2012 – DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY

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CONTENTS
Day by Day in February, Caring for the Sick.
MARFAM News
SACBC Family Life Desk News and activities
2012 “Day by Day with God and Family”
February theme: Caring for the Sick
Notices and World Meeting of Families Milan 2012.
BITS AND BYTES:
Culture of Life, Work and Families …..
CORRESPONDENCE.
Men in Families,  sign language
FAMILY SPIRITUALITY suggestions
FINALLY…… on the lighter side

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DAY BY DAY, DEAR LORD, THREE THINGS I PRAY

TO SEE THEE MORE CLEARLY, LOVE THEE MORE DEARLY, FOLLOW THEE MORE NEARLY.

You can communicate with us through our blog or facebook page.

DAY BY DAY IN FEBRUARY, CARING FOR THE SICK

Into the 2^nd month of DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY, we are also almost into the 2^nd of the Reflection Booklets with 100 thoughts for 100 days, taking us from Ash Wednesday until Pentecost.   These early months of the year are hectic.  Starting school or getting into a tertiary institution, as also starting a new job all come with many questions.  At present there is a debate about language tuition in schools. Ideally children should be taught in their mother-tongue for the 1^st 4 years but that is often impractical and financially non-viable.  Safety of learners is a theme being taken up by the CIE, the Catholic Institute of Education.  Whether it is education or work, leisure or relationships, all are issues relevant to family life and often in particular to parents or those who play that role for the children.  The topics of parenting and the role of men in families are major focus areas in family ministry this year, having been identified for us at a Family Leaders Conference in August 2011.  The Family Life Desk and MARFAM, through  our various channels will highlight these, offer ideas and suggestions.   Readers are asked for their comments and resources too. Do you know of a parenting, fatherhood, men-in-families project?   Can you offer something to the community? Let us know.

What the FL Desk offers for reflection  as its February focus is Caring for the Sick.  A heartwarming story was told to me in Francistown, Botswana recently.  A sister knowing there was an elderly sick person in a family felt called to go and visit and thank the son-in-law for his support and care.  When she visited the family she found everyone at home, gathered them around and asked them to pray together, thanking God and also offering a special prayer for one another.  Sister told me it was a most touching moment in all their lives as they were able to express their feelings, their pain, concern, gratitude and love for their family members.  For me too it was touching  to hear her story and then asked myself why, as families, as carers, don’t we do this for others.  We deeply appreciate what the religious have done over the years in nursing and teaching, but there are not many sisters left. Are we, lay people who know the situations on the ground, not going to be able to continue this ministry, taking care of the sick in our own families, offering spiritual support to one another as we grapple with the situation and reach out to others from our own experience too.   Let this February be a time to pray, day by day, quite simple short prayers, or longer more in-depth reflection, possibly with a dying person.  But let us be conscious of all those we know around us who are sick, in pain, emotionally, mentally and physically.  In a spirit of community let us offer our prayers and support to them and those who care for them.

Toni Rowland

MARFAM NEWS.

MARFAM’S 2011 annual report, its 17^th,  is now available on our website.  Over the years there have been various changes in types and format and publications. Magazines have been the main items with Advent and Lent booklets for reflection and sharing.  New since December 2011, to accompany the 2012 Family Life calendar, MARFAM is producing thoughts for the day, in 4 small booklets that will cover the whole year. The 2^nd 100 thoughts in DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY begins with Ash Wednesday and continues through to Pentecost. The format used is a life situation supported with a scripture or church teaching.  See website for detailed information for the 2012 Year Planner calendar and booklet. It is strongly  recommended that families use the year planner, complete it with all their important family dates, birthdays, anniversaries of weddings and death, special family occasions and so on, so as to remember them and pray the DAY BY DAY prayer.

Calendars and booklets could be sold together.  Bulk prices for calendars are now reduced to R200 for 100 and R100 for 50. Smaller orders R2.50.   Booklets cost R10.

The MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING magazine will be developed further and three issues will be produced for May, August and November.  Cost R10.

Other current MARFAM publications for the time ahead are

STATIONS OF THE CROSS FOR FAMILIES, English, Afrikaans, Zulu, Sotho, Tswana.

STATIONS OF THE CROSS FOR THOSE WHO ARE WIDOWED, in English, Zulu and Tswana.

PARENTING A LABOUR OF LOVE, 6 sessions for reflection and sharing in groups or families on aspects of parenting. Cost R10.

2012 SUBSCRIPTIONS covering all publications for the year are now due. R150 for 1 copy,  R170 for 2 and R200 for 3 copies.

See www.marfam.org.za/blog for more information.

The article of the month is from AIDS STRIKES AT THE HEART,  a previous publication and the poem of the month “Who’s Calling?”

SACBC FAMILY LIFE DESK NEWS.

As coordinator of the Family Life Desk I also report briefly on some of its activities. Other family organisations are listed on the MARFAM WEBSITE and their news can be obtained from them.  A slot on www.sacbc.org.za will in future also provide this news.

The family theme for 2012 is DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY and is incorporated into many of the Family Life Desk’s activities.  The family calendar/year planner and parish family ministry workshops in particular will promote these and the monthly themes for family spirituality, relationship enrichment and for creating awareness of family issues at parish level.

The reflections published on the website are some extracts from the 100 reflections booklet DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY and the selected ones are also being translated into local languages as before.

REFLECTION (37 of 100)  FEBRUARY FAMILY THEME.  CARING FOR THE SICK. The feastday of Our Lady of Lourdes on February 11 has been designated a Day of Prayer for the Sick. There are pilgrimage sites all over the world where miraculous cures have been reported. Lourdes and the special water springing from a rock there attract many thousands of pilgrims every year.  Not many people experience physical healing but almost everyone experiences spiritual and psychological upliftment.  Praying for the sick includes both of these aspects and care for the sick is more than just a job. It is a vocation, a ministry but also a necessary part of every family’s life.

“If you want to you can make me clean.”   Jesus was filled with pity.  “Of course I want to. Be clean”. Mark 1:40-41

Among other things in January I paid a flying visit to share with the Sacred Heart Sodality’s Annual Leaders’ Conference and with a group of parish family teams in Francistown diocese.  The message is usually the same, “A Parish is a community of Families. Each little domestic church is a place to meet God and build relationships DAY BY DAY.”  At another event, the 1 day workshop, it was possible to invite some new and existing parish family teams to reflect on the role of men in church and family.   This will be a major theme for the next months until May, the month for Family and Life with its particular emphasis on parenting and men.   As one delegate shared afterwards, “For the first time in a group, we as men felt recognised and also valued.  We men may often be absent and that needs to be explored but we’re not all violent or abusers.” It is important to affirm what is good, examine what should be changed and find ways to bring those absent men into the family unit where they should feel at home.  Some suggestions were made including a possible mentoring/fathering programme.   Much more work is required in this regard. Also see below.

NOTICES:

• INTRODUCTORY PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY WORKSHOP 10-12 FEBRUARY, KOINONIA, JOHANNESBURG.
• Collaboration continues with the National Department for Social Development, in particular on the issue of men and their programme of Family Preservation where there is a plan to roll this out to Faith Based Organisations.
• MAY – A MONTH FOR FAMILY AND LIFE approved by SA Catholic Bishops Conference.   What will your parish and families do to promote life, family life and family enrichment?    UN INTERNATIONAL DAY FOR FAMILIES is celebrated on 15^th May each year. The theme for 2012 concerns work-life balance.
• MARRIAGE AND YOU – A Marriage Awareness campaign from 26 August and celebration on 7^th October, MARRIAGE DAY. Marriage is for you bishops, priests, sisters, all lay people young and old. It is a sacrament of the Church and for the Church. Married couples are our couples, responsible to us and our responsibility too.  The Family Life Desk is not promoting Marriage Encounter’s World Marriage Day on 2^nd Sunday of February this year because of the more comprehensive focus on marriage later in the year.

7^th WORLD MEETING OF FAMILIES 2012 to be held in Milan from 30 May to 3 June. Time is running out to plan to participate in this meeting. Because accommodation is being offered by local host families the cost can be kept to a minimum.  Air fares and registration could be in the region of R10 000 per person and spending money will be required of course.   This meeting is open and aimed at all Catholic families, married couples in particular.  There are addresses, seminars, liturgical celebrations and opportunities to experience being Church together with some thousands of other families.  Visit www.family2012.com for full information, including a leaflet, poster, prayer and catechesis on chosen topics.

The theme is “The Family: Work and Celebration”.  The Holy Father writes, “The upcoming World Meeting of Families affords a privileged opportunity to rethink work and celebration in the perspective of a family that is united and open to life, thoroughly integrated in society and in the Church, attentive to the quality of relationship in addition to the economy of the family nucleus itself.”

