REQUEST: BEFRIEND THE FAMILY

MARFAM has been promoting the cause of family life since 1994.  Your financial support helps us to operate, produce the publications, including this monthly enewsletter and maintain our website. Advertise your company or project on the website, enewsletter or various publications or send a donation to P.O. Box 2881, Randburg 2125. South Africa. Every Rand, Dollar or Euro helps to strengthen families somewhere, somehow. Send us a cheque or make a small monthly donation into our bank account.Contact us for details.

November’s family life theme is “Loss”, “Me and Loss,” obviously about me in my family and loss.   The Church this month commemorates those who have died but we have chosen to expand this somewhat; taking into consideration those who are left behind and every loss is in essence a little death.  
Loss is something being thrown at us from all directions, or so it seems. We watch and listen with morbid fascination how the financial world piles loss upon loss, in response to an almost inexplicable catalyst that made the house built upon sand collapse. As in the story of the three little pigs, who is the big bad wolf and whose house is built on rock?  
While the financial aspect dominates the media and probably many people’s minds that is certainly not the only loss.  We are well aware that as a consequence jobs and job security have been lost, income generating potential and in many cases buying power has been reduced, while those who have the means to trade are raising prices where they can even just to survive.
Some losses are deserved. Losing something to which one has no right anyway is fair. If corruption is found out retribution is what should happen resulting in the loss of the ill-gotten gains.
But what about the human side of loss?  What is the personal experience and the response?  Anxiety is fair enough, fear is normal and natural but panic is unfortunate and often leads to further loss.  Prolonged stress is detrimental to anyone’s health and to their relationships. A loss of hope is one of the most severe consequences of negative circumstances or events, something now experienced by many of the people of Zimbabwe. The current political upheavals in South Africa resulting in realignments are a battlefield of losses and gains that one hopes will not lead to violence in the upcoming elections.  It is not just a sense of moral indignation or justice that drives such events.  There is the experience of bruised egos, feelings of rejection, jealousy, even revenge, often associated with loss.  A fighting spirit is in a sense still a positive response to loss.  Sadder and more difficult is the sense of hopelessness, withdrawal into oneself where inner resources are likely to be lacking at that moment. Depression can be treated but needs more than a medical solution.  What drives a 15year old to hang himself or final year students panicking about their exams to want to take their own lives?   What drives an 18 year old to take up a sword and slay his classmate?  What loss of self-esteem, self-control, discipline, what loss of a sense of morality and justice drives these young people, who should be on the verge of life, to the verge of death?  What do their families feel at this awful loss?  How true are the words of Pope Benedict in his encyclical Spe Salvi  where he writes that a world without hope is so because it is a world without God.   
Losses are not all so traumatic. Loss is a normal, natural feature of life, which from birth to death is a series of losses and gains with growth resulting from the hurt and suffering that accompany them.      
Children lose their little battles, they lose their money, school jerseys and their sporting matches.
Their parents lose their cool from time to time, their car keys or the notes they write themselves as reminders of tasks demanding their overworked attention. I am not sure at what stage in life we begin to lose our memories even without contracting Alzheimer’s and I am not sure that eating carrots or even chocolate as some scientist suggest is going to help a lot.  
One important life skill for families is to learn to cope with loss at all levels. Do we allow a child to throw a tantrum, or get the sulks or help them by listening to their feeling and encouraging them to choose – as soon as they are able – to get up again and go on again. As one intrepid motor bike learner rider chose for his motto:  down again, up again, on again. A healthy dose of loving support, building up self-confidence, courage and inner strength, plus another dose of faith, hope and trust can, in time lead to coping with the losses of life. Loss of a pet or a parent, a spouse through death or a divorce, loss of a job or a place in the sports team are some of these natural occurrences that can cause great hurt and sadness.
There is nothing better than the healing power of love, essentially and ideally experienced within a family or from others close to one, that brings God’s healing love in concrete form into our lives.
Toni Rowland

