Home for Christmas

MARFAM News

  MARFAM turns 15

SACBC Family Life Desk News

   2009 family theme December  
   2010 Family Calendar and themes 
   Some activities of the month

BITS AND BYTES

CORRESPONDENCE

IN CONCLUSION

MARFAM has turned 15. Since the beginning of 1995 its aim has been family life education and enrichment. Your financial support helps us to operate, produce the publications, and also this monthly enewsletter and our website for more than 10 years. Advertise your company or project on the website, enewsletter or various publications or send a donation to P.O.Box 2881, Randburg, South Africa or sign up for a monthly debit order. Every Rand, Dollar or Euro helps to strengthen families somewhere, somehow. Contact us for details. Contact us for details.

I heard of a project for re-evangelisation in the UK, called “Come home for Christmas” which naturally appealed to my way of thinking. Come home, be home, go home, stay home, leave home, these ideas come to mind within the different cultural contexts we have here in South Africa.

Come home.  Families with migrant workers are mostly but not exclusively black families with men working in industry. There are women too and also teachers, nurses and engineers working abroad, enticed by higher wages or career opportunities. In some cases fathers and mothers are both working away leaving children with grandparents or even on their own with a childminder. So come home from wherever you; your family waits and longs for your presence.  

Go home. As December is summer holiday time here most, i.e. many thousands, of migrant workers go home to rural areas.  Some only go once a year, many more frequently. There can be great joy around this but also some disruption to the pattern of life in these rural areas, sometimes caused by tribal or clan conflict, excessive drinking etc.  Then there are those who are infected with HIV, who may or may not be on ARVs, but who become ill and go home knowing their days are numbered.
May you choose to go home and be welcomed there.        

Stay home.  In these tough economic times many families who used to go on holiday for a number of weeks now can’t afford it and cut this time short or stay at home.  There are also plenty of people who say it is madness to risk the traffic, rush down to the coast and join the hordes in the resorts, on the beaches and in the malls. It is much pleasanter to stay at home where you have your own creature comforts around you and in any case Johannesburg is a much quieter place to be in around Christmas time. May stay-at-home holidays still be a time of fun and joy.

Leave home.  That is a tough one but a choice some people make. It is the season to be partying and far too much drink is consumed, at times leading to violence and abuse and an escape to safety or arrest of perpetrators. Conflict in families might make young people leave home. The 16 days of activism against abuse of women and children being commemorated now reminds us of this.  
There is also a tradition for school leavers to leave home and celebrate their new-found freedom by going off for a week or so with friends. Many young people might be leaving home for further studies in the new year.  May home still be a place that is valued.

Home alone.  This is a sad reality especially for many older people who might spend this season quite alone with an occasional visit from a friend or family member or just a care-giver dropping by, or meals-on-wheels. May we all be conscious of the need for companionship at this time.  

Be home. It makes one smile, if a bit wryly. Those of us who don’t go away still spend so much time out of the house shopping. Standing in lines at the post office one is entertained with this message, “shop till unemployment drops.” Visiting friends we haven’t seen all year who are just as frantically trying to get their shopping done is another holiday pastime. In the midst of all this may families  spend some quality time at home, baking, making, doing Advent activities and preparing for the real meaning of Christmas.   

Home is where the heart lies or “let every heart prepare him room.”  This essential message from the well-known carol forms the reflection for Christmas Day in the MARFAM booklet, JOY TO THE WORLD.  Wherever, whenever, however, whatever life dishes up, home is where the heart lies, where our emotions and sense of belonging reside.  May every heart make whatever effort is needed to prepare “Him” room, by being home for one another. May the experience make us more and more conscious of the needs of others who have no home.
So, this Christmas and on into 2010 may it all come together for you and may you experience God’s gift of Jesus, his Son who came to bring his own joy so that our joy might be complete. 
Toni Rowland

JESUS IS THE REASON FOR SEASON.

