YOUTH AND FATHERS

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YOUTH AND FATHERS

June 2006 is a significant time, a real milestone, especially June 16th. On this day in 1976 South Africa convulsed into a change that has continued over the next thirty years. Although the catalyst for this was schoolchildren objecting to being taught in Afrikaans, which was for most of them a third language, this was really just a symptom of very deeprooted dissatisfaction with a system.
The point is that the children took a stand and left their parents behind. That in itself has left a legacy that we are facing now.
Those same children are now in their 40s and have traveled many a long journey, some with incredible hardships. Some are now captains of industry. More of them than is acceptable have died prematurely, victims of a lifestyle. Others are your ordinary average worker. But there are also many whose education was so disrupted by the events of 1976 and beyond that they have not been able to catch a seat on the social bandwagon.
The parents of 1976 were pushed aside as being irrelevant, as having subjected to the system.
And there has been no turning back.
From a family perspective these last 30 years have seen dramatic changes and not only in South Africa and not only as a result of the apartheid system. Children and youth in particular play a far more dominant role in society. “Children should be seen and not heard” is somewhat of a joke. “Children should be seen and not hurt!” a sad reality, and certainly the billions of children worldwide who go to bed hungry, who are homeless and abused should make us hang our heads in shame. The millennium goals of cutting poverty are just not being met.
But at the same time has our world not gone overboard on the place of its children, considered out of the context of their families who are their protectors, providers, educators and who, more than anyone else, can love them unconditionally?
Bills and Acts about children’s rights are being debated in and out of parliament. Are they sufficiently taking cognizance of the fact that the best place for a child is with and in its family? In many instances that needs to be an extended family or even a (well-supported) child-headed family of siblings in families devastated by HIV/AIDS.
As a people what will our future hold? Has the concept of family lost its meaning and social value? With the prospect of hundreds of thousands of AIDS orphans already facing us, what kind of social structure or alternatives are we able to supply?
The concept CHURCH AS FAMILY, chosen as the image of the Church in African at the time of the 1994 African Synod, gives us some clues. The document states that African families are traditionally characterized by qualities such as warmth, solidarity, acceptance, dialogue and trust. What we would call ubuntu. These are the qualities that grow healthy, well-balanced individuals, future families and future citizens.
But children need particular role models too. During May, there was a focus on motherhood and in June there will be a focus on fatherhood, a much more sensitive subject. Society has been described as suffering from a father-wound because in many places more then half of children are deprived of the presence and influence of their biological father at this time.
Mothers do not deprive your children of their father! Fathers do not deprive your children of your unique contribution in their lives! Providing the sperm is not enough to build a child. How can boys learn about fatherhood and girls know a father’s love if they are not exposed to one? How can children learn to understand God, whom Jesus calls Abba, Father? How can a man experience what it means to be a true father and experience the joy of having himself in miniature grow up in front of his eyes?
One of the most meaningful motherhood reflections that came into my inbox during May can be applied to fathers too. It read, “Becoming a mother (or a father) is a momentous decision. It is choosing to have a part of your heart walk around outside your body forever.”
That is the gift, and the cross too, of parenthood. That is what applies to those youth of 1976 and to those youth of 2006 who are possibly already mothers and fathers and who will hopefully choose to be so, as married parents, in the future. That, not material or political success, is the greatest gift they can give to our future.
Holy Spirit, counselor, comforter and guide, through your gifts bestowed on us again this Pentecost lead the youth and parents of today to be witnesses of the true values of marriage and of parenthood.
Toni Rowland

MARFAM NEWS

The article “The Sins of our Fathers” from Marriage and Family Living magazine for April – June is posted on our website. www.marfam.org.za. It also reflects on the 30 years since 1976 in South Africa.
The No 3 issue of the magazine will be available later this month with the usual range of articles looking into the themes for July – September.
Among our publications those of particular relevance to marriage are:
Pentecost activity sheet with crossword puzzle for families. Download from website.
ONE FAITH TWO RELIGIONS Cost R8,00 ($1.50) BECOMING MARRIED Cost R8,00
STATIONS OF THE CROSS FOR THE WIDOWED. Cost R5,00 ($1.00)
AIDS STRIKES AT THE HEART. Cost R8,00 and the special 2006 Marriage booklet MARRIAGE AND THE PASCHAL MYSTERY Cost R10,00. ($1.50)

SACBC FAMILY LIFE DESK NEWS

The Family Life Desk page on the Bishops’ Conference website www.sacbc.org.za is now available for a comprehensive overview of the work and vision of the FL Desk.

The FIFTH WORLD MEETING OF FAMILIES is coming ever closer, only a month to go. There will be five delegates from South Africa. Bishop Mvemve of the Department for Evangelisation, Fr Cosmos Mzizi the chairman of the SA Council of Priests, Dullah and Dawn Brown coordinators of the Family Life Office of the Diocese of Oudtshoorn and myself will hopefully come back enthused, inspired and full of energy to carry on the task of evangelizing and strengthening families. I would still like to hear from others who are planning to attend as networking across the world is a powerful resource.
Much information is available on the website www.wmf2006.org There are stories, pictures and catechetical materials. All readers are invited to pray fervently for the success of this mammoth project.

PREPARATION FOR AND CELEBRATION OF MARRIAGE DAY 27th August – 8th October.
This is the main project of the Family Life Desk for 2006. Our bishops have approved the project, aware of the great need to focus on marriage in the Church in SA. It has been said that more than half of marriages end in divorce, up to a quarter are unhappy and only about 10% of marriages are experiencing what Jesus wished for, “I pray that my own joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.” (John 15:11) Marriage is no easy life-style; it gets plenty of bad press. It is almost impossible to find a positive joke about marriage, husbands, or wives or mothers-in-law. Why do fathers-in-law escape the vitriol one wonders? Possible “out of sight, out of mind”?
A resource package of materials will be sent to all the parishes in the country. These materials can be used as desired and can be freely copied. They will also be posted on the website www.marfam.org.za for downloading and reproducing.

