| Newsletter for August 2003 |
| Use the MARFAM 2003 Family Liturgical Calendar weekly reflections published regularly on the website to build strong families |
HOPE Driving into town this week I came across a newspaper poster. It had to be significant in some way. So much so, that I parked the car, got out and took a photograph, intrigued, somehow in agreement but not actually knowing what the headline could be about. “WORLD LOSES HOPE” was all it said on Tuesday, 29th July 2003. Not having the newspaper didn’t help and only later did I try, without success, as an internet search failed to disclose what the headline referred to. It was the day that the FAMILY LIFE DESK of the SACatholic Bishops’ Conference was to have a meeting of family life movements. Some came, some sent apologies, some ignored the invitation or maybe forgot or were unable because of justifiable circumstances, but something important crystallized at the meeting. We need one another, need each other to continue to inspire and support and give hope. And we need priests to be involved in the family apostolate too. We need the whole Church community to build and strengthen family life. Sure, our work is God’s work, and we receive inspiration from the Holy Spirit but human support is oh so valuable and meaningful. Who supports the families around us? Do we as parents, grandparents, adult children, youth and children devote quality time to one another? What I did find in that local paper, THE STAR of the 29th July was a column under COMMENT - Opinion and Analysis, headed Moral Regeneration Begins at Home, for me a truly hopeful attitude. Initially my spirits soared. Reverend Smangaliso Mkhatshwa, it said, is the executive mayor of Tshwane – more commonly known as Pretoria - and chairperson of the SA Government Moral Regeneration Campaign. Wonderful! What the paper didn’t disclose was that the reverend is a Catholic priest, formally a very active member of the SA Catholic Bishops’ Conference, who in response to his own sense of calling became a politician and was at one time Deputy Minister of Education. Now where was he coming from? It is all very well for him to write about moral regeneration beginning at home, all very well to remind us that parents have the primary responsibility to talk to their children about sex. All very well to remind us – yet again – that SA young people are more prone than any others to become victims of HIV/AIDS. More than 60% of HIV infections occur before the age of 20 and at the current rate of infection every second child under the age of 15 will contract HIV. Shouldn’t that scare every parent, every young person, every priest or family life educator into action? But we’ve heard it all before, umpteen times. We are suffering from information fatigue. Fr Mkhatshwa writes that the Love Life campaign and the SA Council of Churches gathered leaders of more than 30 denominations to focus on how better to communicate with young people about sex, sexuality and HIV. But I don’t remember, as Catholic family life educators, receiving an invitation to this indaba. LoveLife’s campaign is notoriously amoral. Their advertising boards all over town give mixed messages to youth. To abstain or not to abstain is not really the question. Condomise and be safe is not even a truthful message. And who pays? Love Life’s free Parent advice pack produced at great cost tells you to be open with the kids. Just talk and listen, let it all hang out. Don’t judge and make sure they know about condoms. But it is not easy to take the gap between watching The Bold and the Beautiful and Big Brother, sit the kids down and say “we, your mom and dad believe sex is beautiful, a gift from God, for building a marriage and procreation of children.” And what about the Catholic Church. We are doing much, working in up to 25% of AIDS projects, but not in the broader area of family life education. Neither has the Moral Regeneration Campaign so far had any funds available for effective family life education, especially for issues like building strong marriages. However, (should you ever read this) you are right Your Worship, Fr Mkhatshwa. Parents should lead by example. Yet it hurts to read again and again “the basic moral values of respect, dignity, love and responsibility were eroded by centuries of racial injustice in our country.” You are right; “the psycho-social ramifications of that experience have still not been adequately studied and the most basic moral value is respect.” But the young people of today, even the poorests, also potentially have access to a wealth of information, even more than their parents. Encouraged by many sources other than their parents, they claim self-confidence and knowing what they are about. None of us can continue to pass the buck and blame others. We’re all part of the bigger social picture. Parents must play their part, in their own behaviour and in their modeling for their children. But surely at this time there is little excuse for the youth to say, “we didn’t know.” Isn’t it more, “we don’t care?” LoveLife findings have also established that where young people do not have hope for the future they don’t care about the consequences of their present behaviour. If with all the information resources available to us all we choose death rather than life it seems the world has really lost hope. Not only the young. But still, we’re not entirely hopeless. We have each other and if any one knows how to access it we would welcome even a small donation from the Moral Regeneration Campaign. Our Catholic Family ministry could do with it. For the other kind of ABC, Abstinence, Be faithful, Choose Chastity, plus D for Drugs, Danger or just plain Do as I tell you, or I’ll report you to the priest! I’m your mother after all and know what is best for you. Toni Rowland PS. The headline mystery was eventually solved. Mentioning it at a meeting one of the nuns commented, “Oh yes, I heard Bob Hope died.” Thanks Bob, for the countless gifts of hope and laughter you gave the world. |
MARFAM NEWS The current issue of the magazine MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING has a number of informative articles on marriage relevant for the marriage season coming up. Other relevant lowcost MARFAM publications for this time: AIDS STRIKES AT THE HEART – reflections on the impact of HIV/AIDS on families (for which incidentally permission was requested to convert it into an audio resource in Kenya for use with less literate people) BECOMING MARRIED – SACRAMENT FOR LIFE, A booklet on marriage for all generations. ONE FAITH – TWO RELIGIONS a revised version of the original by Fr Jerry Foley. EVERY CHILD A NEW SMILE – reflection and sharing booklet based on the same liturgical readings of weeks 21 – 27 Year B with a focus on family relationships in general. Available in English, Afrikaans, Zulu and Sotho. |
