“Family Matters” is 10 years old. Alleluia!

MARFAM is entering its 15th year; it has been promoting the cause of family life since 1994.  Your financial support helps us to operate, produce the publications, including this monthly enewsletter and maintain our website. Advertise your company or project on the website, enewsletter or various publications or send a donation to P.O. Box 2881, Randburg 2125. South Africa.  Every Rand, Dollar or Euro helps to strengthen families somewhere, somehow. THIS CHRISTMAS why not consider sending us a cheque or begin to make a small monthly donation into our bank account. Contact us for details.

FAMILY MATTERS IS 10 YEARS OLD THIS MONTH – CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

I’ve come to realize that our Family Matters monthly e-newsletter is not reaching all those in our address book. Somewhere in the system servers, service providers, hosts, domains or other intricacies of the cyberworld are filtering it out as spam and so it ends up in junk mail or just disappears altogether. So we are now using a new mailing system which we hope will reach everyone. Many of my generation are bowled over by things such as Facebook or Twitter. I feel like the original proverbial twit as we are uncomfortably intimidated by these intricacies of the cyberculture and are more and more dependent on our youth and even young children. They can navigate their way on computers and cellphones, through  Facebook, Twitter, Mixit and more, chatting, surfing, tweeting, blogging, with many positive results but in the process also being subject to negative influences. We as caregivers expected to give parental guidance are even at their mercy and the mercy of hackers, phishers, spammers and creators of all kinds of helpful, unhelpful and downright harmful applications.
We have to face it. The computer and the internet especially are by now an irreplaceable part of our lives, and new inventions continue to come on to the market all making some geek rich somewhere. While enriching our options and access to information too they are also impoverishing relationships.  Psychologists recognize that teenage social interaction is more fraught with stresses than ever before.  They have difficulty in normal communication at home and with friends because they’re used to an sms format.  Cyberbullying can be particularly destructive as clearly it is easier to be really nasty to someone when you are not directly face to face with them by, for example, sending hurtful pictures and messages to them and behind their backs, so easily destroying their self-image. 
Internet pornography is most common with adult men and while it can be monitored is in fact quite accessible to teenagers who know the systems better than many adults. 
So we recognize that the cyberworld is here to stay and in helping youth grow to maturity, the family life theme for June which is Youth Month in South Africa, much can and is being said.
Pope Benedict in his message for World Communications Day (an edited version of the message is in Marriage and Family Living Magazine) is positive and encouraging to youth. He calls on them to evangelise the net bringing the witness of their faith to the digital world. “Introduce the values on which you have built your lives.” he writes. “be sure to announce the Gospel to your contemporaries with enthusiasm. You know their fears and their hopes, their aspirations and their disappointment: the greatest gift you can give to them is to share with them the “Good News” of a God who became man, who suffered, died and rose again to save all people.”
Youth grow to maturity not by our restricting their access to everything potentially harmful in an overprotective way. Open and respectful communication and dialogue, listening and sharing concerns and views is a mature way for parents too to act.  Sometimes it is the fear of the unknown and the awareness of dangers that makes parents act in an authoritarian manner, but that is hardly helpful because as never before we elders, parents/adults/caregivers, are at a disadvantage, knowing less in some areas, while obviously having our own wealth of life experience.
And it is not only the net, computers, TV etc.  We are all being insidiously indoctrinated by the media, what it chooses to present or not, how and what is talked about in talk shows by often uninformed people voicing their opinions rather than listening to knowledgeable people on the subject.
Professor Gonzalez Gaitano spoke at the 6th World Meeting of Families in Mexico in January on the subject of “Families and the Media.” “Parents have to take on their responsibility as educators,” he said. “In a world where kids receive more education from media than from school parents need to pay attention to what the media is teaching.” Violence and sexual content do influence behaviour and ultimately our value systems. He advocated parent media education too and the responsibility of the Church and its members to lobby governments and policy-makers encouraging them to develop policies more respectful of families. Surely the dignity of the human person and the common good at times override the right to freedom of speech and expression!  
This must apply too to youth–adult interaction where, according to African culture, the norm is for youth to show respect to their elders. Not so apparently in our day and political climate. Was this eroded on June 16t1976? Some comments made by the ANC Youth League President Julius Malema towards DA Party leader Helen Zille were downright rude, irrespective of the circumstances which were of course confrontational. 
Can our youth leaders lead the way to growth in maturity; can they be trusted to do so?  How have we – or the media - taught them? 
May those words of Pope Benedict and the gifts of the Holy Spirit, who empowered the young Church, continue to do so in our day. 