After 15 years in the field an evaluation has highlighted achievements as well as areas for improvement.  Having started out with a broad vision for family renewal it is a major achievement that much of this has been taken over by the Family Life Desk of the Catholic Bishops Conference. MARFAM at present is mainly concerned with the publication of resource materials. Steps are being put into place to discover ways to improve this.   MARFAM’s different target groups range from bishops, priests and more educated laity to simple rural people, all of whom need – but may not necessarily want – formation from a family perspective.  Feedback from you the readers of any of the materials would be most helpful too and a questionnaire can still be found on the website www.marfam.org.za   
The article of the month is a GROWTH SCORE CARD.  MARRIAGE AND FAMILY GROWING TOGETHER has been the theme for 2009 and whether or not readers set specific targets it is still helpful and a bit of fun to assess growth on a number of criteria.
The booklet JOY TO THE WORLD prepared ideally for faith sharing in families this year has been distributed. Cost R10.  
2010 family calendars, FAMILIES PLAY THE GAME produced for the SACBC Family Life Desk are still available. Cost 100 for R150.   50 for R80.  Small orders R2 each.  Plus postage. See below for more info.
See the website too for a list of publications and some Advent and Christmas ideas.
The No 1 of 2010 issue of MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING will be available after Christmas.

The annual family life calendar is one of the main projects of the FL Desk used for education and enrichment. The overview of the year’s theme and brief reflections for the Sundays and main feastdays are published on the website www.marfam.org.za. Translations of these into some local languages are available by email.  Anyone willing and able to help with Zulu, Xhosa and Tsonga translations can contact Toni at info@marfam.org.za.  Some 2010 info is provided now as our webmaster will be on holiday over the New Year.

2009 FAMILY LIFE THEME “MARRIAGE AND FAMILY GROWING TOGETHER”

2010 FAMILY LIFE THEME: FAMILIES PLAY THE GAME.   
INTRODUCTION South Africa is all agog waiting for the big event of the century, the 2010 SOCCER WORLD CUP to be played in various venues around the country during June and July.  It promises to be an exciting event for soccer fans from all over the world. South Africa and its attractions will be showcased to many thousands of visitors. Will we forget about God during that time?  We hope not.  The campaign CHURCH ON THE BALL www.churchontheball.org.za will be a reminder, an information resource and a chance to relate God, our Creator to the Game of Life that we all play in our homes, families, workplaces, sportsfields and everywhere else. 
It is to be hoped that families will come together to enjoy this sporting feast rather than torn apart.
It is to be hoped that as South African families we will be hospitable to our guests and visitors.
It is to be hoped that the evils of crime, corruption, violence, hooliganism, prostitution and human trafficking will be kept at bay. 
It is everyone’s responsibility to “play the game” and to play it fairly and do our best to ensure others do the same.  In that way it will be a year to remember.  

SOME RECENT FAMILY LIFE DESK ACTIVITIES.  
Attendance at a training-the-trainer workshop organized by the Department for Social Development on FAMILY PRESERVATION qualifies me to train others in this concept that is so much in line with our vision.  Yes, there are times where, for the sake of safety, members are removed from a dangerous situation but keeping the family together and intact and working within the grouping and empowering them there is the 1st course of action. This should also be taken into account in the “16 Days of Activism for no violence against women and children” on top of establishing safe havens.  
FAMILY ENRICHMENT PROGRAMME.  I was very taken with this programme, essentially for parenting skills training, using simple tools such as together making a Family Action Plan and small group support.
MARRIAGE COURSE and PREMARRIAGE COURSE.  A conference to present these 2 programmes which come from the ALPHA stable and use the same methodology as Alpha of meal, DVD and discussion was also enlightening. These programmes are for any couples irrespective of their religious affiliation and have no real religious content. The purpose is to help the couples to build up their relationship. Visit  www.alphasa.co.za    

