REQUEST: BEFRIEND THE FAMILY

MARFAM has been promoting the cause of family life since 1994.  Your financial support helps us to operate, produce the publications, including this monthly enewsletter and maintain our website. Advertise your company or project on the website, enewsletter or various publications or send a donation to P.O. Box 2881, Randburg 2125. South Africa. Every Rand, Dollar or Euro helps to strengthen families somewhere, somehow. Send us a cheque or make a small monthly donation into our bank account.Contact us for details.

Free to be -
Democracy,
No vote, few rights, boxed in by thee
And yet who says I wasn’t free
To be.
I’d ears to hear and eyes to see
Was always growing into me,
An infant, child, teen, youth, I’d be
And now an adult finally,
With rights and vote; yet frequently
I feel confused, can’t clearly see
The way of being me
For thee.
           TR SA Freedom Day 27 April 2008

Our own specific involvement in family ministry through MARFAM began during the United Nations designated International Year of the Family in 1994.  It always fascinated me that the theme chosen by the UN was “Building the smallest democracy at the heart of society.”  Is a family a democracy and what do we really understand by “democracy” a term bandied about with great abandon in South Africa at all possible opportunities? It is still usually referred to as “our new democracy” which began with elections in 1994 when for the first time every citizen over the age of 18 was eligible to vote.  This democracy is now already a teenager and is maybe presenting some of the problems of growing up and having to take greater personal responsibility. Democracy is not only applicable to government or others in authority, but must surely filter down to all levels of society.  Crime, fraud, rape, economic successes and hardships, successes and failures in education and health care surely demand or result from co-responsibility.
Using a model of a family as the smallest democracy is interesting as it displays clearly that while every person has equal rights and dignity (except in our and other countries the unborn) we are not equal when it comes to capabilities and resources and this is inherently one of the weaknesses of democracy. At the same time a family displays that, being interconnected, we have the common good at heart.    
The African Synod of 1994 adopting the model of Church as Family for Africa is also interesting. In the document Ecclesia in Africa this model is described as appropriate because of the qualities inherent in a family that, while not always the reality, should ideally be lived out and promoted; warmth in human relationships, trust, dialogue and hospitality. Is this not also essentially addressing the common good?  
Freedom and democracy are in a symbiotic relationship with the common good. Freedom is not the right to do whatever one pleases, but to be able to choose what is right, for the majority or the minority, the strong or the vulnerable. Democracy allows everyone to have their say. 
The 2008 family life theme for May is “Me and Parenthood,” and the UN for its theme for International Family Day on 15th May is “Fathers and Families: Responsibilities and Challenges.
Fathers themselves would recognize that they are often a challenge to their families and through their potential to be fathers, to others in society. Do fathers recognize a family as a democracy where all have their place but also have rights as well as responsibilities? 
Could the same questions be applied to the Church with its ever increasing focus on the role of the laity, men and women, mothers and fathers?  Democracy is no simple matter, nor freedom, in any social context.  
Toni Rowland

For Catholics May is the month of Mary when praying the Rosary is generally encouraged.  Why not at home, in the family, even just a decade at a time? The booklet A MOVEMENT OF CONTINUOUS PRAYER FOR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE (Cost R8) is built around the Rosary and while it can be used as it stands by families, it is also intended as the resource for a wider prayer chain that can be established in groups and parishes.  See details below.
With the 2008 family life theme for May being “Me and Parenthood” the booklet PARENTING A LABOUR OF LOVE (Cost R6) is available for reflection and sharing in homes and groups.
The April – June issue of the magazine MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING is still available and the article “Fathers and Families: Responsibilities and Challenges” is published on the website www.marfam.org.za
For other resources see list on the website.

A Family Prayer for Parents  (that can be prayed or given out on Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or for special family prayer days)
We thank and praise you Father God
for the gift of family life,
and for parents who through their love give us life.
You call them to love as you do,
to care for and provide for our needs
to be there in good times and in bad
and to teach us Your ways.
Bless especially our mothers.
Help them to be like Mary
the mother of Your Son
who stood by him until the end.
Help our fathers to be like Joseph,
a provider, protector and guide.
Through our commitment, support
and willingness to be at peace with one another 
as parents and children
make our families holy families. 
Send your Holy Spirit to help and inspire all parents
as they strive to carry out their task
with gentleness, patience and perseverance
so that together we may experience the joy
of being the true community of love
You have called us to be.  
We ask this in the name of Jesus, Your Son.
Amen. 