Still current is the No 4 Marriage and Family Living magazine with articles on the family life topics for November and December.  Further thoughts on the subject of loss, taken from this magazine are published on the website www.marfam.org.za.  
A special booklet THE HEALING POWER OF LOVE for faith sharing built on the SA Bishops’ pastoral statement on healing is available for Advent and Christmas and beyond.  Sessions focus on such issues as hurting, healing, forgiving and experiencing God’s healing love in the Incarnation and in our own lived experiences.   Cost R8.00 each.
Other Advent and Christmas resources can be viewed on the website. The poem, A Rose Called Peace posted there is a personal reflection on loss.
The 2009 SACBC Family Life Calendar is ready for distribution. The theme is “Marriage and Family, growing together” and as it is in the form of a growth chart it is hoped that families and those who support and educate them will promote that concept.  The overview of the themes can be downloaded from www.marfam.org.za
Prices R300 for 100,  R100 for 30 and R4 each for smaller orders.  Postage to be added.   Contact us for prices for overseas orders. 

2008 FAMILY LIFE PROJECT, THEME:  “ME AND MY FAMILY”
There are still two months to go of 2008 with reflections on this theme. Each monthly subtheme provides opportunities for family life education and enrichment.  Some parishes do use these in preparing homilies, parish events and bidding prayers at Mass.
Family oriented reflections on the Sunday readings are published on www.marfam.org.za
and in MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING in English and are also available in some different languages by email on request.   For the next months there is also a greater focus on the readings of Paul.  

2009 FAMILY LIFE THEME – MARRIAGE AND FAMILY, GROWING TOGETHER
One of the most important features of family life is that it is a changing, developing system, growing, and shrinking constantly as members grow older, leave and new members are added to a family. The way families change and develop can vary vastly as each family is unique, made up of unique individuals in unique relationships with one another. 
Month by month throughout this year we can consider ways in which families are growing or not. 
Those who plan their liturgy well in advance may wish to note that as the liturgical readings during this year of Mark, year B in the three yearly liturgical cycle, lend themselves to deeper reflection on marriage from weeks 21 to 27 it is suggested that communities could use this time to focus broadly on marriage from different perspectives and end with a MARRIAGE DAY celebration on 27th Sunday, 4 October 2009. Special materials for reflection and liturgical celebration will be provided by the SACBC Family Life Desk as was done in 2006 and 2003.  This marriage awareness initiative was initially a recommendation from SECAM (Symposium of Episcopal Conferences of Africa and Madagascar) after the 1994 African Synod chose the image “Church as Family.”  

PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY UPDATE.  
The main objective of this project is to highlight the reality of a parish as a community of families, with a range of family needs and events to celebrate and commemorate.  For example November commemorations can and should be held at home as well as in the parish. Construct a little altar in a special place with crucifix, Bible, pictures of those who have died and gather for family prayer and sharing there daily. 
WORKSHOPS
A workshop was held for some parishes from the diocese of Kimberley during the month and a follow-up workshop will be held on 15 November in Johannesburg for local communities.  Other workshops and retreats around Johannesburg and Cape Town highlight different aspects of family life.  For example
16 November retreat for widowed people in Johannesburg.   

The different departments of the SACBC have been asked to follow up on the Healing Document issued by the Conference some time ago.  The Family Life Desk response is in the form of a faith sharing programme for the Advent, Christmas season called The Healing Power of Love.  See above note under MARFAM news. Faith sharing and family prayer are a primary resource in dealing with loss as well as with the joys of family life.

6th WORLD MEETING OF FAMILIES – MEXICO 13-18 JANUARY 2009.
This three-yearly “family gathering” of families together with Church leaders includes a three day Congress and meetings with the Holy Father.  There is still time to arrange participation in this.   Visit www.emf2009.com for a whole host of information
The theme for the meeting will be “The Family, teacher in human and Christian values.”   Preparatory catecheses have been prepared by the Pontifical Council for the Family and can be downloaded from the website  www.vatican.va

WORLD CUP 2010
How is the Church in South Africa preparing for the Soccer World Cup?  We received word from Germany what was done there for the previous World Cup.  Some of us decry many facets of the soccer spectacular; undoubtedly there is greed and graft, the danger of making soccer a religion, “worshipping” stars and issues such as prostitution and trafficking have to be considered. At the same time there are also opportunities to evangelise, bring the Church to the party, express hospitality, welcome visitors to our celebrations, even have Masses in different languagues and advertise times in hotels, organize soccer-related fun and family events to catch the mood.  What do readers think? 