MARFAM is turning 15 and FAMILY MATTERS is now 10 years old, a milestone and I like to think quite an achievement. June is a relatively quiet month, with no new publications but there is plenty of activity. RIP Chris my late husband with whom this ministry developed until June 2000 when died. RIP my mom too, without whom of course I wouldn’t be here either.  On www.marfam.org.za there are some relevant celebrations and blessings – Father’s Day and Pentecost. 
The current issue of MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING has articles with the particular June focus, Youth Month in South Africa. 
Preparation for the Marriage Awareness campaign of the SACBC Family Life Desk is incorporated into the no 3 issue now being put together and the additional resource package of the Family Life Desk can be downloaded from www.marfam.org.za soon.   
MARFAM publications on marriage are, BECOMING MARRIED – now also available with a separate leaflet for faith sharing.  ONE FAITH, TWO RELIGIONS, reflections for couples in interdenominational marriages, originally by Fr Jerry Foley and revised with a South African flavour and MARRIAGE AND THE PASCHAL MYSTERY a booklet of faith reflections produced at the same season in 2006.
Articles on aspects of marriage are of course found in most of the booklets, including BECOMING WIDOWED which should be seen as the last stage of marriage.  See www.marfam.org.za for a full list of publications.

2009 FAMILY LIFE THEME “MARRIAGE AND FAMILY GROWING TOGETHER”
One of the most important features of family life is that it is a changing, developing system, growing, and shrinking constantly as members grow older, leave and new members are added to the nuclear and extended family. This can vary vastly as each family is unique, made up of unique individuals in unique relationships. Although families are still considered the basic building blocks of society, forms of families are changing and challenges facing them today are greater than ever before. The Catholic Church teaches us that a sacramental marriage is the ideal foundation for a family but many families, even within the Church, are not built around the Sacrament of Matrimony.  Month by month we focus on a different aspect of growth in family life.

Brief REFLECTIONS for the Sundays and main feastdays of the month are posted on www.marfam.org.za and can be downloaded.  Translations into some local languages are available by email.  Anyone willing and able to help with Zulu, Xhosa and Tsonga translations can contact Toni at info@marfam.org.za

“MARRIAGE AND FAMILY GROWING TOGETHER”  The Sunday readings of weeks 21 to 27 of this year of Mark, year B in the liturgical cycle, will be used once again as was done every three years since 1997 for deeper reflection on marriage. Communities could focus on marriage from different perspectives, e.g. preparation, enrichment, hurting relationships, need for counselling and support, catechesis for different levels, widowhood, divorce and annulments, remarriage etc. and end with a MARRIAGE DAY celebration on 27th Sunday, 4 October. Special resource materials are being prepared by the SACBC Family Life Desk and are available for downloading at www.marfam.org.za and www.sacbc.org.za  as was done in 2006 and 2003.

The main emphasis is on recruiting for the PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY WORKSHOP 3-5 JULY 2009 IN JOHANNESBURG. Delegates from all dioceses are invited. As it is ideally peer ministry and the role of the laity is being emphasized more and more we invite couples, as well as other lay individuals. Priests or religious who will accompany these family life teams in their parishes are also welcome. For more information and costs contact Toni Rowland 0825521275 or trowland@sacbc.org.za or homefun@icon.co.za.

The PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY MANUAL is well on the way to being finalized and should be a helpful resource for those who have undergone the training and also for those wishing to set up such a project themselves.  
Some parish groups have done great work in beginning to develop a family ministry programme and using the calendar with liturgical and national days is a help. Pentecost is not just one day but an ongoing way of life. It is an opportunity to focus on the gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit manifested in the family members. Mother’s Day was a great opportunity of course and Father’s Day, Youth Day in June and Grandparents’ Day (Sts Joachim and Ann on 26 July) are easy ways to get the parish to look with family eyes.  Possibilities are unlimited for this type of celebration without forgetting that the ultimate purpose is enriching family life and spirituality at home.   