BRIEFING ON THE CHILDREN’S BILL
The Social Development Department has organized a briefing on the various Children’s Acts that are making their way through parliament. This should be of great interest to various parties who are involved with children’s rights or concerned with legal, social, and educational matters. The workshop is scheduled for 8th June in Pretoria. For further details contact us or the Assistant Director, Families direct. Deliwe Menyuko deliwem@socdev.gov.za

OTHER MATTERS

FATHERHOOD PROJECTS AND FATHERS’ DAY. 18th June.
Couples for Christ has taken a particular interest in this, as surely if the father as head of the home turns to God so will the family be converted.
The Human Sciences Research Council in SA has been working on a Fatherhood project for some years. Visit www.hsrc.ac.za/fatherhood. There is a growing awareness that fathers are necessary and valuable members of any programme of social reconstruction.
Covenant Keepers and St Joseph’s Covenant Keepers are among international movements promoting the cause of fatherhood.
Stepfathers are a rapidly growing breed. Sometimes they share the children with their biological father, sometimes they take over as sole father figure, sometimes only temporarily. Possibly the mother was unmarried or widowed. The situation can be very difficult for both the father and the children. If problems arise it is important to seek help from competent cousellors e.g. FAMSA. Visit the website of Childline which is a wonderful resource on the whole child-parent subject. Some churches too have done work on this need. I came across www.sonlifeeafrica.com.
Some reflections are also posted on the Marfam website.

GRANDPARENTS MONTH coming up in July because of the feast of St Joachim and St Anne.

COUPLES FOR CHRIST is celebrating its silver anniversary in June. Delegates from many of the 140 countries, including the chairman of the SA Catholic Bishops’ Conference, Cardinal Napier from South Africa will be converging on Manila for this momentous occasion. There they will celebrate and work too, building houses for the poor as part of the anniversary celebration.

FAMILY LIFE MOVEMENTS IN THE CHURCH. There has been quite an emphasis on lay movements, new ecclesial movements and groups “registered” with the Pontifical Council for the Laity. Not all the family movements operating locally have such recognition but they are also responding to the call of Pope John Paul II to be evangelizers. It has been recommended by the bishops of Southern Africa that dioceses should have a family life coordinator and parishes should have this portfolio on their pastoral council.
The vision of the SACBC Family Life Desk is two-fold, to network with the movements and promote family life through the Pastoral Council structures.

SMARTMARRIAGES conference later in June in the US promises to be loaded with exciting workshops, presentations and best of all as we hear is meeting other like-minded folk. Maybe at some future date such a conference could be held in Africa or even South Africa.

JOHANNESBURG NOTICES.
Meeting for Parish Family Ministers and interested parties. Saturday 10th June 9am-1pm. A review of activities and planning for the Marriage Awareness period ahead. Guest speaker: Fr John Finlayson on Marriage and Consent according to Canon Law. To book contact Toni 011 789 5449
Trinity Festival 2nd – 11th June at Holy Trinity parish, Braamfontein offers a whole range of exhibitions and activities. Contact 011 339 2826 for info.

RADIO VERITAS is broadcasting on Radio 2000 every Sunday from 11-1pm unless sporting broadcasts take precedence. It can also be heard on DSTV on channel 71 and on the world wide web. Radio Veritas is South Africa’s only Catholic radio station, bringing you the Good News for a Change.

COMMENTS AND CORRESPONDENCE

In response to last month’s reflection on HIV/AIDS. “Spot-on! It should long ago have been treated as a medical matter, in which case it would have been a notifiable disease. Dr Tony.
Question! Is it in the nature of God, as we might understand Him, to teach us lessons by creating pandemics like AIDS? Does God cause diseases like AIDS in order to give us the opportunity to learn to be of service to others? Of course, one can find many examples in the Old Testament to support contentions such as these. We need look no further than the book of Job, or the terrible plagues (including the slaughter of innocent babies) that God gave Moses the power to perform in order to teach the Egyptians a lesson. So, certainly, from an Old Testament point of view, God could and maybe even has 'created' the AIDS scourge in order to bring us to our senses.
Another question! Do we get the same picture of God from reading the Gospels or the New Testament? If not, has God changed character - and if He did can He change again? Or are we dealing with two quite different God's as we read the Old and New Testaments? Glen

TAILPIECE

Below is one of the few jokes that have been sent to me that I find reasonably acceptable. Plus it is most appropriate as it can be applied to marriage and to fathers.
While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Gatiep and his wife Marai listened to the instructor declare: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the men: "For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favourite flower?" Gatiep leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Self-Raising, ne?"

SOME LIMERICKS
A mixed-up young father from Katlehong
Said, at times I don’t know where I belong
When my wife goes away
Kids go out to play
So with my mates off to soccer I tagalong

A proud busy father from Sandton
Spent much of his time being hands-on
Changing nappies he could
If he had to he would
But he’d rather the baby had pants on.

Contact Marfam

Tel: +27 11 789 5449
Fax: +27 11 789 5449
Email: info@marfam.org.za
Web:
www.marfam.org.za

Contact Marfam

Tel: +27 11 789 5449
Fax: +27 11 789 5449
Email: info@marfam.org.za
Web:
www.marfam.org.za