2012 – DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY

MAY, A MONTH FOR FAMILY AND LIFE – JUNE, YOUTH MATTERS

MARFAM’s vision since its start in 1995 has been the renewal of family life in the Church through education and enrichment.  Publications are a resource for families, educators, parishes and for the work of the Family Life Desk of the Southern African Catholic Bishops’ Conference. Read more at www.marfam.org.za/blog

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CONTENTS

Note:  This is extra long newsletter covers May and June as I shall be participating in the World Meeting of Families at the end of May and our webmaster will be away. The website will be updated from time to time.

Editorial : Commitment

MARFAM News.

FAMILY MATTERS (print) FAMILY MATTERS (email) and more
SACBC Family Life Desk News and activities, Parish Family Ministry news
2012 May and June themes “Family, Life, Parenting and Youth Matters.
SACBC BISHOPS propose May as a month for Family and Life
Theme : Parenting is For Life.
7th World Meeting of Families, Milan and more

BITS AND BYTES: RADIO VERITAS – FAMILY MATTERS (radio)
Culture of Life Association, Christian Unity Week, Men, work, fathers, youth and more…..

CORRESPONDENCE.

FAMILY SPIRITUALITY suggestions

FINALLY ….. on the lighter side.

DAY BY DAY, DEAR LORD, THREE THINGS I PRAY, TO SEE THEE MORE CLEARLY, LOVE THEE MORE DEARLY, FOLLOW THEE MORE NEARLY.

The 3 metre high 2000 Jubilee of Families wall at the chancery in Johannesburg, now no longer in existence.

DAILY PRAYER FOR FAMILIES AND LIFE FOR THE MONTH OF MAY, in church and at home
Lord God, you created humankind out of love, for love and for life.
We praise and thank you for your gift of love
lived most intimately in marriage and family life
and yet problems and hurt are experienced
most deeply in family relationships of all kinds.
Through the power of your Holy Spirit
help us to overcome these difficulties.
Strengthen our commitment to be good parents,
build strong families and to preserve and support
all life from conception to natural death,
in our own families and those of others.
In that way the Church can truly be
the Family of God in the service of the Kingdom.
Holy Family, Jesus, Mary and Joseph pray for us.
Blessed Mother Teresa, champion for life, comforter and bringer of love and joy to those who suffer pray for us
Blessed John Paul, Holy Father for the family pray for us.

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COMMITMENT

Africae Munus, Pope Benedict’s Apostolic Exhortation on the 2^nd African Synod is translated as “Africa’s Commitment.” Its opening line is a powerful statement of trust. “Africa’s commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ is a precious treasure which I entrust to the bishops, priests, permanent deacons, consecrated persons, catechists and lay faithful. Through this mission Africa is led to explore its Christian vocation more deeply, to live reconciliation between individuals and communities and to promote peace and justice in truth for all.”  AM1. How can that be teased out and applied in the Church’s various different contexts and for us, parents and youth?   The bishops, as shepherds have the primary responsibility but in a spirit of subsidiarity we each in our area of expertise are committed to share in that responsibility, not only by way of debate but also through reflection on the document’s intention, desired outcomes and the reality of family life.

In any workshop or programme reflecting on marriage ask the question, “what are the main problems surrounding marriage today?”  “Lack of commitment” is a very likely response.  The divorce rate is stated to be 50 % even for Catholic marriages. Is there then poorly focused commitment, or are couples over-committed or under-committed in other ways?

When looking at statistics on the parenting situation last year we found that only 1/3^rd of children live with both their biological parents, and the majority live with a mother. There are more behaviour problems in the youth, especially boys, in the absence of a father.  How does that indicate commitment or lack thereof? When a group of school boys gang-rape a mentally challenged teenage girl, film the deed on their cellphones and stupidly circulate the clip what and to whom is their commitment? Shocking cases of rape have been reported repeatedly in the news but there are obviously dozens of situations and issues around the concept of commitment on many levels for all of us, also at home, to reflect on and discuss.

Pope Benedict in Africae Munus contextualises the concept as commitment to reconciliation, peace and justice.  He applied it at some length to family life in section II of chapter II with the title Living in Harmony.  He addresses the family, the elderly, men, women, young people and children. The family, ideally based on marriage, is the sanctuary of life, where life is cherished and protected and the first place for reconciliation to be experienced and taught, or one could rather say, caught.  The elderly are invited to share their wisdom, men are challenged to responsible fatherhood, and women’s equal role with men is promoted while their special qualities are to be celebrated. Youth and children are to be valued and protected and invited, as they grow, into a relationship with Jesus. The Eucharist and family spirituality are strongly promoted. All these are not easy tasks recognising the reality of families on the ground, e.g. many single parents and interdenominational families.

The vision underlying the work of the SACBC Family Life Desk and expressed in the MARFAM publications is the image of the CHURCH AS FAMILY OF GOD from the 1994 African Synod.  It does not only concern family relationships and breakdown as problems to be addressed but presents the family as a little evangelising church to be served.   How is this vision to be implemented?  Whose commitment is it?  The Desk does not have a strong financial foundation and is dependent on the commitment of dioceses and parishes for support, particularly for Parish Family Ministry, for the vision to take root.  At a recent weekend workshop an unacceptable number of participants either cancelled or did not take up a place as they reported that their parishes were not committed to pay for this necessary training. Some people were not available due to overcommitment in parish activities or their own private lives with work, school, extramural activities, gym and much else.  Parishes can commit but participants can and should commit at least in part from their own resources, time and talent for this ministry. Overall from a Church committed to strengthening its families in their spiritual and practical lives much greater support is required as we together “seek ways of inspiring in Christ’s disciples in Africa the will to become effectively committed to living out the Gospel in their daily lives and in society.” AM32

The world is a scary, complicated place for families, for fathers, mothers, youth and children to prioritise and manage their commitments.  The UN International Day for Families on May 15^th has as its theme Work-family balance, a major concern for both parents and youth.  The 7^th World Meeting of Families soon to be held in Milan has a related theme too; Family, Work and Celebration. Our local Bishops’ Conference in giving us the MONTH OF MAY FOR FAMILY AND LIFE is providing a very useful opportunity for the necessary reflection, support and guidance.  On their behalf the Family Life Desk is promoting the concept, MARFAM is providing some of the resource materials, other family movements and diocesan and parish family teams have been asked to do what they can. Their commitment as bishops, priests and family ministers to you, the CHURCH AS FAMILY must be supported and challenged.  As families your challenge is your commitment firstly to your families, your little churches, to build and strengthen them in accordance with the first task of families “to form an intimate community of love” as described by Pope John Paul’  II, in Familiaris Consortio.  A lot of commitment is needed there, in forming, in building intimacy and community and in living out a loving, lifegiving committed relationship as couples and parents with children, Day by Day with God and Family in the ordinary ups and downs, hopes, joys and anxieties of family life. This commitment in and to families is not just an add-on. It is needed because, in the frequently used words of John Paul II, “the future of the Church and of the world is through the family.”

Toni Rowland

PS.  Don’t get me wrong, but was the Red Bull ad with Jesus walking on the water more or less offensive to you then having your Woollies hot cross buns stamped halaal? Let me know what you think.

MARFAM NEWS

NEW LOOK MAGAZINE – FAMILY MATTERS

The magazine renamed FAMILY MATTERS coincides with the family focus on Parenting during May and continues into June’s theme. The two further issues for 2012 will focus on Marriage and the Year of Faith. There are informative articles e.g. Parenting is for Life, Parenting in diverse situations, and some family fun too e.g. a Pentecost word puzzle. The catechesis on work-family balance is from the Pontifical Council for the Family for the 7th World Meeting of Families. Very positive feedback has been received about the new look. As always more promotion is needed, from bishops in their dioceses and others in parishes, schools and homes as an aid to parents.

Part 3 of DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY, will be on the market for any- and everyone soon and covers the time from Pentecost until the end of the year, with Part 4 focusing specially on the MARRIAGE SEASON from August to MARRIAGE DAY on 7th October. Extracts for May and June are published on the blogsite and translations of these can be requested by email.

Autumn's Promise

May article: PARENTING IS FOR LIFE and poem AUTUMN’S PROMISE engages with the cosmos flowers blooming around our region at this time.

June article: Youth and Fathers, from Fr Sammy Mabusela and poem a fatherhood reflection on 1 Cor 13: “Love is…….”

