MARFAM is entering its 15th year; it has been promoting the cause of family life since 1994.  Your financial support helps us to operate, produce the publications, including this monthly enewsletter and maintain our website. Advertise your company or project on the website, enewsletter or various publications or send a donation to P.O. Box 2881, Randburg 2125. South Africa.  Every Rand, Dollar or Euro helps to strengthen families somewhere, somehow. Why not consider sending us a cheque or begin to make a small monthly donation into our bank account. Contact us for details.

Marriage matters. To a point almost everyone would agree.  But how much it matters and how it matters to them personally differs vastly.  It matters a lot to the engaged couples in the midst of preparations for the wedding and hopefully also for the lifetime to follow.  It matters too for those many venues and companies and organisers whose business revolves around weddings. And in a cynical way it matters to those who advertise “cheap divorce.”  Then there are movements and organisations committed to promoting and supporting marriage as a way of life but it seems they are mainly church-related if not necessarily denominational.  I wish that here in South Africa there was a coalition of organisations such as smartmarriages in the US where marriage educators and movements can network, carry on their awareness campaigns, provide information on research and showcase their work, promoting strongly the positive side of marriage for the benefit of those who are married for whom marriage matters the most.   
The reality however is different. In many countries, in spite of what is said about social cohesion we are dealing with governments that are not pro-marriage even if they say they are pro-family.  At best they might be neutral; people must choose for themselves whom to marry and whether to stay married.  Society in general is also ambivalent, increasingly neutral.  
It is a recognised sociological fact that in the last 50 years there have been significant changes with regard to marriage in almost all countries, at least where a reasonable degree of freedom exists. Marriage itself is on the decline, life-long relationships have long been laughed off and cohabitation of different kinds is increasing. Couples are marrying later and having fewer children. Women are more independent and don’t always need the support of a spouse as they did in previous times, especially one who is abusive or does not recognise her rights.  And yet a happy marriage is still a dream for most young people, but some time in the future, “when we are established in our careers,” they might say, or “when we can afford it.” In a previous era we would have said that we build that future together.
Those social changes have all been happening side by side with a developing body of Church teaching and vision for marriage, which in my view has not been preached very vigorously. On top of that religion has been losing its influence in society and so this teaching also has a diminishing impact on Catholics and their life-view and aspirations.  The issue of birth control is a factor too even though it is largely ignored.
An important issue is this.  No one is telling people not to marry, or to marry later, or not to stay married. No one is forcing people to have abortions if they find themselves in an unwanted pregnancy.  Those are all choices people make themselves, for better or for worse, more or less freely, often based on what they see around them.
The issue for me is that if marriage was seen as a very desirable option and way of life people would more readily be choosing it. They’d be queuing up at church doors and registry offices.
Psychologists and researchers tell us that married people are happier than those not married, they are financially better off and their children are better off with greater stability in their lives. So what is the problem or problems?  
Maybe, if the hierarchical Church truly puts its money where its mouth is marriage would be promoted better. Maybe if the teaching Church truly saw that marriage is a good and worthwhile way of life, a vocation, a calling to unity with potential for greater happiness and fulfilment than the unmarried life and that it is what couples are invited by God to experience, it would be promoted better.
Maybe, if the Church as the People of God, the lay faithful believed more strongly in marriage and saw its relevance and positive potential they would choose this way of life and work at it more, recognising that worthwhile things deserve some effort.  No pain no gain!
Maybe we’re just not seeing the potential in marriage, maybe in our day we’re too individualistic to want to make the sacrifices, or maybe we see the sacrifices as a cross and our reward only in eternal life.  But that’s not God’s plan, which isn’t necessarily easy or straightforward. I believe in the words of the marriage preface which states, “Love demands sacrifice, sacrifice can be onerous, but perfect love can even make sacrifice a joy.”
It is that joy that we are after and rightly so.  Our biggest task as Church is to pass on that Good News to our people and provide the means to achieve it.  They won’t buy a product they don’t like or don’t see to be worth the money, or where the guarantee or after-sales service is not up to scratch. Our people are sophisticated shoppers.  The product is not meant to be a bargain but a treasure that, using a Biblical image, one would be willing to sell one’s belongings to own.  Do we see it like that, for ourselves and for our children?  Let us pray that in time they will.

