The African Synod and the Family

MARFAM News

SACBC Family Life Desk News
   2009 family theme November
   2010 Family Calendar and theme 
   African Synod Proposition 38 - The Family

BITS AND BYTES

CORRESPONDENCE   

IN CONCLUSION

MARFAM is about to complete its 15th year of operation; it has been promoting the cause of family life since 1994. Your financial support helps us to operate, produce the publications, including this monthly enewsletter and maintain our website. Advertise your company or project on the website, enewsletter or various publications or send a donation to P.O. Box 2881, Randburg 2125. South Africa.  Every Rand, Dollar or Euro helps to strengthen families somewhere, somehow. Why not consider sending us a cheque or begin to make a small monthly donation into our bank account. Contact us for details.

The focus of the 2nd African Synod which was held in Rome from 4-25 October was justice, peace and reconciliation. In the preparation the various bishops’ conferences had worked with these. At the Synod bishop delegates made presentations on a somewhat wider range of topics that included the laity and the family too. Topics were deliberated in working groups and finally a team was tasked with summarizing these into a number of propositions which were finally reduced to 57. The Holy Father with a council of advisers will produce the post-synodal Apostolic Exhortation in a about a year’s time. The final message and the propositions already give the bishops of Africa material to go home with and begin to implement.

So what did the Synod have to say about family life?  Firstly the image Church-as-Family-of-God introduced at the 1st African Synod of 1994 is retained, although I did not see it explained again. The image had been chosen as appropriate for Africa because the ideal qualities of African families illustrate the ideal for the Church, qualities noted as “warmth in human relationships, hospitality, trust and dialogue.” Having worked at applying this image and having studied some of the actions since 1994 I do not believe that the concept has been particularly well integrated in Church life. As Aylward Shorter, a well-known theologian who worked in Africa for many years, wrote after the 1st Synod in one of the Tangaza papers, “If the Church is truly to be a Family of God then both the Church and the families which provide its model should reflect God’s priorities.”  At this time 15 years later family life in many quarters does not demonstrate the ideal qualities and one could say the Church faces the same problems.
What did this 2nd Synod contribute in this area? Archbishop Buti Tlhagale, the president of the Southern African Catholic Bishops Conference and archbishop of Johannesburg in his intervention spoke of the role of the laity in church life including family life. He complained that the lay voice is silent and bishops and clergy are left to speak out alone. True, but one could add, “Have the laity been sufficiently consulted and are they sufficiently involved in reflection and discussion quite apart from  decision-making?”  There was criticism of the west “dumping” materialistic and individualistic countercultural values onto African society particularly with regard to sexuality, gender and reproductive issues such as abortion. Africans do love and value children. At the same time our SA society and our families are deeply concerned by issues such as the large number of teenage pregnancies which cannot simply be blamed on western influence but are also a consequence of sexual promiscuity and some cultural norms, as to a large extent is the continuing HIV/AIDS pandemic. These issues in family life will continue to need meaningful responses.  

Throughout the final documents there are frequent references indicating a definite awareness of family life as the primary context for the laity. Some propositions focus on laity, women, children, youth. Proposition 38 is headed The Family and acknowledges that families are the nucleus of society and the Church and are the proper place for learning and practicing the culture of pardon, peace, reconciliation and harmony.

It is encouraging to note that the measures called for: catechesis, education, pastoral care, spiritual accompaniment are already being addressed – albeit not as effectively as could be – in many ways but specifically by the SACBC Family Life Desk, by MARFAM and all the family live movements in the local Church.  Marriage movements such as Marriage Encounter, Catholic Engaged Encounter, Retrouvaille, Teams of Our Lady (Portuguese and English) exist. Couples for Christ, Schoenstatt and Focolare do enrich family relationships but those who choose to be involved in these are a tiny number. Other marriage preparation and enrichment programmes as well as parenting programmes, widowed and divorce care are available. Family catechesis and education is MARFAM’s line of business in the various publications and is dealt with in SACBC workshops.

