REQUEST: BEFRIEND THE FAMILY

MARFAM has been promoting the cause of family life since 1994.  Your financial support helps us to operate, produce the publications, including this monthly enewsletter and maintain our website. Advertise your company or project on the website, enewsletter or various publications or send a donation to P.O. Box 2881, Randburg 2125. South Africa. Every Rand, Dollar or Euro helps to strengthen families somewhere, somehow. Send us a cheque or make a small monthly donation into our bank account.Contact us for details.

This headline rather tickled my fancy.   The Mail and Guardian is by no stretch of the imagination a Christian paper or one keen to promote our particular kind of pro-family messages as I was told some time ago by one or their reporters.  But nevertheless I thought this was an appropriate poster to be gracing the streets of Johannesburg over the Easter weekend.
Is God working for you?  Part of me said, “Of course, that is what we believe. God is constantly working for me, and for others too. Then another way of looking at the statement struck me. Is my relationship with God successful for me?  Like homeopathic flu drops that work for me, nipping it in the bud when I’m getting a cold. But on searching for the related article their website I found yet another way of looking at the question. “Is God at the goal posts?” the headline said and so I discovered it all had to do with soccer.  Does God answer prayers on the sportsfield? Haven’t you wondered too what happens when both sides pray to win.  How does God rate the prayers and decide which ones to answer; the loudest, longest, most intense?  This might seem quite flippant, but then in the same vein how does one respond to a child who says to you, “I asked God every day to make mommy better and he didn’t, and now he has taken her away. I hate God!” There is no easy answer to the mystery of God and of suffering is there?   All we can hold on to is the belief that what God wants is our salvation.
The family life theme for April, “Me, God and My Family” is about some such issues. It is about family prayer, a spirituality of family life and an individual’s right to freedom of religion. If your son or daughter claims they find the Catholic Church boring and wants to join another church, possibly a “happy-clappy” one that makes you shudder, what do you say? Or what about wanting to join an Eastern sect or a cult or just drop out of going to church altogether? What can a parent do? From a child’s perspective, are there children who want a closer working relationship with God but don’t have the support of a parent or caregiver?  Are there children who pray regularly for God to save them from the hell they believe themselves to be experiencing?  Are there families where members privately and individually pray for strength and courage to deal with HIV/AIDS? Is God working for all of them, and how?
A relationship with God is a very personal thing and we know that every individual has to establish their own relationship, which changes over time as they mature. Faith development is the work of a lifetime and in fact research in this area indicates that it mostly happens in the maturer years. 
Children can have a simple trusting relationship like with an ideal parent. Youth at a time when it seems that everything in life is being challenged can reject formal religion and sometimes God too, while some youth really discover a loving God and a relationship with Jesus. Adults struggle with unanswered questions and difficult life choices and may wonder whether God has time to take an interest in their mundane matters. Nevertheless a healthy faith foundation established within a family enables one to weather many of these storms.
A family spirituality is more than the family saying prayers together at mealtimes. It recognizes the family as a little church, a place where God dwells in the midst of all the ups and downs, the conflicts and arguments, the special moments, the decisions to ask forgiveness for hurts caused by both parents and children. Giving God such a place is no easy task. Sometimes only one member of the family is interested and, finding it hard to talk, keeps their God relationship private. Sometimes conflict over God and religion makes it doubly difficult. Protestants are often much better at family spirituality than Catholics are. But be assured that God is working in the background, sustaining each little church and its members with his love. God invites you to work along with him, working for family unity and the joy of this continuing Easter season in your own personal life and your family’s.     
So who is God working for?  Surely for all of us, whether we recognize it or not.  “God is working his purpose out as year succeeds to year”  as a wellknown hymn goes. “and the time is drawing near, that the earth may be filled with the glory of God as the waters cover the sea.”  We hope and pray for this time.
Toni Rowland