RACHELS’ VINEYARD. This is an international ministry, a weekend programme for post-abortion counseling. There has been a request through the parish of North Riding to bring this programme from Australia to South Africa where clearly it is also badly needed. I would like to hear from interested parties. You can visit any of their websites  on google, or www.rachelsvineyard.org  or contact Anne Neville direct. anne@opendoors.com.au  

Retrouvaille International Council meeting was held in Rome in September.  Mike and Caryl Melly from Durban SA attended together with delegates from across the world and found the inputs and workshops and the even the business side a rewarding experience of Church.  They write, “We have been truly blessed and honoured by our participation in this ministry, and look forward to a year of reaching out to many more couples in Durban, getting Cape Town and Mariannhill Communities back on track, and assisting wherever needed e.g. Johannesburg and Bulawayo where the programme is active. We look forward to spreading the name of Retrouvaille around this continent, not only in SA.”
Visit www.retrouvaille.org. or contact mikeandcaryl@melly.za.net

MEDIA AND THE CHURCH
Sr Rose Pacatte is a Pauline sister and director of the Pauline Center for Media Studies, an increasingly relevant and important ministry. She writes: 
My permanent email address is rpacatte@paulinemedia.com. 
My Movies blog is now at www.sisterrose.wordpress.com 
The archive with about 475 reviews and postings (since 2003) is at http://rosepacatte.blogspot.com/  
My TV blog is at http://sisterrosetvshows.blogspot.com/ - it is in dire need of updating ...
My BOOK  blog is at http://sisterrosebooks.blogspot.com/ - also in need of updating!
My column "Eye on Entertainment" in St. Anthony Messenger (since June 2003) can be found at www.americancatholic.org   
See you in the blogosphere!  Blessings always.   Rose

ANOTHER MEDIA PROJECT.
“Have you heard about the new Catholic Studio project? In a nutshell, the concept is a grassroots mass evangelisation network serving the Church in Southern Africa. Conceptualised by Metanoia Media, the vision has developed and has become known as the Catholic Studio project.  
The new era of integrated media technologies provides many exciting broadcasting opportunities to those who wish to communicate a message. Rapidly evolving communication platforms invite Christians to share the Good News in new ways. A new Catholic video studio would better enable us to produce and deliver content for a variety of platforms such as: existing Catholic television stations around the world; video-on-demand web sites; video-ready mobile phones;  payTV channels, public broadcasters, free-to-air channels and non-Catholic Christian channels who need Catholic content; DVDs to support individuals, faith-sharing groups or pastoral programs.”  Visit www.CatholicStudio.com  for more info.
  
Fr Mokesh Morar of SEKWELE CENTRE FOR SOCIAL REFLECTION reports :
“’We want to help …… but of how much use will it be? asks one farmer.
A small group of commercial and emerging farmers held a social reflection: “AIDS and the Farming Community” on the 15th October 2008 at John Paul II Centre near Bethlehem. Those present shared their concerns about the health of workers, but specifically HIV and AIDS and its relationship to food security. 
Many of the farmers, according those present are trying to help workers to raise their awareness and to go for testing. “But is it not easy due to the fact that people’s rights to privacy can be violated at times. This makes it difficult to deal with the problem of AIDS on the farms”, said one participant. “On the farms, where you have small communities, things are different then on the towns and cities”.
The participants felt the workshop was very helpful. “We came here feeling isolated, now we know there are others that we can talk to and work together around us”. “With the new minister of health, even for people on the farms there are some hope when we fight this thing of AIDS’- another participant. “There is hope”.