PLEASE COMMUNICATE WITH THE FAMILY LIFE DESK IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN PARTICIPATING.  trowland@sacbc.org.za

Familiaris Consortio the Apostolic Exhortation of Pope John Paul II after the Synod on the Family, celebrates its 30^th anniversary. This document contains the most definitive teaching on family life.  Two small FL Desk publications FAMILIES BECOME WHAT YOU ARE, and BUILDING A FAMILY CHURCH are based on the 4 tasks of families outlined in the document. They are for faith sharing using the Pastoral Cycle (SEE, JUDGE, ACT) approach.  Cost R6 and R5.

BITS AND BYTES

CULTURE OF LIFE, SANCTITY OF LIFE, PRO-LIFE, anti-abortion campaigns.

The Johannesburg archdiocesan CULTURE OF LIFE group will be hosting an event on 24^th March. Archbishop Tlhagale will celebrate Mass at the cathedral followed by a prayer walk to Constitution Hill to hand over a letter expressing the views of the Catholic Church on abortion.  Contact Michelle Joseph 082 609 6919 for more information.

Another opportunity to focus on life issues is the month of May which has been approved by the SACBC as a month for Family and Life.  All organisations and parishes, groups and families are invited to participate in their own way.

The Catholic Church amongst other churches and organisations continues to condemn abortion and promote a pro-life message. Christian View in their communiqué writes, “ This Sunday, 29 January 2012 is SANCTITY OF LIFE SUNDAY, when we remember the more than a million babies killed by abortion since it was legalised on demand in February 1997.  Many churches will be praying against abortion and reading scriptures relevant to the Sanctity of Human Life and the Humanity of Unborn Babies such as Psalm 139 and Luke 1:26-45.  Please also consider setting aside some time to pray against abortion.  The battle over abortion is now spreading across Africa as International Aid organisations pressure African countries to legalise abortion (most recently Lesotho).  Pray for a reversal in the battle and for African leaders to stand against this anti-life imperialism.”   Visit www.ChristianView.org.

FAMILIES AND WORK This is a theme for the World Meeting of Families as well as UN International Day of Families.  A portion of the December issue of the Quarterly Bulletin of the Vienna NGO Committee on the Family deals with the same topic. “In the developing countries the reconciliation of work and family life policies compete with a large number of development policies.” Maternity and paternity leave are sometimes offered but not always secure and mothers and fathers are afraid of losing their jobs.

It states that most men and women in developing countries work in the informal sector where social protection remains the exception and work-family balance are not commonly provided.  Childcare is most often provided by the extended family.

Visit. www.viennafamilycommittee.org

RADIO VERITAS South Africa’s own Catholic radio station will go on air with its medium wave licence before Easter. The range will go well beyond Gauteng.  Broadcasting on DSTV audio channel 170 and streaming on the internet will continue.  We work to make Catholic radio a valued resource in the community, to inform and inspire listeners with music, magazine programmes, talk shows and lectures.  FAMILY MATTERS hosted by me on Wednesday 10-11  and Saturday 11-12 will continue but will become more interactive too.   Success to the team!

HOW GREEN IS YOUR BACKYARD.   COP17. Has it been hotter, wetter, windier or drier this year?   Are you and your family willing to consider and take some positive steps at home to preserve the environment during Lent?

CORRESPONDENCE

In line with February’s family theme an invitation was received to workshops around South Africa to learn to community with sign language. Contact www.tinyhandz.co.za

MEN IN FAMILIES.    What role do they play?

Movies.  The movie COURAGEOUS has reached South African screens. Men can be successful law enforcers but how do they rate as fathers?  Visit www.humblepie.tv/projects/current-projects/courageous.html

www.men-care.org a global fatherhood campaign was launched in South Africa.

A very useful research document is MEN IN FAMILIES. Download from www.un.org/esa/socdev/family/docs/men-in-families.pdf

Share with us your comments or other useful websites in particular on the role of men in Church and family.

USEFUL WEBSITES AND RESOURCES FOR FAMILIES

Contact information for  family movements and organizations in Southern African region: www.marfam.org.za/blog

Discover www.awestruck.co.za a new initiative, an online Catholic social network and community based in Cape Town.

www.foryourmarriage.org US Catholic Bishops sponsored monthly newsletter on marriage and family life.

Catholic Education Resource Centre is not only for educators but those adults who wish to continue to be educated,  www.catholiceducation.org/updates/latest.htm

http://firstthings.org/page/newsletter/ US based Christian family site with loads of articles on parenting

Visit catholicnews.org.uk/familiaris-consortio for the special and very effective presentation on  Familiaris Consortio.

www.sisterrosemovies.com Sr Rose Pacatte reviews many movies regularly.

www.smartmarriages.com carries many articles on marriage and family life.

FAMILY SPIRITUALITY SUGGESTIONS FOR FEBRUARY THEME OF CARING FOR THE SICK

Makeup a prayer list of those you know who are sick and include them in your daily prayers.  Also consider in a special way those suffering from mental illness, depression or HIV/AIDS who may feel sensitive about their condition.
Visit some sick people and also listen to what their families have to share.
Use the booklet DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY. Reflect and share on the daily reflections with a simple Family Hour format.    
1. Input or material on a relevant topic or from daily life or the news.

2. Reflection, sharing and discussion in a respectful, responsive way.

This is the key to building family communication.

3. Is action required?  End with shared prayer, a meal or a snack.

Use Stations of the Cross for Families in language of choice.
Check out www.marfam.org.za.blog/liturgies and blessings.

AFRICAE MUNUS is the Apostolic Exhortation from the 2^nd African Synod.  Its focus is on Reconciliation, Justice and Peace. A short extract follows and the themes are also included in the current DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY booklet for Lent.

43. The family is the best setting for learning and applying the culture of forgiveness, peace and reconciliation. “In a healthy family life we experience some of the fundamental elements of peace: justice and love between brothers and sisters, the role of authority expressed by parents, loving concern for the members who are weaker because of youth, sickness or old age, mutual help in the necessities of life, readiness to accept others and, if necessary, to forgive them. For this reason, the family is the first and indispensable teacher of peace.”[77] By virtue of its central importance and the various threats looming over it – distortion of the very notion of marriage and family, devaluation of maternity and trivialization of abortion, easy divorce and the relativism of a “new ethics” – the family needs to be protected and defended,[78] so that it may offer society the service expected of it, that of providing men and women capable of building a social fabric of peace and harmony.

‘Never do anything in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inward peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. Commend all to God and then lie still and be at rest in His Heart.’  St. Francis de Sales

FIGHT ROAD RAGE, GO WITH GOD!

VALENTINE’S DAY. A creative way to link Valentine and the February Caring for the Sick  theme.  On the Sunday nearest 14 Feb consider the vow “I take you, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health…….. That is a challenge for young and old,  those who married and who are contemplating marriage in future.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE –

Rabbits!   Had to laugh!

There is a local police station that keeps rabbits who wander about quite openly, often early in the morning on the pavement. On Sunday morning if I go to very early Mass I make a point of driving past just to say hi to them and feel spiritually uplifted.  This Sunday just at that point a group of joggers stopped by too. “Aren’t they cute?”  I smiled. “Yes, and quite tasty to eat too” was the reply.

Taking an early walk at Emmarentia Dam one day I was again feeling uplifted by the host of Egyptian geese.  My companion’s response, “What a sight, wish I had a gun with me!”   Isn’t it all a matter of perception.  I see, you see, we all see… differently.
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About MARFAM MARFAM’s vision since its start in 1995 has been the renewal of family life in the Church through education and enrichment.  Publications are a resource for families, educators, parishes and for the work of the Family Life Desk of the Southern African Catholic Bishops’ Conference. Your advertisements and financial support matters a great deal. Visit www.marfam.org.za/blog to read all about MARFAM. Contact us for details.

“BLESSED ARE THEY WHO HAVE NOT SEEN AND YET BELIEVED.”

All children are inquisitive, but really all Tommy ever seemed to say was, “Why, why, why?” That was how he got the nickname Tommy “show-me” McLeod.  His parents and teachers admired his bright mind and encouraged him, even though he often frustrated them.

He passed through school with flying colours, and went on to study science at university where his exceptional skills and talents as a logical thinker gave him the edge over many other students.

After their marriageswhen he and Leila  started a family they were shocked when  Tommy jnr was born a haemophiliac.  As he grew they watched over him carefully, keeping him out of harm’s way without trying to constrict his little life, but there were times when accidents occurred and by the age of 7 he had had two blood transfusions.  They could not understand what was wrong  when young Tommy became ill with a strange, unknown disease.  Tests and investigations failed to   pinpoint the cause. As Tommy became weaker the stress and trauma in the family became almost unbearable. They were fighting each other, battling with God. “Why, why, why? ” Tom yelled at God.

