REQUEST: BEFRIEND THE FAMILY

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May 25th was Africa Day and not exactly a time of celebration. However advertisers did try. One used the heartwarming idea that we are not just in Africa, “Africa is in us.” Events in Africa do not present such a heart-warming picture.   
From the DRC ex-rebel leader and former vice-president Bemba arrested for crimes against humanity to seemingly unending violence and disarray in Kenya after elections in December and the same thing once again after Zimbabwe’s undecisive election results, as well as the patently undemocratic behaviour in many other countries, the situation is highly disturbing. In South Africa we might have tended to sideline some of that, but when xenophobia hits us right here at home we are forced to take notice. 
Statements have been made by many, including the SA President and the President of the SA Catholic Bishops’ Conference condemning the attacks on foreigners, some extremely brutal, and with all of us they ask where are the root causes and where does the blame ultimately lie?  Is it a real fear of strangers, possessiveness about what is perceived to be one’s own?  Hatred to the extent that one can commit such brutal acts is fuelled by deeper causes.
We recognise that there are many contributing factors; poverty, poor living conditions, lack of resources and work opportunities, jealousy and resentment, laziness and sheer criminality among them. A spark, as simple as a fight over a woman, can set off a fire that quickly consumes all before it.   

But what is it in us, the people of Africa, who subscribe to values of ubuntu – lifegivingness, that we can be so destructive of life? Naturally we aren’t all involved in the xenophobic attacks but to what extent is there prejudice and suspicion about those who are different, whether they are fellow black Africans, whites, coloureds, Indians, Chinese, Americans, Muslims, Protestants or any other people different from us in some way. Where does prejudice start and how can it be prevented as well as handled?

Xenophobia is not new.  Wars have been fought throughout the ages for land and resources and genocide has occurred against many other peoples who are perceived to be different. Does some of that mentality not originate in our families especially where a culture of extended families is strong?
Pope John Paul II is his letter Familiaris Consortio has described the tasks of a family, the first being to build one’s family as an intimate community of life and love. The purpose is not to exclude others but to ensure a solid foundation from which to care for them.  Intimate family living is by no means simple and yet it means accepting one another with unconditional love as well as dealing with conflicts and differences. The model for the Church in Africa is Church as Family of God. The vision for the whole Church is to model itself on a family, dealing well with the realities of daily life.      
Is it possible that if we were truly a family we would or could perpetrate those horrific crimes against one another, beat and slash and burn, scattering men, women and children onto the streets?
Many Christians, following Jesus, are filled with compassion and have offered all kinds of support from money to blankets and clothes, so much so that at one stage it was remarked “There is enough bread here to feed Africa.” But that bread will last only so long and the bigger issue remains. We as family people have to reflect, consider the many aspects and discuss them, bring them home to our youth and children asking, “What if this was my family, my baby outside in the freezing cold?  Am I welcoming to this stranger, at school, at work or at play?  Is it fair to expect to be made welcome in a place where there is very little to share?  Am I grateful? Am I responsible enough to want to earn my daily bread, or do I expect the government to provide it by way of grants?  Having reflected on this what response can we make?

Having Africa in us means many things, excellent human values which the document Ecclesia in Africa listed as family values of dialogue, trust, warmth in human relationships, hospitality. Sadly the history of Africa has also shown the opposite, poor communication, mistrust, lack of warmth and hospitality and worse.

World Refugee Day on 20th June comes a few days after Youth Day on 16th June and Father’s Day on 15th. In 1976 the youth of South Africa took up an honourable fight and ultimately made Africa proud. The young boys are now the fathers. May the events of the last months in South Africa, Zimbabwe and beyond challenge us all once again, beginning in our families, to reflect and act in an honourable way so that we can once again claim with pride, “Africa is in us,” whatever our colour, race or nation.
Toni Rowland

See www.marfam.org.za website for the article for the month, a story on the topic of Xenophobia taken from the booklet OUR HERITAGE booklet for children.  
An feather in our cap; a letter received from a reader prompts me to repeat the format of the Ignatian Examen which has also been incorporated into various booklets e.g. PARENTING A LABOUR OF LOVE

