MARFAM is entering its 15th year; it has been promoting the cause of family life since 1994.  Your financial support helps us to operate, produce the publications, including this monthly enewsletter and maintain our website. Advertise your company or project on the website, enewsletter or various publications or send a donation to P.O. Box 2881, Randburg 2125. South Africa.  Every Rand, Dollar or Euro helps to strengthen families somewhere, somehow. THIS CHRISTMAS why not consider sending us a cheque or begin to make a small monthly donation into our bank account. Contact us for details.

Throughout the year the SACBC Family Life Desk has promoted aspects of the overall theme ME AND MY FAMILY with our eyes on the individual within a family. It is apt to end the year on a positive, Christmassy note in spite of many difficulties experienced globally by families during the year.
It is easy and almost too trite to talk about family life and gift. At this time we’re used to the froth and tinsel of Christmas when we speak of gifts but to truly reflect on the meaning of Me, Family and Gift can be a sobering, challenging, enlightening and also enriching experience.  To share one’s thoughts and feelings on this subject with other members of the family even more so.  

Much of the Church’s teaching on family life in the various documents, Familiaris consortio, Humanae vitae, Deus Caritas Est and the Theology of the Body too, as well as all the family life movements essentially present the same message of the gift of family life. Psychologists and sociologists agree that sound family life is a necessary foundation for healthy living. But sometimes it is necessary to pay attention more intensely on the gift of each individual to the family.  Whatever the current situation: maybe they hate each other right now, or don’t get on well on the whole, or maybe they are best friends, it could almost be treated as a statement or article of faith that family members are gifts to one another.
 
Babies obviously are often regarded as gifts, they’re cute and vulnerable and no doubt a miracle of life. But babies too are also often seen as burdens, even unbearable ones; the reason for abortions, even amongst Catholics.  
Is there an inner conflict within us between a life-reality and Church teaching about it?  Can we and do we really regard ourselves as gifts? Teenagers often don’t see themselves as such, not a gift to themselves or anyone and neither do their hard-pressed parents. This is one of the main causes of problems in family life. It is also said that the majority of married couples nowadays are unhappy to various degrees in their relationships. How can spouses really be regarded as gifts to one another?  Our elderly family members may have the wisdom of their years, but can also be painfully demanding. 
It is almost essential to make a conscious decision to love, a term used commonly in encounter movements e.g. Marriage Encounter, to be able to grow to value the giftedness of another in the intimate hurly-burly of family life. And yet that is what true Christianity demands; not just to love God, but to love and value the neighbour, especially the one right there beside you. It demands that we  appreciate them as a gift, as well as consciously be a gift to them. The words of an old form of the Preface for Marriage speak to this too,”Love demands sacrifice, perfect love can even make sacrifice a joy.”

During November while commemorating and praying for those who have died as well as those surviving them we sometimes get to idealise our deceased loved ones and paint rosy memories for ourselves. Maybe at times this is overdone but it is also good, if sad, to come to appreciate the gift that they were.
In preparing for Christmas this year and for the great gift from God in the Incarnation the MARFAM booklet “The Healing Power of Love” will hopefully be used in families, yes, by parents and teenagers too, as well as elsewhere to consider the topics of hurting, healing and forgiving within our families. It is a chance to reflect, share and talk through some of the issues bugging everyone and why we are not yet the gifts to one another God has created us to be.  And then, after celebrating all that giftedness and partaking of whatever Christmas fare is provided, make a commitment to God, as a family, on Holy Family Sunday, using the dedication prayer below from the booklet or another prayer of choice.
Toni Rowland