2008 FAMILY LIFE THEME “ME AND MY FAMILY.” 
Each month’s theme provides opportunities for family life education and enrichment.  It is hoped that parishes will pick up this theme and the reflections for each Sunday and include this awareness of God and family in the bidding prayers at Masses.
Family orientated reflections on the Sunday readings are published on www.marfam.org.za and in Marriage and Family Living in English and are also available in different languages by email on request. 

PARENTING TODAY – an extract from a report in the Saturday Star
Ace detective Piet Byleveld says it is white people who are responsible for manufacturing and distributing most of the drugs in Gauteng, while Nigerians and disadvantaged people are selling the drugs for them.  "Drug producers and dealers are worse than serial killers in my eyes. They are mass murderers. I know for a fact that before long I'll be standing next to the corpse of a young child because of drugs. Whose child is it going to be then?"
The top detective said the case that had affected him the most was that of Lezaan Kriel. The 17-year-old girl from Florida High School died after she drank a spiked drink at a party.
The Centurion community also heard of Byleveld's experience at a raid on a teenage party in Joburg. He said there were 43 children and 38 of them were under the influence of alcohol and drugs. Drugs and sex are the order of the day.
"Parents must realise that your love for your children is not measured by how much money you spend on them or how much freedom you give them. If you don't trust the parents who are supervising at the parties, then you must drop off and pick up your child yourself. The three or four hours of sleep you lose is nothing compared to standing next to your child's grave one day," he warned.

Schools, community and welfare agencies and churches offer support programmes for parents and children. What is happening in your community?

PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY WORKSHOP JUNE 20 – 22ND JOHANNESBURG. 
Unlike the more focused ministry of the family life movements the Family Life Desk’s Parish Family Ministry project is more general, addressing all elements of the parish, i.e. priest, PPC and different portfolios with the message of a family-centred Church, as a family is the context in which the vast majority of the laity live. In this training workshop participants from the various dioceses and parishes will explore their own reality and use the Pastoral Cycle (See-Judge-Act) as a tool.  The different stages and vast range of issues in marriage and family life are the material for social and faith reflection, celebration and support. Parish Family Ministry in collaboration with specific movements and resources can help to build strong families and so a strong parish.  For more information on this weekend workshop contact Toni at the SACBC Family Life Desk trowland@sacbc.org.za

US CATHOLIC BISHOPS CONFERENCE PASTORAL INITIATIVE ON MARRIAGE
In the US Conference there is the Secretariat of Laity, Marriage, Family Life and Youth with a Committee on Marriage and Family Life.  The pastoral initiative on marriage has launched a website www.foryourmarriage.org which has comprehensive information about this project.

Also from the US CATHOLIC BISHOPS CONFERENCE SITE this explanation is helpful in exploring the Role of the Laity in general and Lay Ecclesial Ministry, something of particular interest in the Church in SA at present.  www.usccb.org/laity/laymin
HOW DO LAY PEOPLE HEAR AND ANSWER THE UNIVERSAL CALL TO HOLINESS?
Lay men and women hear and answer the universal call to holiness primarily and uniquely “in each and every one of the world’s occupations and callings and in the ordinary circumstances of social and family life which, as it were, form the context of their existence. There they are called by God to contribute to the sanctification of the world from within, like leaven, in the spirit of the Gospel, by fulfilling their own particular duties.” (Lumen Gentium, no. 31).
All of the baptized are called to work toward the transformation of the world. Most do this by working in the secular realm; some do this by working in the Church and focusing on the building of ecclesial communion, which has among its purposes the transformation of the world. Working in the Church is a path of Christian discipleship to be encouraged by the hierarchy. (See Lumen Gentium, nos. 30, 33, 37).

FEAST OF THE BLESSED TRINITY, 18 May.  An opportunity to consecrate our families to the Blessed Trinity.   The Maronite Catholic Church in Johannesburg has started a Family Club as a very active part of the parish and has produced booklets and prayers including a Consecration of a family to the Blessed Trinity.  Visit the website www.lebanesefamilyclkub.co.za to find out more or to subscribe to their newsletter.    

MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER 30 YEARS IN SOUTH AFRICA
A Mass of Thanksgiving will be offered at Rivonia Parish, Johannesburg on Saturday 2nd May.  For more information on this contact John and Pam Hurst 011 793 6157  or phurst@metroweb.co.za
Visit the website www.marriageencountersa.org.za or contact Theo and Bep van Meygaarden the Southern African ME coordinating couple for more information about happenings from the Marriage Encounter community across the country. Weekends are presented in English, Zulu, Sesotho and Xhosa, in Johannesburg, Cape Town, Durban, Port Elizabeth, Kokstad, Bloemfontein/Lesotho.
Many thousands of couples have been enriched in their marriage and their personal lives over these years.