Dear Nellie
I just want to share with you that I use your idea of the “Examen” regularly for couples in trouble and many find it works well. The other day I had a session with a wife of one such couple and I share with you her absolute enthusiasm for how it works!  The couple is weathering what were quite serious problems and have 2 little ones. The family has so taken to this that the 6 year old reminds them they must do high and low lights (!) if parents have not initiated it in time.  Mother shares how she has reconnected on a very deep level with the kids through this and how the way they understand and do it has so helped the parents.  The little boy’s special high for one day was that he loved his little friend and bought him a doughnut at break time and the two then sat together and ate their doughnuts! Mother says all parents should know and use this!  Father is apparently just so involved. Thank you for that article.  K…

THE EXAMEN (from Marriage and Family Living No 1 2005.
Step 1. Give thanks for all God’s gifts.
2. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide our reflection
3. Review our experiences
4. Give thanks or ask for forgiveness.
5. Ask for grace and God’s help.

Much of my time as coordinator of the Desk has recently been on a slightly different tack. The FL Desk is located within the Department for Evangelization and a series of workshops is being conducted which focuses on the role of the laity and this of course very much includes family life.  The role of the laity is often viewed from the perspective of where they can help in the Church, rather than going beyond that to considering what role  they are playing in the transformation of society.
Zenit reporting on 29 May on an article by Cardinal Errázuriz in South America makes the same point.  The Cardinal appealed for an evangelization of culture. ‘It is necessary, he said, "to focus on the evangelization of our convictions, of our behavior and customs, on the cultivation of our relationship with nature, among ourselves, and with God." 
The prelate further stressed the need to defend the fundamental role of the family in society and the essential right to life. The Christian option for life, he said, "is also an option for the family, for the culture of life and for life itself. In regard to family ministry, after pointing out the threats that face the family as a living reality and as an institution, the document of Aparecida insistently appeals for a focus on the family, given that the family is the value most cherished by our peoples, [and this focus] should be taken up as one of the transversal axes of the whole evangelizing action of the Church."

2008 FAMILY LIFE THEME “ME AND MY FAMILY.” 
Each month’s theme provides opportunities for family life education and enrichment.  It is hoped that parishes will pick up this theme and the reflections for each Sunday and include this awareness of God and family in the bidding prayers at Masses.  
Family orientated reflections on the Sunday readings are published on www.marfam.org.za and in Marriage and Family Living in English and are also available in different languages by email on request. 

US NACFLM AND SMARTMARRIAGES CONFERENCE 
The  US National Association for Catholic Family Life Ministers combines their annual conference with that of Smartmarriages, this year in San Francisco.  A host of speakers, training sessions and seminars addresses very many aspects of marriage and available resources.   Visit www.smartmarriages.com for full details.
I am very grateful that due to the generosity of a funder I shall be able to attend these two conferences and hope to gain much from workshops on a community marriage policy, black marriage, stepfamilies, managing money and others.

XENOPHOBIA IN SOUTH AFRICA
Johannesburg Archdiocese has instituted a multifaceted response and is establishing a local Caritas project. Church members are invited to a Faith-based march in solidarity with non-nationals on 31st May which will end with Mass at the Cathedral at 2pm.  For more information contact Fr Louis Blondell  blondel.louis@gmail.com    For information about responses in other dioceses contact the local chancery.
Churches, government departments and NGOs as well as hundreds of community members have all provided support in hundreds of ways at this time. There is still a call for greater collaboration. 

WORLD REFUGEE DAY 20 June
Visit www.unhcr.org/events for information and reports on this day commemorated since 2001. No theme for 2008 has yet been posted, but in South Africa there will no doubt be a focus on the recent experience of xenophobia in South Africa and political turmoil in neighbouring countries of Zimbabwe and Swaziland. Special prayers for peace are being requested for this time.

WORLD YOUTH DAY AND/OR BEIJING OLYMPICS  Would it be unfair to ask some of the youth whether they would prefer to go to Sydney or to Beijing?  There certainly is excitement amongst the youth in parishes that are sending delegates to World Youth Day in Sydney in July.  Their families of course and their communities have helped them with fundraising and that has no doubt helped in bonding them together, but the greatest bonds will be created with other youth delegates from across the world as they share this time and experience of being Church with one another and the Holy Father on this his first visit to Australasia.  
The website www.wyd2008.org tells it all: the largest youth event in the world, the largest ever hosted in Australia expecting to attract 125000 visitors, more than the Olympics, and including 4000 from Africa.

