“I owe, I owe, it’s off to work I go”

IN CONCLUSION : a smile and a tear.

MARFAM has been promoting the cause of family life for more than 10 years. Your financial support helps us to operate, produce the publications, including this monthly enewsletter and maintain our website. Advertise your company or project on the website, enewsletter or various publications or send a donation to P.O. Box 2881, Randburg 2125. South Africa. Every Rand, Dollar or Euro helps to strengthen families somewhere, somehow.

“I owe, I owe, it’s off to work I go”

That little adaptation of the dwarfs’ marching song, as they march off to the mines to provide for their beloved Snow White, has always tickled my fancy.
Some of us are currently plagued more than others by a transport worker’s strike that has thousands of striking workers marching and demonstrating in different parts of the country at different times. Others are affected by serious power cuts as there is a shortage of electricity in some centres. All these things interfere with their ability to get on with their jobs. So let’s look at these matters with family eyes, which is what developing a family focus is all about. Let us also do so in the light of the family life theme for March which is Rights and Responsibilities in Marriage. 
Workers do have a right to strike, in the case of the transport workers, because of fears that restructuring will result in their losing their jobs and so their livelihood and their ability to provide for their families. Those affected by the strikes are many more thousands who are dependent on trains to get to work. They are afraid of losing their jobs because of absenteeism.
Strikes, of course, are intended to put pressure on management, beyond the negotiation table. But management is also concerned about jobs and productivity, or is profit their primary motivation?  It is clearly a dicey situation where all parties have rights and responsibilities that have to be balanced. There are many hundreds of thousands of unemployed men and women, many in the formal employment sector who resort to activities in the much less secure informal sector. And in the national unemployment statistics there are figures too for those who have given up trying to find work.
The right to work is a Universal Right provided for in various charters, the UN, in the SA Constitution and also in the Church’s 1983 Charter of Rights of the Family, a document not so well known. The responsibility to provide work or lobby for this provision is on social structures, the government and also the churches.
With a family focus one is helped to take into consideration not just the rights and responsibilities of the individual but of the couple and family as a unit, something which we don’t always do in terms of the various charters. 
Apart from financial deprivation, unemployment puts tremendous strain on marriages and family relationships. Sometimes a husband is unemployed and the wife is doing well in her career path. There is no challenge to rights there, but there is a challenge to responsibility to maintain that relationship. Feelings of inadequacy and an internal power struggle become causes of family violence. In different cultures with different expectations of the role of husband and wife the rights of wives, especially, are proscribed and often severely restricted. The Church may be countercultural in teaching equality in marriage. Learning to manage this equality can be very difficult, because of these cultural traditions and expectations. During this month of March, which is also the season of Lent, once again a focus on Marriage as a Tower of Strength is encouraged. Addressing this subject of rights and responsibilities in homilies, prayer groups, at home, at school, in parish councils and other church bodies can be a highly valuable exercise for the good of our families and in our families.    
The words, “I owe, I owe, it’s off to work I go,” can be looked at in different ways. They can inspire a sense of responsibility, but ideally work should not be soulless exercise and should contribute more than financial returns. Work and careers do promote personal growth and development, which is one of the reasons why many women choose to work.
Marching songs and toiy-toiying are powerful tools in the struggle for human rights and dignity. They can be used to incite irrational violence too as is often demonstrated. However, when the saints go marching in I would expect that they will be doing so with right on their side and with love in their hearts, marching even as couples, side by side.  
Toni Rowland

MARFAM NEWS

Our new publication MARRIAGE AND THE PASCHAL MYSTERY, making not breaking the link,received an excellent write up in The Southern Cross as a meaningful and informative booklet about marriage in the Church today. Presented in a small Christian community setting it allows readers, i.e. anyone, as the booklet is about marriage and for couples, to reflect, share and discuss. This is done in the context of the Paschal Mystery, lived out in daily life, and in which we are linked to Jesus. While appropriate for Lenten reflection it need not be restricted to that time. After all we celebrate Mass throughout the year. Bulk price for the booklets to groups and parishes is R8,00. Otherwise R10 plus postage of R4,00. 