God in heaven, on this day we gather before you as family members, as husbands and wives, parents and children, brothers and sisters in a human family and in the Family of God. 
We thank you for the gift of family life and the opportunity to grow in our relationships with each other and with You. 
Each family home is a little church, a sacred place, where you are present in the ordinary events of our every day lives. 
It is there that we learn …
            to care and to share with young and old,
            to love and to belong to You and to each other,
            to forgive and forget the hurts we cause,
            to welcome all who enter our home,
            to remember the words of Jesus Your Son
that where two or three are gathered together in His name, God is there.
God in heaven, today we recommit ourselves as members of our family
            to pray with and for each other,
            to share actively in our family life,
            to celebrate the special rituals and events in our family,
            to forgive and be reconciled,
            to show the respect to each other that we show to You
            because that is what being family means.
Through the intercession of the Holy Family we ask for Your continued blessing and presence in our home now and every day.
If prayed in Church a blessing could follow.
May the Blessed Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit inspire you to become, like them, a true community of love.   Amen.
May the Holy Family strengthen you and reconcile any broken relationships in your families.   Amen

May the Holy Family give you courage and commitment to make your home like the home in Nazareth where the child Jesus was obedient to Joseph and Mary in whose care his heavenly Father had placed him.  Amen   

It continues to be a hectic time, distributing 2009 Family calendars and the faithsharing booklet “The Healing Power of Love” over the last months and we continue to fill orders for these. Now we are almost ready for the No 1 issue of 2009 of the quarterly magazine MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING around the theme MARRIAGE AND FAMILY GROWING TOGETHER. For all MARFAM publications see the publications list on the website www.marfam.org.za.
The monthly article on the website concerns the issue of HIV/AIDS and family life. 

2008 FAMILY LIFE PROJECT, THEME:  “ME AND MY FAMILY”
December is the final month of reflection on this theme. Each subtheme provides opportunities for family life education and enrichment.  Some parishes do use these in preparing homilies, parish events and bidding prayers at Mass.  Family oriented reflections on the Sunday readings are published on www.marfam.org.za and in MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING in English and are also available in some different languages by email on request.   For the next months as the year of Paul continues there is also a greater focus on the readings of Paul. 

It is my hope and prayer that reflecting, sharing, discussing and praying over these topics will have enriched your and your family’s life this year.        

2009 FAMILY LIFE THEME – MARRIAGE AND FAMILY, GROWING TOGETHER
The full overview for the year is published on the website.   
One of the most important features of family life is that it is a changing, developing system, growing, and shrinking constantly as members grow older, leave and new members are added to a family. The way families change and develop can vary vastly as each family is unique, made up of unique individuals in unique relationships with one another. 
Month by month throughout this year we can consider ways in which families are growing or not. 
Those who plan their liturgy well in advance may wish to note that as the liturgical readings during this year of Mark, year B in the three yearly liturgical cycle, lend themselves to deeper reflection on marriage from weeks 21 to 27 it is suggested that communities could use this time to focus broadly on marriage from different perspectives and end with a MARRIAGE DAY celebration on 27th Sunday, 4 October 2009. Special materials for reflection and liturgical celebration will be provided by the SACBC Family Life Desk as was done in 2006 and 2003.  This marriage awareness initiative was initially a recommendation from SECAM (Symposium of Episcopal Conferences of Africa and Madagascar) after the 1994 African Synod chose the image “Church as Family.”  

PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY UPDATE
The main objective of this project is to highlight the reality of a parish as a community of families, with a range of family needs and events to celebrate and commemorate both in the parish and especially in homes.  During Advent there are many traditional celebrations that could be practised in a family. For example making an Advent wreath, a Jesse tree, shelter seeking. See various websites below for some ideas.

WORKSHOPS
The 15th November follow-up workshop discussed planning.  An introductory workshop is planned for the dioceses of Kimberley and for Oudtshoorn in March and another in Gauteng.
There are many enrichment possibilities such as couple talks, retreats for widowed, singles, divorced and programmes for parents.  Members of the different family movements and other specialists can also be approached to assist while others can be invited to speak on very practical matters. One very helpful input in a recent marriage workshop was on erectile dysfunction.

