Marfam Logo Family Matters Newsletter Month
Theme  
Contents
  Passion Play
  MARFAM NEWS
  SACBC FAMILY LIFE DESK NEWS
  BITS AND BYTES
  The Church and the SA Election
  Fr Lionel Sham RIP
  2010 World Soccer Cup
  IN CONCLUSION
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MARFAM is entering its 15th year; it has been promoting the cause of family life since 1994.  Your financial support helps us to operate, produce the publications, including this monthly enewsletter and maintain our website. Advertise your company or project on the website, enewsletter or various publications or send a donation to P.O. Box 2881, Randburg 2125. South Africa.  Every Rand, Dollar or Euro helps to strengthen families somewhere, somehow. THIS CHRISTMAS why not consider sending us a cheque or begin to make a small monthly donation into our bank account. Contact us for details.

   
   
 

Instead of the usual reflection I thought I would share with readers this meditation from a few years ago that appears relevant too at this time. 

PASSION PLAY – a Lenten imagination meditation for reflection and sharing.       Toni Rowland.  
The new bishop had some really innovative ideas. Having been a teacher he realized the value of an active involvement in the learning process. So therefore to encourage deep and serious reflection on the passion, death and resurrection of Jesus he came up with a suggestion that parishes plan to have a passion play. How would the parts be chosen?  Was it to be by occupation?  Priests, soldiers, workers, teachers, women? That was a really difficult one. After some thought it was considered best to draw lots and allow the chosen characters to grow into their parts as they lived their everyday lives and also through regular reflection and sharing. It was therefore necessary that the parts should be allocated many months ahead of time.  Of course there would be parts for everyone and gender need not be an issue. Any number of bystanders had played a part in the original drama.
The reflection and sharing in preparation for the passion plays in different parishes could be quite different as the communities were different. Think of rural and urban, farming and suburb or township, or informal settlements, think of mansions and shacks. Jesus was to be incarnated into each of these situations in accordance with the people’s own cultural background and experience.

The parish of St John the Apostle was fortunate to have a good cultural and socio-economic mix.  Any interested parishioners were invited to submit their names and a good number did.
The main parts to be drawn were the apostles, Mary and the women, Pilate, Herod, Caiaphas.    There were parts for priests, elders and scribes, Joseph of Arimathea and other Pharisees and Sadducees too.
Important though small parts were Simon of Cyrene and the good thief.  And naturally there was the all-important role of Jesus.   The committee met and prayed for guidance before drawing the names.
As fate would have Joseph of Arimathea was drawn by the Pastoral Council Chairman, Joseph Patrick and Mary Magdalene by the catechetical coordinator, Mildred Daniels.  The part of Jesus was drawn by a new-comer to the community, a Zimbabwean Moses Ndebele.
When she heard about the choice Joseph’s wife Clara laughed a little cynically. “You always were a dark horse,” she told him. “I wonder if this will challenge you to come out with your views.”
Joseph himself did feel challenged and considered how this would affect his life. He had often wondered whether his choice for PPC chair had been because of his status as a member of one of the leading families in the community or for his personal ability.  He had never been an outwardly religious man but could always be counted on when there was work to be done. He kept his business matters to himself and few people knew much about his family.  No one was aware of the heartache he and Clara as parents had experienced over the years over their lesbian daughter.  They had gradually come to terms with her orientation, but still thanked God she was not one those “gay pride” types, but lived in a distant town in a committed relationship. Marriage and adoption were frightening possibilities that they both rejected in principle, but knew they would find difficult to condemn openly.  Joseph particularly felt a deep concern for other parents in similar situations. What would his stance be in his role of Joseph of Arimethea? As was the case with his namesake would it be OK for him to hide in the wings? Fortunately their marriage was good. He hoped that their prayer life would help him find the way ahead.

Mildred Daniels was a single mother, as were many of the women in the community, but she hoped fervently that she had left her somewhat murky past behind. After all it was more than 15 years since her wonderful conversion experience. Her parish priest at the time had been amazingly good to her. She knew he had prayed for her and was quite likely partly responsible for the great change in her. She hadn’t even been a church-goer, but now she was often a daily mass-goer. At the same time she also had a great rapport with the teenagers she so loved to teach. At first she had been afraid to tell them about her past but she had found that telling her own story was the best form of catechesis she could give.  Some parents had been shocked. “It is indecent to talk like that,” she overheard some mothers say. This hurt, especially as she knew quite well that there were plenty of skeletons in their cupboards too.  Mildred prayed for her class every day and for their families too, that through their example the children would be led to follow the Kingdom way.  Her faithsharing group was her support. A deep sense of trust had developed and they were able to share many of their own difficulties too. 
Although a little taken aback at first, Mildred thanked God for the opportunity to play the role of Mary Magdalene. “My own model and example,” she prayed, “Don’t ever let me become “holier than thou” and condemn others, but help me find the way to uphold the values I have now chosen.”