The last issue for 2009 of the quarterly magazine MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING is now available. It does pick up Marriage Day, e.g. ecumenical families, prison ministry but also takes  up the October – December family life themes for education and enrichment, i.e. Mission, Loss and Gift. St Francis on the occasion of 800 years of Franciscan ministry is featured and the article of the month introduces the topic of prison ministry and the family. As October is also the month of the Rosary there is an explanatory page that can even be copied and given to those many people one sees around town sporting rosaries around their necks and in their cars, selling them at traffic lights and maybe not understanding what a rosary is all about.     
See www.marfam.org.za for more on current themes and publications. 
MARFAM has also begun marketing the 2010 Family Life calendar for the SACBC Family Life Desk. We’d love to see one in every home and public location reminding us of such issues as God’s game plan, the Parenting Game, the Game of Life and more. 
Bulk prices. 100 for R150.  50 for R80. Add packing and postage. 

2009 FAMILY LIFE THEME “MARRIAGE AND FAMILY GROWING TOGETHER”
One of the most important features of family life is that it is a changing, developing system, growing, and shrinking constantly as members grow older, leave and new members are added to the nuclear and extended family. Month by month we focus on a different aspect of growth in family life.

Brief REFLECTIONS for the Sundays and main feastdays of the month are posted on www.marfam.org.za and can be downloaded.  Translations into some local languages are available by email.  Anyone willing and able to help with Zulu, Xhosa and Tsonga translations can contact Toni at info@marfam.org.za

WHAT ABOUT MARRIAGE DAY?  From the leaflet prepared by the SACBC Family Life Desk which can be downloaded from www.sacbc.org.za or www.marfam.org.za.
“In preparing for the African Synod of 1994 the bishops of Africa already recognised the suitability of using the readings of cycle B weeks 21-27 (23 August to 4 October 2009) as a reflection on marriage.  In the final synod document the bishops speak to us:
“A major challenge emphasized almost unanimously by the Episcopal conference of Africa concerned Christian marriage and family life. What is at stake is extremely serious. “Truly the future of the world and of the Church passes through the family.”  (Ecclesia in Africa 50)

Marriage Day, with a time of reflection, preparation and reconciliation has been incorporated into the Family Life Desk’s theme for 2009 “MARRIAGE AND FAMILY GROWING TOGETHER.”  In a number of dioceses and parishes this project has been taken on and implemented in different ways. A novena leading up to the day, celebrations on Sunday 4th October with couples giving witness, renewing their vows, special prayers for all aspects of marriage and family life and some who were not yet married in Church having their marriage blessed. The prayers of the whole Church are invited for this sacrament of life, for those who are married, those who are preparing, those who have lost a spouse or for some reason have lost faith in marriage. It is true what has been said, that marriage is a foundation sacrament of the Church which is a community of families and “the future of the Church and of the world is through the family.”  JPII    (Picture by Fr Franz Claerhout – Basotho wedding)

2010 FAMILY LIFE THEME “FAMILIES PLAY THE GAME”
The Family Life Desk has again produced a colourful POSTER CALENDAR with themes for education and enrichment.  The overall theme “FAMILIES PLAY THE GAME” links with the World Soccer Cup to be played in South Africa in June-July 2010.  Monthly themes link with family life and address issues like fair play, stick to the rules, the parenting game, God’s game plan, etc.  
Everyone, from churches to businesses, from sportsmen and women to those involved in human trafficking and prostitution is gearing themselves up for 2010.  The Church is developing appropriate responses from various angles which will be posted on www.churchontheball.org.za.  
The calendar is marketed by MARFAM for the Desk.

PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY
A handbook and manual AN INTRODUCTION TO PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY has been in preparation for some years and provides a background to the ministry in general.  The sections of the manual are:

An Introduction to the concept Parish Family Ministry
Background focus articles on aspects of family life
A workshop outline
Skills notes
Worksheets or liturgy sheets for use in the workshop or directly in parish work and families.

As Bishop Adams, the bishop concerned with family life writes in his foreword, “I hope and pray that each priest and deacon will have this manual on his desk as a reference book”
TO ORDER THE MANUAL FOR YOUR DIOCESE, PARISH OR PERSONAL USE CONTACT TONI ROWLAND on trowland@sacbc.org.za or homefun@icon.co.za.  COST R120 PLUS POSTAGE R30  in South Africa
WORKSHOPS: for information on workshops and follow-ups and to book a workshop contact trowland@sacbc.org.za   A workshop will be held in the Johannesburg-Pretoria area on 24 October.    