CURRENT AND RELEVANT PUBLICATIONS AND COSTS: www.marfam.org.za/blog for full list.

FAMILY MATTERS –NEW LOOK 24 page magazine. R12.

2012 Year Planner calendar. Bulk orders now R1 each or negotiated price.

DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY part 3 booklets cost R10 each with bulk prices of R8 for 20+ and R7 for 50+.

PARENTING A LABOUR OF LOVE, 6 sessions for reflection and sharing in groups or families on aspects of parenting. Cost R10.

HELLO MARY for young children is useful for the month of May. R10.

EVERY CHILD A NEW SMILE in English, Afrikaans, Zulu and Sotho. Six reflections on relevant family themes with excellent handdrawn illustrations for children. Cost R10.

2012 SUBSCRIPTIONS covering all current publications for the year are R150 for 1 copy, R170 for 2 and R200 for 3 copies.

FAMILIES BECOME WHAT YOU ARE, and BUILDING A FAMILY CHURCH faith sharing booklets from the FAMILY LIFE DESK based on the 4 tasks of families from Familiaris Consortio. Cost R6 and R5.

SACBC FAMILY LIFE DESK NEWS From the Coordinator’s Desk.

Find information about recognised national family organisations on www.marfam.org.za/blog. and contact them for their news. See also slot on www.sacbc.org.za for Family Life Desk.

The family theme for 2012, DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY is built into Family Life Desk’s activities and resources.

(29) MAY THEME. FAMILY, LIFE AND PARENTING. One of the most important tasks of a family is to co-operate with God to bring new life into the world and to nurture and support this life as children are born and grow from infancy into childhood, adolescence and adulthood. Parents do not own their children but hold them in trust. They cannot control their actions especially as they need to grow up and take responsibility for their own lives. Parenting is facilitating growth through mentoring and accompanying children. Pray for and as parents for commitment and faithfulness to this essential task. The month is also dedicated to Mary, the mother of God

A good house is not reared so much by the accumulation of worldly goods, as by the bringing up of children in the ways of holiness and of God; and to this end no labour or trouble must be spared, for children are the crown of their parents. St Francis de Sales.

(30) CULTURE OF LIFE. May was approved by the bishops to celebrate Family and Life. The value of unborn life and the evil of abortion are particular focus points of the Culture of Life campaigns in various dioceses. Many movements and organisations are directly or indirectly pro-life in their ministry and this attitude should be central to our Catholic approach and life-view. Nurturing and protecting life at all stages from conception to natural death is one of the tasks of the family in the Church. How can each of our families carry out this task?

The fundamental task of the family is to serve life, transmitting by procreation the divine image from person to person. Pope John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, 28.

JUNE FAMILY THEME: YOUTH MATTERS. We all recognise the importance of youth in society, as they of course hold our future in their hands. But that is quite an abstract idea. Will they be working, or social net-working, building houses, marrying, having children or shopping for the latest gadgets, apart from eating, drinking and seeking to enjoy life? Are we in our generation providing the youth with the tools they need or are they choosing and building their own? Are we listening to their hopes and dreams? Day by Day let us pray for and with them. They deserve the best we can offer for their sake and ours. Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.1 Timothy 4:12 NIV

Apart from the meaningful Easter celebrations April is a very bad month for many people with too many holidays and not enough working days which often means reduced income.

PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY

Diocesan family offices and coordinators have different structures and programmes. The SACBC Family Life Desk’s function is to assist in discerning and setting up structures and providing training where requested. The Parish Family Ministry programme with its specific family focus is comprehensive potentially addressing all areas of marriage and family life.

The two workshops run during April both included an introduction to Parenting programmes which will hopefully be set up in different places in the next months.  Parenting skills was identified recently as one of the specific needs to be addressed in addition to the general parish and home spirituality areas.

Financing the programme is becoming increasingly difficult. Short workshops do not get into the material sufficiently deeply.   Weekend workshops, although subsidised are costly.  It is essential that dioceses and parishes make a commitment to support this training if they want to have an effective family ministry programme.

PFM FORMATION

• PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY INTRODUCTORY WORKSHOP.  Please note that the 3-5 August weekend workshop has been postponed to 14-16 September.
• PFM workshops in dioceses around the country are being planned over the next months. Contact me for details.

MAY – A MONTH FOR FAMILY AND LIFE approved by SA Catholic Bishops Conference to be commemorated throughout the region in dioceses, parishes and homes as well as sodalities and any other bodies.  The theme PARENTING IS FOR LIFE includes both the parenting and the life aspects. Notices have been sent out within the network and a general leaflet and prayer are published on www.marfam.org.za/blog.   What will your parish do?  Formation: running parenting workshops, family retreat?  Social and community elements, e.g. picnic or concert?  Showing of the film COURAGEOUS as a fundraiser?  Will it be the start of an ongoing project e.g. men mentoring boys, parenting skills programme, or a “Culture of Life anti-abortion campaign”?  “Moments with Mom” and “Dates with Dad” are other ideas and feel free to send yours too.  Let’s have a facebook discussion.

• Month of Mary. Devotion to Our Lady takes many forms.
• Family Fun Day, picnic and games.
• 1^st May /6^th May – Workers’ Day/Sunday.   Feast of St Joseph the Worker. Faith reflection and sharing session on Work-Family balance from the World Meeting for Families contained in FAMILY MATTERS.  Download from www.family2012.com.
• 12^TH MAY CONFERENCE FOR LEADERS OF FAMILY MOVEMENTS AND DIOCESAN FAMILY COORDINATORS. Coordinators of the recognised national family movements and organisations and diocesan family coordinators or their appointed representations are invited to participate, share and network with one another around the theme PARENTING AND THE ROLE OF MEN as well as share on their common concerns in their particular ministry to families. Brother Michael Burke will facilitate what promises to be enlightening and enriching.
• 13^th May – Mothers’ Day.   Possible theme: Parenting is for Moms and Dads. Celebrate in the home, the parish, or in larger groups.   Visit www.marfam.org.za/blog or contact MARFAM  info@marfam.org.za
• 15^th May – UN INTERNATIONAL DAY FOR FAMILIES each year. Theme for 2012 concerns work-life balance.   Visit www.un.org/esa/socdev/family/IDF.html for more information
• PENTECOST. Celebrate the Holy Spirit at home too.
• 7^th WORLD MEETING OF FAMILIES 2012, Milan Italy 30 May to 3 June. Visit www.family2012.com for information, leaflet, poster, prayer and catechesis on chosen topics around the theme “The Family: Work and Celebration”.  The Holy Father writes, “The upcoming World Meeting of Families affords a privileged opportunity to rethink work in the perspective of a family that is united and open to life, thoroughly integrated in society and in the Church, attentive to the quality of relationship in addition to the economy of the family nucleus itself.” Six delegates from our region are booked to participate and enjoy the congress inputs,  interaction, fellowship, networking and of course the sight-seeing in Milan which I believe includes a visit to and performance at the worldfamous La Scala opera house.

JUNE : YOUTH MATTERS.

16^th SA Youth Day. Contact local and diocesan Youth Departments or Desks for their plans.

Download and use at home or in groups article from FAMILY MATTERS, Youth and Fathers by Fr Sammy Mabusela.

17^th Fathers’ Day. Just as important as Mother’s Day!  Download resources from www.marfam.org.za/blog

23^rd Conference cohosted by Daughters of St Paul and MARFAM. Sharing Africa’s Commitment – Men, Boys and

the Family.

OTHER FUTURE EVENTS AND NOTICES:

• 2 CONFERENCES co-hosted by Daughters of St Paul and the SACBC Family Life Desk on ‘Africa’s Commitment’ (Africae Munus)  and the family.

23^rd June –  cohosted by Daughters of St Paul and MARFAM. Africa’s Commitment, Men, Boys and the Family.

1^st September – Africa’s Commitment – Marriage and You.

• MARRIAGE AND YOU – A Marriage Awareness campaign from 26 August until MARRIAGE DAY on 7^th October. Marriage is for you, bishops, priests, sisters, all lay people young and old. It is a sacrament of the Church and for the Church. Married couples are our couples, responsible to us and our responsibility too.  Resources will be made available and others are invited to share their own materials.
• Networking continues with the National Department for Social Development, especially on men and the DSD programme of Family Preservation which will be rolled out to Faith Based Organisations. Consultations on the Green Paper (downloaded from www.dsd.gov.za) for the National Family Policy are being held in the various provinces. Contact local DSD office to offer and obtain help.

