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When we were first introduced in 1997 through SECAM (Symposium of Episcopal Conference of Africa and Madagascar) to the idea of using the Sunday readings of weeks 21 to 27 of Year B as a marriage awareness opportunity we got really excited.  It is not hard to recognise that is both urgent and important to focus on marriage in the Church and society in Africa and throughout the world today. In almost all countries and cultures marriage rates are down, divorce rates are up and as the 1996 Pastoral letter of the Southern African Catholic Bishops’ Conference pointed out many couples who are and remain married are not living their sacrament and their vocation with joy and fulfilment.
Each 3rd year since 1997 first MARFAM and more recently the SACBC Family Life Desk has promoted this.   Themes have tied in loosely with the family life theme of the year which for 2009 is “Marriage and Family Growing Together” Material has already been circulated through dioceses to parishes.  
Why is it that this campaign is not more widely welcomed?   Some dioceses and parishes, particularly those who have worked more closely with the Parish Family Ministry project and those who have done it before, have started planning their programmes. But I also hear negative comments that some find it too much trouble, too much work, too much even to read through. Some judge that the people are not interested or  feel embarrassed to possibly be asked to renew their vows.  Some say that there are too many unmarried people, too many hurting couples, hurting divorcees, hurting widowed people and that celebrating marriage could be hurtful for them.
The response to all this is really the same.  MARRIAGE MATTERS in the Church and society. The campaign need not be too much work, but a time of enjoyment, of education and enrichment for the whole parish.   The project built around the liturgical readings of the time has a component of faith sharing format for couples and for groups. Reflecting on life situations that are current and relevant in the parish – cohabitation, arranged marriages, marriage and culture, counselling and other support resources are also important topics for the whole community not only the couples. Scripture reflection and a study of Church teaching on marriage from recent documents form part of the activities. Lesson material for different age groups, adult formation, liturgical resources and a time for couple reconciliation are provided.
  
Marriage is a foundation sacrament of the Church, one that is under severe attack in the modern world as already identified in the documents of Vatican II and highlighted again in the 1994 African Synod deliberations. The Southern African Church is preparing for a Pastoral Forum this month. The focus is on the role of the laity and specifically the priesthood of the laity.  This concept is not new, might seem a little strange but it is outlined in Pope John Paul’s The Vocation of the Laity of 1988.  How many people, parishioners, members of sodalities or groups have read it?  Isn’t it time that the laity caught up, began to take responsibility for this priesthood of theirs, in their everyday lives, lived in their marriage and family life as well as their work and leisure?  It doesn’t only involve praying and praying as a couple, but also playing, enjoying their special gift and their sexuality.  That message is shared with engaged and married couples in their various programmes but the Church at large owes it to its couples to “Pray for Passion” in the words of Fr Chuck Gallagher one of the founders of Marriage Encounter. 
We pray for passion for the couples so that they can experience God’s love and model it for the rest of the community as Pope Benedict wrote in Deus Caritas Est.  
We pray for passion for those who minister to couples and families.  Even in the secular world and the sporting world too it is recognised that if you’re sufficiently passionate about a cause nothing is too much trouble. The recent successful international soccer Federation cup and also the “strike season” that we in South Africa are experiencing with thousands of marchers toi-toing and even some trashing and looting is evidence of that.
What better cause is there to be passionate about for Catholics then the future of their Church and society as Pope John Paul II said so often?  We pray for passion so that in experiencing and sharing this love so many other needs that result from a lack of love can also be addressed, even needs such as human trafficking, physical and substance abuse. Truly loving couples will not be inward looking only but are, as has been said, one of the greatest untapped resources for good in the Church.   The marriage awareness campaign is a small step, but it needs to be taken and needs the support of all bishops, priests and especially the laity themselves.
Toni Rowland