The eight-year old  was alone with his father in hospital one night.  Having watched his father’s agitation and desperation he asked, “Are you frightened, dad?”

“Of course son, aren’t  you?”

With a  wisdom beyond his years Tommy answered.  “I’ve lived with the knowledge for a long time that I’ll never grow up to be like other boys, but when the pain was really bad I used to lie in fear and panic and wonder and pray.  Then one night Jesus came to me and stood by my bed.  He looked sad and yet so glorious. There were these sores on his hands, but his eyes were shining.

He said to me, ‘ You love your father like I love mine and I had a task to do for my dad. You too have a task.  Help your father to understand that God’s ways are not his ways. Ask him to believe and trust in my love so that his  heart will be at peace.’  Dad, I am happy to go to God.  Please believe me.”

Twenty years later Tom McLeod received a special award for exceptional achievement in medical research. He had made the break-through that led to the discovery of the vaccine against HIV that was beginning to be hailed as the miracle of the decade.  Thomas “show me” McLeod gave a brief address.   “The greatest moment in my life,” he said,” was learning a lesson from my son that has inspired, encouraged and guided me through the years that followed. This small boy on his way to heaven taught me this great truth,  “Happy are they who have not seen and yet believe.”

REFLECTION AND SHARING

When faced with something hard to understand, something hard to believe or something you do not wish to believe what is your reaction?  Do you have faith, demand proof, or instantly reject?  Are you open to the unexpected, open to listening and accepting?   Why or why not?

Being diagnosed HIV positive or with cancer or a terminal illness is a very frightening experience.  Time and patience are needed to work through a process and come to terms with the reality.  Courage is needed to take the necessary action and tremendous encouragement and support needed from those around us.

Burying one’s head in the sand – ostrich-like – and pretending the problem does not exist can have serious consequences for others, especially in the case of HIV.   How responsible are you?   How encouraging? How supportive?

  MARFAM

Marriage and Family Life Renewal Ministry

P.O.Box 2881, Randburg, 2125

tel/fax 011 789 5449

email : info@marfam.org.za

www.marfam.org.za

ANNUAL REPORT 2011

INTRODUCTION AND BRIEF OVERVIEW

MARFAM’s vision continues around evangelization in and about families and contextualizing the African Synod concept of Church as Family.   MARFAM’s small team has provided enrichment and educational resources for families and for the wider Church. As before this is linked quite closely with the work of the SACBC Family Life Desk as Toni Rowland still continues as coordinator of both MARFAM and the Desk each on a part-time basis.  The family calendar is produced as a resource for the Desk while various publications are produced by MARFAM.   Although there has been some discussion on this at different levels within MARFAM and the SACBC, for practical and financial reasons there is still no change envisaged in this situation in the immediate future.

MARFAM operations have continued during the year under review with the regular publications being produced and distributed. Some additional involvement at editorial and board level is a welcome development. An internal brainstorming session to consider the nature of the regular publications was held.  As a result, instead of the usual Advent-Christmas and Lent-Easter booklets a series of small daily reflection booklets is being produced which will complement the annual family calendar. The first of these has been very well received with additional copies being printed. However the popularity of this will only become apparent after some time.  The MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING magazine will continue in a changed format.

With an awareness of the growing importance of electronic media the website and the Family Matters e-newsletter have been revisited and redesigned.

Operations are supported by a Board and an editorial committee and its individual members in particular as well as with some administrative help. An application for NPO status has not yet been finalized.

The Church context and the social context in which MARFAM is working also still remain a challenge. Contact is maintained with the bishops and family movements but with limited fruitful response from both bishops and movements. Collaboration with the SACBC Department for Evangelisation has been the most helpful resource and has provided some opportunities to present a family focus in the work of the Church.  There continues to be a low level of support or interest in family enrichment of any kind from most quarters including families themselves.  Awareness of family breakdown is strong and in particular during the year an awareness of the absence of fathers and the role of men has been highlighted through outside sources.  A National Family Policy has been in the process of development for some years and a Green Paper has been produced by the National Social Development Department. As part of a Family Reference group there has been some involvement in these and such issues are also regularly addressed in MARFAM publications.

MARFAM ACTIVITIES AND OPERATION

MARFAM has two part-time staff members: Toni Rowland as part-time coordinator, because of the other part-time commitment to the SACBC Family Life Desk, and an administrative assistant. The editorial committee assists with writing and in an advisory capacity.  Management is overseen by the Board.

2011 PUBLICATIONS:

• The 2011 calendar which had been produced by MARFAM for the SACBC Family Life Desk was widely used in conjunction with the MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING magazine which developed the monthly themes.   20 000 calendars were distributed. .
• The 2012 calendar using the theme DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY was produced for the Family Life Desk and the 20 000 calendars are still being promoted and distributed.  They and the themes will be used throughout the year in MARFAM publications.
• MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING quarterly magazine.  1900 copies per issue were printed, sold or circulated within the Church network and used in workshops often linking with the Family Life Desk. The PEACE ON EARTH BEGINS AT HOME theme for the year was applied to various family situations during the year.
• Lent/Easter reflection booklet THAT THEY MAY BE ONE was produced and 2000 copies distributed. The focus is on unity of faith and interdenominational and interfaith families.
• A new enterprise was the small daily reflection booklets DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY that will be produced in four parts for the 2011/2012 liturgical year.  The first part covers the Advent to Ash Wednesday time. Due to popular demand 3500 copies were produced.
• Promotion and sale of other publications that were developed over the years is ongoing. Some of these are reprinted on demand.  Stations of the Cross for Families in various languages is a particularly popular little booklet reprinted frequently in the various languages.
• FAMILY MATTERS enewsletter is distributed to an email list of around 900. Ongoing monitoring of the distribution is being done.
• MARFAM WEBSITE. www.marfam.org.za/blog has been redesigned and is intended to be used as a blog. There is also a Facebook page. Much work needs to go into these electronic media possibilities but time constraints hamper this aspect.
• A variety of leaflets, worksheets and liturgy sheets were produced and distributed for particular occasions or made available on-line.
• Translations. Stations of the Cross for Families and Stations of the Cross for Widowed People are produced and sold in various local languages. Monthly calendar reflections are produced in some local languages and some other ongoing publications are available.

Publications were also promoted at a public lecture and at an International Theological Conference where a paper was presented at St Augustine College in Johannesburg and at a presentation organized by the Catholic Parliamentary Liaison Office.

Enculturation and ecumenism are kept in mind as these are the contexts of many families.

MINISTRY TO WIDOWED PEOPLE is a MARFAM project of particular personal interest.  Stations of the Cross for Widowed People is being quite widely used and has also now been translated into some vernacular languages by local groups. BECOMING WIDOWED, has been published as one of the Redemptorist Pastoral Publications and is also sold through MARFAM publications. Support for and contact with other widowed groups also exists on a small scale.

OTHER MEDIA. Promotion of material and support for family life through a weekly radio programme on Radio Veritas and a monthly column in the SOUTHERN CROSS continued. These are not exclusively MARFAM resources and promote family life in general.

NETWORKING. Through the combined operation with the Family Life Desk opportunities arise for networking within the Catholic Church and beyond.  Networking with the various family movements has not been very successful as each tends to have their own specific focus and programme.

Contact with the SA Department of Social Development Family Directorate is valuable and materials are regularly distributed to members of its Reference Group.

Participation in developing a parent component to a diocesan SEXUALITY EDUCATION programme for the Kroonstad diocese is in hand.

FINANCIAL NOTES. A year-end financial statement has been produced and indicates a healthy situation.  Outstanding moneys are continually being pursued.

Income is derived mainly from the sale of publications.  A portion of a three-year grant through Stichting Porticus, some local donations and advertising in the magazine and electronic media contributed to the income.

Other local contributions consisted of voluntary accounting supervisions, hours of unpaid time, some volunteer administrative assistance, low cost use of office equipment and rental accommodation.  Specialist graphics layout, managing the e-newsletter and web maintenance were provided at low or no cost.   These items are not necessarily apparent in the financial statement and budget.