Marriage and Family Living magazine No 2 for 2006 available at the end of the month will contain some family-oriented Holy Week and Easter material. Who would consider a foot-washing ceremony at home on Holy Thursday?  It is certainly symbolic of something we do day by day for one another, bathing babies and sick or elderly, clothes-washing, cleaning the home, and caring for one another’s physical needs. We have no Family Lenten Calendar this year as we encourage families to use the SA Bishops Lenten Appeal calendar which can be obtained from parishes or from the Lenten Appeal office at blapp@telkomsa.net
 
An article from Marriage and Family Living No 1 “SA Legislation pertaining to rights and responsibilities in marriage and parenting” by Chance Chacunda of the Catholic Parliamentary Liaison Office is published on the website.  

SACBC NEWS

2006 MARRIAGE AWARENESS PROJECT “MARRIAGE AND FAMILY, A TOWER OF STRENGTH”
See the special section on the website www.marfam.org.za and download the various suggestion and liturgy leaflets. We include here the suggestions for March.

For more information on the question of rights read up on such documents as the Freedom Charter and the Women’s Charter from which the following quote is taken.
 “A Single Society: We women do not form a society separate from the men. There is only one society, and it is made up of both women and men. As women we share the problems and anxieties of our men, and join hands with them to remove social evils and obstacles to progress.”
(Check www.google.com)
Ash Wednesday, 1st March, is also Local Election Day. Voting is both, a right and responsibility in the interests of the wellbeing of our families. Youth too should be encouraged to be responsible citizens. Interestingly it is a public holiday, but it is not a partying day but a day of fast and abstinence.
The theme for April is God in Marriage.
For future information October 8 has been approved by the SA Bishops conference as Marriage Day. Materials for this will be available on the Marfam website in due course. 
The SA Catholic Bishops’ Conference website www.sacbc.org.za is being refurbished. Family Life Desk information will be published there too.
The bishops have passed a resolution recommending that dioceses establish a family life department to be responsible for the task of strengthening family relationships. This will include marriage preparation, marriage enrichment and other programmes as well as use of the Family Life Desk materials for parishes. For more on this or to organize training contact us.
To receive by email the monthly liturgical reflections for families in Afrkaans, Zulu, Sesotho and Sepedi contact us.   

FIFTH WORLD MEETING OF FAMILIES, VALENCIA, SPAIN, 1-9 JULY 2006

Visit www.wmf2006.org for full details of this event. 
“The World Meeting of Families (WMF) is a large gathering that the Pope calls every three years to celebrate the divine gift that is the family. It brings together hundreds of thousands of families from the five continents to pray, talk, learn, share and go into depth on the understanding of the role of the Christian family as a domestic Church and basic unit for evangelisation.
The programme includes a Theological congress, Rosary for Families, Eucharist celebrations for linguistic groups, A Festive and Testimonial Meeting on Saturday 8th July and the Concluding Eucharist presided over by Pope Benedict XVI on Sunday 9th July.” 

Prayer for the 5th World Meeting of Families
O God, who in the Holy Family left us a perfect model of family life lived in faith and obedience to your will, we thank you for our family. Give us the strength to remain united in love, generosity and the joy of living together. We pray, Lord, that this time of preparation for the World Meeting of Families may be a time of intense experience of faith and growth in our families.
Help us in our mission of transmitting the faith that we received from our parents. Open the hearts of our children so that the seed of faith, which they received in baptism, will grow in them.
Strengthen the faith of our young people, so they might grow in knowledge of Jesus. Increase love and faithfulness in all marriages, especially those going through times of suffering or difficulty.
Shed your grace and blessing on all families worldwide, especially those that are preparing for the next World Meeting of Families in Valencia. Bless, also, our Pope Benedict. Give him wisdom and strength, and grant us the joy of being able to welcome him in Valencia together with families from all over the world. United to Joseph and Mary, we ask this through Jesus Christ your Son, Our Lord. Amen.