BITS AND BYTES

FAMILIES AND WORK. This important topic is included in the World Meeting of Families and the UN International Day of Families.  See article in December Bulletin of the Vienna NGO Committee on the Family  www.viennafamilycommittee.org.   Work is an issue for all families, most of whom are worse off now than they were a few years ago. Retrenchment and unemployment are major concerns.  In poorer communities social grants may be the main source of income and the very high rate of youth unemployment is recognised as a social timebomb.  Faith sharing groups can include the topic from FAMILY MATTERS magazine or any general article in their sessions especially around Workers’ Day on 1^st May.

CULTURE OF LIFE and anti-abortion campaigns.

Johannesburg. Through the local group’s efforts two pregnancy crisis homes will shortly be opened in the Gauteng area. They will be staffed by Sisters of Charity of Jesus and Mary in South Africa.   Donations are always needed. Contact Michelle Joseph 082 609 6919 for more information. martinjoseph@telkomsa.net.   Some other dioceses have similar campaigns.   Also see www.hli.co.za

ONE MILLION ROSARIES FOR UNBORN BABIES. This multinational prayer event is scheduled to happen May 4^th – 6^th Participants will be praying the Rosary for an end to the surgical and non-surgical killing of unborn human persons. Contacts   www.SaintMichaelTheArchangelOrganization.org Other Culture of Life Association involvements are in Sexuality Education, Theology of the Body and Natural Family Planning.

More on MEN IN FAMILIES. What role do they play?   What resources are there?

• FAMILY MATTERS, MARFAM magazine explores the role of men in families in some detail and has a summary of the United Nations research document Men in Families.   www.un.org/esa/socdev/family/docs/men-in-families.pdf
• The movie COURAGEOUS is available on DVD and is a great resource to reflect on fatherhood.  Men can be successful law enforcers but how do they rate as fathers?   Use as a parish family fundraiser too.
• www.men-care.org a global fatherhood campaign was launched in South Africa last year.
• Recognised men’s movements in the Church include the KNIGHTS OF DA GAMA www.kdg.co.za , the St Joseph’s Sodality which is active in many and mainly the rural dioceses and the Catholic Men’s AssocIation  (CMA)  victor.sofala@eskom.co.za.
• Some dioceses and parishes have started their own men’s groups or forums.  Share with us your comments or other useful websites in particular on the role of men not only in Church but especially in the family.   Men’s groups in parishes could too easily be focused purely on men’s own issues not on their role in families.

CHRISTIAN UNITY WEEK from Ascension Thursday to Pentecost annually. Has as its 2012 theme  “We will all be changed by the victory of our Lord Jesus Christ.” From 1 Cor 15:51-58.   Google or visit www.oikoumene.org.

RADIO VERITAS GOES BIG. South Africa’s own Catholic radio station has spread its reach way beyond Gauteng on channel 576AM. Broadcasting on DSTV audio channel 170 and streaming on the internet continues.  Catholic radio has got off the ground extremely well and can become a powerful and valued resource in the community, to inform and inspire listeners with music, magazine programmes, talk shows and lectures.

A number of programmes are hosted by volunteers   FAMILY MATTERS hosted by Toni Rowland Wednesday 9-10 am. Feel free to call, sms or email with your views and insights.

AFRICAE MUNUS, GAUDIUM ET SPES and more

Africae Munus, Pope Benedict’s Apostolic Exhortation from the 2^nd African Synod is translated as “Africa’s Commitment.” Its opening paragraph reads,  “Africa’s commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ is a precious treasure which I entrust to the bishops, priests, permanent deacons, consecrated persons, catechists and lay faithful. Through this mission Africa is led to explore its Christian vocation more deeply, to live reconciliation between individuals and communities and to promote peace and justice in truth for all.”  AM1.

The Hope and Joy campaign informs us about Gaudium et Spes and the teachings of Vatican II 50 years on.  Familiaris Consortio the Apostolic Exhortation in 1981after the Synod on the Family developed some of this teaching and continues to be mentioned in more recent documents.

CORRESPONDENCE

SEKWELE CENTRE FOR SOCIAL REFLECTION. Fr Brian Williams brian@sekwele.net. Reports on an Evangelisation project that will in future also possibly include Parish Family Ministry.

Austin Ruse   austin.ruse@c-fam.org sends out regular updates on abortion and life issues from the UN.

USEFUL WEBSITES AND RESOURCES FOR FAMILIES

Contact information for Catholic family movements and organizations in Southern African region: www.marfam.org.za/blog.

Most address aspects of marriage, some include parenting. Cape Town archdiocese offers a Basic Parenting programme.   For more information on this contact Jean Hendricks  jean.hendricks@pastoraldevelopment.co.za

Some dioceses have a counselling resource or referral lists.  Enquire locally.

SA Department for Social Development has a network of social workers across the country. Some are trained in Family Preservation and Parenting programmes and more.  www.dsd.gov.za.

FAMSA. www.famsa.org.za has offices across the country offering counselling, marriage preparation, family education.

FAMILY LIFE CENTRE an affiliate of FAMSA in Johannesburg area  www.familylife.co.za offers counselling and education and preventative programmes including a Family Law clinic in Soweto.   Active in Johannesburg since 1949!

www.foryourmarriage.org US Catholic Bishops sponsored monthly newsletter on marriage and family life.

www.catholiceducation.org/updates/latest.htm Catholic Education Resource Centre not only for educators but any adults.

http://firstthings.org/page/newsletter/ US based Christian family site with loads of articles on parenting

www.sisterrosemovies.com Sr Rose Pacatte reviews many movies regularly.

www.smartmarriages.com carries many articles on marriage and family life.

Discover www.awestruck.co.za a new initiative, an online Catholic social network and community based in Cape Town.

FAMILY SPIRITUALITY

Suggestions for May and June on the Parenting and Youth themes.

• COMMITMENT! FAMILY FIRST!  Invite the family to make a commitment to A FAMILY HOUR, once a week at least.  This kind of simple commitment to spending time together is recommended by psychologists, family therapists as well as family ministers.  There are many MARFAM resources available or use any relevant topic as a starter.  Practise devotion to Our Lady, pray the rosary.  Plan the Mothers and Fathers’ Day celebrations.  Discuss the “Take a Girl Child to Work Campaign.” Is it fair? What about the boy child?
• Participate in the Million Rosaries for Unborn Babies campaign. www.SaintMichaelTheArchangelOrganization.org
• Use the booklets DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY. Choose some of the daily reflections with the suggested simple Family Hour format using a life situation, a scripture or Church passage, reflection and sharing and deciding on any action required, then finally ending with shared prayer.
• Workers’ Day, International Day for Families, World Meeting of Families resources are mentioned above.
• Check out www.marfam.org.za.blog/liturgies and blessings for Mothers or Fathers’ Days and a reflection for youth TO WHOM DO I BELONG?
• Pray the Stations of Light with reflections from Easter Sunday until Pentecost. Booklets from Bosco Centre 011 949 2360.    See picture.
• Christian Unity week is a chance for families with different denominations to reflect, share and pray together. Google or visit www.oikoumene.org
• Celebrate Pentecost.  Consider the gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit as present in the family.  Reflection sheet available.

FINALLY AND ON A LIGHTER NOTE:

LIVING WITH TEENS TODAY

With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, our schedule was hectic. To add to this, we kept running out of household supplies. I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a note pad on the fridge.  As a reminder, I wrote at the top: “IF WE ARE OUT OF IT, WRITE IT DOWN.”  When I checked the pad a few days later, I found the following message: “MOM, YOU MAY BE A BIT OLD-FASHIONED, BUT YOU ARE NOT ‘OUT OF IT.”‘

Martin had just passed his test and got his driver’s license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. “I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” says the beaming boy to his father. “Nope,” comes dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you’ve been doing to me all these years.

Son:  Dad, where are the Himalayas?   Father:  If you’d put things away you’d know where to find them.

“Son, you sure do ask a lot of questions,” said the father. “I’d like to know what would have happened if I’d asked as many questions when I was a boy.” “Perhaps,” said the boy, “you’d have been able to answer some of mine.”

