REQUEST: BEFRIEND THE FAMILY

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Every so often I become involved with a musical production. This time it is Camelot, a tragic love story and very dramatic morality play, one of many based on the life of the legendary King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. In this version his dream is of a new world order, one where knights would use might only to fight for right. But things go horribly wrong. The queen and the best of the knights, Lancelot, fall in love, yet she still remains devoted to Arthur. It is Arthur’s obnoxious and jealous illegitimate son who sets up a chain reaction that ends in tragedy and the destruction of Arthur’s dream. He is forced into war and ultimately comes to realize that using “might for right” is still not the answer. Even more tragically true is the realization that “right for right” is an all but impossible dream; yet one that must still somehow be kept alive. 
 
Working with the show and getting into the characters makes one very conscious of the power, the unpredictability and also the vulnerability of human relationships. Individuals have rights and responsibilities within their web of relationships which are never simple and straightforward. The relationship web which is a family is itself highly vulnerable. It is not a static, fixed or stable unit. And then one asks, can a family really be said to have rights?  The Church’s 1983 Charter of Family Rights which is addressed to States and the Church, sets out a body of rights. However most charters including our SA Constitution, while recognizing a family as a basic and natural unit of society which is owed protection from the state, does not have a specific position on the rights of a family as such. A family is considered to be too diverse a social unit which would make describing its rights too complicated. The Constitution merely refers to “everyone” and so appears to recognize only the rights of an individual and possibly a collective such as a minority group. Within a family, according to the law, the best interests of a child are the determining factor. In practice it seems too, very often in society, that the individual has rights and a family has responsibilities.

But how does the Church describe the rights of a family and what is our response?  The preamble to the Charter begins, “considering that the rights of the person, even though they are expressed as rights of the individual, have a fundamental social dimension which finds an innate and vital expression in the family……” The various articles in the Charter are challenging to families and also to lawmakers. They address the right to the free choice of their state of life, to found a family and decide on spacing of births in accordance with the objective moral order which excludes recourse to contraception, sterilization and abortion. There is the right for families to be acknowledged as the first and foremost educators of their children and to expect that the means of social communication will be positive instruments for the building up of society. Also included are the right to freedom of religion, to adequate economic conditions, to a social and economic order that permits the members to live together and to decent housing. All these are in the interests of a family rather than an individual.

SA celebrates Human Rights Day on Good Friday this year, a poignant moment of truth. Jesus himself showed the way beyond rights to right relationships. Scripture gives us many an account of how rights and relationships can and do go wrong. We need something “greater here” as Jesus once said. Legislating about rights, even listing related responsibilities as has now been done in an attempt to address violence and lack of discipline in our schools has little clout if there is no conversion of the heart and a desire to do what is right and at the same time consider the common good.

We’re harping a lot on legislation at the moment and yes, some of our South African laws are immoral by our Catholic standards, but our children are not forced into having abortions. They and we should rather choose not to behave in a manner that violates the way of God, of the Kingdom of love, justice, truth and peace. That, day by day, is our task, as people constantly bombarded by a myriad stimuli, influenced daily by all kinds of happenings around us, by news, media, politics, crime, sickness – physical and moral, birth and death. The problem is not out there, mainly to be legislated about, and concerned with the morals or non-morals of others. It is inside us, a call to act justly, love tenderly and walk humbly with our God and with one another, learning the ways in our closest, most intimate and yet most vulnerable relationships, at home in our families. During these weeks of Lent leading up to Easter there is much to be done there, to continue to learn and live out our rights and moral values. One could ask, “Is moral regeneration dead?” The answer: only as dead as we allow it to be.   A blessed Easter, in its own good time.
Toni Rowland

There has not been the usual Lent and Easter booklet this year. Instead the two faith sharing programmes developed by the SACBC Family Life Desk “Families Become what you Are… “and, a shorter and simpler version, “Building Strong Families” have been distributed and also posted on the website www.marfam.org.za for downloading.  These simple programmes are presented in a particular format which allows for individual life experience reflection, sharing, Scripture and presentation of the Church’s teaching from Familiaris Consortio leading to a prayer and action response.  This format is recommended strongly for use in Small Christian Communities or other faith sharing or prayer groups as well as in families.
Other available Lenten resources are MORE FAMILY MOMENTS, FAITH MOMENTS which includes Stations of the Cross for Families. These are available in different forms and languages. See the website for other publications.
The current issue of Marriage and Family Living also looks into the question of My rights and My Family Rights.
A new booklet BECOMING WIDOWED written by me, Toni Rowland, has been published by  Redemptorist Publications but is also available from MARFAM at R15.