RETROUVAILLE (A lifeline for hurting marriages) FORMATION WEEKENDS.
Retrouvaille is embarking on training and ongoing formation with the help of a team from the US. Formation weekends will be held in Cape Town, Durban, Johannesburg and Zimbabwe during May. The goals of the weekend are for couples to enrich their relationships and further their healing process and for all participants to discern the level of commitment they choose to offer a hurting world in the Retrouvaille programme.  Those who have already experienced Retrouvaille, plus priests, seminarians and others involved in marriage ministry are invited.  Contact mikeandcaryl@melly.za.net  or 083 441 4187 for details of weekends in the different centres.

“EMPOWERING OURSELVES THROUGH KNOWLEDGE”  FAMILY LAW WORKSHOP, 10th MAY IN JOHANNESBURG
Dear Recipient
Ignorance of the law is one of the greatest challenges facing South Africans. Many people are loosing out on what is legally theirs because they either did not comply with the legal requirements or they do not know what they are entitled to. This is made worse by the fact that attorneys and legal advisors are expensive.
In order to empower South Africans and to give people correct legal information, Phetoho Family Law Consultants will be hosting a one-day workshop on the 10th of May 2008. Cost R250. .
The workshop will cover the following family law aspects: Marriage (Civil, Customary and Same sex), Cohabitation (Partners living together unmarried), Divorce, Maintenance (Child and Spousal), Children and the rights of parents (Including discussion of the Children's Act), Domestic Violence, Inheritance and Wills. Participants will also be given an opportunity to ask questions and advice from Nthabiseng Monareng, author of A Simple Guide To South African Family Law and the facilitator of the workshop. For more information and an invitation contact:
Phetoho Family Law Consultants
[T]: 083 986 4079 or 082 751 7484  [F]: 086 661 5795    [E]: phetoho.consultants@webmail.co.za

FROM ZENIT. In his homily for Vocations Sunday Pope Benedict XVI praised and thanked all those priests and religious who dedicate their lives as missionaries.  He also affirmed that those called to Christian marriage should give their lives a missionary flavor.
He contended that "it mustn't be forgotten that Christian marriage is also a missionary vocation: The couple, in fact, is called to live the Gospel in the family, in the workplace and in parish and civil communities. In certain cases, moreover, they offer their valuable contribution to the missions 'ad gentes.'"
 
Pope Links Marriage to the Global Issues, Says Institute
MANASSAS, Virginia, APRIL 15, 2008 (Zenit.org).- A new analysis shows an unusual twist Benedict XVI has given to talk of how to end global conflicts: He says respect for marriage is essential if the world wants to achieve peace.
"Pope Benedict XVI on Marriage: A Compendium" was published by the Virginia-based Institute for Marriage and Public Policy on the eve of the Holy Father's U.S. visit.
The study finds that in his nearly three-year pontificate, Benedict XVI has spoken publicly about marriage on 111 occasions, connecting marriage to such themes as human rights, world peace, and the conversation between faith and reason.
Maggie Gallagher, president of the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy, said, "Over and over again he has made it clear that the marriage and family debate is central -- not peripheral -- to understanding the human person, and defending our human dignity."

CULTURE OF LIFE
For information on the Johannesburg Culture of Life project contact Jenny Harrington jennymike@bsamail.co.za
Human Life International has as its mission “to promote and defend the sanctity of life and family in Southern Africa according to the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church through prayer, service and education. Subscribe to their newsletter at website:  www.hli.co.za
“The product, abortion, is skilfully marketed and sold to the woman at the crisis time in her life. She buys the product, finds it defective and wants to return it for a refund. But, it's too late.”  - Carol Everett.

MOVEMENT OF CONTINUOUS PRAYER
Nowadays it is not common for families to pray the Rosary at home. Some families do pray the Rosary, some do make time to pray morning or evening prayers together or pray at meal times.  Many families pray when someone is sick, has died or has a special need.  Some parents say night prayers with each child, some pray once a week as they prepare for Sunday Mass. Some couples, too, pray together.  Most often individual members of families pray alone even if they do pray for the needs of their families.
A SIMPLE FORM OF THE MOVEMENT can be set up in parishes. It can help the parish to see itself as a community of families and also be a challenge to the families who have joined the programme to be committed and faithful to their prayer.  A booklet reprinted with permission from Fr Johny Doherty who began this movement in Ireland some years ago is available from MARFAM  cost R8.
HOW THE PROGRAMMME WORKS 
In one parish at least 31 families are required to participate, - 1 for each day of the month.
Each family is given or chooses a particular day of the month so that all the days are covered. The family then prays on their day, ideally for an hour and together if that is possible.
During their prayer hour they can pray the Rosary, use the available booklet, do a scripture sharing or any form of prayer which they prefer.
A Parish coordinator is needed to set the programme up and maintain it.  Make a list of participants and     display it in the parish as a reminder.
Invite as many families as possible to participate.  There can always be more than one praying on any day and different families could also choose different times of the day.  Some people might even be prepared to wake up during the night to make a special sacrifice for the benefit of other families in need.

