MARFAM is entering its 15th year; it has been promoting the cause of family life since 1994.  Your financial support helps us to operate, produce the publications, including this monthly enewsletter and maintain our website. Advertise your company or project on the website, enewsletter or various publications or send a donation to P.O. Box 2881, Randburg 2125. South Africa.  Every Rand, Dollar or Euro helps to strengthen families somewhere, somehow. THIS CHRISTMAS why not consider sending us a cheque or begin to make a small monthly donation into our bank account. Contact us for details.

FAMILY MATTERS IS 10 YEARS OLD THIS MONTH – CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

The recent South African elections may have been declared essentially free and fair by the various observing missions, but what is really meant by free and fair? What do we understand by free and by fair?  Everyone knows that life is not fair and very little in life seems to be free.
Only a few days after the elections, on 27th April we in South Africa celebrated Freedom Day.  The outgoing President in the official national celebration spoke of the achievements of 15 years of freedom after the years of the oppression of apartheid.  So now everyone is free to vote, and so we have voted in the same political party that was the liberation movement of earlier times. In the postmortems there was much discussion on which parties lost and gained support and why. Many reasons have been given, not the least of which is that, to use a hackneyed phrase, the playing field is not really level, a ruling party always has an advantage in the way they can access and mobilize resources. Even if they blot their copy book there is still greater natural support for the proverbial devil we know rather than for the devil we don’t know. So while there is freedom it is never absolute or total. 
That is a difficult lesson to learn and to teach, which of course is the responsibility of families first of all. Starting off with marriage, we recognize that one of the conditions for the validity of a marriage is that it has to be a free choice by both parties. At a time of heightened emotion, possibly with additional factors such as a pregnancy, freedom of choice can be difficult to establish by the local marriage tribunal should a marriage break down. But for managing the relationship itself the question of freedom is also important. How free are husbands and wives in making choices with regard to careers, money and time? How well are such issues negotiated? 
The May family life theme is “Parents help children grow.” Parents, married or not, model behaviour for their children.  Parents, by their actions and lifestyle may well model that freedom from commitment to a permanent relationship is what they prefer.
And when it comes to fairness there is much to learn too. Why are some children more intelligent, more beautiful, more popular than others, or more talented in particular ways?  Why does illness attack some and not others?  Sometimes there are implicating risk factors, if teenagers sleep around some will get pregnant, some will get infected with HIV.  That does not involve fairness. But managing a parent-child relationship from early childhood on concerns plenty of issues of fairness, from who got the most sweets to real or perceived issues of favouritism by parents in families. This can of course be even more complicated in stepfamilies, blended or reconstituted families.  And as the years go by there can still be conflict in families over this until the time of death when families have been known to fall out over provisions of the will, disregarding the fact that whoever draws up the will has the freedom to choose but should have too an implicit commitment to fairness.
It is true that from a purely secular perspective there is no absolute freedom and no complete fairness is possible. But let us not forget that life itself is a free gift, every moment from sunrise to sunset, every aspect of nature is a free gift from God. But sin, misuse and abuse play their part in rejecting and spoiling the gift. The answer, especially in the formative relationships in families, is a life of faith, love and trust, a commitment to effective communication which means expressing thoughts and feelings honestly and listening carefully, modeling to the best of our abilities the qualities that we want to nurture in our children so that they will grow up into responsible citizens of the future, concerned not just for their own welfare but for the common good of all.  Freedom after all is not the ability to do as I please, but to choose what is good.   
There is a wellknown saying that is both an invitation and a challenge, “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.”   That’s what God continues to model.  

The article of the month, “It’s tough being a Catholic parent” on the May theme of “Parents help Children grow” is on the website www.marfam.org.za.  It is taken from the April-June issue of Marriage and Family Living magazine.  Fr Cantalamessa’s presentation on Marriage and the Bible, the article of the month for April, highlights the importance of modeling positive behaviour as a (free) invitation to growth.
Also from the magazine and published on the poems page in www.marfam.org.za are some nice reflections on motherhood and fatherhood built around Paul’s 1Cor 13 “Love is patient……….”
One of MARFAM’s original booklets BECOMING MARRIED is now available with a companion leaflet for discussion and sharing as couples or groups.  This is one of the promotions for the SACBC Family Life Desk Marriage Awareness campaign from August to Marriage Day on 4th October.   For other publications visit www.marfam.org.za.  