MISSION MONTH – OCTOBER -  MISSION SUNDAY – 18 OCTOBER  
POPE BENEDICT’S THEME “THE NATIONS WILL WALK IN ITS LIGHT”  (Rev 21:24)  Extracts:
“The goal of the Church’s mission is to illumine all peoples with the light of the Gospel as they journey through history towards God, so that in Him they may reach their full potential and fulfilment.  We should have a longing and a passion to illumine all peoples with the light of Christ that shines on the face of the Church, so that all may be gathered into the one human family, under God’s loving fatherhood.”  
“The Bible and Church Fathers provide the third aspect, namely, the communion of members in the one Body of Christ. We become Christians only through union with other Christians in the great Communion of Saints. This highlights the community dimension of freedom and commitment. No one is saved alone; Christ saves humanity as a whole so as to make it the family of God united in his Body and Blood. Communion refers to communication. This is possible on several levels: in work groups, meetings, moments of discussion and sharing, associations, the family, the workplace and circles of friends. A Christian is someone who knows how to work in a team, in collaboration and sincere friendship with others. Wherever a Christian is at work, he tries to create a family atmosphere. The family is always the basic place where this community aspect is expressed.” 

THE FRANCISCAN FAMILY – From People for Peace in Africa - Nairobi
"Have you encountered a leper? What was your first reaction? Walk away as fast as you could? Maybe you wanted to turn back and embrace him but fear got the better part of you. Franciscan Missionaries of Africa does contrary to that. They take care of people with leprosy at Kariobangi Chesire Home, Nairobi-Kenya.  
Inspired by Francis’ love of peace and his kinship with all creatures, like Jesus Christ in his love for the lepers, Franciscan Missionaries of Africa in Jesus’ example of love and of reaching out to all humanity indiscriminately goes out of its way to fill the vacuum that has been left by humanity which is becoming individualistic with each passing day.
That is why for the Franciscan family in Kariobangi, the poor and less fortunate remain their preferred option whenever they need to establish a mission. Franciscans form by far the greatest spiritual family in the church. They are a family dedicated to live, practice and let many know, the St. Francis of Assisi’s way of life; service to the Lord in Holiness and Poverty which is one voice in prayer.
Canonized July 16, 1228; feast day October 4; founder of the Franciscan orders of the Friars Minor (Ordo Fratrum Minorum), the woman’s Order of St. Clare (or Poor Clares), and the lay Third Order, Franciscans contribute their particular charism to the Body of Christ. These last, also referred to as secular Franciscans they are called by grace to embrace the charism of St. Francis.
This year the feast of St Francis of Assisi will be celebrated on Sunday October 4, 2009. In USA many children bring their pets to the church to be blessed on this day because of his love for animals as expressed in his Canticle of Creatures."
People for Peace has a website www.ppa.or.ke. 

MORE ON MISSION MONTH AND MISSIONARIES
There are thousands of references and stories about St Francis to be found through google. Researching his story and the story of Franciscan missionaries is a nice project for a family, including a reflection and sharing on his Prayer for Peace and Canticle of the Sun.  
Other missionary organisations that can be researched include the different congregations of priests and religious that work in our own particular part of the world as well as the four Pontifical Mission Societies which are based in Rome. Of particular interest to families could be the Pontifical Society of the Holy Childhood.
Mgr van Dyk of the National Office in SA produces a newsletter. In one section he lists 18 people martyred this year in different countries. He writes “this year the Pope calls upon us to REACH OUT, to take stock of ourselves to see what evidence there is for our enthusiasm for Jesus’ mission. Do we share the goods that we have been given so generously by God and by others? Does that include faith and the means to mature it?”  Write to him at missio@vodamail.co.za
Also remember the words of Pope John Paul II.  The missionaries of the new millennium are the laity.
St Therese of Lisieux whose feastday is on October 1 is one of the patrons of the missions.