JUNE - YOUTH MONTH and the Church.
World Communications Sunday was celebrated on 24th May but in South Africa it is held on 1st Sunday in September.  The Vatican and the Holy Father have made this a chance to connect with the youth. In his message for the day Pope Benedict invited “all those who make use of the new technologies of communication, especially the young, to utilize them in a positive way and to realize the great potential of these means to build up bonds of friendship and solidarity that can contribute to a better world."  See 
www.vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/messages/communications/documents/hf_ben-xvi_mes_20090124_43rd-world-communications-day_en.html  for the full message.
In addition the Vatican is set to unveil another webpage www.pope2you.net/index.php. This site aims to bring various words and messages of Benedict XVI to the youth. He can be accessed through Facebook and Iphone too. 
On more mundane matters and the dangers posed by the digital world of cellphones, internet, etc, parents and youth may visit www.chatdanger.com.
And on a much more positive note the youth and their families can of course also share their knowledge and insights into such matters as music and sport.   The Soccer Federation Cup during June and the WORLD CUP 2010 provide positive and negative opportunities. Wouldn’t it be great if leading up to 2010 there was an INTERPARISH, INTERDIOCESAN SOCCER COMPETITION started with many of the fun things that could bring families together in a healthy way.  

PAM STENZEL VISIT TO SOUTH AFRICA. “Sex still has a price tag”    
Organised by the Bosco Youth Pastoral Centre, Human Life International and Metanoia Ministeries  Pam Stenzel an internationally respected expert on sex, love and relationships visits Johannesburg, Swaziland and Cape Town at this time.  With her in-depth understanding of the perils young people face as they make adult choices she, together with the theatre group Mad Dogs and Englishmen, presented their powerful message on Pentecost Sunday 31st May at Bosco Centre. For more info contact  011 949 2361 or  www.boscocentre.co.za.  Presentations will be available on DVD from Metanoia Ministries at www.catholicshop.co.za
 
MARRIAGE AND YOUTH.
In South Africa youth officially are those between ages 14 and 35. Clearly this also covers years of adulthood when youth are considering their future and often settling into it.   In time for the August – October marriage campaign parishes may wish to encourage young people, cohabiting couples and those already married but not in Church to use this time to consider their future marriage in the Church.  

MARRIAGE PREPARATION RESOURCES IN THE SOUTH AFRICAN CHURCH
(Taken from publicity leaflet produced by the SACBC Family Life Desk.)
MARRIAGE PREPARATION
This is the responsibility of the local diocese and parishes. Parish priests may provide the preparation or refer engaged couples. Many dioceses have programmes developed by local priests, couples or counselors. Recognised programmes run in various dioceses in South Africa are listed below. 
Catholic Engaged Encounter.  An experiential weekend away. Presentations on their experience are given by two married couples and a priest on subjects such as self-awareness, communication expectations, mutual decision-making, sexuality, family planning and children, money, family background and an understanding of God and the Sacrament of Matrimony.  In response, by means of writing and sharing exercises, the engaged couples explore these topics more deeply.  CEE is an international programme and operates in South Africa in Cape Town, Durban and Johannesburg.  National contact details. Ronald and Ursula Sobotker   Tel 021 705 4512   ursulas@absa.co.za  and Fr Rohan Smuts
Evenings for the Engaged runs for 6-8 weeks in various parishes, regions and dioceses. The focus is on the relationship of the couple,  the society in which they live and with God. There is no national structure or contact person. Enquire in local diocese. 
LUMKO’s Marriage Preparation Programme Preparing for Your Marriage is a 10 session peer ministry programme and part of the Training for Community Ministries series. Trained team presenters, ideally couples, provide some input and facilitate the discussion and sharing by the engaged on spiritual and everyday life matters surrounding their future marriage. Lumko  011 866 2123 lumko@global.co.za
Mina Nawe is an 6-7 week programme that has adapted Evenings for the Engaged for local African conditions. It is Johannesburg-based but other areas can be visited on request Contact Mr and Mrs Phacha 082 560 7246
Prepare-enrich is not church-based but uses a psychological questionnaire.  Prepare is for engaged and Enrich for married couples. It is computer scored and an analysis of the relationship with its strengths and growth areas is used by trained facilitators to provide feedback and facilitate the couple’s own discussion. A remarriage version is also available.  Contact local FAMSA offices or Family life Centre, Johannesburg 011 788 5660
Foccus is a similar Catholic form developed in the US and used in some dioceses including the Durban Family Life Office. Call  031 202 4478

Marriage movements operating through the Catholic Church in South African are: Marriage Encounter, Couples for Christ, Equipes de la Nossa Senhora. Retrouvaille.  There are other family movements and also various NGOs and government social development offices that do offer support for marriage as part of their work.  
Visit www.marfam.org.za for some contact details and links.