Even for those not participating, the catechetical material produced is most valuable. It can be downloaded from the website.  
There have been a few local enquiries and we are about to make our travel arrangements. Should anyone be interested to make up a party please contact me urgently. I am particularly looking forward to connecting with family life ministers and workers from other parts of Africa and the world in order to compare notes and share insights.  

EXTRACT FROM THE LENTEN MESSAGE OF THE HOLY FATHER

    “Jesus, at the sight of the crowds, was moved with pity” (Mt 9:36)
In his message Pope Benedict XVI invites us to join him in reflecting and responding to “much debated today: the question of development.  Even now, the compassionate “gaze” of Christ continues to fall upon individuals and peoples.  He watches them, knowing that the divine “plan” includes their call to salvation. Jesus knows the perils that put this plan at risk, and He is moved with pity for the crowds. The gaze of Jesus embraces individuals and multitudes, and he brings them all before the Father, offering Himself as a sacrifice of expiation.  Enlightened by this Paschal truth, the Church knows that if we are to promote development in its fulness, our own “gaze” upon mankind has to be measured against that of Christ. In fact, it is quite impossible to separate the response to people’s material and social needs from the fulfilment of the profound desires of their hearts. This has to be emphasized all the more in today’s rapidly changing world, in which our responsibility towards the poor emerges with ever greater clarity and urgency. “   
For the full message go to: www.vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/messages/lent

GOD, MARRIAGE AND FAMILY

Catholic movements devoted to support of marriage and family life in South Africa are Marriage Encounter, Couples for Christ, The Focolare New Families Movement, Retrouvaille and Schoenstatt  and a range of marriage preparation programmes. In addition some dioceses have a family life office which have developed a range of programmes too, e.g. Cape Town’s Parenting and Durban’s Lenten Forgiveness projects. Contact information is on MARFAM website.  
Among faith based organizations support for marriage and family life is by no means exclusive to Christianity or the Catholic Church. The Anglican Church in SA has Anglicare. The Dutch Reformed Church has its family ministry arm and many churches have a family ministry or a counseling resource. A number of independent Christian family groupings exist too. The ACDP, the African Christian Democratic Party is the only Christian party contesting local elections in some centres. 
While browsing I came across www.familylife.org.za  a project of Campus Crusade for Christ, present in SA and elsewhere. Focus on the Family is also present here and in many countries. 
Some of these are part of the Reference Group for Families of the SA government’s Social Development, Families subdirectorate and it is in such constituencies that we can also make our presence felt. While approaches may differ the vision of God and Marriage needs to remain on the agenda. 

LOCAL GAUTENG NEWS, LETTERS AND COMMENTS 
Meeting for Parish Family Ministry teams on 8th April at Holy Trinity Church, Braamfontein.

Day of Reflection for Widowed People. 2nd April at Booysens. 

“In March, Gen Rosso, the International Music Group of the Focolare, is passing by South Africa on their way to Brazil. They will perform in several mini-concerts in Pretoria, Johannesburg and Taung.  In Pretoria, on Friday, 3 March at the Loreto School Hall, 116 Woodlands Drive, Queenswood. Cost R10.00.  In Johannesburg a free concert at University of Johannesburg, Auckland Park on Friday 10th March. Contact Floro and Tes Flores flores@lantic.net

Please pass on this info: A new version of the Afrikaans Catholic hymnal SING VOOR DIE HERE is now available together with a CD. There is a special section for Holy Week and Easter.   Contact  vernonmeyer@dieoratorium.org

RADIO VERITAS, THE STATION THAT BRINGS YOU THE GOOD NEWS FOR A CHANGE. PROJECT 300 000
Radio Veritas, in a major breakthrough for the Catholic Church in South Africa, has been invited to broadcast nationally on SABC Radio 2000 from 10h00 to 13h00 every Sunday from 9th April.
The target is to have 300 000 out of the three and a half million Catholics in South Africa listening in to this broadcast of Catholics news and interviews, scripture, catechetics and spirituality.    
Radio Veritas has also applied for a licence to broadcast on 92.7fm again from 2 – 30 April.