The 2ND AFRICAN SYNOD takes place in Rome from 4-25 October with the theme “The Church in Africa at the Service of Reconciliation, Justice and Peace.”   The preparatory document notes the spiritual resources for promotion of reconciliation, justice and peace in Africa. It includes a section “Christian Freedom and the Sense of Family as the Distinctive Signs of this Spirituality.”  (III.2)    To read more visit www.vatican.va 
While continuing to use the image of the 1st African Synod of Church-Family of God, and referring from time to time to a sense of family there is no specific focus in the document on the reality of African families and their needs. The focus is almost entirely on broader social issues.  Is this an oversight, avoidance or looking with different eyes, the eyes of social justice rather than the more personal family view?  From a family perspective this is a major disappointment as the image Church-as-Family-of-God promoted by the 1st African Synod was promising for a much greater family focus.  Aylward Shorter, a noted African theologian wrote in a Tangaza booklet on the image, “If the Church is truly to be a Family of God than both the Church and the family which provides its model, should reflect God’s priorities.”

Alpha Marriage Course.   A conference designed to equip people to lead THE MARRIAGE COURSE and THE MARRIAGE PREPARATION COURSE will be held in Johannesburg, Durban and Cape Town in November 20009. Nicky and Sila Lee, pioneers of the courses are the Conference Speakers. For more information contact kayleigh@alphasa.co.za or visit www.alphasa.co.za

Family Enrichment programme. Johannesburg. 31st October.
Hi Toni: I am sending you a brochure of a workshop organized by Komati foundation with a catholic lady coming from the UK (Joan Wallace). The topic is very, very interesting. Besides this workshop I don't know of other activities in Johannesburg. As she is staying for 10 days here, I think it would be interesting to have something else with parents or/and teachers of catholic schools. You may have some suggestion in this regard. God bless. Fr Thomas Gibson.    Contact komfdnwd@mweb.co.za
The Family Enrichment programme is a continuous training programme for parents as primary educators of their children…………………

Radio Veritas.  Radio Veritas celebrates its 10th birthday this year. On 16 September 2009 a n application was submitted for a Special Events License which will run from 18 November - 18 December 2009.  Visit www.radioveritas.co.za to tell them what you would like to hear and to submit a support petition form for this special licence to be granted.   Marriage Day will be featured on its Sunday midday programme on 4th October with a message from Cardinal Wilfrid Napier and other snippets. A daily news report of the African Synod will included in Christian Witness between 4pm and 5pm.

Tertiary Education at St Augustine College, Johannesburg.  “You may be aware that an alternative values based model of higher education is used at St Augustine College South Africa (a private university) and with this in mind we developed and gained approval by the Council on Higher Education In South Africa for new undergraduate degrees, namely, Bachelor of Arts, Bachelor of Theology and Bachelor of Commerce.   These are in addition to post-graduate Masters and Doctorates. Visit  www.staugustine.ac.za for information..

October is Breast Cancer month too.  www.cansa.org za writes “Women lead busy and demanding lives - often putting others’ needs before their own. CANSA is encouraging all women to invest in their health by learning how to detect women’s cancers early, as part of its women’s health campaign for September and October.”

HEARTLINES advises:  HOPEVILLE the highly popular, six-part television series - will be re-broadcast on SABC 2 starting October 1st. The moving series is about a man who has the courage to do what is right, but with potentially dire results for himself and his son.  Hopeville tackles issues of the day like crime, corruption, service delivery and family relationships, and through its influence South Africans will again be inspired to take action in changing their communities instead of waiting for others to do something. The series was commissioned by Heartlines in partnership with SABC Education.
Heartlines is currently running a series of Heartlines Comes to Town with training workshops for different sectors (including municipal employees, youth leaders, educators and church leaders); as well as hosts community viewings of Hopeville, followed by values conversations. www.heartlines.org.za

Smartmarriages has made a list of positive marriage movies. Workbooks that can be used for discussion in groups have been developed for some e.g. FIREPROOF.   Visit www.smartmarriages.com   What are your favourite marriage – or family – movies and do you have discussion sheets for them?

This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last 10 years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise.
When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they oohed and aahed, the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is Heaven."
Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course in the backyard. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to a new one, representing the great golf
courses on Earth.
The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?" Peter's reply, "This is Heaven -- you play for free."
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine of the world laid out.
"How much to eat?" asked the old man.
"Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it's FREE!" Peter replied with some exasperation.
"Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.
Peter lectured, "That's the best part -- you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."
With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly.
Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here 10 years ago!"    From David Tait

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