The US Catholic Bishops’ Conference has a secretariat for Laity, Marriage, Family Life and Youth. Women are included in this too. Visit www.usccb.org/laity  and www.foryourmarriage.org.   

In the UK. the Catholic Bishops of England and Wales marked National Family Week (25 – 31 May) in the UK by drawing attention to a new resource to promote the holiness of family life.  The Home is a Holy Place resource pack on www.homeisaholyplace.org.ukis now available free of charge to all Catholic parishes across England and Wales. The pack aims to help parishes celebrate the presence of God as love in all loving family relationships and proclaim the holiness of our homes as places of life, love, service, teaching, fellowship, witness and prayer.  The pack may be used in many different settings, including with parents of children preparing to receive the sacraments, couples preparing for marriage, and parish or school groups.  The Project Office has also produced leaflets to mark National Family Week. See the National Family Week website.

FATHERS’ DAY is celebrated on 21st June.  The Family Life Desk considered fathers together with mothers already during May, as June is Youth month, but why not use this day to reflect on the topic of fathers and youth.  Some youth are fathers, many fathers have growing up sons and daughters.  How are those relationships shaping up? 

From HABARI ZETHU newsletter from Mombasa Archdiocese.
Catholic Youth Leaders Learn about Media and Peace
Young Catholic community leaders from eight African nations undertook a short course on the role of communications in promoting justice, peace and reconciliation. The four-day seminar was held at Savelberg Retreat House, Nairobi. It was jointly organized by the Pontifical Council for Social Communications in Rome and the 8-nation Association of Member Episcopal Conferences in Eastern Africa (AMECEA).

Fr. Chrisantus Ndaga, AMECEA communications secretary said that ‘The seminar was intended to support young activists in Eritrea, Ethiopia, Kenya, Malawi, Sudan, Tanzania, Uganda and Zambia in their ongoing efforts as community leaders to ensure that the new technologies of communications are harnessed effectively in order to promote justice, peace and reconciliation among peoples who are living with the reality or the legacy of war and civil strife.”  The seminar will enable participants to identify the strengths and weaknesses of the traditional forms of communication within their cultures. They were also invited to reflect on the established and emerging technologies of communication (radio, television, mobile telephony, satellites and internet) and their impact on patterns of communication. Additionally, the seminar highlighted the importance of the internet in developing networks of communication, information and learning that have the potential to contribute significantly to human socialization and solidarity.

USED STAMPS
A correspondent, a 94year old lady, has asked anyone to send her their used stamps. She cleans them and sends them away.  The money is used for education of priests.  Send to Vera Bischof, P.O.Box 2828. Knysna, 6570. 

Don't Worry If you have problems, which is easy to say until you are in the midst of a really big one, I know. But the only people I am aware of who don't have troubles are gathered in little neighborhoods. Most communities have at least one. We call them cemeteries. If you're breathing, you have difficulties. It's the way of life. And believe it or not, most of your problems may actually be good for you. Let me explain.
Maybe you have seen the Great Barrier Reef, stretching some 1,800 miles from New Guinea to Australia. Tour guides regularly take visitors to view the reef. On one tour, the guide was asked an interesting question.  "I notice that the lagoon side of the reef looks pale and lifeless, while the ocean side is vibrant and colorful," a traveler observed. "Why is this?"
The guide gave an interesting answer: "The coral around the lagoon side is in still water, with no
challenge for its survival. It dies early. The coral on the ocean side is constantly being tested by wind, waves, storms - surges of power. It has to fight for survival every day of it's life.  As it is challenged and tested it changes and adapts. It grows healthy. It grows strong. And it reproduces."
Then he added this telling note: "That's the way it is with every living organism." That is how it is with people. Challenged and tested, we come alive. Like coral pounded by the sea, we grow.  Physical demands can cause us to grow stronger. Mental and emotional stress can produce tough-mindedness and resiliency. Spiritual testing can produce strength of character and faithfulness.
So, you have problems - no problem. Just tell yourself, "There I grow again."

TEENAGERS

• You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.
  * Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
  * Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
  * Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home someday!

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