CATHOLIC PARLIAMENTARY LIASON OFFICE.
CPLO Briefing paper P183  on SAFETY IN SCHOOLS presents research, discusses school safety and refers to a School Safety Programme in the Western Cape where drugs, gangs, weapons in school, theft, vandalism, violence and sexual harassment are common problems in some of the schools. It is worthwhile noting that active parental involvement in school matters and events was considered to be one of the most helpful ways in which to improve school safety.  Visit www.cplo.org.za

RADIO VERITAS – South Africa’s Catholic Radio Station
Listen 24/7 on DSTV Channel 170 and audiostreaming at www.radioveritas.co.za
The vision of Radio Veritas is to be a self-supporting Catholic radio station that entertains, informs, educates and inspires its audience as a national satellite and terrestrial broadcaster. 

CULTURE OF LIFE
CONTRACEPTIVES AND ABORTION
“The contraceptive pill can cause abortions” writes Damian McGleish.  Catholics need to be informed how the various contraceptive methods work.  Contact Mr McGleish on 011 646 8587. 
For more information on this topic and also for the Youth education programmes JUST 1 TEENAGER visit  www.just1teenager.co.za
For information on the Johannesburg Culture of Life project contact Jenny Harrington jennymike@bsamail.co.za
Human Life International has as its mission “to promote and defend the sanctity of life and family in Southern Africa according to the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church through prayer, service and education. Subscribe to their newsletter at
website:  www.hli.co.za
“The product, abortion, is skilfully marketed and sold to the woman at the crisis time in her life. She buys the product, finds it defective and wants to return it for a refund. But, it's too late.”  - Carol Everett.

OTHER MEANINGFUL SITES AND NEWSLETTERS ON ISSUES OF LIFE, YOUTH, FAMILY ETC.
The Marriage and Family Life Project of the Church in the UK can be accessed at www.homeisaholyplace.org.uk.
US National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers (NACFLM)  www.nacflm.org.
US Secretariat of Laity, Marriage, Family Life and Youth.  Committees and subcommittees for different aspects, marriage, older, youth, young adults, women, www.usccb.org/laity/index.shtml
www.foryourmarriage.org offers thoughts for the day. May 28 suggested, “Arguments often degenerate into a ‘self summarizing syndrome.’ Each partner keeps repeating their own position in different words.”
CERC – Catholic Educators Resource Centre lists any number of useful articles from various recognised sources now also including Youtube.   www.catholiceducation.org
The Catholic Organization for Life and Family (in Canada) is proud to launch a new and beautifully illustrated brochure entitled "Marriage in the Catholic Church - Frequently Asked Questions". Visit www.colf.ca

The Commandments

God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.
The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"
And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."
"Can you give us an example?"
"Thou shall not kill."
"Not kill?  We're not interested."
So He went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
"Honor thy Father and Mother."
"Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested. ‘
Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said
"Thou shall not steal."
"Not steal? We're not interested."
Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said,
"Thou shall not commit adultery."
”Not commit adultery? We're not interested."
Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
"Commandments?" they said,  "How much are they?"
"They're free."
"We'll take 10."

Contact Marfam

Tel: +27 11 789 5449
Fax: +27 11 789 5449
Email: info@marfam.org.za
Web:
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St. Luke’s Retreat Centre

10 Park Lane, Central, Port Elizabeth. P O Box 12194, Centrahil 6006. South Africa

Tel: +27 +(0)41 373 0039 Fax: +27 +(0)86 606 5307 Mobile:+27 +(0)74 376 5833

Read more about our "Directed Retreats" http://www.catholic-pe.co.za/directed.htm

"So you're going away to unwind or to play
Or possibly simply to BE.
If you're coming south-west
We have to suggest
That you sample
EMMAUS ON SEA.

Yzerfontein - Western Cape

Find out more at
www.emmaus.co.za

Your very own Catholic Radio station in South Africa

Programme schedule on our website.
www.radioveritas.co.za

Mass every day at 12h30 and mass and magazine programme from 11h00 – 13h00 each Sunday.

Phone us at 011 663-4700 or write to us at 4599, Edenvale 1610

Contact Marfam

Tel: +27 11 789 5449
Fax: +27 11 789 5449
Email: info@marfam.org.za
Web:
www.marfam.org.za