• August Family Matters Newsletter

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  Jul 29

  FAMILY MATTERS AUGUST 2010

  MARFAM’s vision and aim since its beginnings in 1995 has been the renewal of family life in the Church through education and enrichment. The publications are a resource for families, educators, parishes and for the work of the Family Life Desk of the Southern African Catholic Bishops’ Conference. Your financial support helps us to operate, produce the various publications including this monthly enewsletter and maintain our website.
  Advertise your company or project on the website, enewsletter or various publications, send a donation to P.O.Box 2881, Randburg, South Africa or sign up for a monthly debit order. Every Rand, Dollar or Euro helps to strengthen families somewhere, somehow.
  Contact us for details.

   

  CONTENTS

  Do You know where you’re going to?
  MARFAM News
  SACBC Family Life Desk News
  2010 Family Calendar and themes
  Some activities of the month
  SNIPPETS:
  2010 World Soccer Cup
  Family Hour Activities
  CORRESPONDENCE
  IN CONCLUSION – Mother Theresa speaks to women.

   

  Do You know where you’re going to?

  What now? What next is what people are asking? It’s only a few weeks after the Soccer World Cup but life has pretty well returned to its usual fairly chaotic normal self for most people. The month of the Games was busy but travelling on the roads was a pleasure and the general mood was lighthearted. We knew it was a temporary lull and as soon as it was over tension returned. Is it a return of xenophobia, is it the media looking for a story? Who knows, but for foreigners from African countries it certainly remains anxiety-producing. Not only at a time like this but at any time we have to decide where we are going, workwise, healthwise, relationship wise, family-wise.

  In our work in Catholic Engaged Encounter years ago we created a banner that read, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll probably end up somewhere else.” So where are we going? Much as we put on brave faces and some carry around our granny’s brag book, there is also general concern about where our young people are going? School leaving looms and the teachers are threatening to strike. One can’t help thinking why didn’t they just strike in the extended holidays they’ve just had?

  In the family theme for August “How Men and Women Play” there is obviously still a soccer link while aiming at the every-present gender question. The whole Soccer World Cup was about men but it wasn’t only men and boys who were interested. Gender hardly played a role there. But now one wonders how much support there will be in 2011 for the FIFA Women’s World Football Cup also held every 4 years. Do we implicitly recognise that some things in life are more suited either to men or women or is this difference being blurred more and more in all areas of life? It is not only a matter of physical strength but also of other psychological and emotional factors measured in the behaviour of males and females time and again by social scientists. Although roles are changing and there is even debate about a possible future unisex society, where child-bearing is the only specifically female task, there is agreement that this would be a dull, colourless society that provides little direction and role modelling in a family for the healthy well-rounded development of its members.

  However, it is also possible to overreact and reduce everything to gender. Male or female characteristics need not always be issues in the game of life where work-life harmony is important for everyone, as Dr Gloria Marsay in her article in Marriage and Family Living writes. As she explains, “the aim of the work- life harmony game is to be aware of all that is happening and to know when, where and how to play so that each person develops and can perform their best in relation to others and their needs.” She challenges the notion of work-life balance which implies that if you are at work you are not living. Life is essential for work to happen and work is essential for life to happen. Work is part of life not separate from it. It’s not about balance, it’s about harmony in all we do. So with work-life harmony present both work and family life can be enriched. Simple hints that can be adapted to most situations: focus strongly on togetherness in family life. Plan ahead and make time for ‘being ‘ together as well as ‘doing’ together. Share responsibilities, eat together, eat around a table, turn off the TV or otherwise watch a programme together. Play, play with children, create rituals that suit you all. Have fun. (The full article is published on www.marfam.org.za/blog )

  This direction is simple enough but does actually demand much commitment. So in these months after the distractions and excitement of the World Soccer Cup we can take some time to get to know who we are and, if that is seen as a big concern, how male and female characteristics are part of the game. Irrespective, we should make a plan, have a sense of where we are going and with whom because “if you don’t know where you are going you may well end up somewhere else.”