FUTURE PLANS.   2012-14

• For practical reasons and because of financial constraints it still remains practical for MARFAM and the SACBC Family Life Desk to continue side by side. The merit of working with the two bodies is recognized but at the same time fuller development of MARFAM as a publications resource is limited. This is reviewed from time to time and at present the need to obtain extra help especially with administration and  marketing is being explored.
• Obtaining an endorsement from a bishop will be pursued to gain greater credibility in the church.
• The editorial committee will continue to operate. Evaluation of material as to its usefulness and appropriateness and exploring marketing strategies still need more in-depth strategic planning.
• A family life calendar will continue to be produced for the Family Life Desk as it has proved to be a successful resource allowing for the use of themes for family education and enrichment.
• Family themes of the local church, the Family Life Desk and society will be developed and incorporated.   Examples are the May, month of Family and Life, promoted by the bishops, and using the focus of parenting and the role of men as agreed by the Family Leaders Conference held in August 2011.  The Marriage awareness campaign of the Family Life Desk is also a topic for which materials will be developed by MARFAM.  One of the aims of these activities is to gain greater support from the bishops and wider Church.
• A substantial range of low-cost materials on marriage, parenting, family life in general and for faith sharing has been developed over the years and these will be reprinted and sold on an ongoing basis.
• Ongoing further development of resources is envisaged as time allows. In particular the electronic media must be expanded with wider use of social media opportunities. The possibility of producing CDs or DVDs on relevant topics is in an exploratory phase. The needs of the various target markets are an important consideration.
• Collaboration with the SACBC Family Life Desk in promoting and providing ongoing material for the Parish Family Ministry Handbook and Manual continues.

• Presenting of the programme FAMILY MATTERS on Radio Veritas will continue. With its medium wave licence and wider reach this could contribute to wider knowledge of MARFAM and the family apostolate.
• Further development of widowed support ministry and distribution of resources.
• Ongoing occasional work in workshops or talks and publications on Sexuality and HIV/AIDS education with a particular focus on family life.  This includes developing a parent component for the Kroonstad diocesean Sexualtiy Education programme.
• Participation in the 7^th World Meeting of Families in Milan in May 2012 on behalf of the Southern African Catholic Church and promotion of the theme, FAMILY, WORK AND CELEBRATION  and materials through MARFAM channels.
• Promoting other existing family life resources and organizations through the publications medium could lead to greater collaboration.

CONCLUSION.

MARFAM’s vision of providing resources for strengthening family relationship, family life education and promotion of family spirituality underpins the work of producing and distributing publications.  Other activities such as workshops or retreats are normally done in collaboration with the work of the SACBC Family Life Desk using MARFAM as well as other resources. Other forms of media especially radio and electronic media are also used.

MARFAM remains a small organization hampered to some extent by the environment in which it operates, by the shortage of personnel and the lack of an effective infrastructure for distribution and it remains highly dependent on volunteer support in this regard.  Practical problems naturally receive preference in pastoral care however the vision remains of evangelization of families which is also frequently noted by the Holy Father.   The words of Pope John Paul II “The future of the Church and of society is through the family” continue to inspire and motivate and the financial and moral support from our benefactors is greatly appreciated as a major resource in helping the ministry to continue.

TONI ROWLAND,  MARFAM COORDINATOR,   January 2012

See also MARFAM Financial statement

Family Life Desk – Department for Evangelisation – SA Catholic Bishops’ Conference

399 Paul Kruger Str, P O Box 941, Pretoria, 0001, tel 012 323-6458 Cel 082 5521275 trowland@sacbc.org.za

2012 FAMILY THEME “DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY”

FEBRUARY THEME: CARE FOR THE SICK

Reflections from DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY a MARFAM booklet of 100 thoughts for the day for families from Advent to Lent to accompany the 2012 SACBC Family Life Desk calendar.

Extracts from Part 1. A few reflections per month are provided in the different languages for use by individuals, families and groups. For the calendar and full booklet contact info@marfam.org.za or order  011 7895449. Part II will cover the Lent and Easter seasons.

FEBRUARY

1. (37.)  FEBRUARY FAMILY THEME.  CARING FOR THE SICK. The feastday of Our Lady of Lourdes on February 11 has been designated a Day of Prayer for the Sick. There are pilgrimage sites all over the world where miraculous cures have been reported. Lourdes and the special water springing from a rock there attract many thousands of pilgrims every year.  Not many people experience physical healing but almost everyone experiences spiritual and psychological upliftment.  Praying for the sick includes both of these aspects and care for the sick is more than just a job. It is a vocation, a ministry but also a necessary part of every family’s life.   “If you want to you can make me clean.”   Jesus was filled with pity.  “Of course I want to. Be clean”. Mark 1:40-41

2. (36.)  FEBRUARY. The name was given by the Romans and comes from the Latin referring to purification and the end of winter.  It is the shortest month even during a leap year every fourth year when the ¼ day left over as the world circles the sun makes up a day.   Is it a good omen to be born, or marry on 29th Feb or is superstition a thing of the past?   All cultures have their superstitions. Talk about some of them  and challenge one another. Do we really believe that walking under a ladder brings back luck or not?

Divinations, omens and dreams are unreal.  What you already expect the mind depicts.  Sirach 34:5

3. (39.)  CANDLEMAS. Simeon on holding the baby Jesus at the presentation spoke of him as “the light to the Gentiles”.  This is the reason for the link with candles and the name CANDLEMAS celebrated in some European traditions.   What traditions associated with light are celebrated in our cultures today?  Is Christianity a light to the gentiles?   Mary was also told that “a sword would pierce her own heart.”  She, and all parents do experience pain and suffering at times because of their children. They need the light of faith and of love.  “Now master let your servant go in peace according to your word.

For my eyes have seen your salvation which you prepared in the sight of all the peoples, a light for the revelation to the gentiles and the glory of your people Israel.” Luke 2:29-32

Read the full account in Luke 2.

4. (40.)  VALENTINE’S DAY. Is this day  only for young lovers, or should it be for all lovers?  The ancient legend credits the tradition to a bishop who helped young couples to marry before the young man had to go off to war.   Couples of all ages can benefit from a little romance in their lives, because we forget that the magic in a relationship doesn’t last on its own.  We put long lasting plant food into a vase of roses. How much long-lasting nurturance do we put into our love relationships, especially marriage?  Make your loved one your Valentine for a day.

Love is patient and kind, it is not boastful or jealous.  It is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends.  1 Cor 13 4-8.

5. (41.)   ASH WEDNESDAY. This as every Catholic should know is the beginning of Lent and a day of fast and abstinence, so no meat and only one full meal should be eaten that day.   But that is not really what Lent and fasting is all about.  The gospels tell us that after Jesus was baptised he went into the desert and fasted for 40 days where he was tempted. Temptation is not only about being faced with something bad or wrong but an examination of one’s life goals and the importance of making a positive choice.

Read the account of Jesus’ temptation. Matthew 4:1-11

Who’s calling ?

Who’s calling

from tree to tree and camp to camp till the morning air resounds

all worshiping God with the song of life

In unison

Bernadette's prayer place

In harmony

The way God planned it to be.

Do we hear the call

and the song of life

in our noise-filled days of care?

We work and play and love and pray

too often unaware

of unison and harmony

the way God plans it to be.

Who’s calling you?

Will you heed the call

Of God and life and love,

Eternally?

2011 – PEACE ON EARTH BEGINS AT HOME

2012 – DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY

A new more streamlined format is introduced for emailing out with excerpts and the full long version to be viewed online, downloaded or printed from the printer-friendly version.

We thank our advertisers for their support and ask readers to support them in turn.  Financial contributions towards MARFAM’s ministry are also most welcome.  Details supplied on request.

CONTENTS
FAMILY really MATTERS!
MARFAM News
SACBC Family Life Desk News and activities
- 2012 “Day by Day with God and Family”
- January theme: New Beginnings
- World Meeting of Families Milan 2012.
CORRESPONDENCE.
- Men, Familiaris Consortio + 30,  Africae Munus” Afsyn
BITS AND BYTES:
- COP17,  RADIO VERITAS
FAMILY ENRICHMENT for the holiday season.
FINALLY…… on the lighter side

Download Printable Version

MARFAM THANKS ALL THOSE WHO SENT GREETINGS AND WISHES ALL READERS AND SUPPORTERS A BLESSED CHRISTMAS.  MAY PEACE REIGN IN YOUR HOMES DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND YOUR FAMILY IN 2012

You can communicate with us through our blog or facebook page.

FAMILY really MATTERS?

I have had two little button badges prestikked to a doorframe for ages.  One reads “I am loved” and the other “I love my family.”   The 2^nd one keeps coming unstuck and falling down.   Is that a reminder to me, to love more or to let me know that in spite of what I might sometimes think I am really loved?  But what does family love involve?   In June 2000, when FAMILY MATTERS was just one year old we wrote the following:

WHY DID WE CHOOSE THE NAME FAMILY MATTERS?   June 2000.

“Family matters,” we say.

“Family matters,” we Catholics say. “Families are the basis of Church and society you know. The family that prays together stays together.”