MARFAM’s vision since its start in 1995 has been the renewal of family life in the Church through education and enrichment.  Publications are a resource for families, educators, parishes and for the work of the Family Life Desk of the Southern African Catholic Bishops’ Conference. Read more at www.marfam.org.za/blog

We thank our advertisers for their support and ask readers to support them in turn.  Financial contributions towards MARFAM’s ministry are also most welcome.  Details supplied on request.

MOTHERHOOD
If I live in a house of spotless beauty with everything in its place
but have not love, I am a housekeepr, not a homemaker.

If I have time for cleaning, polishing and decorative achievements
but have not love, my children learn cleanliness, not godliness.

Love leaves the dust in search of a child’s laugh.
Love smiles at the tiny fingerprints on a newly-cleaned window.
Love wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled milk.
Love picks up the child before it picks up the toys.

Love is present through the joys and trials,
Love reprimands, encourages and is responsive.
Love crawls with the baby, walks with the toddler, runs with the child,
accompanies yet stands aside as the youth walks into adulthood,
where even then a mother’s love remains on call.

Love is the key that opens salvation’s message to a child’s heart.
As a mother there is much I must teach my child.
But the greatest of these is love.

FATHERHOOD
If I speak in the slang of my teens and understand the language of their peers, but do not give them love, I am just like so much noise falling on their ears.
If I could tell my children exactly what their future holds;  if I knew everything ahead of them, and  if I believe that someday each one of them will be successful,  but do not give them love, I am nothing.
If I give them everything they want;  if I sacrifice all I have – even my life – for them,  but do not love them, they gain nothing.
A father’s love is patient even with straying offspring.
·    It is kind to the daughter who is hurting, even if it is her own fault. It never says: “I told you so!”
·    Fatherly love is not rude, even to the rebellious son, nor easily angered by his ways.
·    A father’s love does not delight in dire predictions which come to pass,  but rejoices at the slightest sign of reform in the teen who drifts away.
·    Fatherly love protects the toddler; firmly guides the adolescent;  hopes for those who falter year after year.
·    A father’s love never gives up.
Our plans for the future may fail.    Our advice may be refused.  Our knowledge may fall short, for we do not know everything and we cannot control our children.  But we can always love.
When I was a young father, I was a visionary.   I had all the formulas for successful child-rearing.  But when my children grew up, I had to put those immature ideas behind me.
Now I have no answers; I know so little and my understanding is limited.   Only in heaven will I know the rest. There my understanding will be complete. My joy will be total and my tears will be wiped away.
Three things I have now:
FAITH that my children will remember their training;
HOPE that this will influence their lives for the better,
and  LOVE that continues no matter what. And the greatest of these three is LOVE!      (With acknowledgements to St Paul!)

Autumn is still a season of promise

not merely the peeling of the farewell gong.

For every creature in God’s creation

autumn’s fingers creep over us once in every year.

The searing heat of summer ends.

The joys of the fullness of maturity have been celebrated

and begin to fade.

The flowers and fruits relinquish their bright dominance.

They have given themselves in their glory,

so often hardly noticed,

hardly appreciated with gratitude.

For us the creatures in God’s creation

autumn creeps over us somewhere along life’s course.

The bright energy of summer flags.

The joys of the fullness of maturity have been celebrated

and begin to fade,

We relinquish our bright dominance.

We have given ourselves in our glory,

so often hardly noticed,

hardly appreciated with gratitude.

And yet

What is maturity, of the year or of the years?

What is the promise of autumn?

The cosmos flowers only spread their glory

in the autumn of the year.

There are flowers, fruits, so many other creatures

that appear not to reach the autumn of their days,

their life cut short before its apparent span.

Is their autumn only a moment,

a brief glance back over their shoulder

at the glory they have spread?

Is maturity not a task of every season

to have been ourselves and given ourselves in glory,

often hardly noticed,

hardly appreciated with gratitude?

Is that autumn’s promise……………and gift?

TR     9^th January 2002

Autumn's Promise

When I asked Fr Sammy Mabusela, the new secretary for Youth at the SACBC to write an article on youth, fathers and families he firstly shared something deep and personal, his own pain at not having his father as an active player in his life.

“I would start by saying that this generation is a fatherless generation. I am saying this from personal experience because I grew up without a father. What I could not reconcile with was the fact that we had to say the Our Father prayer in my home , one of the first prayers that my grandmother taught me.

From the prayer, I understood that a father was supposed to be someone that you are proud of and who is a role model to you, but then how could I have him as a role model if he was not there, when I could not even feel his presence? Fathers were supposed to instil values and be a disciplinarian, but how could I do the will of the father who is not there.

Fathers are supposed to provide and protect their families, how could mine provide when he was not there.

As children we are supposed to run to our fathers for protection and security but now we run away from them because they are causing us enormous pain by abusing us emotionally, physically and psychologically.

Despite them being disciplinarians, they are supposed to teach us forgiveness, but instead we learn to fight, hurt and cause pain, because in our homes if they are there, all we hear and see is shouting and screaming, not shouts of joy because the person who is my Daddy is home.

We end up being bitter, resentful and full of rage and this is manifested in the violent people we become at home, school and in church.

We end up feeling unworthy and unwanted and then we become tempted to have destructive behaviour, indulging in drug abuse or alcohol abuse, because we want to fill the void that is inside of us,  a hunger for love, which is a hunger for God, for God is love.

It never ceased to amaze me that this man (father) has the same title as Father (God), who is love and this father has to teach me and be the earthly father who emulates the heavenly Father. How will I know, love and follow the heavenly Father, if the earthly father is not there and is not bothered to teach me who He is?

In an interview we discussed the vision and work of the Youth Desk.  His aim is to establish a strong network, effective youth chaplains and ultimately to provide holistic formation to youth through programmes such as Education for Life or around Theology of the Body.

Fr Sammy shared that he had always had an interest in youth work and believed that youth were not given a hearing and that their talents and gifts to the Church and the country are neglected.  His own personal story has a bearing on this too.  He spoke with great love and respect about his paternal grandmother who had brought him up.   His own parents hardly featured in his life and he has little contact with his siblings.  His grandfather died when he was only 6 years old.  However he considered father figures in the community to be an important and a  valuable influence on him claiming that children need someone to journey with, to nurture them physically, spiritually and mentally as a whole person.

We discussed the broader issue of fathering.   I asked if  the community provided a father figure, why then did he have difficulty with equating God with such a figure.  He observed that in spite of this support he believes that every child has a need for their own father, to relate to closely in order to be able to relate to God as a father.   God was clearly not a mother figure either. The image of God as Father based on a child’s life experience can be very inadequate. Mentor too, doesn’t fit the bill. “Too distant and businesslike” he claimed.

We touched on the role of the priest as father.  He sees himself as fatherly and called to be so, having a personal involvement in child-care projects.  A sad result of the abuse scandals has been the need for priests to withdraw from the “fatherly” and the close contact with children that many did enjoy.

An important question for the Youth Desk is, “How can the Desk go about formation of youth as future parents, boys as fathers too.”   We agreed that collaboration with the Family Life Desk can  help to provide that component  “You’d be amazed how many youth are, in their heart of hearts, interested in a good marriage and raising good families” he said.

There are massive external pressures to be socially acceptable. The lack of extramural activities for some rural youth also contributes to boys and girls being sexually active.  Sometimes girls, especially those who have been deprived of a father in their life, are looking for a father figure in an older man or even a boy.  Can the attitude really still be true that “if he doesn’t beat you he doesn’t love you?”    Do we still have a long way to go to impress on adults the importance of fathers being there for their children and to affirm in youth the concept of a future healthy marriage and a healthy family?

A true father is not one engaged in domestic violence or even a disciplinarian but primarily one who is intimately connected and seen as a protector, provider and carer.  Like God.

2012 FAMILY THEME “DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY”

JUNE THEME: YOUTH MATTERS

DAY BY DAY DEAR LORD THREE THINGS I PRAY, TO SEE THEE MORE CLEARLY, LOVE THEE MORE DEARLY, FOLLOW THEE MORE NEARLY

Selected reflections from  MARFAM’S DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY, Part 2 for individuals, families and groups.