The forthcoming meeting organized by the Family Life Desk of family life movements and diocesan family life coordinators on 9th March promises to be an exciting and probably a challenging event.  Such a group has not met for some years and the aims of the meeting are to reflect on the needs and possibilities for strengthening family life in our local Church and our country and to consider ways in which the different family movements can collaborate. Like in any family there are likely to be many opinions on ways of skinning a cat and I hope and pray that some common ways will be discerned.

The Family Life Desk’s particular project is PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY.  A workshop will be held for the Oudtshoorn diocese in March and there will be general weekend workshop in Johannesburg from 20-22 June. Parish delegates from around the country are invited to attend. More information on request. 

2008 FAMILY LIFE THEME “ME AND MY FAMILY”
For an overview for the year, monthly themes and weekly reflections see www.marfam.org.za.  The reflections are normally available in English, Afrikaans, Zulu, Sesotho, Setswana and Sepedi. They are published in the Marriage and Family Living magazine in English and emailed on request. 

JOHANNESBURG PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY TEAM NEWS
A meeting of parish delegates was held on 16th February to look back over recent months and consider possible ways in which parishes can promote a family focus in the next while. Reports of parish activities e.g. celebrations around Children’s Day (November 2007) and Marriage Day (in February) were given and some suggestions made to commemorate mothers, fathers, youth etc.  A simple celebration or even regular inclusion of family themes in bidding prayers at Mass help to build the awareness.     
 
JOHANNESBURG ANTI-ABORTION CAMPAIGN
The Anti-abortion Mass concelebrated by Archbishop Buti Tlhagale and a number of priests and attended by more than a 1000 parishioners from across the diocese was seen as the first event in an initiative begun by a small independent group to promote a culture of life against a culture of death.  The Archbishop wishes this campaign to continue and spread across the Southern African Conference region. For more information contact Michelle Joseph 011 648 5860

See the Prayer to Promote a Culture of Life on the website www.marfam.org.za
I would like to see someone willing to take on Project Rachel, a post-abortion counseling support ministry too.  “At Project Rachel we understand that the pain caused by your involvement with abortion is often not recognized by our society. It comes in part from a denial of grief that there was a child who is no more. Abortion has physical, emotional and spiritual effects. We want to reach out to you with the mercy and love of Christ, and help you be a peace with yourself and with God. www.hopeafterabortion.com  

WORLD WIDE MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER CELEBRATES 30 YEARS IN SOUTH AFRICA.  Many thousands of couples have benefited from this experience, grown in their love for one another and their deeper understanding of the Sacrament of Matrimony.  Contact Theo and Bep van Meygaarden for news of anniversary celebrations on 011 435 6600 or btvmey@absamail.co.za   

Not the Pioneer pledge on abstinence – from alcohol that is – but the idea of a Schools’ pledge, which children are going to be expected to say every day, has elicited quite a lot of response, mostly negative it would seem. Reasons given: it is too vague, it smacks of indoctrination, how can the children pledge to uphold the Constitution when the law supported by the constitution denies the right to life to the unborn.
One could also ask, “How can it be that a 12 year old can be sexually active and have an abortion without parental knowledge or consent but is not allowed to buy cigarettes?”
Below is the wording of one proposed version of the pledge.  A helpful document on responsibilities that go with rights has also been produced for study in schools and one would like to think in families too.  The Catholic Institute for Education (CIE) has published the whole document and the version of the pledge. They invite your comments.  Visit www.cie.org.za and email your comments to info@cie.org.za

On Individual and Family Rights from a representation by the Dutch Reformed church in 1996.  http://lawspace.law.uct.ac.za:8080/dspace/bitstream/2165/228/30/OTH31.PDF
“We fear that Individual rights are over-emphasized at the expense of group rights e.g. the individual can act immorally and is protected, irrespective of possible harm he/she causes to won family or society. The rights of a group (e.g. family or society) should be protected. In fact, more attention should be given to the protection of home and family life in this constitution. The situation in South Africa calls for a separate article on home and family life.
We propose that the following article be added.
2.2 Marriage and Family Rights
Marriage and family are institutions possessing rights which in a reasonable interpretation of the Bill of Rights override purely individualistic interpretations.”