No one knew much about the man Moses. A cell phone number and a P.O. Box don’t reveal much. He had recently arrived from Zimbabwe, appeared well-educated but was a quiet type, not pushy. It was rumoured that he had been a teacher and minor activist but his wanderlust had got the better of him and he never stayed long in any one place. It was interesting to see how easily he was able to pick up a bunch of soulmates, a little band that had grown to include all kinds of hangers-on.  They would meet at a local pub or club, or just out in the open and speak about a future society that promoted justice and freedom for all.  Not everyone was comfortable with this talk which to some seemed overly political.  
Although he had originally left only to find a better life for himself, behind the scenes in the informal settlement where he lived he had taken a teaching post and become somewhat of a counselor too, often being called on to mediate in conflict situations between refugees and other shack-dwellers.
In his own quiet prayer times at night he would reflect on Jesus’ mission and pray, “Jesus was no   pushover in his day. Father help me to keep a balance, to remember the way of love.”

Over the months, under the guidance of the parish deacon, all the characters gradually began to fill their parts and there was active encouragement to share their experience and their faith journey in their own homes and in their faithsharing and prayer groups which had begun to incorporate the focus of the passion play. 
Opportunities were created for groups of related characters to meet and share on their growing understanding of their parts and how they applied to their lives in the 21st century.  How did the apostles fit in work with ministry?  How would chief priests, scribes and elders fit into a modern setting?  What about Pilate and his aspirations to power?  What about women followers of Jesus and their aspirations to positions of power too?
Moses, in his role as Jesus, became better known and respected and his own self-confidence and personality blossomed as he moved about from group to group in the parish.  Mildred and the confirmation class agreed he was one of the most popular and charismatic guest speakers they had had.  They had all joked a bit about the friendship between Jesus and Mary Magdalene but there was no doubt that the experience was drawing them together.  
The parish prayed, the families prayed and a deeper spirituality developed as the characters lived their parts and shared their struggles and their joys. 

The time for staging the passion play neared. Human Rights’ Day was celebrated over the long weekend before Easter.  For some people this was a commemoration of the struggle for human rights of 50 years ago. For some, including the refugees, it was an ongoing involvement in human rights matters. For some 50 years ago held little meaning and it was just an excuse for a party.  For others it became a drunken brawl.  Partiers  clashed with stick-wielding toi-toing marchers. Xenophobia, never far from the surface, took over. Fights broke out, shacks were set alight and for a few brief hours chaos reined.  Moses’ badly beaten body was found by the police when order had been restored.
“Violence erupted at Human Rights’ Day rally. One man died,” read the report.  “His death will be investigated.”

The parish mourned. The parish prayed and committed itself once again to the call of the Kingdom.

   
  MARFAM NEWS
 

The No 2 issue of Marriage and Family Livingfor the months of April – June contains a summary of the excellent presentation of Fr Cantalamessa at the World Meeting of Families on the Bible and family values. This is relevant for the April family theme “Growing towards God” and is also published on the website.  Other topics from the World Meeting of Families are incorporated in the magazine too, e.g. Professor Gaitano on Families and the Media reminding us that the media is a most insidious opinion former.   
Hello Mary is a simple children’s booklet on the Hail Mary and is one of a number of MARFAM’s children’s booklets. Suitable for children’s catechism and home use, cost is R4.00. A full list of publications can be found on the website www.marfam.org.za
On the topic “From Easter to Pentecost” quite a number of articles, suggestions and activities can be downloaded from the website for fun or more serious contemplation.  “Teaching the Way of Love” the booklet produced at this time of Lent and Easter is not only for use around this time.  Ten reflections use ten principles of Catholic Social Teaching illustrated with family stories and using the SEE – JUDGE – ACT  or Pastoral Cycle method offer food for reflection, Scripture sharing, discussion and prayer at home or in groups.  Cost R10. 
Stations of the Cross for Families  are available in English, Zulu, Sotho and Tswana @ R4. 
Stations of the Cross for Widowed People are in English, Zulu and Tswana and cost R4. 