“Of course family matters,” society says, “they are our main consumers.

They need houses, cars, TV sets, computers, internet access, fridges, freezers, beds and other furniture, lawnmowers and weedeaters, schools and extra lessons for their kids.

They need jobs to for all these things,

and leisure activities and exercise gear to fill up the time they save by using all their other gadgets.

They need to consume.  ‘The more you spend the more you save. ‘ ”

“Family matters”, we say.

“Family matters,” we say.

“Family matters,” we Catholics say. “Families are the heart of Church and society you know.  They should come to Church and be enriched.”

“Of course family matters,” society says, ” each one has the right to feel happy.

They need psychiatrists, psychologists, human resource managers, courses in personal growth, assertiveness and self-development, retreats and spirituality workshops.

They need to get away from their stress-filled lives to find themselves.”

They need the freedom to love as and whom they please. Condomise, be safe.”

“Family matters,” we say.

Family matters are the big and little things in daily life.

Falling in love and out of love, fighting for possession of the only tennis ball in the yard,

Cooking dinner for eight and then for two, going hungry for love.

Waking up five times a night and pacing the floor with a teething infant,

feeling tired for months on end and then doing it all over again.

Sitting patiently with a sick spouse, a dying parent, an abandoned teen,

Running when you can hardly walk, agonising over which shoes to buy.

Telling your children, “save sex” not “safe sex” is the only answer.

That is where God is found and blessed and cursed and found again.

That is the life we bring on Sundays, the gifts we share, the reason for His sacred food.

That is being Church, Living in the Church in the Home.

“Family matters,” we say.

With best wishes, Toni and Chris Rowland

Less than a month after this Chris passed away and ever since then I have carried on alone, still believing that family matters but experiencing it in a very different way.   Intimacy, unconditional acceptance, openness, trust, forgiveness are all ideal qualities that come to mind plus quality time and having fun together (the family that prays and plays 2010).  Some of these certainly do apply in my case but not necessarily all are features of most families today.  Family life hasn’t got easier; we agree it rather has got more complicated and the elements of what the US Catholic Bishops Conference called A Family Perspective have become abundantly clear.  The elements of a family as a changing developing system and of a diversity of families are commonly experienced if not always reflected on.  The element of a partnership between families and other social institutions still needs to be developed more and more.  We, as families, not just parents, are told we should take responsibility for our side of the partnership when it comes to education, health care, employment issues, instilling values in moral and social development.  Spiritual development must not be neglected either and supporting families and the Church to be partners is still very much part of MARFAM’s mission from its beginnings in 1995 until 2012 the year ahead.

We again invite support for this mission and as we say in South Africa, “Eish!  Let us take hands for all of us together.”  Whether it is levelling the playing field, or moving the goalposts, riding the Gautrain or a long distance taxi, toi-ing for service delivery, recognising rights and also responsibilities as men and women, parents and children may 2012 be the year when having experienced a growing sense of PEACE IN THE HOME, the plan begins to come together DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY.

Toni Rowland

MARFAM NEWS.

MARFAM’S 2011 annual report will be available at the end of January 2012.  As mentioned above MARFAM is almost as old as the New South Africa. It was born in the year 1994 too which was also the International Year of the Family and the year of the 1^st African Synod which gave us the image CHURCH AS FAMILY OF GOD. It is a child of its time growing, finding its changing and growing identity too.

A new venture, the small booklet DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY, has been very well received so far.  The 100 word reflections for the 1^st 100 days of the liturgical year touch on family life situations and will be followed by 3 other booklets covering the rest of the liturgical year.   The reflections accompany the 2012 Family Year Planner/calendar and its themes.  See our website for detailed information for the 2011/2012 Year Planner calendar and booklet. Bulk prices for calendars are from 100 for R250 and the booklet cost is R10.

The last 2011 issue of the magazine MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING is still available.  The article on the web is a family story, “Jesus’ birthday” and the poem a short prayer for Christmas and the New Year.  The discernment continues with the magazine for 2012 being under review at present.  It will continue but for the moment less frequently and with more and more searching articles on relevant topics. One topic identified for the year ahead is the role of men in family, church and society.  In this discernment process we greatly value your feedback with regard to content, presentation, language etc.

Other publications, many of them suitable for faith sharing in families or groups, are available and listed on the website.

2012 subscriptions cost R150 for 1 copy in South Africa and are due now.   Email us.

SACBC FAMILY LIFE DESK NEWS.

As coordinator of the Family Life Desk I also report briefly on some of its activities. News from other family organisations can be obtained from them through the contact list on the MARFAM website.  A slot on www.sacbc.org.za will in future also provide this news.

The year has ended on quite a hectic note with a number of parish visits to promote the 2012 family year planner and theme DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY for family enrichment, one of the main objectives of the FL Desk. Will this resource bring families closer to one another and to God?  With constant reinforcement there is a chance.  The reflections published on the website are extracts from the 100 reflections booklet DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY and the selected ones are also being translated into local languages as before.  Themes for the year are given below.

REFLECTION 29.   JANUARY FAMILY THEME.   NEW BEGINNINGS and resolutions are on the cards, and sometimes remain there, especially on credit cards. Have we spent too much money in December and can we survive until the end of January?  Back to school is a big expense but also a new door opening to growth.  Back to work, or starting a new job should be done with new enthusiasm, itself a gift from God, which will hopefully be renewed frequently.   The one who was seated on the throne said, I am making everything new!”  Revelation 21:5.

The Desk’s objective of assisting diocesan family offices has kept me quite busy.  Some do have their own programmes. For others the process takes time for bishop, priests, diocesan and parish laity to reflect on their situation and consider their particular needs. Parish Family Ministry is the comprehensive programme offered by the FL Desk. Information on general workshops is noted elsewhere.  Delegates from many of the dioceses have participated in workshops but, like a catechetical programme, an initial training course is just the beginning of a journey.

For the year ahead collaboration with other agencies and departments is on the agenda in particular with the focus on men and their role in the family, society and the church.   An input on the role of men at the recent LAY LEADERS CONFERENCE of the DEPARTMENT FOR EVANGELISATION resulted in intense and serious discussion that we hope will bear fruit in their organisations.

Marriage will feature strongly in the 2^nd half of the year for the Church as a whole. After all marriage is a sacrament of the church to be promoted especially to the young and the couples are our couples, signs to us all of God’s love.

7^th WORLD MEETING OF FAMILIES 2012 to be held in Milan from 30 May to 3 June. Now is the time to consider participating in this meeting. Because accommodation is being offered by local host families the cost can be kept to a minimum.  Air fares and registration could be in the region of R10 000 per person.  Spending money will be required of course.   This meeting is open and aimed at all Catholic families, married couples in particular.  There are addresses, seminars, liturgical celebrations and opportunities to experience being Church together with some thousands of other families.  Visit www.family2012.com for full information, including a leaflet, poster, prayer and catechesis on chosen topics.

The theme is “The Family: Work and Celebration”.  The Holy Father writes, “The upcoming World Meeting of Families affords a privileged opportunity to rethink work and celebration in the perspective of a family that is united and open to life, thoroughly integrated in society and in the Church, attentive to the quality of relationship in addition to the economy of the family nucleus itself.”

It is suggested that families from a particular Episcopal Region could make up a local group to attend this gathering. Like World Youth Day wouldn’t it be great if a whole contingent of South Africans could participate in this?   PLEASE COMMUNICATE WITH THE FAMILY LIFE DESK IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN PARTICIPATING.  trowland@sacbc.org.za

CORRESPONDENCE

Dear Toni,   The aim of the “KNIGHTS OF DA GAMA” order is,

“The Catholic order of the knights of da Gama is a brotherhood of catholic gentlemen whose aim is to train its members to be better Christians who, by their action and example, will contribute to the spread of the kingdom of Christ on earth.”

The Knights are involved in many activities where the wives, children and grand parents are encouraged to be involved. To me it is more of a family group than a men’s group. I am a bachelor and am included in all activities.

I saw the article on men’s groups in “Family Matters newsletter” Tim van Niekerk.

There was also an article on family life in the KDG newsletter the LINK.

For those not going on holiday and who maybe have time on their hands to read, research and enjoy.   Send us your comments or other useful websites in particular on the role of men in Church and family.

USEFUL WEBSITES AND RESOURCES FOR FAMILIES

Contact information for the family movements and organizations in our Southern African region: http://www.marfam.org.za/blog/family-life-links/

All the many church sodalities, men’s, women’s and youth groups also have a degree of family focus.

Discover www.awestruck.co.za a new initiative, an online Catholic social network and community based in Cape Town.

www.sisterrosemovies.com Sr Rose Pacatte reviews Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and many more.

www.foryourmarriage.org US Catholic Bishops sponsored monthly newsletter on marriage and family life.