JUNE FAMILY THEME : YOUTH MATTERS. We all recognise the importance of youth in society, as they of course hold our future in their hands.  But that is quite an abstract idea.   Will they be working, or social net-working, building houses, marrying, having children or shopping for the latest gadgets, apart from eating, drinking and seeking to enjoy life?   Are we in our generation providing the youth with the tools they need or are they choosing and building their own? Are we listening to their hopes and dreams? Day by Day let us pray for and with them. They deserve the best we can offer for their sake and ours.

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.1 Timothy 4:12 NIV

2012 – DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY

MARFAM’s vision since its start in 1995 has been the renewal of family life in the Church through education and enrichment.  Publications are a resource for families, educators, parishes and for the work of the Family Life Desk of the Southern African Catholic Bishops’ Conference. Read more at www.marfam.org.za/blog

We thank our advertisers for their support and ask readers to support them in turn.  Financial contributions towards MARFAM’s ministry are also most welcome.  Details supplied on request.

CHURCH OF THE RESURRECTION, BRYANSTON, JOHANNESBURG

CONTENTS

Don’t get me Wrong!

MARFAM News.
- New look magazine FAMILY MATTERS (p)

SACBC Family Life Desk News and activities, Parish Family Ministry news
- 2012 and April theme “God and Families”
- May – a Month for Family and Life,  World Meeting of Families Milan ..

BITS AND BYTES:    RADIO VERITAS, Men, Work and Families and more…..

CORRESPONDENCE.

FAMILY SPIRITUALITY suggestions

FINALLY …..  on the lighter side

Stained glass window at Church of the Resurrection, Bryanston, Johannesburg

DAY BY DAY, DEAR LORD, THREE THINGS I PRAY

TO SEE THEE MORE CLEARLY, LOVE THEE MORE DEARLY, FOLLOW THEE MORE NEARLY.

Download Printable Version

You can communicate with us through our blog or facebook page.

DONT GET ME WRONG

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not really bogged down with the idea of rights and wrongs that was Family Matters’ topic last month, but family rights have occupied my mind quite a lot through speaking and thinking about it here and there.

In our interactions with others do we always say what we mean and mean what we say? Can you believe what you see and trust the people you come across?  Every South African would say you can’t; we’re absolutely hung up on lack of trust. I sat for an hour at the local government office to sort out a billing problem of non-receipt of a services account for very many months. I studied the vision statement on the wall. “Our vision is to be a world class revenue and customer collection department.”  Don’t get me wrong, but I asked myself, “What is meant by world class and could it not have read customer services department?”

Once again it is the time of the year to be focusing on passion. The Passion of Jesus comes to mind immediately of course but passion is also popularly used in coaching and modern business management, passion as a positive, inspirational force that can drive us to do great things. Does a vision statement inspire passion?  Was it not the consequence of the passion he had for his mission, given to him by his Father, that brought about Jesus’ betrayal and ultimately his death?  Passion has to do with strong feelings, can be positive or negative but hardly in between.

Don’t get me wrong, I am definitely not saying abortion is OK, but I admit that I began to feel uneasy at the Culture of Life Mass and march on 24^th March. It was beautifully put together, music and homilies and addresses were good, but I said to myself, “How come the Cathedral is so full of people, the majority of them youth, to “stand up” against this form of abuse of human rights?  Are they passionate or why are they here? Do they have experience, have they thought about the fact that abortion is not something one chooses as an activity out of the blue, but a step – a terminal one – taken after a series of actions that resulted in a pregnancy which is considered unwanted?”  I asked some of the young people what they learned. They answered, “abortion is wrong.”  So I asked them, “Is having sex OK, becoming another teenage pregnancy statistic OK, as long as you don’t kill your unborn baby?”  Now there was a question that seemed to leave them rather puzzled.

Don’t get me wrong, but my point is we have things we are passionate about, whether it is saving the rhino or drinking and driving.  My passion is that true family values, honesty, integrity, chastity, commitment, parenting skills, communication between generations and above all love (not luv) are important elements in a whole process that could have led to a choice about abortion, yes or no. My passion is to be concerned about the bigger picture, to create the environment and build relationships that are loving, lifegiving and forgiving. Can that all be built into a big event around World Aids Day, Human Rights Day or Culture of Life, or does it need a gentler more reflective atmosphere, or maybe both?  What kind of conversion experience can lead us to a deeper understanding and acceptance of the Passion and Death of our Saviour? It was for those among us who do have abortions and suffer, for those parents and grandparents who see their children dropping by the wayside and suffer and for all those who have given their lives in the service of others too.  These men and women also suffer and like all of us experience the Resurrection when new and renewed life springs up in little and big ways.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to talk, but it’s not simple, suffering hurts. The more we love, the more it hurts, the greater the pain, the greater the joy. Wrong or right?

“Don’t get me wrong, but… !” is the kind of thing we might say when we are defensive about our own strong feelings or make a somewhat controversial remark and then try to down-play it to minimise any negative response.  Standing before Pilate Jesus could have said, “Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to overthrow the Roman government. No way. I am just presenting my passion for another kind of vision, a world class one, but an otherworldly one, a service-orientated one. I’ve just told my friends, ‘Love one another as I have loved you.’ That is my passion too.”

Day by Day with God and Family may you experience the passion that makes a family tick and stick together through thick and thin. May you experience God’s passion for us his creatures in these intimate relationships. This Holy Week and Easter, as you reflect on your crosses and his, may you also come to see the Resurrection times that are uniquely yours, with him.  Got me, right?

Toni Rowland

PS.  Don’t get me wrong, but was the Red Bull ad with Jesus walking on the water more or less offensive to you then having your Woollies hot cross buns stamped halaal? Let me know what you think.

MARFAM NEWS

LOOK OUT FOR THE NEW LOOK MAGAZINE  FAMILY MATTERS

The magazine renamed FAMILY MATTERS – to confirm a brand name –  will be available by mid April.  There will be 3 magazines for the year each with a main focus. Parenting and Men are the topics for this 1^st issue. There are in

NEW LOOK MAGAZINE

formative articles e.g. Parenting is for Life, Parenting and the Law, and some inspirational articles e.g. “I am a Mother” as well as a catecheses, on Work-Family balance, from the Pontifical Council for the Family for the 7^th World Meeting of Families.  We hope that the magazine will be a meaningful resource for discerning readers, educators, priests and those involved in ministering to families in family movements and diocesan offices too.   Topics for the next issues are August – Marriage  and November – the start of the Year of Faith.

Part 2 of DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY is still relevant with reflections for the Easter season until Pentecost Sunday when part 3 with the next 100 thoughts follows.  The format mainly is a short look at a life and a relevant scripture or spiritual passage.  Extracts for April are published on the blogsite and translations of these can be requested by email.  So far the booklets have been well received in places within our reach, but in our region with around 4 million Catholics there is still great scope for growth.  Are they not all family people of one kind or another?

There is no particular article on the web for April but a series of short reflection poems from Palm Sunday to Easter Monday from the current Day by Day with God and Family booklet are published there.

MARFAM’S  17^th annual report for 2011 is published on our website under other.

SACBC 2012 Family Year Planner calendar is still popular. Many families are using the year planner with all their important family dates, birthdays, anniversaries of weddings and deaths, special family occasions and so on, so as to remember them and pray the DAY BY DAY prayer.  Calendars and the booklets can well be sold together.

CURRENT AND RELEVANT PUBLICATIONS AND COSTS: See website for more publications

FAMILY MATTERS –NEW LOOK 24 page magazine.  R12.

2012 Year Planner calendar. Bulk orders now R1 each plus postage

DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY part 2 booklets cost R10 each with bulk prices of R8 for 20+ and R7 for 50+.

STATIONS OF THE CROSS FOR FAMILIES, English, Afrikaans, Zulu, Sotho, Tswana.   Cost R5.

STATIONS OF THE CROSS FOR THOSE WHO ARE WIDOWED, in English, Zulu and Tswana.   Cost R5

PARENTING A LABOUR OF LOVE, 6 sessions for reflection and sharing in groups or families on aspects of parenting. Cost R10.

HELLO MARY for young children is useful for the month of May.

2012 SUBSCRIPTIONS covering all current publications for the year are due. R150 for 1 copy,  R170 for 2 and R200 for 3 copies.   See www.marfam.org.za/blog for more information.

FROM THE FAMILY LIFE DESK. FAMILIES BECOME WHAT YOU ARE, and BUILDING A FAMILY CHURCH. These are based on the 4 tasks of families outlined in the document Familiaris Consortio. They are for faith sharing using the Pastoral Cycle (SEE, JUDGE, ACT) approach.  Cost R6 and R5.