A number of articles in the current MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING focus on marriage.   See www.marfam.org.za for this month’s article by Mgr Marc de Mulenaere on conditions for a valid marriage.   
Other relevant publications:
BECOMING MARRIED together with a faith-sharing leaflet is not necessarily intended for marriage preparation only but for the whole life journey of a couple.  Cost R15
ONE FAITH, TWO RELIGIONS reflections for couples in mixed/interdenominational marriages. Cost R10 MARRIAGE AND THE PASCHAL MYSTERY is a set of reflections that can be used for faith sharing at Easter or any other time.  Cost R10   
BECOMING WIDOWED Costs R15 and CATHOLICS AND DIVORCE costs R20. These focus on particular aspects around marriage too. They are Redemptorist publications but can be ordered from MARFAM too.
Postage to be added to all orders. For other publications see the website.

2009 FAMILY LIFE THEME “MARRIAGE AND FAMILY GROWING TOGETHER”
One of the most important features of family life is that it is a changing, developing system, growing, and shrinking constantly as members grow older, leave and new members are added to the nuclear and extended family. Month by month we focus on a different aspect of growth in family life.

Brief REFLECTIONS for the Sundays and main feastdays of the month are posted on www.marfam.org.za and can be downloaded.  Translations into some local languages are available by email.  Anyone willing and able to help with Zulu, Xhosa and Tsonga translations can contact Toni at info@marfam.org.za

WEEKS 21 (23 AUGUST) TO -27 (MARRIAGE DAY ON 4 OCTOBER)  
The information package can be downloaded as a pdf file from www.sacbc.org.za or www.marfam.org.za.  Relevant sections can be printed for a liturgy team, catechists and families themselves as they are ultimately the real target group for marriage enrichment.

MARRIAGE MOVEMENTS OPERATING in various parts of Southern Africa. 
National Coordinators or contact people:
Catholic Engaged Encounter:   Ronald and Ursula Sobotker   ursulas@absa.co.za
Couples for Christ (CFC)  cfcsouthafrica@gmail.com   www.cfcsouthafrica.com
Equipes de Nossa Senhora,   Serafim and Ana Maria Nogueira anogueira2@wesbank.co.za    
Focolare Movement, New Families: peterstohr@mweb.co.za
Marriage Encounter:  Joe and Neela Kay  joneel@mweb.co.za   www.marriageencountersa.org.za
Retrouvaille, help for hurting marriages: Stuart and Michelle Allan retrouvaille@lantic.net
Schoenstatt Family Movement:  mhagan@iafrica.com

OTHER MARRIAGE RESOURCES
Marfam publications.
Diocesan marriage and family life offices. Check with your diocese.
World Marriage Day a Marriage Encounter initiative celebrated every February but helpful information can be found on the website:  http://wmd.wwme.org
USCatholic  Bishops marriage project: www.foryourmarriage.org
Smartmarriages, a coalition of marriage educators   www.smartmarriages.com

Also check NGOs and other churches e.g. FAMSA, Lifeline and different churches. Government and private social workers and psychologists offer help and sometimes run programmes.

PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY WORKSHOP 3-5 JULY 2009.
An enthusiastic group of delegates from various dioceses left the weekend claiming that the experience had been an “eye-opener” for some and a chance for renewal of their vision for others.  The group OF 52 from very different dioceses and parishes expressed concern that the vision of Church as Family and the parish as a community of families was so poorly promoted in general. So the challenge is now for them to take the vision home and implement the plans they had been asked to formulate for their particular situation.  To my knowledge some have already celebrated Grandparents’ Day and other parishes are using Women’s month, but all were encouraged to make the marriage campaign their primary focus for the immediate future. How this will be done can differ quite a lot depending on their location, urban, rural, white, coloured or black, upper or middle class or poor and underresourced financially but often much richer in their faith experience. 
Follow-up workshops will be held in various areas and participants will be notified of details in due course.