AND IN THIS EXCERPT FROM THE 1ST ISSUE IN MAY 1999 THE COUNTRY WAS PREPARING FOR THE GENERAL ELECTION OF 2ND JUNE 1999.  CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, HAS SO LITTLE REALLY CHANGED?
THE SA SCENE - VOTER EDUCATION  - GETTING YOUR RIGHTS RIGHT  - T. Rowland
 - a light-hearted look from MARFAM TIES NO 2 OF 1999
 Evita Bezuidenhout is travelling the country on a Voter Education programme. Her message as heard on the radio, "Vote - you have the freedom to do so. You have a right and a responsibility. Don't be intimated into voting for a particular party. There are 41 parties to choose from. I repeat don't be intimated. If someone tries to coerce you, just lie through your back teeth and say yes to them all. God will forgive you."

At present MARFAM is also embarking on an evaluation.  There is concern about the relatively low level of support for MARFAM’s materials which seek to promote enrichment through the spirituality of marriage and family life and to do so at very low cost.  No MARFAM booklets cost more than R10.  I am told often, “Our people can’t read, don’t read, don’t want to read spiritual stuff,” but people do read newspapers and magazines and a visit to any bookstore cannot but convince me otherwise. 
We’d be really interested in what readers may have to say, positive or negative. Let us have your comments.

2009 FAMILY LIFE THEME “MARRIAGE AND FAMILY GROWING TOGETHER”
One of the most important features of family life is that it is a changing, developing system, growing, and shrinking constantly as members grow older, leave and new members are added to the nuclear and extended family. This can vary vastly as each family is unique, made up of unique individuals in unique relationships. Although families are still considered the basic building blocks of society, forms of families are changing and challenges facing them today are greater than ever before. Commitment and skills are required for a family to function optimally over time.   The Catholic Church teaches us that a sacramental marriage is the ideal foundation for a family but many families, even within the Church, are not built around the Sacrament of Matrimony. 

Brief REFLECTIONS for the Sundays and main feastdays of the month are posted on www.marfam.org.za and can be downloaded.  Translations into some local languages are available by email.  Anyone willing and able to help with Zulu, Xhosa and Tsonga translations can contact Toni at info@marfam.org.za

Mothers’ day is celebrated on 2nd Sunday of May i.e. 10th, and Fathers’ Day on 3rd Sunday of June, i.e. 21st. The family life theme for June focuses on Youth and we have therefore combined motherhood and fatherhood under the theme of parenting. 

MARRIAGE AWARENESS CAMPAIGN
“MARRIAGE – GROWING IN LOVE”  The Sunday readings of weeks 21 to 27 of this year of Mark, year B in the liturgical cycle, will be used once again as was done every three years since 1997 for deeper reflection on marriage. Communities could focus on marriage from different perspectives, e.g. preparation, enrichment, hurting relationships, need for counselling and support, catechesis for different levels, widowhood, divorce and annulments, remarriage etc. and end with a MARRIAGE DAY celebration on 27th Sunday, 4 October. Special resource materials are being prepared by the SACBC Family Life Desk as was done in 2006 and 2003.

PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY. 
Some follow-ups have been held and preparation is getting under way for the PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY WORKSHOP 3-5 JULY 2009 IN JOHANNESBURG. Delegates from all dioceses and parishes are invited. As it is ideally peer ministry and the role of the laity is being emphasized more and more we invite couples, as well as lay individuals in particular.  Priests or religious who will accompany these family life teams in their parishes are also welcome as it is very valuable to have the parish supportive of the project. For more information and costs contact Toni Rowland 0825521275 or trowland@sacbc.org.za or homefun@icon.co.za
The PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY MANUAL is well on the way to being finalized and should be a helpful resource for those who have undergone the training and also for those wishing to set up such a project themselves.

SA DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT FAMILY DIRECTORATE REFERENCE GROUP FOR FAMILIES   
I regularly attend meetings of this Reference group where the objective is promoting a family focus and putting families and their needs high on the national priority list. As Catholics we do not agree with all South African legislation but nevertheless need to be part of the debate. Over time the group has been involved in the development of the National Family Policy and has been kept informed about developments within the Social Development department.  At provincial and local levels the department should be used as a resource for family ministry.
FAMSA too has offices and satellites in many centres to be called on for counseling needs and also for training.
   
INTERNATIONAL FAMILY DAY ON 15TH MAY.  Since 1994, the International Year of the Family, this day has been commemorated at international and national level.  The Department holds an event – this time in Springs but all organizations and bodies could and should use this day to focus on the FAMILY AS THE FOUNDATION OF SOCIETY.  The theme for 2009 is MOTHERS AND FAMILIES, CHALLENGES IN A CHANGING WORLD.  

MOTHERS’ DAY and FATHERS’ DAY
See reflections on Mothers and Fathers Days build around Paul’s letter 1 Cor 13. on the poems page on www.marfam.org.za.   There are very many websites giving many inspirational thoughts, reflections and wishes.  Google has no less than 59million references for anyone to explore and enjoy.  My prayer is that all mothers will be well and truly loved on their special day.  