  Toni Rowland

  Costa Rica tree art…

   

  GGR ASSIST Your Guide to Financial Freedom Address: 47 Eastwood Road DUNKELD Cell: 083 659 3392 Phone: 011-788 8786 Fax : 086 605 6720 Email: ggr@mweb.co.za Web: www.ggr.co.za

   

  MARFAM NEWS

  PLEASE NOTE THAT WE HAVE MIGRATED TO A NEW BLOG WEBSITE with the address www.marfam.org.za/blog

  The July – September issue of Marriage and Family Living is now available and as usual links with the Family Life Calendar for 2010 and its theme “FAMILIES PLAY THE GAME” which continues even though the soccer is over. The article for the month of August “Can you play the game of work-life harmony?” can be found on www.marfam.org.za/blog and follows a similar approach to the concept of a Family Hour promoted by MARFAM and the SACBC Family Life Desk. See below for more on this. Women’s Month in South Africa leads to the broader topic of sexuality education. MARFAM’S The Facts About Sexuality are a series of lessons for different primary school levels. For other publications see www.marfam.org.za.

   

  “So you’re going away to unwind or to play Or possibly simply to BE. If you’re coming south-west We have to suggest That you sample EMMAUS ON SEA. Yzerfontein – Western Cape Find out more at www.emmaus.co.za

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  SACBC FAMILY LIFE DESK NEWS – visit www.sacbc.org.za/familylife/

  The 2010 family theme of the SACBC Family Life Desk is “Families Play the Game. “ The annual family life calendar one of the main projects of the FL Desk is used for education and enrichment. Monthly subthemes are developed in many different ways throughout the year. The overview of the year’s themes and brief reflections for the Sundays and main feastdays are published monthly on the website www.marfam.org.za/blog. Translations of these into some local languages are available by email. Anyone willing and able to help with Zulu, Xhosa and translations can contact Toni at info@marfam.org.za.

  AUGUST – HOW MEN AND WOMEN PLAY. In many ways men and women are competing as equals but in sport there are still different standards. This is because of our physical makeup but there are also other differences in how men and women play games. These need not be seen as obstacles to be overcome but qualities to be celebrated. At the same time it is also important not to stereotype people into gender roles. Ask yourselves: Who is most competitive, most dedicated, the best loser? Are boys and girls in the family allowed to be who they are or being channeled into particular paths, especially being pushed into success and achievement?

  FAMILY LIFE DESK ACTIVITIES
  Parish Family Ministry is the Desk’s ongoing project, applying in a pastoral manner the image “Church as Family” of the Church in Africa, from an evangelizing as well as family support angle. It is promoted to the bishops, to priests, to parishes and ultimate to families.
  Three levels of ministry to families are 1. At Parish level. 2. At home level. 3. Special needs.
  Workshops are offered to dioceses and in regions and a workshop will be held in Gauteng in September for those new to the ministry and for more experienced teams. For details contact trowland@sacbc.org.za. The Handbook and Manual “An Introduction to Parish Family Ministry” is available at R120.

  FAMILY PRESERVATION. This concept is very much part of the Church’s attitude towards healthy family living. FL coordinator Toni Rowland will co-facilitate a workshop in September with a trainer from the Department for Social Development’s Family Directorate. This is being offered through the National Religious Leaders Forum to delegates from national Faith Based Organisations (FBOs) A manual for Family Preservation has been developed by the DSD and this is being used for training social workers but also potentially for support teams in parish family ministry.

  CONSULTATION
  A mini-conference of family life ministers in movements and dioceses is being planned for the weekend of 9th October. Together with Bishop William Slattery, the bishop responsible for Evangelisation, this will in part be an opportunity to workshop together the vision and direction of the Family Life Desk and a common vision for the family apostolate.