Catholic Education Resource Centre is very useful not only for educators but those adults who wish to continue to be educated,  www.catholiceducation.org/updates/latest.htm

Visit http://firstthings.org/page/newsletter/ First Things First, US based Christian family site with loads of articles on parenting, including Advice to Parents from Teens.

Visit catholicnews.org.uk/familiaris-consortio for the special and very effective presentation on  Familiaris Consortio.

www.zenit.org The World from Romehas frequent references to family life.

Humble Pie Entertainment invites you to look out for the family-value movie COURAGEOUS   www.courageousmovie.co.za

www.smartmarriages.com carries many articles on marriage and family life.

www.men-care.org a global fatherhood campaign was launched in South Africa.

Research and enjoy Christmas music from across the world.

Research religious art on the Nativity topic, from classical masters right up to modern day Christmas cards.

Portion of Claerhout mural in Corpus Christi Church in Bloemfontein, South Africa.

BITS AND BYTES

COP17. In 2002 the World Summit for Sustainable Development was held in Johannesburg. The agenda was not unlike that of COP 17 held this month in Durban, South Africa. Climate change is a consequence of unsustainable development but 10 years ago it was not envisaged as quite the problem it has become. The conference is deemed a success by some, disappointing by others. The governments of the world quibble and developed nations pull in their horns while developing nations demand that others should to take the blame and help them combat the consequences. The agreed Climate Fund will address that aspect. However every person on the planet will be affected and there is much that can be done at local level. Every family can ask, “How green is my backyard?” and take what action we can. A holiday project or a New Year’s resolution?

RADIO VERITAS South Africa’s own Catholic radio station now has a medium wave licence which will cover Gauteng and will be going on air there before Easter. Broadcasting on DSTV audio channel 170 and streaming on the internet will continue. There is a real concern to make Catholic radio a valued resource in the community, so as to inform as well as inspire listeners with music, magazine programmes, talk shows and lectures. FAMILY MATTERS the programme hosted by me on Wednesday 10-11 and Saturday 11-12 will continue but will become more interactive too. Success to the team!

One can revisit Familiaris Consortio the Apostolic Exhortation of Pope John Paul II after the Synod on the Family, on the occasion of its 30^th anniversary. This document contains the most definitive teaching on family life. Two small FL Desk publications FAMILIES BECOME WHAT YOU ARE, and BUILDING A FAMILY CHURCH are based on the 4 tasks of families outlined in the document. They are for faith sharing using the Pastoral Cycle (SEE, JUDGE, ACT) approach. Cost R6 and R5.

Africae Munus is the Apostolic Exhortation from the 2^nd African Synod. Its focus themes of Reconciliation, Justice and Peace will be incorporated into the 2^nd DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY BOOKLET for Lent and Easter seasons.

FAMILY ENRICHMENT SUGGESTIONS FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON.

Use the insert section in the booklet DAY BY DAY WITH GOD AND FAMILY , colour the pictures and make Christmas decorations.  Reflect and share on the daily reflections.    Example no 59 . GOD ON HOLIDAY.

Does God go on holiday, or have a holiday from his task of keeping the world ticking over? It would mean disaster if he did.  For us holidays are meant to be a break from the normal routine but it should not mean leaving God behind. Prayer time or an awareness of God’s presence in our lives is enhanced for some by special moments of closeness or beautiful surroundings.  Loneliness, accidents and conflicts are also part of life on holiday and God’s presence at every moment can be a source of gratitude, comfort, and joy.  Don’t forget to invite him along on holiday wherever.

God will not allow your foot to slip; your guardian does not sleep. Psalm 121 :4.

A Simple Family Hour Format:

Input or material on a relevant topic or from daily life or the news.

Reflection, sharing and discussion in a respectful, responsive way. This is the key to building family communication.

Is action required?  End with shared prayer, a meal or a snack.

For a blessing of a home at the beginning of a new year visit www.marfam.org.za.blog/liturgies and blessings

FINALLY

ON A LIGHTER NOTE – an end piece for a new beginning.
I have learned ….
that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
that when you’re in love, it shows.

that just one person saying to me, “You’ve made my day!” makes my day.
that I feel better about myself when I make others feel better about themselves.
that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
that what we have done for ourselves alone dies with us. What we have done for others and the world remains.
that words harshly spoken are as difficult to retrieve as feathers in a gale.
that being kind is more important than being right.

that you should never say no to a gift from a child.
that I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help them in some other way.
that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act the fool with.
that simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
that life is like a roll of toilet paper; the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
that we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.
From December 1999
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MARFAM’s vision since its start in 1995 has been the renewal of family life in the Church through education and enrichment.  Publications are a resource for families, educators, parishes and for the work of the Family Life Desk of the Southern African Catholic Bishops’ Conference. Your advertisements and financial support matters a great deal. Visit www.marfam.org.za/blog to read all about MARFAM. Contact us for details.

EXCERPTS FROM PART 1. From the 100 reflections a few are provided for each week in different translations. They can be used by individuals, groups or as a family during a weekly FAMILY HOUR. The full booklet and the calendar for 2012 can be ordered from MARFAM info@marfam.org.za or 011 789 5449.
See Volume II for reflections on the Lent and Easter seasons and further booklets during the year. The numbers refer to the reflections in the complete booklet.

JANUARY
1. (29). JANUARY FAMILY THEME. NEW BEGINNINGS and resolutions are on the cards, and sometimes remain there, especially on credit cards. Have we spent too much money in December and can we survive until the end of January? Back to school is a big expense but also a new door opening to growth. Back to work, or starting a new job should be done with new enthusiasm, itself a gift from God, which will hopefully be renewed frequently.
The one who was seated on the throne said, I am making everything new!” Revelation 21:5.
2. (28.) JANUARY. The month of January is named after the Roman God Janus the god of gates and doors which indicates being able to look in two directions, symbolically looking forward and back which therefore gives a measure of wisdom. He is depicted as having two faces pointing in opposite directions. The month named after him became the first month of the year. Nowadays the term two-faced has come to mean hypocritical, something to be avoided and certainly warned against in family life. It is jokingly said, “If you’re going to be two-faced let one at least be pretty” but that certainly isn’t true beauty.
Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18.
3. (31.) 1ST JANUARY. MARY, MOTHER OF GOD. NEW YEAR’S DAY. Too often the morning after the night before can mean waking up from a very short night, with a very sore head or at the other extreme full of the joy of being granted another year. As we get older we may or may not be getting better at everything but certainly while the weight of the years can be a burden, with Mary, the Mother of God, we say thank you to God for the growing wisdom and experience that enriches our lives and ask for God’s blessing on the year ahead.
The LORD bless and keep you! The LORD let his face shine upon you and be gracious to you! The LORD look upon you kindly and give you peace! Numbers 6:24-26
4. (33.) BAPTISM OF THE LORD. Jesus was baptised by John at the beginning of his public ministry. This is followed by his Father’s affirmation: “This is my Beloved Son. I am very pleased with him.” After this Jesus was tempted and on his return began to preach. What was his message? “Repent and believe the Good News.” What is the Good News? God’s love manifested in Jesus, his Son is the obvious answer. Good News is experienced in other ways too, in the Church and the sacraments, in living a life of faith and in community and loving relationships where we are accepted by one another.
This is my beloved son, listen to him. Luke 3:22
5. (34.) ST JOHN BOSCO IS THE PATRON SAINT FOR YOUTH. Why? Because he was struck by the needs of marginalised young people in his home town in Italy and saw a great need to care for young people. He gathered people around him and also included his mother, Margaret, for this work. Salesians all over the world, priests, brothers, sisters and lay co-operators share in this calling and charism. Youth are still the main focus but it is recognised, that for young people’s optimum development, strong, stable families are the ideal environment.
Fill your minds with everything that is good and pure, everything that we love and honour, and everything that can be thought virtuous or worthy of praise, Keep doing all the things that you learnt from me and have been taught by me and have heard or seen that I do. Then the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:6
6. (58.) FAMILIES TIES. Sometimes we ask ourselves, “ Why are the ties in a family so strong and tenacious? Can there not be more flexibility? From total dependence in infancy the journey begins through the independence needed in teenage years to a more accepting and tolerant interdependence, both within a nuclear family and also across the generations. The gift of family life is unconditional acceptance and knowing we belong yet acknowledging and valuing the spaces between us. No easy task especially for a married couple called to even greater unity.
“Be always humble, gentle and patient. Show your love by being tolerant with one another. Do your best to preserve the unity which the Spirit gives by means of the peace that binds you together. Eph 4:2-3