SEEKING A MILLION COMMITTED DADS  in the US, why not in SA too?
As 2009 apparently marks the 100th anniversary of the first observance of Father’s Day the organization, a National Responsible Fatherhood Rally is being planned in Washington DC.  One goal is getting more than a million dads across the country to make a commitment pledge as follows. 
The Commitment
The first three of the five points are focused on a dad's relationship with his own children.
o Loving your Child - affirming and nurturing your child, loving and/or respecting the child's mother.
o Coaching your Child - being involved in your child's life and knowing them well
o Modeling for your Child - consistently living the values you wish to pass on to your children
Recognizing that there are 25 million children living without their dads who would still benefit from the involvement of a father or father figure we added a fourth point:
o Encouraging another Child - reaching out to a child in your sphere of influence and getting involved as a father figure
And to generate a sense of belonging and to ensure that we involve enough dads to make a difference, we added the final point:
o Enlisting other fathers - to make a similar commitment and to live the life of a responsible, involved father
For more on the 2009 Father's Day Commitment and becoming involved yourself visit www.fathers.com/fday and follow the instructions to install the widget in a prominent place on your website.   Direct people to your website to make the 2009 Father's Day Commitment.
There is also information about widgets and facebook for those who are or are not more au fait with such technological wizardry. 

SOME WEBSITES TO NOTE
VIENNA NGO COMMITTEE  ON  THE  FAMILY 
Dear Readers of the Quarterly Bulletin 'Families International',
We would like to inform you that issue No. 69 of the Quarterly Bulletin, 'Families International', published by the Vienna NGO Committee on the Family, is now available online for downloading at: www.viennafamilycommittee.org.  
 
Smartmarriages is a coalition of marriage educators that runs an annual conference,  circulates a newsletter and the website contains many archived articles and quotes on all aspects of marriage. www.smartmarriages.com. 
From their website on the subject of parenting : “Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity, they think of you.  H. Jackson Brown, Jr
It is necessary but insufficient to stay married for the children's sake. It is also necessary to stay happily married for the children's sake. I'm so glad someone noticed that marriage doesn't have to make you miserable. It is just so easy to be happy I don't understand why it isn't more popular. Frank Pittman  

USED STAMPS

 “The Christian tradition values laughter. The DICTIONARY OF BIBLICAL IMAGERY says “If there is a single person within the pages of the Bible that we can consider a humorist, it is without doubt Jesus.”
Wit and humor were an integral part of Judaism. But the Desert Fathers, such as Anthony, Augustine, and Benedict condemned laughter as the enemy of the spiritual life. In Puritan times, laughter was considered a mortal sin and even smiling was prohibited.  We have all heard that “He who laughs, lasts.” Bob Hope reminded us of this: “I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something tolerable, even hopeful.” And Victor Borge added that “The closest distance between two people is a good laugh.”  Laughter is healthy spiritually and builds community. It has a way of renewing our soul and restoring our perspective. Humor lets us know its okay to be human.”   J Foley. 

Children and pets provide an endless source of amusement, maybe especially when they’re quoted as talking to God.
Dear God,   My dog, Bowser is getting really old now. He gets up slowly and doesn't keep up with me anymore when we run. Mommy says he's going to die one day. Could you just make him a puppy again instead?
Dear God, I play worse than anyone on my soccer team. I'm the smallest one, too. That doesn't seem very fair. Did you play a dirty trick on me?

* Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
* You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.


A RECIPE FOR A HAPPY FAMILY
Take a matching pair of human individuals.
Prepare well by tenderising and moulding into shape.
Settle securely in a cosy nest and allow to propagate.
Bond the growing mess together with endless patience and acceptance
until it is bubbly
adding countless cups of the beverage of choice
laced with spoonfuls of sugar to make the medicine go down.
Mix in lashings of common sense and the occasional dollop of healthy pride.
Measure out a good helping to each of generosity and kindness
using a level head and a two-way memory to be used as a sieve or storing facility.
Blend all together with the oil of gladness
using a strong wooden spoon and keeping a purposeful sense of direction.
Pepper with words of wisdom and let the salt of tears strengthen the flavour.
Keep a bucket of cold water handy for emergencies
and celebrate in harmony the unity and togetherness
as the peace and joy of God's Spirit permeate the broth.
And remember…    no matter who takes the cake, it is good to invite God to the party.

Contact Marfam

Tel: +27 11 789 5449
Fax: +27 11 789 5449
Email: info@marfam.org.za
Web:
www.marfam.org.za

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Contact Marfam

Tel: +27 11 789 5449
Fax: +27 11 789 5449
Email: info@marfam.org.za
Web:
www.marfam.org.za