With regard to the reality of African family life the criticism of a post-modern west “dumping” materialistic and individualistic countercultural values onto African society seems overly simplistic and self-condemnatory. Urbanisation is a universal sociological reality of 20th century life.  Africa is not a child and should not be treated as a child who is not able to make responsible choices. One of the first principles of family life education is to form children for decision-making and to take responsibility for and accept the consequences of their decisions. Have we done that?  Is the church in its dealings with many African situations including Zimbabwe and HIV/AIDS calling strongly enough for accountability, or possibly suffering from a guilt-complex or from a compassion that can ultimately backfire.  
African family life almost seems to be glorified too simplistically as ideal – partly the reason for the Church-as-Family-of God image. Yet the reality is highly chauvinistic and the need for empowerment of women has been noted often enough indicating that life is not necessarily ideal.  What impact does women’s empowerment have on family life?  How does one integrate this effectively with men and with women? Many factors, child labour, arranged marriages, kidnapping for marriage, aspects of ancestor veneration and witchcraft and polygamy are less than ideal family realities in Africa in terms of Catholic beliefs. What response is called for?  

The degree of investment in a family apostolate shows that this is not at the forefront of Church ministry with bishops and priests. A big difficulty too is a lack of interest and commitment from families themselves.  Why this is so remains a question all those of us involved in this ministry ask?  Thousands of women belong to women’s groups but do not actively support family movements. For them Church does really matter. Does family matter in more than just a practical way? Many thousands of men and women are only pewwarmers, for different reasons.  Is the hurt too severe, the expectations too high, the demands too great, the joy of meaningful family relationships too unattainable?  Are there taboos or a concern with privacy?
 
Maybe we have to find better ways to get our message across then the media resources used at present.  We can borrow part of the LoveLife message on HIV/AIDS which is incessantly heard in the media, especially now in the run-up to World Aids Day on December 1. We may not agree with their whole approach but you can’t fault the slogan, “It begins with you.”  As in the scripture passage for the Synod, the call to be “light to the world, and salt of the earth”, “it begins with you,” in your family, not just talking reconciliation, justice and peace but practicing it. It’s not easy but let’s remember we do so with God and in faith.   
Toni Rowland

The MARFAM office, small as it is, is very busy at present with marketing and distributing the 2010 Family Calendar on behalf of the SACBC Family Life Desk. With the theme FAMILIES PLAY THE GAME it should prove to be very popular across South Africa, wherever World Cup Soccer fever is growing. The monthly themes will be used for family life education and enrichment and the overview and monthly reflections will be posted on the website www.marfam.org.za as well as through the SACBC website’s www.churchontheball.com or www.sacbc.org.za/pdfs/family life/2010 calendar info columns.pdf.  Calendar costs from R1,00 to R2,00 each depending on quantity.  At that price each family member can even have their own!

MARFAM’s regular Advent-Christmas reflection and sharing booklet will be available shortly. Its theme this year is JOY TO THE WORLD and the eight sessions linking with the liturgical season delve into family occasions of joy, searching for and experiencing joy. There is also a pull-out activity section ideal for children.  Cost R10.
For a list of other publications see the website, www.marfam.org.za  also for the monthly article and poem. 

An evaluation has been conducted of MARFAM and its resource materials.  There is a need for ongoing discernment into the target groups, the types of materials, types and level of articles, languages, costs etc.
Anyone willing and interested in helping to promote this publications ministry in any way is asked to get in touch with me.

Resources for the NOVEMBER theme of LOSS AND DEATH, THE END OF GROWTH are STATIONS OF THE CROSS FOR THOSE WHO ARE WIDOWED in English, Zulu and Tswana. BECOMING WIDOWED by Toni Rowland and CATHOLICS AND DIVORCE by Fr Sean Wales are Redemptorist publications but also available from MARFAM or direct.  
Note that there will again be a DAY OF REFLECTION AND SHARING ON LOSS IN FAMILY LIFE – JOHANNESBURG, 29TH NOVEMBER as in the photo.  