There is concern about the relatively low level of support for MARFAM’s materials which seek to promote enrichment through the spirituality of marriage and family life and to do so at very low cost.  No MARFAM booklets cost more than R10.  I am told often, “Our people can’t read, don’t read, don’t want to read spiritual stuff,” but people do read newspapers and magazines and a visit to any bookstore cannot but convince me otherwise.  An evaluation of MARFAM’s materials and the effectiveness of the wider family apostolate will be embarked on and this will hopefully give us some pointers as to reasons why support is not as wide as it could be, as well as indicators of the most effective ways forward.  

   
  SACBC FAMILY LIFE DESK NEWS
 

2009 FAMILY LIFE THEME “MARRIAGE AND FAMILY GROWING TOGETHER”
One of the most important features of family life is that it is a changing, developing system, growing, and shrinking constantly as members grow older, leave and new members are added to the nuclear and extended family. This can vary vastly as each family is unique, made up of unique individuals in unique relationships. Although families are still considered the basic building blocks of society, forms of families are changing and challenges facing them today are greater than ever before. Commitment and skills are required for a family to function optimally over time.  
The Catholic Church teaches us that a sacramental marriage is the ideal foundation for a family but many families, even within the Church, are not built around the Sacrament of Matrimony. 

APRIL.   Growing towards God.  
Spirituality is living in the presence of God in our daily lives, whatever activities we engage in. Each person grows in their own personal relationship with God but as couples and as a family it is very valuable to have a common faith life too, Family moments are faith moments, whether they are happy or sad, filled with fulfillment or anger. The Lent and Easter seasons are very valuable opportunities for couple and family growth in their relationship with God. Choose together how this can be done and invite everyone to make a commitment to this growth journey.  

Brief REFLECTIONS for the Sundays and main feastdays of the month are posted on www.marfam.org.za and can be downloaded.  Translations into some local languages are available by email.  Anyone willing and able to help with Zulu, Xhosa and Tsonga translations can contact Toni at info@marfam.org.za

MARRIAGE AWARENESS CAMPAIGN
“MARRIAGE – GROWING IN LOVE”  The Sunday readings of weeks 21 to 27 of this year of Mark, year B in the liturgical cycle, will be used once again as was done every three years since 1997 for deeper reflection on marriage. Communities could focus on marriage from different perspectives, e.g. preparation, enrichment, hurting relationships, need for counselling and support, catechesis for different levels,  widowhood, divorce and annulments, remarriage etc. and end with a MARRIAGE DAY celebration on 27th Sunday, 4 October. Special resource materials are being prepared by the SACBC Family Life Desk as was done in 2006 and 2003.

PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY.  
Quite a lot of work went into this project during March with workshops in Oudtshoorn and Kimberley dioceses (and a rather hefty speeding fine on the way back from there) a follow-up workshop for delegates from JHB and Pretoria and some parish talks.
Implementing the project is proving quite complicated as it is difficult to offer follow-up workshops with a group that is not consistent, with older members sometimes absent and new members joining in.  We realise that family people are working and funerals and other family business take up much weekend time, but it is almost impossible to provide training at any other time.
It is also very valuable to have the parish priest knowledgeable and supportive of the project.  We stress that it should be a lay, family portfolio of the Pastoral Council and the priest does not have to run it himself. 
The manual for Parish Family Ministry is being finalised and should be a helpful resource for those who have undergone training but even for those wishing to set up such a project themselves.

A SIMPLE GUIDE TO SOUTH AFRICAN FAMILY LAW
The book has been endorsed by Judge Belinda Van Heerdeen of the Supreme court of Appeal, who has also written the foreword. The book is published by Siber Ink publishers and it contains the family law as at November 2008.  More information on www.siberink.co.za; or call Nthabiseng 083 674 8236 or Mpumi 0734215203.”
“Without resorting to the “lawyers’ language” that makes many books on family law difficult to understand for the non-lawyer, A Simple Guide to South African Family Law covers those aspects of family law most likely to affect the lives of ordinary people.”   Cost R120
Nthabiseng Monareng made a very informative presentation to the Parish Family Ministry workshop and she is available to speak in deaneries and various groups about this subject.  

   
  BITS AND BYTES
 

GROWING CLOSER TO GOD – April theme
This is a personal but also a couple and family task, a life-time journey but also an opportunity for special experiences. Programmes such as Life in the Spirit seminars and Alpha are great for personal conversion and renewal. If this can be shared as a couple or within families it is also very powerful.  The different family life movements that operate around the country, but mainly in the bigger towns, have the same objectives.  See links on www.marfam.org.za or search for more information on Catholic Engaged Encounter, Couples for Christ, Focolare New Families, Marriage Encounter, Retrouvaille, Schoenstatt and Teams of Our Lady (Equipes de Nossa Senhora). 
Couple and family prayer at home is important such as praying the Rosary, the Stations of the Cross and Stations of Light or simple gospel sharing on the Sunday readings or on specific topics and linking it with life.  This method is promoted constantly through the various MARFAM publications.  Spending quality time too in the little church of the home with an awareness of God’s presence there is living out the slogan “the family that prays together and plays together stays together.”    

