed Catholic lay, family person,
Toni Rowland
I wish all our readers consolation. peace and joy during this season of Holy Week and Easter.
Every cross has a story. To find the interesting story behind the cross on the hill overlooking Hartebeespoortdam visit www.kormorant.co.za/2009
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MARFAM NEWS
The FAMILIES PLAY THE GAME theme continues to be developed in No 2 issue of Marriage and Family Living magazine now available. The article for April “God’s Game Plan” is posted on the MARFAM website where some reflections and suggestions for families for Holy Week and Easter celebrations can also be found. The “Family Hour” concept which includes praying and playing also continues.
Soccer World Cup fever is gathering momentum too with June 10th, the opening day, just more than 70 days away and the magazine article “Are families “on the ball” with “Church on the ball?” looks into the impact on families.
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SACBC FAMILY LIFE DESK NEWS
The SACBC Family Life Desk 2010 theme is “Families Play the Game.” The annual family life calendar has been widely distributed and with its monthly subthemes is used for education and enrichment throughout the year.
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SOME FAMILY LIFE DESK ACTIVITIES. OTHER ACTIVITIES. An invitation has been issued to family life movements and diocesan family offices to participate in a consultation on the ongoing development of the SACBC family life desk and its activities. |
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BITS AND BYTES
SOCCER WORLD CUP
The SA Catholic Bishops Conference site www.churchontheball.com will be a reminder, an information resource and hopefully too a chance to relate God, our Creator to the Game of Life that we all play in our homes, families, workplaces, sportsfields and everywhere else.
With the Cup less than 3 months away there will be a special feature on this for the next few months. An article in Marriage and Family Living, the outcome of a brainstorm at a recent workshop lists some of the positive and negatives impacts of the Cup on family life and also notes some of the dangers e.g. trafficking, prostitution, drug and alcohol abuse as well as security concerns. We’re assured regularly that authorities are well aware of these and we all need to cooperate to ward off these dangers and make the event the enjoyable, enriching, globally-unifying event that it could and should be.
A conveniently pocket-sized Soccer World Cup Prayer Book has been developed and will be available shortly through the above website and parishes. There are prayers for the game, the players, spectators, for safety, for families and also some important contact information. It will be distributed free of charge or for a small donation at parishes around the country. A must-have memento of the games for Catholics from everywhere.
Google can be used to search for information about accommodation. The Church is not involved in this but there may be information available from time to time about centres or educational institutions that have accommodation available.
What is a vuvuzela? A unique home-grown South African trumpet blown with ear-splitting enthusiasm at soccer matches for support of your team or intimidation of another’s.
Picture: Vuvuzela champions. Copyright SACBC Communications
The bishops will be offering a Mass against human trafficking on 8th May in Pretoria. More details next month.
PRAYER FOR SUCCESS OF THE WORLD SOCCER CUP |
INTAMS CONFERENCE at the Katolieke Universiteit Leuven “THE HOUSEHOLD OF GOD AND LOCAL HOUSEHOLDS, revisiting the domestic church.” Participation in this conference during March was a confirmation that our work here is in line with that of many others from different countries around the world who share the same vision for the future wellbeing of families and their role in the Church. Meeting attendees and sharing resources is always helpful especially where they are engaged in similar work e.g. US and UK Catholic Bishops conferences
It was both an academic conference with papers by speakers from Catholic universities and other denominations as well as providing valuable pastoral insights. I believe the short presentation I made on CHURCH AS FAMILY – FAMILY AS CHURCH, a Southern African experience also fitted the bill.
A number of dedicated interchurch couples presented their concerns and shared their experience of how a marriage between partners of different denominations can work.
In a presentation on Familial rites and Ecclesial Rites family by Andrea Grillo there was emphasis on the need for family play time – “a time of memory and promise, the time of the word that represents the past and anticipates the future. This is the family’s proper time, but the family is only worthy of this truth when it actually lives it.”