6th WORLD MEETING OF FAMILIES – MEXICO 13-18 JANUARY 2009.
This three-yearly “family gathering” of families together with Church leaders includes a three day Congress, a Festive event and a concelebrated closing Mass. I believe the Holy Father will not be present this time.  To my knowledge three people from South Africa and a couple from Swaziland are planning to participate, together with maybe a bishop or two.  Visit www.emf2009.com for a whole host of information

The theme for the meeting will be “The Family, teacher in human and Christian values.”   Preparatory catecheses have been prepared by the Pontifical Council for the Family and can be downloaded from the website  www.vatican.va

ADVENT AND CHRISTMAS LINKS.
Advent is a particularly good time to build up family life.  Some information can be found on the Marfam site but googling the theme will result in many sites including www.worship.ca/christmas.html
Catholic Faith Education newsletter at http://www.silk.net/RelEd/newsletters24_11_2008.htm writes “We have recently listed and reviewed some of these in two postings on the Catholic Faith Education Blog: Advent 2008 Resources Online and Christmas Advent 2008 at Catholic.org goes Live.’
Catholic bookstores have many publications large and small, expensive and not. The site www.cidsa.org/bookshops.htm lists Catholic bookstores and repositories in South Africa.

VERITAS RADIO Will be accompanying listeners through the first weeks of Advent and EWTN will then accompany listeners during the Christmas season.

LOOKING AHEAD AT MARRIAGE in 2009
Next year there is again going to be a strong focus on marriage.  The US Catholic Bishops Conference site www.foryourmarriage.org offers many resources.
This question and answer from www.smartmarriages.com might be helpful to readers.
“My husband and I are starting a marriage ministry in our local church.  We
would like to start some kind of a community initiative. We want to stay a faith-based initiative and prefer to keep it within our local church.   Lisa.
Answer: what you are proposing - organizing a marriage ministry in your local
congregation ­ is the very heart of the Smart Marriages Education movement.
We know the main way we're going to change the marriage culture is through
marriage education taught in congregations by mentor volunteer couples …… “
Check out the website www.smartmarriages.com for many ideas and experiences on subjects like money and marriage, divorce-busting, TV sex and teen parenthood.  
Or www.getmarriedstaymarried.org an initiative of US State of Georgia High Court which claims that
"If we can't do something about family dysfunction, we can't do much about crime."

While many celebrate and enjoy their holidays this month on the problem side do not forget the relevant issues of commemoration of World AIDS Day on 1st December, the 16 days of Activism against women and child abuse from  25 November to 10 December and human trafficking – a new form of slavery.  The CTIP (Counter Trafficking in Persons Desk) of the SA Catholic Bishops’ Conference is promoting their message through Christmas cards at R5,00 each.  Contact Sr Melanie, moconnor@sacbc.org.za

Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or  "Why did God have to do this to me?"
Here is a wonderful explanation!
A daughter , right at the end of the school year, is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing maths, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away and won’t be coming back to school next year. 
Meanwhile, her Mother is baking the Christmas cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack. The  daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."
"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers. "Yuck" says her daughter.
"How about a couple raw eggs?" "Gross, Mom!"
"Would you like some flour then?
Or maybe baking soda?" "Mom, those are all yucky!"
To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves.
But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!
God works the same way.
Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times.
But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good!
We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!
God is crazy about you.
Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen.
He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart and your home.
Life may not be the party you hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance
Happy Christmas one and all. 

Contact Marfam

Tel: +27 11 789 5449
Fax: +27 11 789 5449
Email: info@marfam.org.za
Web:
www.marfam.org.za

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Read more about our "Directed Retreats" http://www.catholic-pe.co.za/directed.htm

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Phone us at 011 663-4700 or write to us at 4599, Edenvale 1610

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Contact Marfam

Tel: +27 11 789 5449
Fax: +27 11 789 5449
Email: info@marfam.org.za
Web:
www.marfam.org.za