THE CHURCH AND THE SA ELECTION.
The election on 22nd April is the big news of almost every day in South Africa almost to the point of saturation. It is a jamboree providing entertainment as well as information and masses of media material. It is a time for robust engagement as the parties claim and no one knows what dirt is still to be dug up or what intrigues are still to be unearthed.  In spite of this, the current poor state of service delivery in man y places and the high levels of crime and corruption the tact that the status quo is likely to remain the same is not satisfactory. Church bodies stressed the importance of voting and different departments such as  Justice and Peace and the Jesuit Institute have produced voter education material which is readily available at all dioceses, so now it is up to voters to act responsibly. Half of the voters, especially of course the new voters who have turned 18 since 2004, are youth so it is also very important for families to discuss the relevant issues for themselves and the country as a whole and invite them to make mature choices.

Christian Action has produced a biblical analysis of the various political parties stand on certain, especially moral issues.  Although they do not necessarily all agree with Catholic teaching they can be of interest. Visit www.christianaction.org.za.

TGIF is a Christian group meeting for an early breakfast on Friday mornings in various Gauteng venues.  From their weekly newsbrief, “South Africans believe that religion & politics should be kept separate, according to a recent HSRC survey.  For example, 72% of respondents stated that religious leaders should not try to influence votes during elections.  The study also found that "there was a commonly held viewpoint that there should not be a religious influence on political decisions" [1].  If religion should not influence politics, then what should?  Or do we naively believe that politics can ever stand uninfluenced by people's worldviews & convictions?  Instead of reacting specifically against those influences that seem "religious", why not rather scrutinise all types of influences, and afford them equal hearing?

Perhaps we sometimes confuse the separation of church & state with the alienation of religion & politics.  We don't want political leaders to use the pulpit for electioneering, and we don't want religious institutions to advocate particular political parties. But do we not want political candidates to speak & act from their convictions (religious or otherwise) and to be transparent about them?  And do we not want religious leaders to help people make responsible connections between their faith and all of life - yes, even politics? 
Make the connections at TGIF this Friday morning. Find out more at www.tgif.org.za


  FR LIONEL SHAM
 

FR LIONEL SHAM was murdered in his parish house in Mohlakeng a township outside Johannesburg on 6th March allegedly by young men known to him who took his body and dumped it in the veld kilometres away.  All of us who knew him well and our archbishop Buti Tlhagale too were shattered.  In his homily at the Requiem Mass the archbishop invited support for the police in their unenviable crime-fighting task.  There are bad eggs among them but it is with us and our children that crime is happening. Fr Lionel was deeply loved and a senior priest from the Johannesburg archdiocese and through his vocations work also a mentor to many of the younger priests.  From a family perspective his work at Boys Town and his practical support for the establishment of MARFAM from its very early days have been a great blessing.  May he rest in peace.  

   
  2010 SOCCER WORLD CUP
 

Although there needs to be general awareness of the concerns over such issues as prostitution and trafficking of persons which are being specifically addressed by relevant bodies within the SACBC,  on a more positive note the Family Life Desk would like to issue an invitation to communities to “play ball.” 
I invite responses from people who would be interested in setting up an interparish/interdiocesan soccer competition that would involve families in some way.  Someone suggested we need a priests’ team too.  Are there really enough young priests around in a diocese or are they in the more sedate golf and bowls category?  See the article “ON THE BALL” on www.marfam.org.za for some observations from the German bishops on the previous World Soccer Cup.

   
  IN CONCLUSION
 

THE CHURCH EXISTS TO EVANGELISE. Which Church do we evangelise?  Our brief is the domestic church, the little church of the home in its many settings, with its joys and pains, where life is lived daily and from where we go out to work, to school, to vote, to play soccer, rugby or cricket or walk the streets in search of work.  And doesn’t it help to do so with a positive attitude?
Count your blessings instead of your crosses,
Count you gains instead of your losses,
Count your joys instead of your woes,
Count your friends instead of your foes.
Count your courage instead of your fears,
Count your laughs instead of your tears.
Count your full years instead of your lean,
Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.
Count your health instead of your wealth,
Count on God instead of yourself.

   
 
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