Family rites, rituals and traditions are also extremely important and need to be promoted and nurtured. Families are where members learn about reconciliation and repentance.
There were challenges too to the Church not merely to see families as object but as subject in ministry and evangelisation. The Church’s task should be to minister to family needs versus primarily exhorting them to teach and be bastions of the Church. This includes a recognition of the realities of family life and the different forms of families that exist.
The website www.intams.org provides more detail.
THE GAME OF LIFE
EARTH HOUR
“Earth Hour is a WWF sustainability initiative that challenges individuals, businesses, schools, universities, towns and cities to join millions of people across the world in forming part of a global action against Climate Change. By getting involved in Earth Hour 2010, you are pledging to switch off your lights for 1 hour at 8:30pm on 27 March, to show our governments and world leaders that we are serious about tackling Climate Change.”
Many countries including South Africa participated in this and ESKOM supported this as a way to save power and create awareness. Families taking responsibility for their own carbon footprint was one of the topics addressed through our January theme THE GAME OF LIFE.
www.freerice.com
This is a site to play word games and at the same time do a good deed by providing free rice to poor communities through the World Food Programme. Another way to fit in with our theme “the family that prays and plays together stays together.”
FAMILY LAW CLINIC and COHABITATION PROJECT in JOHANNESBURG
The Johannesburg Family Life Department is addressing the issue of cohabitation. A family law consultant Nthabiseng Monareng has produced some booklets on family law in South Africa and has also opened a family law clinic in Soweto. The introductory document NOT JUST A PIECE OF PAPER: WHY MARRIAGE IS STILL THE BEST OPTION sets out the aims of the project, to educate and raise awareness about the harsh realities of cohabitation.The focus is particularly on youth and young adults. To find out more contact safamily.law@gmail.com
Nthabiseng is also available to run workshops and address groups in parishes on this and aspects of family law.
SA PRISONERS IN OTHER COUNTRIES
“A Mother’s Heart,” the March article in MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING was a mother’s account of her experience in dealing with her son arrested, charged, convicted and imprisoned in Mauritius for drug trafficking. While admitting guilt the fact that he and other similar prisoners are so far from their home country and allegedly not receiving adequate treatment has prompted her to pursue this with the SA authorities. She has recently brought the case to court in South Africa to request that the more than 1000 South Africans languishing in foreign prisoners be allowed to return and serve their sentences in their home country. The outcome is awaited.
CORRESPONDENCE
MORALITY. At the CULTURE OF LIFE – ANTIABORTION MASS AND MARCH Archbishop Buti Tlhagale in his homily stressed the value of human life and the serious problem of moral relativism in South Africa where morality is reduced to personal preferences and religion is tolerated as long as it is restricted to the private sphere. He stated, “For Christians moral regeneration begins with the recognition that God is the author of life and we have a personal and collective moral responsibility to answer to Him for our individual and collective moral behaviour.” He added that our society is “too lazy to search for the truth.”
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Subsequent to this in a recent ETV interview on the subject of the moral dialogue it was stated that churches because of their fixed dogmatic standpoint on moral matters are not open to the debate and the SA Constitution should form the basis of our morality. Surely the church’s traditional role has been as moral watchdog in society? Let us hear your views on this. REQUEST
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IN CONCLUSION
ON A LIGHTER NOTE
Every Friday evening after work Van der Merwe would braai a big, fat juicy steak. But his neighbours, being Catholic and therefore reluctant to eat meat on Fridays suffered agonies of temptation as the delicious aroma carried on the evening breeze.
They persuaded their priest to try to convert Van. Success! Van attended Mass and the priest sprinkled holy water over him and said, "You were born a Protestant, raised a Protestant but now you are a Catholic."
Everybody was delighted.
But when Friday night came the wonderful aroma of grilled steak again wafted over the neighbourhood. The priest rushed into Van's garden just in time to see him clutching a small bottle of holy water and sprinkling it over the grilling meat and chanting, "You was born a cow, you was raised as a cow, but now you is a snoek!"
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