TOPIC OF THE MONTH Sunday 17th August, MARY, QUEEN ASSUMED INTO HEAVEN, PATRONESS OF SOUTH AFRICA. Pray for us. Patrons saints may be more relatable for some cultures; ancestors for others. Mary is a model, a patron, a mediator for us all, as Pope John Paul II so often writes, leading us to her Son. Families could have some fun researching patron saints of different kinds. Over the centuries patron saints were selected for almost every activity from aviator to journalist, farmer to scientist. Search through Catholic Online or google. August 9th is also Women’s Day and the whole month of August has become Women’s month. Isn’t every day and every month women’s day or women’s month, judging by when we feel needed that is. |
FAMILY LIFE DESK - SA CATHOLIC BISHOPS CONFERENCE NEWS “MAKING MARRIAGE MORE” a time for the whole Church to focus on marriage from 24th August to Marriage Day on 5th October. (Built around liturgical readings of weeks 21 – 27 cycle B) A resource pack of materials, including liturgical and catechetical materials has been prepared and distributed to all diocese/parishes in South Africa and to some contacts beyond. CELEBRATING MARRIAGE, A faith sharing leaflet for couples as well as individuals or groups is available in English, Afrikaans, Sotho and Tswana and hopefully soon in Zulu. The SACBC is in the process of setting up a website from which material can be downloaded. In the meantime the whole resource package can be freely downloaded by anyone from the MARFAM website at http://homefun.www.icon.co.za and photocopied. Please acknowledge when doing so and let us know. It is all part of setting up a support network. This is not necessarily a South African, or even an African initiative although the idea was mooted and accepted by AMECEA (Conference of bishops of Africa and Madagascar) already before the 1994 African Synod. Thanks to Fr John Coleman SDB. It is simply using the readings of weeks 21 – 27 as a once in three year opportunity to focus on marriage. Couples need the support, hurting couples the help, young and old the awareness of the important foundational place of marriage in the Church. Priests and educators especially where lectionary-based catechesis is the practice can well make use of the opportunity to provide formation and information. Refer couples to marriage enrichment, to seek help, to have a cohabiting relationship regularized. RESOURCES - see MARFAM website for most of the details, otherwise enquire from us. Although the focus on marriage is for everyone, there are a number of specific Catholic marriage resources that can be promoted, used or asked to help at this time. In South Africa there is Worldwide Marriage Encounter, Teams of Our Lady (Equipes), Couples for Christ, Retrouvaille, Catholic Engaged Encounter, Evenings for the Engaged, diocesan or parish-based marriage preparation programmes and many counseling centres such as ROCS (Reginald Orsmond Counselling Services in Johannesburg, who helped very much in putting MMM together) Movements such as the Schoenstatt Family Movement, Couple to Couple League and Natural Family Planning resources and Focolare offer support for marriage, some for young marrieds. Catholic Women’s League and other sodalities sometimes offer volunteer or professional counseling services too. Many Catholic psychologists and social workers, teachers and nurses can be called on for help or to give talks to youth and parents. Other denominations also offer marriage programmes. There is Alpha for Marriage and some have excellent counseling centres. FOCUS ON THE FAMILY produces resource material. There are religious media, national and local newspapers and magazines and of course RADIO VERITAS the Johannesburg-based Catholic radio station broadcasting on Short wave on 3.23MhZ and 7.42 MhZ has been enlisted to promote marriage too during this time. More information on these can be found on the MARFAM website. FAMSA – (Family Life Centres) is not religious and a particularly helpful resource for many family needs with offices in many parts of South Africa.
I, Toni, have much information or inspirational articles and readings suitable for special reflections and am available to share a day of reflection or give talks or workshops. Some of the priests, lead couples in marriage movements or those involved in spiritual direction may well be willing to offer retreats to parishes or groups. I would be happy to hear from those willing to give or to receive such a form of marriage enrichment.
MAKING MARRIAGE MORE is not an end, only the beginning and the means to an end of strengthening family life, something that will go on far beyond the few weeks ahead. CATHOLIC INFORMATION SERVICE FOR AFRICA (CISA) The Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith on Thursday July 31, 2003 issued its anticipated directive against gay marriage, telling politicians and lawmakers that they are "morally bound" to oppose "gravely unjust laws" intended to allow such unions. The Vatican expressed particular alarm at the possibility of gay couples adopting children which it said would be a form of "violence" against children and "gravely immoral. The document rejected arguments that failing to give gay unions legal recognition would be unjust discrimination and underscored the unique social role of marriage between a man and a woman in continuing the human race and raising children. From CISA.
Where is our South African Constitution leading us? South Africa’s Constitutional Court dismissed a same sex marriage appeal by a lesbian couple, in this case on technical grounds. The Lesbian and Gay Equality Project considers “The freedom to marry a person of your own choice speaks to the heart of the constitutional values of equality, personal autonomy and dignity. Most people take this right for granted. Same-sex couples do not; they are denied access to this institution simply on the basis of their sexual orientation”
ZENIT reports “Prophetic Voice of Paul VI in "Humanae Vitae" Went Unheeded”
This was also the message of Prof Janet Smith on her recent visit to South Africa. Her talks were well-attended and well-received by some but others were unhappy. Although one cannot argue with much of the content and the social reality does manifest a break-down in moral standards and family life but attributing “The Sexual Mess we are in and How we Got there” primarily to contraception can be considered overly simplistic.
***Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused*** The prospective father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?" Not only Eating His Words “Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high powered vacuum cleaners. “Go away,” protested the old lady, “I haven’t got any money!” she exclaimed, as she tried to shut the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. “Don’t be too hasty,” he said, “not at least until you have seen my demonstration.” And with that he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. “If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.” “Well,” she said, “I hope you’ve got a darned good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning.” From jokes@wwj.org.nz |