2009 FAMILY LIFE THEME “MARRIAGE AND FAMILY GROWING TOGETHER”
One of the most important features of family life is that it is a changing, developing system, growing, and shrinking constantly as members grow older, leave and new members are added to the nuclear and extended family. Month by month we focus on a different aspect of growth in family life.
Brief REFLECTIONS for the Sundays and main feastdays of the month are posted on www.marfam.org.za.   Translations into some local languages are available by email.  Anyone willing and able to help with Zulu, Xhosa and Tsonga translations can contact Toni at info@marfam.org.za

REPORT ON MARRIAGE DAY
I was invited to visit various parishes during the month and greatly enjoyed different marriage celebrations. Reports from other areas also sounded positive. Some had retreats beforehand, many had couples renewing vows, also there were some marriages solemnized in church that had been civil marriages.  A photo in The Southern Cross showed a parish celebration in the Oudtshoorn diocese with a wife wearing her wedding dress from some years before. Not all parishes used the prepared material as given to them but many made use of parts of it in their own ways.  We certainly created awareness around marriage in a positive way this time and not mainly as one of the problems in the Church. Thanks to all the parish family teams and priests who really bought into the idea.  Of course the question arose, “what about the divorced and widowed?”  They will be part of the NOVEMBER focus on loss.

NOVEMBER AND LOSS 
As mentioned above parishes are encouraged this month, in addition to praying for those who have died, to give some attention to those who have lost a spouse, child, parent through death and also through divorce.  An awareness in the bidding prayers, a sharing or testimony, a healing Mass or service can all help.  Where mourning a loss has become problematical refer the person to a counselor.  See prayers for bereavement and divorce on www.marfam.org.za

2ND AFRICAN SYNOD
PROPOSITIONS.  The full list of proposition from the Synod can be obtained from www.sacbc.org.za
Propositio 38 The Family
As an institution, the family has a divine origin. It is the “sanctuary of life” and the nucleus of society and the Church. It is the proper place for learning and practicing the culture of pardon, peace, reconciliation and harmony.
Because of its capital importance and the threats this institution faces, notably, the trivialization of abortion, the devaluation of maternity (child-bearing), the distortion of the notion of marriage and the family itself, the ideology of divorce and a new relativist ethic, the family and human life need to be protected and defended.
The Synod Fathers call upon the local Churches to adopt the following measures:
- make the Holy See’s Charter of the Family known;
- adequate catechesis on the Christian understanding of the family;
- concrete, integral pastoral programmes which promote a life of prayer and listening to the Word of God  
   (“lectio divina”) in families;
- education of couples to grow in conjugal love and responsible parenthood, according to the doctrine of the  
  Church;
- offer pastoral support to parents in their responsibilities as first educators;
- spiritual accompaniment for couples (for instance, through the Notre Dame Team, the Cana Fraternity, etc.);
- consider the service of Christian spouses as a ministry and make of this dignity the foundation of the family;
- help the spouses to live their ministry as a ministry of prayer, evangelization, charity and life;
- celebration of jubilees (silver, golden) of marriage with the awarding of certificates of honour;
- support of young couples by well-identified model couples;
- provisions for marriage ounseling and institutes for the family;
- education and formation in marriage and family values through the media (radio, television, etc.); and
- creation of diocesan and national associations of families, supported, on the continental level.
FROM THE FINAL MESSAGE
In the final message the Holy Father both congratulated the laity, families, women, men, youth and children on their commitment and called on them too to beware of false ideologies and continue to value life and build up families to witness by example in their wider society. The difficulties facing them are acknowledged but the call to evangelisation and transformation remains. Associations and other structures are to offer support in this task.

2010 THEME “FAMILIES PLAY THE GAME” With the World Soccer Cup it’s going to be a biiiig year. The calendar is available through MARFAM and will be used as a teaching and enrichment tool during the year. See the website www.marfam.org.za  and www.churchontheball.com of the SACBC provides other information.  aspects.    