The No 2 issue of Marriage and Family Living is now available, as usual working closely with the SACBC Family Life Desk and picking up the family themes for the next 3 months.  In addition there is an article on the Theology of the Body, a topic which is beginning to arouse interest, and there is also an important article about the role of the laity in the Church and society something which has been engaging me for some time.  This will be published on the website in April, also a short poem, and the scripture reflections for the month of April.  www.marfam.org.za    
I am pleased that Redemptorist Publications agreed to publish my reflections on the process of  BECOMING WIDOWED.  This can be ordered from them and also from us. 
Redemptorist Publications in South Africa also produces simple inexpensive booklets from time to time as well as the weekly Catholic Link,  a very useful resource for parishes to which their own notices can be added.  www.saredemptorists.co.za

2008 FAMILY LIFE THEME “ME AND MY FAMILY.” 
Each month’s theme provides opportunities for family life education and enrichment.  It is hoped that parishes will pick up this theme and the reflections for each Sunday and include this awareness of God and family in the bidding prayers at Masses.
Family orientated reflections on the Sunday readings are published on www.marfam.org.za and in Marriage and Family Living in English and are also available in different languages on request. 

PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY WORKSHOP JUNE 20 – 22ND JOHANNESBURG. 
Unlike the more focused ministry of the family life movements the Family Life Desk’s Parish Family Ministry project is more general, addressing all elements of the parish, i.e. priest, PPC and different portfolios with the message of a family-centred Church as a family is the context in which the vast majority of the laity live. In this training workshop participants from the various dioceses and parishes will explore their own reality and use the Pastoral Cycle (See-Judge-Act) as a tool.  The different stages and vast range of issues in marriage and family life are the material for social and faith reflection, celebration and support. Parish Family Ministry in collaboration with specific movements and resources can help to build strong families and so a strong parish.  For more information on this weekend workshop contact Toni at the SACBC Family Life Desk trowland@sacbc.org.za

MEETING OF THE FAMILY APOSTOLATE. 
Some 30 people met during the month as members of the family apostolate in the Church in South Africa. Most represented the various family life movements that are active in some dioceses in Southern Africa and some represented their dioceses.  It was a valuable opportunity for them to interact with the two bishops, Bishop William Slattery for Evangelisation and Bishop Eddie Adams for Family Life, and also with one another. The meeting decided that there should be a strong thrust towards diocesan family offices. We live in a plural society with very different needs and resources and much work must be done at local level. The Family Life Desk’s dream of common vision of a family-centred Church, which takes into consideration the diversity of our families is also happening in different ways but still far from being fully realized or understood.     
A leaflet is available with details of the movements operating here: Catholic Engaged Encounter, Couples for Christ, Equipes de Nossa Senhora(Teams of Our Lady), Focolare – New Families, Marriage Encounter, Retrouvaille, Schoenstatt Family Movement or visit the website www.marfam.org.za and check out the links.

Our condolences to those of the Focolare’s New Families Movement on the death of the Founder Chiara Lubich.  Her leadership and Word of Life over many years has served as a great inspiration for other lay people too.

VOCATIONS SUNDAY – 4th Sunday of Easter
What is a vocation according to today’s mind?  To get a handle on the modern way of thinking I googled and visited YouTube, apparently the place to be for the young, or those who want to communicate with the young and are sufficiently competent to do so. The top spot was taken by the Dominicans. There were a few rather odd posting but I came across quite a few religious orders there too spreading their message.
I am afraid I am not sufficiently competent or interested to pursue YouTube, FaceBook and the number of other sites of which I have been told. I regard as my vocation i.e. my calling, spreading the Good News but in rather simpler, more familiar settings.  Priesthood and religious life used to be what was meant by “a vocation” but we also recognise marriage as a genuine vocation and the single life too can be a calling from God for some.
Everyone knows that there is a critical shortage of priests in most parts of the world. According to statistics published in the Southern Cross recently there were1,131 billion Catholics in the world in 2006 up by 1,4% over the year.   The number of priests rose by 0,21% to 407,262.  Growth in membership has taken place mainly in Africa and Asia where seminarians in 2006 made up 47% of the global total while in 1981 they accounted for 28%.  South African seminarians are not however growing in number as they are in some other African countries, something of concern here. Already in many dioceses and parishes there are many priests from other African countries in addition to the more traditional European missionaries, all doing sterling work. But what does the future hold for us for a truly inculturated Church?   What will be the role of the clergy, religious and laity?  How does this compare with other churches? 

MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER 30 YEARS IN SOUTH AFRICA
A Mass of Thanksgiving will be offered at Rivonia Parish, Johannesburg on Saturday 2nd May.  For more information on this contact John and Pam Hurst 011 793 6157  or phurst@metroweb.co.za
Visit the website www.marriageencountersa.org.za or contact Theo and Bep van Meygaarden the Southern African ME coordinating couple for more information about happenings from the Marriage Encounter community across the country. Weekends are presented in English, Zulu, Sesotho and Xhosa, in Johannesburg, Cape Town, Durban, Port Elizabeth, Kokstad, Bloemfontein/Lesotho.
Many thousands of couples have been enriched in their marriage and their personal lives too over these 30 years. For some it was a life-changing event, for others a great weekend, for some the beginning of a new journey of commitment to a dream of renewing the Church and the world through a renewal of the Sacraments of Marriage and Holy Orders.  Overall the initial passion has dimmed and the dream has become a little dusty but the vision remains. According to Vatican II, marriage is their way of holiness for a couple and the fulfillment of their baptismal vocation.    

RETROUVAILLE (A lifeline for hurting marriages) FORMATION WEEKENDS.
Retrouvaille is embarking on training and ongoing formation with the help of a team from the US. Formation weekends will be held in Cape Town, Durban, Johannesburg and Zimbabwe during May. The goals of the weekend are for couples to enrich their relationships and further their healing process and for all participants to discern the level of commitment they choose to offer a hurting world in the Retrouvaille programme.  Those who have already experienced Retrouvaille, plus priests, seminarians and others involved in marriage ministry are invited.  Contact mikeandcaryl@melly.za.net  or 083 441 4187.

“EMPOWERING OURSELVES THROUGH KNOWLEDGE”  FAMILY LAW WORKSHOP, 10th MAY IN JOHANNESBURG
Dear Recipient
Ignorance of the law is one of the greatest challenges facing South Africans. Many people are loosing out on what is legally theirs because they either did not comply with the legal requirements or they do not know what they are entitled to. This is made worse by the fact that attorneys and legal advisors are expensive.
In order to empower South Africans and to give people correct legal information, Phetoho Family Law Consultants will be hosting a one-day workshop on the 10th of May 2008. Cost R250. .
The workshop will cover the following family law aspects: Marriage (Civil, Customary and Same sex), Cohabitation
(Partners living together unmarried), Divorce, Maintenance (Child and Spousal), Children and the rights of parents (Including discussion of the Children's Act), Domestic Violence, Inheritance and Wills. Participants will also be given an opportunity to ask questions and advice from Nthabiseng Monareng, author of A Simple Guide To South African Family Law and the facilitator of the workshop. For more information and an invitation contact:
Phetoho Family Law Consultants
[T]: 083 986 4079 or 082 751 7484  [F]: 086 661 5795    [E]: phetoho.consultants@webmail.co.za

NOTICE FROM ST AUGUSTINECOLLEGE
Professor Jan Jans, Professor of Moral Theology at the Faculty of Theology in the University of Tilburg in the Netherlands, will be in South Africa as a Visiting Professor in Applied Ethics during the teaching week of 31 March to 04 April at St Augustine College.
He will be giving a Public Lecture on SPE SALVI:SAVED BY HOPE - Pope Benedict's programme of "affirmative orthodoxy" in which a theology is discussed which is based on an understanding of Christian faith in terms of the trust and the kind of hope Christianity offers to the world of today and tomorrow.
Date:    Wednesday 02 April at 18h30.
Venue: St Augustine College of South Africa,   26 Road No. 3, VictoryPark
RSVP:   Helen at (011) 782-4616 by 31 March
Cost:      R20.00

THE SOUTH AFRICAN SCHOOLS PLEDGE
What has become of the pledge that raised much discussion recently.  CIE on behalf of Catholic Schools in South Africa has submitted comments to the Department for Education. The document states “We support the objectives of the pledge to promote civic participation and responsibility among young people, to evoke national pride and unity, and to promote social cohesion and nation-building. We are, however, opposed to the use of a schools pledge as a tool to achieve these objectives. We are immediately concerned that the pledge itself does not correspond to the stated objectives.”  For the full comments visit www.cie.org.za