I bet you’ve never stopped to think about it but every year Jesus used to celebrate his birthday. When? On the 25th December of course! When he was tiny his mother, Mary used to organise the party and invite his cousins and the neighbourhood children and Joseph would take time off from his carpentry shop and play games with them. Boys and girls enjoyed the contraptions he made that they could climb on and over and under and of course everyone enjoyed the food and drinks Mary prepared.
As he grew older Jesus chose his own friends and the activities they enjoyed. Once they went hiking and mountainclimbing and loved sleeping out under the stars. They all agreed it made them feel really close to God.
As it was also cold at that time of the year sometimes they would sit around a campfire singing songs, telling stories and jokes – (yes, Jesus loved jokes, but not dirty ones.)
Jesus didn’t have favourites and somehow there weren’t ever any fights at his parties. There was always a happy-go-lucky atmosphere and lots of laughs.
But Jesus was also a serious child and a good student at the synagogue school. The year he turned 12 Mary and Joseph noticed this particularly. “What do you want to do for your birthday this year?” Mary asked. “I know we don’t have too much money to spare and it is nearly time for my bar-mitzvah in Jerusalem, so why don’t we just have a few people around for supper this time” he suggested. And that is what they did. Even the older cousins agreed that there was something different and exciting about the way he could tell the well-known stories from the Scriptures. He used to make them laugh when he acted out the stories of the giant Goliath and little David and of Samson with the long hair.
As he grew into a teenager and then a young man he always made something special of his birthday, because as he said “Life is a gift from God, something to be thankful for and valued’.
When he started his public ministry he would spend most of the year, especially the summer months, travelling around the country preaching and healing people. But in December (at Christmastime of course, except that it wasn’t called Christmas then, and do you know why?) he would go home to his mother. Joseph had already died and Mary and Jesus would spend some time relaxing in Nazareth.
It seems that the people in Nazareth didn’t really believe in him but the children all loved him and so on his birthday many of them came to the house where Mary gave them cookies and juice and Jesus would sit them down and tell them their favourite story.
Once upon a time,” he would begin, “a long, long time ago, there was only God. God wasn’t exactly lonely, because God was a little community of love, but because God was so loving he wanted to share that love. Because God was all-powerful he could create things. God loved creating and created a whole universe that could grow and develop from almost nothing into the most complicated things, big and small. Just look at the clouds, look at the eye of this little fish or the inside of this flower.” And they would all ooh and aah in wonder.
What God loved creating most of all was people, and you know why? Because they could love God back. Animals and plants and rocks can’t love like people can. But God gave people free will so that they could choose and were free to love or not. It hurt God badly when people didn’t love him or each other but that was the way they had to be made. God tried for many years to teach the people more about love. Sometimes they got it right and at other times they seemed to forget.
I know, that God is like a father. Not all of you have a father, but you can all imagine what a really good father is like. He is someone who is strong and protects and cares for you. You could say that God is like a mother too, someone who is soft and kind and loving. We all need that kind of love to be well and happy, so it helps to know that even without a father or a mother God is there loving you.
I want to tell you that whatever happens in the future, whatever happens to you or to me, remember that God is in charge. God loves everything he has made, people who do good and even people who do bad things. God keeps the whole world going and growing. Bad things do happen, but God does not make them happen. And if bad things do happen to you God will be there to help you. I know that and I believe that.”
And the children would notice that a shadow would cross his face and little Joachim would come up and put his arms around Jesus’ neck and whisper in his ear. “Smile, Jesus, remember it’s your birthday today.”
Then Jesus would jump up with a big roar and throw the little ones in the air, and they would run and collect all their musical instruments and dance around the village pump, singing a psalm of praise. (ps 97)

I will sing forever of your love, O Lord.
Sing a new song to the Lord for he has worked wonders
His right hand and his holy arm have brought salvation.
All the ends of the earth have seen the salvation of our God
Shout to the Lord all the earth, ring out your joy.
Sing psalms to the Lord with the harp, with the sound of music.
With trumpets and the sound of the horn acclaim the King, the Lord.

And the women and men of the village would smile too and some of them would bring their instruments and some would join in the dance. And God would send his angels and the air would be filled with the sound of Christmas joy.

Each person adds a little brightness
Each person brings a little joy
Greater gifts than bags of money
Greater than the newest toy.

Thank you for your special brightness
Thank you for the special joy
Each has brought into our lives
Long may we treasure and enjoy.

May God bless this holy season
May God bless the year ahead
May you shine with special brightness
As through life by love you’re led.

MARFAM
Marriage and Family Life Renewal Ministry
P.O.Box 2881, Randburg, 2125
tel/fax 011 789 5449
email : info@marfam.org.za
www.marfam.org.za