SACBC FAMILY LIFE DESK NEWS From the Coordinator’s Desk.

Information about all recognised national family organisations is listed on www.marfam.org.za/blog.  Contact them for their news.  A slot on www.sacbc.org.za will in future also provide this news.

The family theme for 2012 is DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY is incorporated into the Family Life Desk’s activities in particular into parish family ministry. The reflections published on the website are extracts from the 100 reflections booklet DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY and the selected ones are also translated into local languages as before.

The family calendar/year planner and parish family ministry workshops in particular will promote these for developing family spirituality, relationship enrichment and for creating awareness of family issues at parish level.

1. (15 in the booklet.) APRIL THEME. GOD AND FAMILIES.

Family spirituality and prayer are important throughout the whole year but as Holy Week and Easter usually fall in April spirituality has become the special family theme for the month. Family prayer, particularly the rosary, was promoted through the campaign “The Family that prays together stays together.” Spirituality is more than saying prayers which could sometimes become empty words. Everyone has spirituality, an awareness of God’s presence in some way in their lives. Recognising God’s presence then within family relationships and sharing on this with one another is a very special gift for strengthening families.

For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the midst of them. Matthew 18:19.

March was taken up with meetings, parish visits to promote the concept of Parish Family Ministry, the theme HUMAN RIGHTS ARE FAMILY RIGHTS and materials for use in families as this must be seen as one of the most important aspect of family ministry.  Also included this month was participation in the anti-abortion Culture of Life Mass and march on 24^th March during which the organisers handed over a petition to an official at the Constitutional Court.

PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY

Various dioceses have family offices or coordinators and their programmes vary from place to place as to how they are structured and what activities are run. The SACBC Family Life Desk Parish Family Ministry programme is a comprehensive one with a specific focus and content which potentially addresses all areas of marriage and family life.  In order to run it effectively as a parish project training and ongoing formation is offered and resource material e.g. calendar is provided.

The three components address:

1. The parish as a community of families through events, celebrations, programmes, prayer.

2. Developing family spirituality through encouraging Family Hour, family prayer and relationship building activities.

3. Addressing particular identified needs in a variety of ways, e.g. referrals or counselling.   Support from the parish priest, PPC and a team of volunteers to coordinate the activities is important.

PFM FORMATION

• DEEPENING WORKSHOP 13-15 APRIL KOINONIA, JOHANNESBURG. Intended for those already involved.
• PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY INTRODUCTORY WORKSHOP  3-5 AUGUST, GAUTENG.
• PFM workshops elsewhere in the country are being planned. Contact me for details.

MAY – A MONTH FOR FAMILY AND LIFE approved by SA Catholic Bishops Conference and to be commemorated throughout the region in each diocese, parish and home as well as by sodalities and any other bodies as appropriate.  The theme is PARENTING IS FOR LIFE. Notices have been sent out within the network and a general leaflet and prayer are published on www.marfam.org.za/blog.   What will your parish do?  Formation : running parenting workshops, family retreat?  Social and community elements, e.g. picnic or concert?  Will it be the start of an ongoing project e.g. men mentoring boys?

“Moments with Mom” and “Dates with Dad” are other ideas and I will happily share your suggestions.

• 1^st May /6^th May – Workers’ Day/Sunday.   Feast of St Joseph the Worker.

• 12^TH MAY CONFERENCE FOR LEADERS OF FAMILY MOVEMENTS AND DIOCESAN FAMILY COORDINATORS. Coordinators of the recognised national family movements and organisations and diocesan family coordinators are invited to participate, share and network with one another around the theme PARENTING AND THE ROLE OF MEN as well as share on their common concerns in their particular ministry to families.

• 13^th May – Mothers’ Day.   Possible theme: Parenting is for Moms and Dads. Celebrate in the home, the parish, or in larger groups.   Visit www.marfam.org.za/blog or contact MARFAM  info@marfam.org.za

• 15^th May – UN INTERNATIONAL DAY FOR FAMILIES each year. Theme for 2012 concerns work-life balance.   Visit www.un.org/esa/socdev/family/IDF.html for more information

• 7^th WORLD MEETING OF FAMILIES 2012, Milan Italy 30 May to 3 June. Visit www.family2012.com for all information, leaflet, poster, prayer and catechesis on chosen topics around the theme “The Family: Work and Celebration”.  The Holy Father writes, “The upcoming World Meeting of Families affords a privileged opportunity to rethink work and celebration in the perspective of a family that is united and open to life, thoroughly integrated in society and in the Church, attentive to the quality of relationship in addition to the economy of the family nucleus itself.”

A small team of delegates from our region is booked to go and enjoy the information, interaction, fellowship, networking and of course the sight-seeing in Milan and, I  believe, a visit to and performance at the worldfamous La Scala opera house.

OTHER FUTURE EVENTS AND NOTICES:

• 2 CONFERENCES co-hosted by Daughters of St Paul and the SACBC Family Life Desk on ‘Africa’s Commitment’ (Africae Munus)  and the family.
  23^rd June – Africa’s Commitment – Men and Boys and the Family.
  1^st September – Africa’s Commitment – Marriage and You.

• MARRIAGE AND YOU – A Marriage Awareness campaign from 26 August until MARRIAGE DAY celebration on 7^th October. Marriage is for you, bishops, priests, sisters, all lay people young and old. It is a sacrament of the Church and for the Church. Married couples are our couples, responsible to us and our responsibility too.  Resources will be made available and others are invited to share their own materials.
• Collaboration continues with the National Department for Social Development, in particular on the issue of men and their programme of Family Preservation where there is a plan to roll this out to Faith Based Organisations. Consultations on the Green Paper for the Draft National Family Policy will also be offered. The green paper can be downloaded from www.dsd.gov.za. The DSD conference on Early Child Development has highlighted this area too where the Church plays in important role in rural dioceses such as Kimberley where it has more than 60 ECD centres. (see our Alf advert for ECD resources)

BITS AND BYTES

FAMILIES AND WORK. This is part of the theme for the World Meeting of Families and also of the UN International Day of Families.  See December Quarterly Bulletin of the Vienna NGO Committee on the Family  www.viennafamilycommittee.org.    Work is an issue for all families most of whom are worse off now than they were a few years ago. Retrenchment and unemployment are major concerns.  In poorer communities social grants may be the main source of income and the very high rate of youth unemployment is seen as a social timebomb.  Faith sharing groups can include this topic in their sessions especially around Workers’ Day on 1^st May.

CULTURE OF LIFE and anti-abortion campaigns Johannesburg.

The Johannesburg CULTURE OF LIFE group hosted very successfully  its annual Mass on 24^th March. Many hundreds of people, the majority of whom young, attended and many joined in the walk to Constitution Hill to hand over a petition expressing the Church’s views continuing to  condemn abortion and call for a repeal of the law. Through the group’s efforts two pregnancy crisis homes will shortly be opened in the Johannesburg area. They will be staffed by Sisters of Charity of Jesus and Mary in South Africa.   Donations are always needed. Contact Michelle Joseph 082 609 6919 for more information. Some other dioceses have similar campaigns.   Also see www.hli.co.za

MEN IN FAMILIES.    What role do they play?   What resources are there?

• FAMILY MATTERS, The new MARFAM magazine explores the role of men in families in some detail and includes a summary of the United Nations research document Men in Families.   Download from www.un.org/esa/socdev/family/docs/men-in-families.pdf
• The movie COURAGEOUS will shortly be available on DVD and is a useful resource to reflect on fatherhood.  Men can be successful law enforcers but how do they rate as fathers?
• www.men-care.org a global fatherhood campaign was launched in South Africa last year.
• Recognised men’s movements in the Church include the KNIGHTS OF DA GAMA www.kdg.co.za , the St Joseph’s Sodality which is active in many and mainly the rural dioceses and the Catholic Men’s AssocIation  (CMA)  victor.sofala@eskom.co.za.
• Some dioceses and parishes have started their own men’s groups or forums.  Share with us your comments or other useful websites in particular on the role of men not only in Church but especially in the family.   Men’s groups in parishes could too easily be focused purely on men’s own issues not on their role in families.