AUGUST is WOMEN’S MONTH in South Africa. Women’s Day on 9 August marks the anniversary of the great women's march of 1956, where women marched to the Union Buildings to protest against the carrying of pass books and the legislation aimed at tightening the apartheid government's control over the movement of black women in urban areas. This historic march was a turning point in the role of women in the struggle for freedom and society at large. Since that eventful day, women from all walks of life became equal partners in the struggle for a non-racial and non-sexist South Africa.  Government sponsored Women’s Day commemorations will be held in various places and the newly created Minister for Women, Children and Persons of Disabilities will be one of the speakers in Vryheid, KwaZulu-Natal.  She is expected to call for support for enforcement of legal quotas requiring 50 percent representation of women in the public and private sector. (From Government websites)
The commercial media and any commercial enterprises will of course use the opportunity too. Justice and Peace groups in the Church can easily pick up the theme ‘Together Empowering Women for Development and Gender Equality.’  From a family perspective the theme is helpful too. Men and women and all of society need to develop the correct attitudes of essential equality while still celebrating the differences.  In reality in South Africa the high level of rape and the brutality which accompanies it indicate a high disregard for the value and dignity of females. At a United Nations Gender Equality Meeting, Archbishop Celestino Migliore made the following remark: 'That women in society must be involved in decision-making is not only right for reasons of equality, but also for the specific insights that women bring to the process.  This 'feminine genius' will prove most valuable as women increasingly play major roles in the serious challenges the world is facing.’

The August family life theme “Growing as male and female” has a greater focus on the development of an effective sexual and gender identity from childhood into adulthood as a first step in well-balanced functioning. While the Church puts the responsibility for sexuality education onto the parents and family it is still regarded as a taboo in many cultures and homes and is too often left to educators, peers and the media whose values may conflict with those of the family. Ways and means should be found to challenge and assist families. 
Just-1-Teenager is hosting a youth human sexuality conference, “Reviewing the Challenges of Life and Love at schools” on 24 September 2009.  Speakers will address some challenging situations such as the United Nations agenda, South African legislation and a host of topics including psychosexual development, molestation, sexuality programmes in schools, cellphones etc.  An important feature of the work of this group is that parents are involved whenever the team visits a school. Find out more at www.just1teenager.co.za

BIBLE SUNDAY – 30 August 2009
Parishes, schools and homes are encouraged to focus especially on the Bible, possibly by way of an  enthronement or blessing. The Sunday scripture readings are used for reflection in the marriage campaign so providing a helpful link. For more on the Catholic Biblical Foundation visit www.catholicbible.org.za

FAMILY LAW RESOURCE.
NOTICE:  Bregman’s attorneys will be offering family law consultancy services, headed by Nthabiseng Monareng, author of the book, A Simple Guide to South African Family Law (Siber Ink, 2008).   Services offered in the area of marriage include the following:  Drafting of Ante-nuptial Contracts, Assisting clients in choosing the right matrimonial property system, Advising married spouses changing their matrimonial system from in community of property to out of community of property, Marriages (Customary, Civil and Same Sex Unions), Registration of Customary Marriages,   Drafting of Cohabitation Agreements and many more on other aspects of family life and law.   Contact: Nthabiseng Monareng on 083 674 8236 or visit www.familylaw.co.za. Also see article in current issue of Marriage and Family Living.

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY AFRICA will be hosting seminars in September 2009 in different centres. The "21st Century Parent"  addresses issues facing parents of all kinds, "The Heart of Success" - which is a seminar that addresses issues facing business men and women in the fast changing world of commerce and a "Family Seminar" addressing issues relevant to all families. Visit www.safamily.co.za for information.