OTHER PROGRAMMES AND RESOURCES
SA Government Social Development’s Family Life subdirectorate is working to produce a manual for marriage preparation and enrichment.  This standardized and accredited resource will be a great help across the country and with some supplementation with regard to Catholic beliefs will be able to be used in our network too. 
Family Preservation and promoting family values are professed national aims and ironically these developments happen alongside the debate around legalizing of homosexual unions as marriage and the many thousands of abortions taking place. 

“The Meaning of Marriage: Family, State, Market and Morals” is an authoritative collection of essays edited by Robert OP. George and Jean Bethke Elshtain and published by Spence Publishing on aspects of the debate around the institution of marriage in our times.  It addresses questions of religion, children, family wellbeing and its economic role.  One essay compares the marriage contract and no fault divorce to a business contract.  One partner can simply break up a marriage, depriving the other of any possibility to contest the issue. The writer asks, “How would we do business if the law made no distinctions between those who kept the terms of a contract and those who don’t?” 

The website www.smartmarriages.com lists numerous resources particularly for strengthening marriages. The annual conference is held in Atlanta, Georgia  in June and this show-cases many programmes and provides and opportunities to be trained in many of them.

www.marriagetransformation.com. This is the brainchild of a couple who saw the desperate need for effective relationship education, and who decided to provide tools for that purpose.

Letters:
 “Keep them mails coming they are most welcome.”

“I’ve just found another newsletter from you and am glad to get bit more of a sense of the schedule for WMF in Valencia. Let’s try to meet there!  Could you email me some information about the continuous prayer for families mentioned in this newsletter?”   Breda Theakston. Family Life Ministry Coordinator, Diocese of Leeds

“Thank you for your materials and God bless you and your ministry.”
Sr. Zelia, SSpS,  National Catholic Family Life,  Papua New Guinea

IN CONCLUSION : a smile and a tear.

Browsing the web for nice, clean, funny, happy marriage jokes once again I pretty well gave up in disgust. I couldn’t find any. Readers please help!  
What I did come across (courtesy of smartmarriages) was a most exciting idea, StoryCorps, an oral history project that roves the country to collect stories of ordinary Americans which are archived and extracts of which are broadcast weekly on radio. They can also be heard in a booth at Grand Central Station in New York. To read about the project visit www.storycorps.net
The love story of Annie and Danny Perasa touched millions across the country as they spoke on radio with joy, humour and compassion of their life together. 
“August 11, 2004 · Danny Perasa proposed to Annie, his future wife, on their first date 27 years ago, and she accepted. The Brooklyn couple's story is the latest from StoryCorps. Annie Perasa says that if Danny doesn't leave her a daily note on the kitchen table, "I think there's something wrong. You write a love letter to me every morning."
Danny's still smitten with Annie: "When a guy is happily married, no matter what happens at work, no matter what happens during the rest of the day, there's a shelter when you get home. There's a knowledge, knowing that you can hug somebody without them throwing you downstairs and saying, 'Get your hands off me.'"
Dannie died of cancer on 24th February and his death is mourned by more than Annie.
“Dear Annie and Danny,
As I sat in traffic this morning, on my way to work, I listened to the story about you and your husband on NPR Radio. There I am sitting at the traffic light crying tears of joy for you, my heart just wanted to burst. You and your wonderful husband have given me hope that there is a possibility that love, the romantic, unconditional, heart-filling type of love still does exists. I am sure that there were times in the past 26 years of marriage that you may have wanted to wring each others neck. But if not, then God has truly blessed you.
Your life together has been filled with love, tenderness and much joy. May those thoughts and memories carry you on, until you will be able to meet Danny again in the next life. You are truly blessed, and thank you for sharing your story with strangers.