WORLD AIDS DAY – DECEMBER 1
Our Johannesburg HIV/AIDS coordinator keeps reminding me that World AIDS Day isn’t only on December 1 it is every day of the year.   The theme for 2007-2009 has been “Universal Access and Human Rights.”    
Quotes from the statement of SECAM, the symposium of African bishops, pick up the points.
“ART (anti-retroviral treatment) requires a lifelong commitment to staying on the drugs. In sub-Saharan Africa a goodly number of ART patients stop taking their meds within two years because they can't afford the regular transport costs to the hospital or don't have access to sufficient food to make drug adherence possible.
The global recession and economic downturn have a detrimental impact. Climbing prices of food and other basic necessities are hampering progress of treatment. Increased hunger and desperation are making people resort to sex as a means of survival.
For the tide to turn, it must be tackled holistically: wars; fragile or failing states; inequality between men and women; the ravages of climate change and many more.  HIV-AIDS is not just a medical problem. Foreign governments and UN agencies are now pushing for investment in national healthcare systems.
With the Holy Father, Pope Benedict XVI, we warn that the problem cannot be overcome primarily by prophylactics. Only a strategy based on education to individual responsibility in the framework of a moral view of human sexuality, especially through conjugal fidelity, can have a real impact on the prevention of this disease. 
To our youth: let no one deceive you into thinking that you cannot control yourself. Abstinence is the best protection. For those who are not married, it is also the only moral course of action. Accordingly, formation of the human person is the true recipe.”
Very many groups and websites exist, floods of information are available and yet the pandemic rages on. But as LoveLife’s widely publicized message proclaims, “It begins with you.” 

To read another report on HIV/AIDS in Africa from Caritas Internationalis and watch a video visit
English: http://cli.gs/Z9mr5v  and http://cli.gs/hnRMHn

A FAMILY LAW CLINIC
A concerned Catholic, a family law consultant Nthabiseng Monareng has produced some booklets on family law in South Africa and on the negative aspects of cohabitation (vat en sit) and is now opening a family law clinic. She writes, “Hi, I am opening a family law consultancy office in Soweto on 1st December. My mission is to make it possible for people who live in Soweto to have access to expert family law advice and service which is affordable. I’m also going to introduce divorce support sessions and family law education for women.  Nthabi.”  
Congrats, we need more like you!

International links for readers from SA and other countries
US BISHOPS ISSUE A PASTORAL LETTER ON MARRIAGE.
Full text of the letter  www.usccb.org/laity/LoveandLife.
Conference Web site for marriage: www.foryourmarriage.org
Commentary from Catholic News Service  on www.catholicnews.com/data/stories/cns/0905121.htm

UK MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE PROJECT.  Details can be found on  www.homeisaholyplace.org.uk  A current project mentioned is “Passing on the Faith: a Home-School-Parish conversation”

We take note of and correspond with family life coordinators and contact people in different countries and continents from Namibia and Zimbabwe close to home to Papua New Guinea, Australia and Uruguay very far afield.  Not only family problems but the need for enrichment and evangelisation with a specific focus are universal.  NACFLM (National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers) from the US has the same overall vision of a family focus for the whole Church that we promote.

From remote and rural Australia:
Hi Toni,
You will be pleased to know that the Bishop read (the marriage material) and has established a desk for Family Ministry using lots of your ideas. ……  I have great hopes that Family Ministry might become the corner stone of our Strategic (Pastoral) planning in the diocese which is happening at present. Thanks to you!
I am reading the Bishops letter on the strategic plan this Sunday and also trying to challenge the parish to think if we are a child friendly enough parish. I think not, but it will be interesting to hear their comments (if any). Sadly few kids come to mass, even from the Catholic School.
Some happenings: Several Homilies that were family oriented- e.g. one on abortion and lies last week, widows mite Sunday  a few weeks ago, Childrens Liturgy of the Eucharist monthly, as well as usual Sunday school (for 10-15?) We plan another sort of reunion on Holy Family Sunday (27th Dec) for those who made First Communion and Confirmation this year. ……..
Cheers, and happy Season,   Vince

Church and Sport, …… Football
Halftime - The period between catechism class and Mass when many choose to leave.
Benchwarmer - Those who do not sing, pray, work or apparently do nothing but sit.
Instant Replay - The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week's thoughts.
Sudden Death - What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes "overtime."

Three Wise Women
Do you know what would have happened if it had been Three Wise Women instead of Three Wise Men?
* They would have asked for directions,
* arrived on time,
* helped deliver the baby,
* cleaned the stable,
* made a casserole, and,
* brought practical gifts.

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