Toni and Hanna at Radio Veritas

VERITAS RADIO GOES BIG. South Africa’s own Catholic radio station  spreads its reach beyond Gauteng on channel 576 AM from Easter Sunday. Broadcasting on DSTV audio channel 170 and streaming on the internet continues.  Catholic radio can become a more powerful and valued resource in the community, to inform and inspire listeners with music, magazine programmes, talk shows and lectures.

A number of programmes are hosted by volunteers   FAMILY MATTERS is hosted by me and regular listeners please note its time slot will change from Wednesday 10-11  to Wednesday 9-10.   It will become more interactive with the potential to really make its mark, with phone-ins, emails and sms messages and more, to really intimidate this technologically challenged presenter!

AFRICAE MUNUS, GAUDIUM ET SPES and more

Hope and Joy, Gaudium et Spes are commonly heard terms these days as the community gets to know and learn more of the teachings of Vatican II on a wide range of topics.  The vision of the family as the domestic church was revived by Vatican II from the early church, developed more deeply by Pope John Paul II in Familiaris Consortio in 1981 Apostolic Exhortation after the Synod on the Family and continues to be mentioned in more recent documents.   Africa’s Commitment, Africae Munus, the document from the 2^nd African Synod speaks of the family as the “the best setting for learning and applying the culture of forgiveness, peace and reconciliation. ‘In a healthy family life we experience some of the fundamental elements of peace: justice and love between brothers and sisters, the role of authority expressed by parents, loving concern for the members who are weaker because of youth, sickness or old age, mutual help in the necessities of life, readiness to accept others and, if necessary, to forgive them. For this reason, the family is the first and indispensable teacher of peace.’”  (AM43)

CORRESPONDENCE

SEKWELE CENTRE FOR SOCIAL REFLECTION. Fr Brian Williams sent a report of a Study Circle held in Bethlehem with local communities.  Newly  trained facilitators led groups on the overall theme of Conflict Management in the Household. They touched on subjects of rights, decisionmaking, conflict management and running a family.

Austin Ruse   austin.ruse@c-fam.org sends out regular updates on abortion and life issues from the UN.

FACEBOOK is a growing resource.  What with Wild Goose and Opulent Living who knows what is next………

USEFUL WEBSITES AND RESOURCES FOR FAMILIES

Contact information for Catholic family movements and organizations in Southern African region: www.marfam.org.za/blog.

Most address aspects of marriage, some include parenting. Cape Town archdiocese offers a Basic Parenting programme.   For more information contact Jean Hendricks  jean.hendricks@pastoraldevelopment.co.za

Some dioceses have a counselling resource or referral lists.  Enquire locally.

SA Department for Social Development has a network of social workers across the country. Some are trained in Family Preservation and Parenting programmes and more.  www.dsd.gov.za.

FAMSA. www.famsa.org.za has offices across the country offering counselling, marriage preparation, family education.

FAMILY LIFE CENTRE an affiliate of FAMSA in Johannesburg area  www.familylife.co.za offers counselling and education and preventative programmes including a Family Law clinic in Soweto.   Active in Johannesburg since 1949!

www.foryourmarriage.org US Catholic Bishops sponsored monthly newsletter on marriage and family life.

www.catholiceducation.org/updates/latest.htm Catholic Education Resource Centre not only for educators but any adults.

http://firstthings.org/page/newsletter/ US based Christian family site with loads of articles on parenting

www.sisterrosemovies.com Sr Rose Pacatte reviews many movies regularly.

www.smartmarriages.com carries many articles on marriage and family life.

Discover www.awestruck.co.za a new initiative, an online Catholic social network and community based in Cape Town.

FAMILY SPIRITUALITY

Suggestions for April on the theme: God and Family.

• FAMILY FIRST!  Invite the family to make a commitment to observe the last few days of Lent and enter into the Holy Week and Easter season in a meaningful way, ideally together or as best suits the family. .
• Check out www.marfam.org.za.blog/liturgies and blessings. Consider holding a family prayer meal, reconciliation service, a Easter blessing of the home, veneration of the cross in the family, remembering our baptism.
• How can Easter Monday be a Family Day in SA, also remembering those family members that are far away.
• Reflect and share on the theme of freedom to commemorate Freedom Day on 27^th April.
• Use the booklet DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY. Choose some of the daily reflections with the suggested simple Family Hour format using a life situation, a scripture or Church passage, reflection and sharing and deciding on any action required, then finally ending with shared prayer.
• Pray the Stations of the Cross for Families in a language of choice. These booklets also reflect on daily family life realities linking them with the passion of Jesus.
• Pray the Stations of Light with reflections fom Easter Sunday until Pentecost. Booklets from Bosco Centre 011 949 2360.
• Find out more about the Divine Mercy devotion.
• Google Easter making and baking and choose age-appropriate ideas, e.g. making and decorating Easter eggs, making an Easter garden, Easter bonnets, baking hot cross buns or Easter cookies.

FINALLY AND ON A LIGHTER NOTE:

The SA Interdiocesan Consultation is asking people to reflect on their understanding of the nature of the Church and their relationship with Jesus.   Children’s questions sometimes make us sit up and take notice.

Again from FREE DOWNLOAD:  The book ‘Laughing At Ourselves’ in PDF format  http://www.wwj.org.nz/laugh.php

233. The Children of Israel
At the Country Church Sunday School, the new teacher finished the day’s lesson. It was now question time.  “Teacher,” announced little Joey, “there’s somethin’ I can’t figure out.”

“What’s that, Joey?”
“Well, accordin’ to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?”  “Right.”
“An’ the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?”  “Er-right.”
“An’ the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?”
“An’ the Children of Israel fought the ‘gyptians, an’ the Children of Israel
“Again you’re right.” fought the Romans, an’ the Children of Israel wuz always doin’ somethin’ important, right?”
“All that is right, too,” agreed the teacher. “So what’s your question?”
“What I wanna know is this,” demanded Joey. “What wuz all the grown-ups doin’ all that time?”

(The children of the Hebrews bearing olive branches went to meet the Lord… Palm Sunday.)

231. A Big GOD
On the way home from church, the little girl turned to her mother, “Mommy, Father’s  sermon this morning confused me.”
The mother said, “Oh! Why is that? The girl replied, “Well, he said that God is bigger than we are. Is that true?”
“Yes, that’s true,” the mother replied.
“He also said that God lives within us. Is that true too?” Again the mother replied, “Yes.”
“Well,” said the girl. “If God is bigger than us and He lives in us, wouldn’t He show through?”

2012 FAMILY THEME “DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY”

APRIL THEME: GOD AND FAMILIES

Reflections from DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY, Part II a MARFAM booklet of 100 thoughts for the day for use by individuals, families and groups for the whole Lent and Easter season to accompany the 2012 SACBC Family Life Desk calendar. For the calendar and booklet contact info@marfam.org.za or order  011 7895449. Part III will cover the time after Pentecost.   A selected number of the reflections are provided each month in different languages.

DAY BY DAY DEAR LORD THREE THINGS I PRAY, TO SEE THEE MORE CLEARLY, LOVE THEE MORE DEARLY, FOLLOW THEE MORE NEARLY

INTRODUCTION.

1. (15 in the booklet.) APRIL THEME. GOD AND FAMILIES.

Family spirituality and prayer are important throughout the whole year but as Holy Week and Easter usually fall in April spirituality has become the special family theme for the month. Family prayer, particularly the rosary, was promoted through the campaign “The Family that prays together stays together.” Spirituality is more than saying prayers which could sometimes become empty words. Everyone has spirituality, an awareness of God’s presence in some way in their lives. Recognising God’s presence then within family relationships and sharing on this with one another is a very special gift for strengthening families.

For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the midst of them. Matthew 18:19.

2. (16) HOLY WEEK.

This week is the highlight of the Church’s liturgical year.  Lent has been a period of preparation, of repentance and purification so that we may be well prepared to participate in the liturgy and celebrate the Paschal Mystery fully.  Palm Sunday, Holy Thursday with the Chrism Mass and the Mass of the Last Supper, Good Friday with Stations of the Cross and the Service of the Passion and Death and then the Easter vigil with the lighting of the fire and renewal of baptismal promises lead to Easter Sunday, the Resurrection.   Some of the formal services are long for children and simpler services such as Stations of the cross for Families,  a family prayer meal, family reconciliation, honouring the cross or remembering our baptism can also be done at home.  For some resources see  www.marfam.org.za/blog/category/lit-pray-bless/

“We adore you O Christ and we praise you, because by your cross you have redeemed the world.”