From the African Charter of Human Rights,  article 18
“The family shall be the natural unit and basis of society. It shall be protected by the State which shall take care of its physical health and morals.
The State shall have the duty to assist the family which is the custodian of morals and traditional values recognized by the community.”
The State shall ensure the elimination of every discrimination against women and also ensure the protection of the rights of the woman and the child as stipulated in international declarations and conventions.
The aged and the disabled shall also have the right to special measures of protection in keeping with their physical or moral needs.
(As a matter of interest it appears that in general the element of women’s rights gets more attention than family rights. See google references) 

Dear Toni
I am writing to you in order to make you aware about a new book that is in the market which I believe will be a useful tool for you.  A SIMPLE GUIDE TO SOUTH AFRICAN FAMILY LAW
Ignorance of the law is one of the greatest challenges facing ordinary South Africans.  South Africa has a high divorce rate. People enter into relationships on a daily basis, they enter into marriages, move in with their partners but they never take time to consult an attorney or a legal consultant to find out how this will affect them legally. Hence the book which is a guide that aims to educate and empower ordinary South Africans by giving them straightforward legal information on aspects of their private lives. It is written in an ordinary language without legal jargon and deals with issues of marriage, divorce, cohabitation, finances, same sex unions, parental responsibilities, domestic violence and inheritance. This book will be a useful tool to all people, to social workers, priests, counsellors and those who work at Advice Centres.  
The author Kathleen Nthabiseng Monareng holds an LLB degree from the University of the Witwatersrand.  She has extensive knowledge in the field of family law, currently works as a gender facilitator for an NGO and has published articles and facilitated workshops in the field of family law and gender issues. To contact the author call Kathleen at 083 986 4079 or email the author at phetoho.consultants@webmail.co.za

ALANON
A friend shared some of her experiences of support with me and encouraged me to promote ALANON. “We are a self-help, support group for anyone whose personal life is or has been affected by association with a problem drinker. We give aid and comfort to one another, to learn how to live comfortably in spite of the effects of the disease of alcoholism, and to grow spiritually by studying the Twelve Step Program.”   See www.alanon.org.za
Alanon is related to AA www.aanonymous.org.za which is the programme for the problem drinker, male or female, young or old. Whether the drinker is  open to seeking help or not the family members can be greatly supported by Alanon.

SEPARATED FAMILIES
Another friend, a social worker, requested me to raise the issue of families separated by work.
In the particular case she referred to a police officer was posted to a distant location while his family was left behind. This was particularly difficult for his little daughter who is suffering from a debilitating disease but was about to start school for the first time. Other cases come to mind too and how this can have a negative affect on family cohesion. What do readers think?  Is this a problem or taken for granted when work is scarce?   
   
AN ECUMENCIAL RESOURCE 
SPIRASA the Spirituality Association of South Africa is based at Unisa and offers lectures and discussion forums on topics around Christian Spirituality.
Current lecture seminar in Stellenbosch on Friday, Feb. 29th,Dr. Christo Lombaard will present a paper titled:  Orgasms and hallelujahs.  Christian spirituality and sexuality - a missionary position.  ChristoLombaard@gmail.com

RESOURCES  for families as First educators in faith and morals. 
Many  resources for religious educator can be very helpful for families too.
For Catholic Educators, articles, reflections, puzzles, games, clipart etc. 
gillescote@rogers.com   www.silk.net/RelEd/newsletters
For example: Sunday March 2. 4th Sunday of Lent,  Readings, Lonsdale clipart, crossword puzz;e. cerezo clipart, word-Sunday.com, Living Space, Bible Study.
Stories to introduce the Sacraments at
http://catholicfaitheducation.blogspot.com/2008/01/stories-to-introduce-sacraments.html
Always many things of interest from www.smartmarriages.com which is not religious and focuses on anything you could want to know about building strong marriages. From US but with relevance elsewhere too. For example “Marriage and the workplace.” “Parents suffer when children divorce.”

Like no doubt anywhere in the world life in South Africa is full of all kinds of issues, economics, politics, crime, racism, and water problems but the current electricity supply problems here are a great concern to everyone, from government to mines, industry and every household. We hope and pray that the resolution will not be light-years away.  But on another kind of lighter note, to brighten up your day:
 
Many of us in South Africa having grown up under the spiritual guidance of Irish missionaries, priests and nuns, continue to commemorate St Patrick’s Day on 17th March.  So herewith in conclusion some special Irish-isms, sent to me by a South African who studied for the priesthood in Ireland

Mom when I was born, how did you know my name was Patrick?

A lawyer called Strange was asked on his death bed by a friend what he would like to have inscribed on his tombstone.
“Just put, ‘Here lies an honest lawyer!’”
“OK, but that is no indication of whose grave it is.”
“Oh yes, it is.  People walking past will look and say, ‘That’s strange.’”

Sign on an Irish barber shop. “Hair cut while you wait.”

Irish wife to husband, “You’re always out. Why don’t you stay home some night and take me out?”

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Contact Marfam

Tel: +27 11 789 5449
Fax: +27 11 789 5449
Email: info@marfam.org.za
Web:
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