POSITIVE PARENTING – A CATHOLIC CHRISTIAN WAY.
Toni Rowland. SACBC Family Life Desk and MARFAM Coordinator
“Children in their own way help to make their parents holy. “ This intriguing statement from the 2nd Vatican Council’s Gaudium et Spes, is an endless source for reflection for me and I never cease to wonder whether those church fathers who formulated that statement had an inkling of what that could mean in practice. How do children go about doing just that? Making their parents holy? Carrying a cross, experiencing new-baby joy?
Let us tease out some of these ways and add a few insights into the idea of Positive Parenting in a particularly Catholic sense. The Church says much more about the role of parents mostly in the same section of the document. “Marriage reaches its crowning achievement in the procreation and upbringing of children…. Through their parents’ example and family prayer children will more easily find the path to holiness…. They should respond with love and trust to the kindness they have received and should support their parents in times of hardships or in the loneliness of old age.” It is also taught that parents are the first educators of their children in faith and morals, that sexuality education is the right and the responsibility of parents and a special insight maybe not expressed quite so explicitly is , “Parents are co-creators with God.”
The Catholic Church is generally perceived to be pro-family and pro-parenting, even if many would agree not nearly enough is actually being taught on this subject. Good families and good parents are seen to be synonymous, so much so that for many centuries the purpose of marriage was seen to be the procreation of children. That has been changing and now the two purposes of marriage are recognised as being the wellbeing of the couple as well as procreation.
What does the Church understand by a family and again how much is being taught or brought into the main stream of Church life? Very often it is almost taken from granted that a family is a nuclear unit consisting of father, mother and children. This is a more western Christian model. Other models do exist. The African family traditionally was a multigenerational, extended family. Currently in South Africa research has shown that the most common form of family is a single mother with children, though I would add these single mothers are very often still living within or strongly connected to their own extended family.
The description of a family taken from Pope John Paul’s letter to the Church on family life Familiaris Consortio is “an intimate community of life and love, bonded together for life by blood, marriage or adoption.” This definition highlights the very unique, very special biological bonds that characterise family relationships. However It also allows single parent units to be called families and for many the understanding does go even further.
Having children is probably too easy for many people. Conceiving and bearing a child is one thing, positive parenting is quite another, especially in today’s complex society, where in some aspects children are educating their parents rather than vice versa. However, parents are the 1st educators in faith and so their role should be to accompany the children on their own faith journey. Baptism in infancy includes the call to parents to do so, 1st communion and confession can meaningfully been linked with family meals and teaching kids to say sorry. Confirmation is a rite of passage sacrament that could possibly be more meaningful if more closely life-related, e.g for Xhosa youth to initiation school. It is also true that religious education of children, and here I am speaking particularly of Catholic children but a similar situation applies in other faiths, has for a long time been taken out of parent’s hands and been dealt with in school or in catechism class. I believe that is not always helpful for the family or the child in developing a family spriituality.
Similarly sexuality education is the right and responsibility of parents/family. How often and how well do we do that? I believe in an attitude of “sexually active parenting,” parents not hiding this aspect but being more open about sexuality in whatever ways that come up naturally. It is not easy and for many of us, irrespective of our culture, a taboo subject. In African tradition it was the responsibility of the family, whether grandmother, aunts and uncles in addition to parents but this is hardly so now. We as families also have to deal with the religious side, Church teaching on contraception, abortion and most importantly the beauty and value of sexuality as a gift for marriage. This is in contrast to what they learn at school , from friends and in the media. Parents need to be informed and open, also being willing to discuss sexual orientation if that should arise. The parents’ own beliefs come into play in this area in a serious way.
The term POSITIVE PARENTING is a bit of a buzzword, a slogan. It is the title of the programme run by Girls and Boys Town. For them it is not just addressing the families of problem children who end up in their hands, but rather a preventative programme ensuring children do not end up at one of their facilities. One must add that for some children it is very beneficial to experience life at Boys Town as the structured environment and approach to discipline in order to promote healthy personal development is something they have not experienced in their home situation.
Parenting, meaning socialisation of children, is not necessarily done by the biological mother and father of a child or them alone. Recent research from the SAIRR reports that in SA the most common form of family is a mother-headed home and the high incidence of absent fathers was one of the challenging findings. This has particularly serious implications for the emotional and social behaviour of youth. Only 1/3 of children live for most of their childhood years with both biological parents. That, from a western perspective, is considered very dysfunctional. However, culture again plays a role and different cultures are used to different ways of bringing up children. We should take cognisance of the fact that grandparent-headed households which are more common as a result of the death of parents from HIV/AIDS and other causes, traditionally also played an important role. For many years in a politically volatile climate children were sent to their grandparents. Sometimes they were ”given” to a childless relative. All in all for a variety of reasons the biological parent-child relationship can vary a lot. Childheaded households are also found, mainly in poorer communities where parenting skill support is or should be given to that particular family unit from welfare or church. An interesting fact that emerged from the research mentioned above is that in most child-headed households there are living parents who, mainly for work reasons, do not live with their children. This has particular implications for the task of parenting.
STRUCTURES AND FUNCTIONING
We have mainly considered family structures in which parenting was taking place but another aspect to consider is functionality. The Department of Social Development ( DSD) and welfare workers are not only focusing on structure but also on functioning, for whatever form a family takes the aim is optimal functioning in the circumstances. As “parenting” is done by a variety of people another important quality is family resilience. In spite of many difficulties and different degrees of dysfunctionality families are resilient, they can adapt and learn skills for more effective functioning. A programme of the DSD that I find potentially very helpful is FAMILY PRESERVATION. This is in addition to other parenting programmes being rolled out by the Department.
SKILLS
Providing a stable, secure, structured environment, using a consistent and non-punitive, non-violent approach to discipline is the key to positive parenting. Discipline is absolutely vital for healthy development as it should lead to self-discipline. Self-regulation was the term I heard on radio recently in the context of the use of steroids by schoolboys. Do their parents know, approve, turn a blind eye or discuss the pros and cons of such action? Discipline styles range from rigid to easy-going with the ideal being -moderately -flexible. Or to use other terms authoritarian parenting does no longer work and the aim is to be authoritative, informed, open but empowering. Promoting a positive self-image, enhancing self-esteem, teaching independence or possibly interdependence – as no one is an island, even lone/only children – are skills to be taught by whoever is playing that role. Teaching responsibility and accountability from an early age, by giving the child tasks, allowing the child to make choices and be held accountable are essential skills too. Difficulties arise when there is no consistent standard of parenting, in an intact family or more likely in a separated or reconstituted family. What goes with one parent may not be acceptable to the other. The different parenting skills programmes concentrate on these aspects.
POSITIVE PARENTING AT LIFE STAGES.
Many of the parenting skills programmes focus on early childhood levels. It is important to get right principles across and that is the time when new parents feel unsure. Do you smack, deprive children of things they like, bribe, or offer them rewards or talk and negotiate? Psychologist Kohlberg believes that different stages of moral development over the years require different approaches. Fear of punishment, promise of reward, social and peer approval and a sense of correctness of rules to be obeyed are called the conventional stages and a child would grow through these in a natural process of development. A mature, post-conventional stage, when the spirit of the law rather than the letter of the law is the criterion for moral behaviour is the goal but not always reached by adults either. In contrast to this developmental approach a powerful feature of our time is a culture of rights, where children have the knowledge about rights but not the maturity to make valid judgements about rights and responsibilities or even rights and wrongs. Just demanding one’s rights is often sheer selfishness.
Positive parenting should accompany children in age-appropriate ways and use the tools of one’s religion or value system along the way. For example for Catholics : too often confession, the Sacrament of Reconciliation, even in older children and adults is dealt with in too childish a manner, ticking off a list of sins and not a reflection on one’s life and the hurts and harm done by selfish behaviour. Sin is a break-down in relationships not merely breaking of rules. Catholic Social Teaching principles such as human dignity and the common good can and should be part of a family’s own reflection and sharing, in simple appropriate ways.
Social rites of passage such as 1st day of school, becoming a teenager, passing matric, getting one’s driver’s licence as well as going to an initiation school can be linked as part of a parent’s agenda too.
Love, joy, a sense of humour and lots of fun and laughter are essential qualities in any parent-child relationship. If trust and openness have been part of the parent-child relationship there is a strong possibility that the teenage years can be navigated reasonably well. However these years can be extremely turbulent because of many physical, emotional and other developmental factors and communication can be severely challenged and easily break down. Too many go off the rails and become involved in substance abuse. “Tough love” an approach that forces them to be responsible for their own actions is a positive response, but not one that everyone is comfortable with. There are times when help is needed and should be sought as that should not be seen as a failure or disgrace
Is there a sense of spirituality in the home? Do families reflect and share on their own issues and pray and read scripture together. I believe that family moments are faith moments just as faith moments should be family moments. I call this reflection time FAMILY HOUR and strongly encourage families to make this a practice. God speaks to us in all family situations as well as through his Word. Some Old Testament passages e.g. Proverbs, ”Spare the rod and spoil the child” are no longer seen as appropriate but there are plenty of other proverbs, stories and passages and in fact any scripture passage can be applied to life. Particularly beautiful reflections are Psalms 8 and 139.
It is sometimes said, ”Small children small problems, big children, big problems!” Parenting does not end when a child leaves school but discipline and communication gradually change to a more adult level. Here today’s parents struggle with issues such as why our young adult children have different sexual standards and choose to co-habit even knowing their faith community’s view. Parenting adult children and children-in-law is a whole topic on its own but is highly influenced by how close but independent they are.
How do parents answer to their own conscience? Sometimes we cannot even say, “We did our best,” but can only say “We or I, tried.” Positive parenting requires us to be like Jesus, committed but forgiving, of ourselves and our children if they disappoint us. And may we treat them with the compassion of the Father who is “full of mercy and compassion.” Some words from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran also come to mind. “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life longing for itself.“ Parents are companions on their journey. Through positive parenting we/they can but show the way, the way of love and pray that their/our values and examples will be a beacon along that way, but still one that they can choose to look to or to avoid.
Does all this sound too holy, too positive, too good to be true? Maybe reflecting on “holiness” is relevant. Its true meaning is whole, wholesome, good and godly. Every family is unique with different parents and different children and different problems at different times. Some principles are common for positive parenting. Be available – quality time ideally built into quantity time, be mature, open and flexible to facilitate growth and development in the young person, not have them fixed in your ways. Lead by example, walk the talk, “listen with the heart and respond with the head.”
Undoubtedly children have many ways in which they make their parents holy. Parents experience the pain of the cross, physical and emotional pain. There are moments of desolation but surely too moments of great joy at their being there to love and through their simple and larger achievements. Parents certainly learn humility and patience. They learn the true meaning of unconditional love and finally letting go and letting God. Yes, parental love is tough love.

PARENTAL LOVE – TOUGH LOVE
In the beginning God created.
God created the universe, the plants and animals.
God created in a fury of generosity and love because God loved so much.
And when he had created man and woman
He gave them a will that is free to choose.
God stopped creating and said,
“From now on you will have my power to create.
Your children will the fruit of your love, two of you in one.”

Throughout the ages man, woman and God co-created.
Adam and Eve, Isaac and Rebecca,
David and Bathsheeba and many more.
As they loved each other their love bore fruit
The fruit of exquisite joy, the fruit of bitterness and pain
Because love is so tender, so strong and so fragile.
And parents learn what it means to love in a unique way.
Our children are always ours – as we are God’s – yet grow and stand alone.
Their pain is our pain, their joy our joy too.
Their achievements and failures, their growing away,
Their rejection, forgiveness, return, reconciliation
Are parts of God’s gift, God’s plan.

Can it be possible, God, that you, in your infinite wisdom,
Through the gift of parental love
Have given your children the ultimate gift of life,
Knowing you in them, growing towards you through them?
Can it be possible God,
That you experience a thousand times multiplied
The joy and pain of parenting this human race?
Can it be possible that TOUGH LOVE is yours, above all others?
Can it?
Thank you God

SOME RESOURCES FOR POSITIVE PARENTING.
• Personal and family human and spiritual growth opportunities.
• Cape Town Archdiocesen Basic Parenting programme.
• CWD, counselling resources in some communities and private social workers and psychologists as well as volunteer family workers.
• Department of Social Development programmes and manuals on Parenting and Family Preservation.
• FAMSA has a variety of programmes for different situations facing parents and children.
• Marriage preparation and enrichment programmes do contain some elements of parenting skills.
• Various MARFAM booklets and resources.
• SACBC Family Life Desk resources, calendar and related themes, workshops, networks, information
• Life Talk. Girls and Boys Town, SANCA, NICRO etc.
• Schools and other educational resources.

TR Talk also available on DVD.