CULTURE OF LIFE concelebrated  Mass with Archbishop Buti Tlhagale for the launch of the Culture of Life Campaign, Johannesburg. Saturday 1st November, 12 noon, Maryvale parish

RETREAT FOR WIDOWED PEOPLE in Johannesburg on 16 November.

Advance Notice: The SA National Social Development Department Family Life Directorate will be mounting an International Family Conference in May 2009 and is at present searching out possible speakers.  More on this soon but interested people could contact me for the moment to forward names. Topics will be address many aspects of family life, marriage, parenting and practical issues including HIV/AIDS and its impact on families.   

VOLUNTEERS FOR BOSCO YOUTH CENTRE for 2009. How to spend a gap year. 
“The Bosco centre, south of Johannesburg, a Salesian retreat and activity centre targets the youth. It runs its own programmes including the popular LoveMatters, a 5 day sexuality programme for 15 to 20 year olds and is also available for parish and other groups for their own programmes. 
Each year a group of 20-something's volunteer their services; young people who want to bring the Good News to others in a youthful and energetic way. Some volunteers are local, others are from other countries. A good knowledge and practice of the Catholic faith is at the heart of each volunteer with a passion to see youth grow in faith, but to have fun at the same time.
Families encourage your young people; if you have a gap year, a year for the Lord, a year for reflection and action this may appeal to you.  Contact Fr Robert Gore on boscoypt@iafrica.com or go to our website www.boscocentre.co.za “  

ST AUGUSTINE COLLEGE OF SOUTH AFRICA
BACHELOR OF COMMERCE (POLITICS, PHILOSOPHY AND ECONOMICS)
St Augustine College of South Africa, a private catholic university based in Johannesburg is launching a Bachelor of Commerce degree with a difference, something families could discuss with their children.
“Broader than other BCom degrees, ours is based on economics, politics and philosophy as majors.  This powerful combination gives graduates a solid commercial grounding, united with rigorous understanding of the political and cultural context in which they will live and work in the future. Bursaries for financial need are available. “  Contact Chrissy Kleynhans    c.kleynhans@staugustine.ac.za  

THE 16 DAYS OF ACTIVISM: NO VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN is a United Nations campaign. It takes place annually between 25 November (International Day of No Violence Against Women) to 10 December (International Human Rights Day). The South African Government runs a parallel campaign that includes issues relating to violence against children. This campaign focuses primarily on generating an increased awareness of the negative impact of violence on women and children.
Many stakeholders and also Catholic Justice and Peace offices become involved in this awareness-raising campaign.   Google “16 days of activism” for more info.

I was sent the snippet below as one of those “Pass it on” letters, and of course as a joke, but for me it also somehow contained a serious message and could even be seen as a different take on the 16 Days of Activism campaign.  
New Date Rape Drug used on Men
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called “Beer.” The drug is found in liquid form and available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs".
Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home with them.  A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for  a no-strings-attached encounter. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as a "relationship".  In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage". Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered.
PLEASE! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this beer and the women administering it there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly affected like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.

Contact Marfam

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St. Luke’s Retreat Centre

10 Park Lane, Central, Port Elizabeth. P O Box 12194, Centrahil 6006. South Africa

Tel: +27 +(0)41 373 0039 Fax: +27 +(0)86 606 5307 Mobile:+27 +(0)74 376 5833

Read more about our "Directed Retreats" http://www.catholic-pe.co.za/directed.htm

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Programme schedule on our website.
www.radioveritas.co.za

Mass every day at 12h30 and mass and magazine programme from 11h00 – 13h00 each Sunday.

Phone us at 011 663-4700 or write to us at 4599, Edenvale 1610

"So you're going away to unwind or to play
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If you're coming south-west
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EMMAUS ON SEA.

Yzerfontein - Western Cape

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Contact Marfam

Tel: +27 11 789 5449
Fax: +27 11 789 5449
Email: info@marfam.org.za
Web:
www.marfam.org.za