Resources for building and strengthening family relationships exist through various channels, courses, books and online training too.  Some are from other churches e.g. Focus on the Family and most often the principles and methods have a lot to offer. As Catholic family life educators research what is helpful, what needs addition or adaptation and what is not suitable. These below are some I encountered.

FAMILY ENRICHMENT PROGRAMME
Joan Wallace an experienced educationist presented a seminar based on the approach of the Family Enrichment Programme that she uses particularly in disadvantaged communities in the UK. Adapting a business strategy it uses action plans to get a buy-in from all members of a family and quality circles for mutual support. The programme aims to help children to become free and responsible people.  For more info  contact Agueda 082 437 4090.
The SA National Department of Social Development Family directorate has issued an invitation for training in a FAMILY PRESERVATION programme.  I believe this can be incorporated into much of our work.

MARRIAGE COURSE.  A conference designed to equip people to lead THE MARRIAGE COURSE and THE MARRIAGE PREPARATION COURSE will be held in Johannesburg, Durban and Cape Town in November 20009. Nicky and Sila Lee, pioneers of the courses are the Conference Speakers. For more information contact kayleigh@alphasa.co.za or visit www.alphasa.co.za

MEANINGFUL CHRISTMAS GIFT ‘Art in Heaven’ Birthday Calendar from Catholic Institute for Education 
You might remember that last year the RE department ran an art competition. Six of the winning pictures were used in the Catholic Bookshop’s Liturgical Calendar. Now you can buy a beautiful birthday calendar with all twelve winning pictures. Go to http://www.cie.org.za/content/Birthday%20Calendar%20Order%20Form.pdf  to see what it looks like and to find the order form. This makes a great Christmas gift.

SALESIANS celebrate 150 years this month. Through their work with youth they support families too.

RADIO VERITAS is celebrating its 10th anniversary and has applied for a Special Events medium wave licence from 18th November until 18th December.  Visit www.radioveritas.co.za for details of this and their regular 24 hours of programmes on DSTV Audio Channel 170. 
The programme Family Matters presented by Toni Rowland with guests is aired every Wednesday from 10-11 and Saturday 11-12.

Letters received have very varied views. The MARFAM evaluation elicited comments although not very many. The magazines are often used for educational purposes by priests, in parish family ministry, schools or catechism.  One readers writes, Hi Toni,  The old Marfam copies you gave me, made a great difference in me. This is my first year being a catechist and I am looking forward to be teaching again next year. I gathered a lot of information from those copies. From the 1996 copy, all the topics were very interesting, but there was one which struck me most in page ten(10): "What the church has to say about abortion". I read about it in catechism but this article made me to understand in depth. I was sad you left before I could order some books from you, but happy that gave me an opportunity to tell what impact had Marfam on regular readers like me. I have been and still am dreaming to be a writer but not sure where to start. I think one day I will write a book. Our conversation has boosted my ego and I think that should we meet again, my past experiences will be healed. May God richly bless you always.  Dudu.

Practical issues get in the way. Because there was confusion over account payments one parish wrote, “kindly STOP sending your magazines to us. We don't need them…….   
 
DANGER OF PORNOGRAPHY
The Catholic Parliamentary Liason Office (CPLO) sent this notice. Zenit’s article on 18th October reports on studies of pornography and children. It highlights the dangers of not just child pornography but also the impact of an addition to adult pornography on families. Adult predators groom child victims and pornography is much too readily available to young people in different media to which they have easy access.  Visit www.zenit.org  and read the report in ZE091018.  
 
A WARNING from a reader.

Please pay special attention not only to what your kids watch on TV, in movie theaters, on the Internet, and the music they listen to, but also be alert regarding books. Conversations with God and Conversations with God for Teens, written by Neale D. Walsch sound harmless enough. They have been on the New York Times best sellers list make truth of the statement , "Don't judge a book by its cover or title."  The author purports to answer  questions asked by kids using the "voice of God". However, the "answers" that he gives are not Bible-based  and go against the very infallible word of God. For instance when a girl asks the question "Why am I a lesbian?" his answer is that she was 'born that way' because of genetics (just as you were born right-handed), Then he tells her to go out and "celebrate" her differences. Another question asks about God's forgiveness of sin. His reply "I do not forgive anyone because there is nothing to forgive. There is no such thing as right or wrong and that is what I have been trying to tell everyone, do not judge people. People have chosen to judge one another and this is wrong, because the rule is "'judge not lest ye be judged."