ONGOING ADULT FORMATION
THE PASTORAL FORUM AND THE LAITY  
Ongoing formation was identified as a priority at the 2007 Pastoral Forum, formation that is scriptural, contextualised and family-focused. The 2008 Forum focused on the Social Teaching of the Church. The 2009 Forum on 8th August has as its theme, “the priesthood of the laity.”  Although this has been designated the Year of the Priest with a need to promote holiness and integrity in the ordained priesthood, the priesthood of the laity deals with their ordinary everyday lives where they live their share in the mission of Jesus as priest, prophet and king. The priestly aspect does concern their prayer life but also their daily offerings of all they do and bring. These are the offerings, not only painful sacrifices, which are then joined with that of Jesus in the Eucharist.     
“For their work, prayers and apostolic endeavours their ordinary and married family life, their daily labour, their mental and physical relaxation, if carried out in the Spirit and even the hardships of life, if patiently borne, all of these become spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.”  John Paul II

POPE BENEDICT ENCYCLICAL CARITAS IN VERITATE.  “Even globalisation is in need of a soul.”
Benedict XVI’s third encyclical is dedicated to an integral human development in charity and in truth. The economy needs ethics to function correctly, and ethics that is in favour of the human person. No to a development that exploits workers and nature and that does not respect the rights of man and the right to life! Abortion and birth control are at times imposed on poor nations. Respect for Religious Freedom is essential. Technology risks becoming a new ideology.  From www.asianews.it    There are many references to this important and relevant document for our time. It can be downloaded through the Vatican website www.vatican.va. 
The Center of Concern in Washington has published a useful précis here: http://www.coc.org/node/6409 and a study guide can be found on the Faith doing Justice website of the Australian Jesuits: http://www.faithdoingjustice.com.au/docs/CVDiscussionGuide.pdf.  From SJS Headlines

St Augustine’s College, the Catholic University based in Johannesburg in addition to post-graduate courses now also offers BCom and BTheo and, from 2010, BA courses.  The college has recently celebrated its 10th anniversary and with its focus on intellectual and moral leadership should be considered a university of choice for many Catholic families, for themselves and their children. See www.staugustine.ac.za

RADIO VERITAS is another Catholic resource for formation.  To celebrate its 10th anniversary it is applying for a special broadcast licence in the Gauteng area during November-December.  Write and offer your support. www.radioveritas.co.za

SEKWELE centre for Social Reflection hosted an important workshop for Church leaders on the Land Tenure Systems in South Africa. According to the government department (DLA), close to 21 million mostly vulnerable persons are affected by the tenure laws and systems. “All evictions must stop!”, this is the cry of shackdwellers, farm dwellers and others that are under the threats of so-callled legal and illegal evictions all over South Africa. “We thought things will be better than apartheid, but the new government and the laws are not protecting us, why”?  
The centre is part of the Diocese of Bethlehem. Contact Fr Mokesh Morar. moksa@telkomsa.net

PERSONALLY SPEAKING  - times to remember. 
Having just reached the mature age of 65 I think allows me a little personal sharing with readers. In fact,  the last 2 months have been filled with events, happy and less happy times, anniversaries of the deaths of my mother, my husband, my sister and the very recent death of a cherished sister-in-law from cancer. That is partly why I decided to have a “Cuppa for Cansa” birthday party together with some musical entertainment provided by the musical group to which I belong.  All charities and service organisations are financially strapped and need funds at this time but the Players too needed an opportunity to showcase their talents, amateurs though we are. Grandparents’ Day too formed part of the celebration and I heard from a number of parishes that had made the occasion special for the grannies and granddads in their communities.  Providing musical entertainment for the aged at the CWL home in Edenvale was another happy occasion for me as was the baptism of a grandchild on Father’s Day. 
For some of us who are becoming oldies life is full, rich and tiring while for others it is tiring but with too little else. One old lady touched me when I was packing up to leaving the Old Age home and she said, “I’m not in a hurry, I’m not going anywhere!” There are times I wish I wasn’t going anywhere and other times when I can’t wait to get into my car and go, anywhere.  There are times when I cherish being alone, and other times when I crave company, to share some memories with someone who will listen and maybe too to make some memories. Certainly being locked into my bedroom in our double-storey house and choosing to climb out of the bathroom window, down the roof and down a ladder to the ground was something I had not tried before and would not really wish to repeat.  Memories are like that, some you create, some are created for you whether you like it or not, but memories are about life and as long as you’re making memories by the grace of God you are definitely still alive, and maybe kicking.
          
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