3. (21) AN EASTER SUNDAY PRAYER OF JOY

This is the Day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. Ps 118:24

How often can we, or should we, acknowledge your actions, Lord,

You make each day anew, yet some are special.

Each Sunday is your day.  The Day of the Resurrection particularly yours.

But Lord, how often in our own lives can we rejoice in the day you made?

Families rejoice at a betrothal or engagement, a wedding commitment formalised.

Families rejoice at the birth of a baby and each tiny milestone in its life.

Families rejoice at the achievements of their members and acknowledge your gifts to them.

Families rejoice too at the lessons learned from the crosses of life.

Finally families rejoice at the end of a life lived well and graciously in your presence.

The wider family of church, community and world can equally rejoice

at the gifts of nature,  of community and of  care .

We rejoice and we thank you because you gave us life.

We rejoice at the gift of work to provide our daily bread.

We rejoice when our leaders are wise and our people obey.

When we turned away you redeemed us in your love.

We rejoice at the new life you give us every day

We rejoice and are glad because you are our God,

a God of love, who teaches us the way to love..

4. (23) 15^th 2ND SUNDAY OF EASTER – DIVINE MERCY SUNDAY.

Fr Peter explained “At the canonisation of Sr/St Faustina Pope John Paul approved this special commemoration. Sr Faustina had received many visions of Jesus who revealed to her the messages of Divine Mercy from which the worldwide devotion has grown. We have just celebrated the mystery of God’s love but here we focus on God’s mercy.  “Be merciful as your Father is merciful” are Jesus’ words to Sr Faustina.”I am giving you three ways of exercising mercy toward your neighbor: the first — by deed, the second — by word, the third — by prayer.” Fr Peter explained further that our mercy to others is unquestionable proof of our love for Jesus and glorifies him. He held up the image depicting the outpouring of Jesus’ love and the invocation ‘Jesus I trust in you’ and said, “Let us reflect on this and finally pray these words together. “Jesus I trust in you.” Google for more on information on the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy, the chaplet, the novena and the Hour.

Be merciful as your Father is merciful. Luke 6:36.   Keep yourselves in the love of God and wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. Jude 21.

5. (25) 22^nd 3RD SUNDAY OF EASTER.

Fr Peter told the congregation, “In the readings of the day Jesus and the Holy Spirit are both described as advocates with the Father, bringing hope and joy. Who knows what an advocate is, apart from being a particular kind of legal person? An advocate speaks and acts for and on behalf of others. Obviously he is the one who is meant to bring about a positive outcome but our own role is still an active one. We each are called on to repent and to believe. Has this been the experience of Lent and Easter for you and your family? Share on this when you get home and ask if more can or should still be done?”

My children, I am writing this to you so that you may not commit sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the father, Jesus Christ and the righteous one. He is expiation for our sins, and not for our sins only but for those of the whole world. 1 John 2:1-2.

6. (27) 27^th FREEDOM DAY SA.

This is South African holiday celebrating and commemorating the day in 1994 when the first fully democratic election was held i.e. an election when all adults could vote irrespective of their race. It also commemorates the day in 1997 when the new constitution took effect. Freedom is precious. It was and always is hard-bought and should be greatly appreciated. But it is not for free. It was bought at a price and still costs for many people. Families can consider the cost of freedom to themselves and discuss the history of the day with those too young to remember the past.

Be subject to every human institution for the Lord’s sake, whether it be to a king or governors sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the approval of those who do good. Be free, yet without using freedom as a pretext for evil, but as slaves of God. Give honour to all, love the community, fear God and honour the king.1 Peter 2: 13-17.

7. (26)  29^th 4TH SUNDAY OF EASTER – VOCATIONS SUNDAY.

Sr Teresa knew she had no right to blame the parents. They were doing their best, little as it was. No one had taught them the kind of social skills that these modern children were picking up so readily from the world around them. She even wondered, “Were they not rather vices?” She accepted that she had given up her own dreams of having children in order to minister to these brats, whom she really loved but still sometimes felt that she hated. They were so shallow, yet so vulnerable, so full of exuberance, yet so in need of her. She prayed for patience and perseverance and for courage to continue in her chosen vocation.

Consider it all joy my brothers, when you encounter various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And let perseverance be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. Jas 1: 2-4.

17. PALM SUNDAY – PASSION SUNDAY

“Blessings on the coming kingdom of our father David! Hosanna in the highest heavens!”

They marched through the streets of Jerusalem that day 2000 years ago.

They wanted a new government, a new king.

They wanted freedom from oppressive rule.

They wanted a kingdom of justice, peace and love.

They put you on a donkey, Lord to lead them on the way.

They marched through the streets of many a town each day this year of the Lord

Still wanting new governments, but no king.

They still want freedom from oppressive rule,  from greed and tyranny.

They want democracy, the people’s rule.

Will it be a land of justice, peace and love?

Will you be there Lord, in any form to lead them on the way?

18. MAUNDY THURSDAY

A man can have no greater love than to lay down his life for his friends.  John 15:

2000 years ago a band of men sat down to eat, their Master led the way

“A man can have no greater love than to give his life away.”

He washed their feet, before the meal a servant’s humble task

And said, “ be servants to the world, empty yourselves, I ask.”

2000 years ago, he didn’t set himself alight so as to change world

But yet he set the world on fire as God’s great plan unfurled.

The fire of love that never dies for brother, sister, all

must be the spark to change the world.will we rally to His call?

19. GOOD FRIDAY

They enlisted a passer-by, Simon of Cyrene, who was coming in from the country, to carry his cross.  Mark15:21.

Do we walk beside those who carry the cross

As the women with Jesus did?

Do we have to be forced to share the load

Like Simon, or are we hid?

Do we kneel beside those who carry the cross

When the burden has been too great?

Do we gently wipe the wounded face

Or leave the fallen to his fate?

Your cross O Lord was the perfect load

All the crosses of everyone

It weighed you down, you had to fall,

The witness of God’s own Son.

No cross that I carry can be too great

As you share its load with me.

With thanks I offer it to you, Lord

Your death has made me free.

20.  EASTER VIGIL – HOPE AND JOY

Did Jerusalem truly hold its breath  when our Saviour breathed his last?

One day they honoured, next rejected,  then cruelly watched him die.

His body, in a borrowed tomb, was seemingly the end.

Then life resumed just as before for the people of the town

While his friends had lost all hope, could see no joy

In a life without their Lord.

Did that Upper Room hold them in thrall, when they shared their grief and guilt?

They had shared the Meal, betrayed, denied  and cruelly watched him die.

His lifeless body surely could not be the end.

Their task still to begin, would they dare to share his news?

Then slowly hope returned, but little joy

In their life without their Lord.

‘Twas the women in the garden who were overcome with joy.

They heard the news, had seen the tomb, had spoken to their Lord.

The lifeless body they had sought was newly filled with life,

They knew their task from that day on, yes, go and spread his news

His news of hope for all, unending joy.

There is no life without Our Lord.

21. EASTER SUNDAY

“This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

How often can we, should we, acknowledge your action, Lord?

You make each day anew, yet some are special.

Each Sunday is your day.

The Day of the Resurrection especially yours.

But Lord, how often in our own lives can we rejoice in the day you made?

Families rejoice at a betrothal or engagement,

a wedding commitment formalised.

Families rejoice at the birth of a baby

and each tiny milestone in its life.

Families rejoice at the achievements of their members

and acknowledge your gifts to them.

Families rejoice too at the lessons learned from the crosses of life.

Finally families rejoice at the end of a life lived well

and graciously in your presence.

The wider family of church, community and world can equally rejoice at the gifts of nature, of community and of care.

We rejoice and thank you because you gave us life.

We rejoice at the gift of work to provide our daily bread.

We rejoice when our leaders are wise and people obey.

When we turned away you redeemed us in your love.

So we rejoice at the new life you give us every day

We rejoice and are glad because you are our God,

a God of love, who teaches us the way to love.

22. EASTER MONDAY

They call it Family Day

Here by us in the RSA.

Are families together

At work or when they play?

We call it holiday

Because we’ve worked

and prayed and played

this long weekend of holydays.

We thank you God for FAMILY,

For F – for father and

M -  for mother

I and Y – ou complete the team.

With L for Love the in between.