From Zenit. “Data show Benefits of Families.”
“ROME, MARCH 10, 2008 (Zenit.org).- Research into the family continues to confirm the importance of two parents as the best basis for bringing up children. One common problem in the last few decades is the absence of fathers, and the corresponding rise of families headed by single mothers.”
A number of research projects are mentioned. These referred to the effects of family change on children and unfair government taxation of married couples. The Commission of the Bishops’ Conferences of the European Union argued that the breakdown of family life results in high social and economic costs for society and governments. The break-up of marriages is, in many cases, “a psychological and moral disaster for the partners involved, and the children involved often suffer traumatic experiences,” the report adverted.
The report listed a wide variety of measures governments could take to help married couples. The proposals ranged from better preparation before marriage, to greater support from educational institutions and businesses for couples.

From www.smartmarriages.com
Why Black Marriage Day?  By Julie Baumgardner, a respected marriage expert in the US.
“Marriage research shows that marriage in the African American Community is on the decline. African Americans have the lowest marriage rate of any racial group in the United States. According to the U.S. Census, 43.3 percent of black men and 41.9 percent of black women in America have never been married compared to 27 percent and 22 percent respectively for whites. In 30 years, the overall marriage rate in the United States declined by 17 percent, but for African Americans, it fell by 34 percent. “
The economic impact of divorce is higher on black children than on white children. 70% of African American children are born to unmarried mothers and 80 % of African American children will spend their childhood apart from their fathers.   For more visit http://blackmarriageday.com
How would this compare with South African statistics?

Taking ME, GOD AND MY FAMILY to another level.
The Love of Christ Ministries – TLC is a family-run organization for newborn and foundling babies. The main purpose is to find adoptive parents for these infants many of whom are HIV positive. Volunteers help to run the home that has around 60 infants, toddlers and children. Many babies are placed overseas and the Jarvis family themselves have adopted a number. Read their amazing story at www.tlc.org.za  

CAMELOT
Last month I mentioned the local production by The Players of the musical Camelot in which I am involved. The well-known and very moving story of King Arthur, Queen Guinevere, Lancelot and the Knights of the Round Table is presented with great songs, drama, humour and deep insight into human relationships. Most powerful for me has been the depiction of Arthur’s search for a new order of chivalry where it is not a case of “might for might”, not even “might for right” but “right for right”. Will the day ever come where we as human beings choose right because it is right and not oblige the government, the Church or God to impose laws on us?
Anyone interested in coming to see this production on the 11th, 18th and 19th could contact Toni  toni@marfam.org.za

THE COST OF LIVING
God said to Adam, "I am going to make you a helper, a companion. What would you like your companion to be like?" Adam replied, "Well I want someone that is humorous, witty, intelligent, compassionate, caring, loving, trusting, polite, generous and beautiful."
God paused a moment after Adam's wish list. Then he said to Adam, “A companion like that is going to cost you an arm and a leg.”  
Adam seemed a little dejected and then brightly replied: "What can I get for a Rib?"

FREE DOWNLOAD: You can now download the book 'Laughing At Ourselves' in PDF format at LAUGHING AT OURSELVES  One of the most comprehensive sources of Christian Humour on the Net with 769 sermon fillers for your entertainment and use at http://www.wwj.org.nz/laugh.php

AN UNFORGETTABLE PILANESBERG GAME RESERVE HOLIDAY at KWA MARITANE
(near Sun City in SA Northwest Province)

1 WEEK 25 JULY -
1 AUGUST

4 SLEEPER

R3500 ONLY.
CONTACT TONI – homefun@icon.co.za
tel 011 789 5449

Contact Marfam

Tel: +27 11 789 5449
Fax: +27 11 789 5449
Email: info@marfam.org.za
Web:
www.marfam.org.za

"So you're going away to unwind or to play
Or possibly simply to BE.
If you're coming south-west
We have to suggest
That you sample
EMMAUS ON SEA.

Yzerfontein - Western Cape

Find out more at
www.emmaus.co.za

Contact Marfam

Tel: +27 11 789 5449
Fax: +27 11 789 5449
Email: info@marfam.org.za
Web:
www.marfam.org.za