USE YOUR EXTRA BANDWIDTH TO DOWNLOAD FREE QUALITY BIBLE TEACHING
In order to be more effective in addressing current issues from a Christian perspective it helps to have a better Bible knowledge. South Africa recently connected a new undersea cable.  Many internet service providers have increased your Bandwidth Cap at the same price.  What will you do with this extra bandwidth?  The internet has made the evil of porn readily available.  But it has also made the world's best Bible teaching available to anyone with broadband access.  From www.ChristianView.org

Human Life International sent their Family and Life Issues Briefing 30 October AD  They write, “HLI’s mission is to promote and defend the sanctity of life and family in Southern Africa according to the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church through prayer, service and education. Visit website: www.hli.co.za

Dear Friend of the Unborn Child,
As I write this the UN Petition for the Unborn Child is up over 572,000 names with 87,000 new names in the last three weeks! We intend to raise one million signatures by December 1 and present them to the UN a few days after that.
The UN pro-life movement has banded together to fight this movement. UN pro-lifers are at the forefront of fighting this hideous movement of killing babies. The UN pro-life movement is outspent ten million to one and out-manned one thousand to one. The petition is based on the very good language of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights which recognizes the “right to life.”
Ask everyone to go HERE, click on your language sign the petition and send this note to all of THEIR friends! Austin Ruse, President, C-FAM, www.c-fam.org,  Petition Organizer

LIFETALK FORUM  writes,  WE’RE CAUGHT UP IN A VITAL TUG-OF-WAR – WHO DO YOU WANT TO WIN?  The challenges faced by adolescents (and by parents) are rapidly gaining strength, and if we are to influence the world our children enter, we have to pull together – like never before.
EVEN OUR “STRONGEST” TEENS ARE OFTEN AT RISK. Across communities: teen binge-drinking is spreading, drug use is escalating, sexual activity starts at ever younger ages, school bullying and violence is increasing, depression and teen suicides are at worrying levels, divorce breaks families apart at an unprecedented rate, peer pressure is intense, crime is stressful, 10-year olds are viewing porn in school playgrounds, values often get sidelined, and the list goes on…  Those of us pulling against these challenges, and for: values, wise choices, responsibility (and other key aspects) find ourselves in a daunting position.
In response, Life Talk has launched the “Tug-of-War” – a countrywide awareness-building initiative that tackles the challenges and explores solutions for addressing them proactively. The aim is to galvanize all families, schools, corporates, the media and society into action. It’s about gearing ourselves to be informed and proactive, and to ensure that as a nation we win the “tug-of-war” that we are engaged in. 

Subscribe to be part of the Tug-of-War initiative and sign up for free on www.lifetalk.co.za

DEADLY FUNNY..   with thanks to David Tait of www.wwj.org.nz
Heavenly Qualifications
The pastor was talking to a group of young children about believing in Jesus and going to heaven. At the end of his talk he asked confidently, "And where do you want to go?"
"Heaven!" they shouted in unison. 
Now on a roll he asked, "And what do you have to be to get there?"  "Dead!" was one boy’s immediate reply.

Signs Outside Churches
Come in and let us prepare you for your finals.
We hold sit-in demonstrations every Sunday.
Don’t let worry kill you. Let the church help.

Taking it with you
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able
to take some of his wealth with him.
An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.
The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase
and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.
Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing the suitcase says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"
But the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm
supposed to check its contents before letting it through."
St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You’ve brought pavement!"

A Valuable Animal
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying "Father, my dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick told the farmer "No, we can't have services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a new Protestant church down the road apiece, and they'll take in just about anybody. Maybe they'll do something for the animal."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right now. By the way, do you think R50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick replied "Why, didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic."

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