LOCAL INTEREST IN GETTING MARRIED, STAYING MARRIED OR CELEBRATING A GREAT WEDDING in a rather unusual way?
KayaFM 95.9 a local South African radio station is conducting a social experiment…..
www.2strangers.co.za    Welcome to the 2 Strangers and a Wedding website. This social experiment will be a first for Africa so we hope you share this journey with us in discovering if, with the help of experts, 2 strangers can get married and stay married. This site will offer you constant updates and topics that we can all debate together so be sure to bookmark this website!    Tune into The Phat Joe Morning Show on KayaFM 95.9 every morning from 5-9am to find out the latest.
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife!”

US NACFLM AND SMARTMARRIAGES CONFERENCE

The National Association for Catholic Family Life Ministers combines their annual conference with that of Smartmarriages, this year in San Francisco.  A host of speakers, training sessions and seminars addresses very many aspects of marriage and available resources.   Visit www.smartmarriages.com for full details.

PUBLIC LECTURE by Mgr Mar de Mulenaere
DOES THE CHURCH NEED A BILL OF RIGHTS?

06 MAY 2008 at 18h30
St Augusitne College of South Africa, 26 Road No.  Victory Park, Johannesburg
COST:    R20.00
Contact: Helen at (011) 782-4616 or  helen@staugustine.ac.za

A short overview of the historal development of a bill of rights, from the American revolution to the present, the bill of rights in the 1983 Code and its implications and the methods made available in the Code to be able to defend one's rights. Peppered with real life examples of how rights are routinely disregarded, especially by those in authority - which in turn gives rise to a feeling of helplessness, making us the FROZEN People of God as opposed to the CHOSEN People of God. It will end with suggestions of what can and should be done to alleviate the problem.

A MESSAGE IN PREPARATION FOR PENTECOST
Fr Cantalamessa, the Papal Household preacher reflects:  In a certain sense, the Holy Spirit needs us in order to be the Paraclete. He wants to console, defend, exhort; but he does not have a mouth, hands, eyes to “give a body” to his consolation. Or better, he has our hands, our eyes, our mouth.
If we stick to the letter of what Paul tells the Thessalonians -- “console each other” (1 Thessalonians 5:11) -- we must take him to be saying: “Be paracletes to each other. If we want to selfishly keep to ourselves the consolation that we receive from the Spirit and it does not pass from us to others, it will quickly disappear.” This is why a beautiful prayer, attributed to St. Francis, says: “Let me not so much seek to be consoled as to console; or to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love.”

And the following sent in by a reader:
Local Bar Sues Local Church
In a small Texas town, a new bar/tavern started a building to open up their business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers.
Work progressed, however right up till the week before opening, when a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground. The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the buildings demise in its reply to the court.
As the case made its way in to court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At the hearing he commented, 'I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that doesn't.'
                            
Makes one think.  Parenting too is about putting one’s money where one’s mouth is.

AN UNFORGETTABLE PILANESBERG GAME RESERVE HOLIDAY at KWA MARITANE
(near Sun City in SA Northwest Province)

1 WEEK 25 JULY -
1 AUGUST

4 SLEEPER

R3500 ONLY.
CONTACT TONI – homefun@icon.co.za
tel 011 789 5449

Contact Marfam

Tel: +27 11 789 5449
Fax: +27 11 789 5449
Email: info@marfam.org.za
Web:
www.marfam.org.za

MARFAM congratulates MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER on 30 years in South Africa.

"So you're going away to unwind or to play
Or possibly simply to BE.
If you're coming south-west
We have to suggest
That you sample
EMMAUS ON SEA.

Yzerfontein - Western Cape

Find out more at
www.emmaus.co.za

Contact Marfam

Tel: +27 11 789 5449
Fax: +27 11 789 5449
Email: info@marfam.org.za
Web:
www.marfam.org.za