  At a recent meeting of IMBISA (Inter-regional Meeting of Bishops of Southern Africa) the bishops of the region discussed local priorities and selected family life as well as economic justice and good governance as priorities. This will be on the agenda of the mini-conference. One of the tasks of the FL Desk is to assist dioceses in establishing and operating a family life desk. This is a stated priority in the local church and should be done by bishop or parish priest together with the pastoral councils. A FL desk then operates from PPC level and has contact with others who form part of the PPC. In that way the vision of Church-as-Family can be fully integrated.

  Special parish celebrations can be given a family flavour at parish level and at the family level too. Grandparents Day around 26th July was a very successful commemoration in many parishes and I hope in homes too. During August some of the parishes will be busy with their annual pilgrimage or vigil in preparation for the Assumption, the patronal feast of South Africa. Consider how this can become a family-friendly occasion, rather than an event mainly supported by women’s groups? See below for a Family Hour activity.
  There are no specific family events promoted for August, but parishes are encouraged to incorporate the theme HOW MEN AND WOMEN PLAY in appropriate ways.

   

  Your very own Catholic Radio station in South Africa Programme schedule on our website. www.radioveritas.co.za Mass every day at 12h30 and mass and magazine programme from 11h00 – 13h00 each Sunday. Phone us at 011 663-4700 or write to us at 4599, Edenvale 1610 Listen to Family Matters on Wednesday 10-11 and Saturday 11-12

   

  SNIPPETS

  The 2010 SOCCER WORLD CUP is now a memory and hopefully for most people a happy one, one that brought visitors to our shores but also very importantly brought our people closer together. It is seen as significant that as a result of the various awareness campaigns from the Church and others and with the cooperation of the police no incidents of trafficking were recorded and prostitution too appears not to have been a major problem. We can probably safely say that those who came were caught up in the game. Thanks be to God.

  Visit www.churchontheball.com for some aspects of the Church’s response and activities to the SWC.
  A few copies of the special prayer book Play and Pray are still available from the SACBC, Salesian Fr Francois Dufour at 011 680 1235, or from MARFAM. Families are encouraged to continue to pray for protection against xenophobia and a resurgence in human trafficking as we pray too for justice and peace in our homes, our country, our continent and the world. In thanksgiving we can pray:

  IN PRAISE OF SPORT
  You have given us our bodies Lord, for your glory. We play the games of life as a hymn of praise. We play the game of soccer to display the talents you gave us And the skills we have worked hard to acquire. We thank you and praise you Lord, for your generous gift of life. Amen

  FAMILY HOUR ACTIVITIES The family that prays and plays together stays together.”
  Family Hour is an activity for all types and ages of families, even oldies. The purpose is to reflect, share, discuss and pray about family issues, make it a spiritually enriching experience and have some fun doing so. The Movement of Prayer of Grandparents for Grandchildren can be used too as grandparents sharing with one another and praying together in a fairly structured setting can be a comfort and support. So often most of us just complain, or talk about our concerns or our joy in family successes but are afraid or embarrassed to formally bring them to God in prayer together.

  
  FAMILY TIME LINE. See Make a family time www.life.com/timeline?xid=bannerad. Insert pictures of special family events, sporting successes, bloopers, etc. Such a picture gallery can become a real family treasure.

  THEME FOR THE MONTH. Family Hour activities can always be linked with the family theme for the month and should be appropriate for the ages and situations of a particular family.
  August’s focus on women and men lends itself to much sharing and discussion that can include some of the Church documents, or passages from the Catechism and scripture as well as TV programmes, movies, and magazine articles.

  RESOURCES: The HEARTLINES film HOPEVILLE is due to be released soon by Humble Pie Entertainment and is billed as a local heartwarming story of a recovering alcoholic who moves to a rundown rural town in the hope of etching out a new life with his alienated son Themba.
  LIFE TALK is for and about teenagers and their life issues. Other awareness-building initiatives include talks given at schools, companies and universities. The talks and workshops cover the issues and challenges faced by adolescents, parents and educators, and they explore solutions and important areas to focus on. Useful books are LIFETALK FOR A DAUGHTER, LIFETALK FOR A SON, LIFETALK FOR PARENTS by Izabella Little. Contact forum@lifetalk.co.za
  THE FACTS ABOUT SEXUALITY is a set of lessons for primary school age learners. An article “Sexually Active Parenting” addresses the topic for parents and many back copies of MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING magazine contain informative articles on various aspects of sexuality that can be used as discussion starters.
  August 15th as the patronal feast can lead to a discussion on patrons, patronage and patron saints. At different levels nepotism and corruption could be raised. An activity sheet on the Assumption and patron saints can be downloaded from www.marfam.org.za
  Other occasions for family reflections and sharing:
  Prison Fellowship week is from 1-8 August. Visit www.prisonfellowship.co.za
  Bible Sunday is the last Sunday in August.
  Google family spirituality for many more ideas.

  September is Heritage month in SA. The official theme is “Celebrating South Africa’s Living Human Treasures- the custodians of South Africa Intangible Cultural Heritage.” In simple language that means it’s about us and our different cultures, language, trations, food, clothes, art, music etc. .

  VALUABLE SITES for family ministry
  UK BISHOPS’ MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE OFFICE. www.homeisaholyplace.org.uk
  www.foryourmarriage.org.
  US Catholic Bishops conference have produced a document on marriage. Download “Marriage Unique for a Reason” from www.nccbusc.org.
  National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers www.nacflm.org

   

  CORRESPONDENCE

  The Soccer Cup was a wonderful chance to reconnect with friends in family ministry in other countries like Mexico, Spain, Uruguay. Paco and Mali from Mexico whom we first met in 1995 wrote:

  Dearest Toni
  We hope you are back to your former way of living without the crowds going to the stadiums every other day. We do not know if you are going to miss the vuvuzelas or not, but we are enjoying again the silence. Hopefully, the anticipated problems you could have due to the Soccer World Cup, didn’t occur. thank you for remember your friends in this part of the planet. We miss you. Love. Paco y Mali Rocha.

   

  IN CONCLUSION

  A extract from Mother Theresa’s message to the UN Conference on Women in Beijing 1995

  Dear Friends, I am praying for God’s blessing on all who are taking part in the Fourth World Conference on Women in Beijing. I hope that this conference will help everyone to know, love, and respect the special place of women in God’s plan so that they may fulfill this plan in their lives.

  I do not understand why some people are saying that women and men are exactly the same, and are denying the beautiful differences between men and women. All God’s gifts are good, but they are not all the same. As I often say to people who tell me they would like to serve the poor as I do. “What I can do, you cannot. What you can do, I cannot. But together we can do something beautiful for God.” It is just this way with the differences between women and men. God has created each one us, every human being, for greater things – to love and to be loved. But why did God make some of us men and others women? Because a women’s love is one image of the love of God, and a man’s love is another image of God’s love. Both are created to love, but each in a different way. Women and man complete each other, and together show forth God’s love more fully than either can do alone.

  That special power of loving that belongs to a woman is seen most clearly when she becomes a mother. Motherhood is the gift of God to women. How grateful we must be to God for this wonderful gift that brings such joy to the whole world, women and men a like! Yet we can destroy this gift of motherhood, especially by the evil of abortion, but also by thinking that other things like jobs or positions are more important than loving, than giving oneself to others. No job, no plans, no possessions, no idea of “freedom” can take the place of love. So anything that destroys God’s gift of motherhood destroys His most precious gift to women — the ability to love as a woman.

  God told us, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” So first I am to love myself rightly, and then to love my neighbor like that. But how can I love myself unless I accept myself as God has made me? Those who deny the beautiful differences between men and women are not accepting themselves as God has made them, and so cannot love the neighbor. They will only bring division, unhappiness, and destruction of peace to the world. For example, as I have often said, abortion is the greatest destroyer of peace in t he world today, and those who want to make women and men the same are all in favor of abortion. Instead of death and sorrow, let us bring peace and joy to the world. To do this, we must beg God for His gift of peace and learn to love and accept each other as brothers and sisters, children of God.

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