Marriage Day Contents

Celebrating Marriage also available in Afrikaans

2006 Calendar Reflections for "Marriage and Family - A Tower of Strength"

Download the PDF Info on Marriage and Family Movements

Download the Pastoral Letter

“A major challenge emphasized almost unanimously by the Episcopal Conferences of Africa concerned Christian marriage and family life.  What is at stake is extremely serious: truly “the future of the world and of the church passes through the family.” Ecclesia in Africa (50)

“Married love is caught up into divine love. Enriched by Christ’s redeeming power and the Church’s saving activity, thus leading the married partners to God and helping them in their role of father and mother. The marriage bond is sacred, for the good of husband and wife, for the good of children and for the good of society.” Gaudium et Spes (48).

RATIONALE AND BACKGROUND

In 1994 the African Synod chose the image of Church as Family and invited theological reflection and application in church life.
In 2000 the SA Pastoral Forum identified “strengthening family life in the home” as one of the most urgent priorities for the local Church.
In 2003 the Family Life Desk of the SACBC was set up to address these matters with Toni Rowland  as coordinator.  

2006 FOCUS AND PLAN

The focus for 2006 will be on marriage and the many related issues surrounding it. This focus is chosen every 3rd year, the year of Mark (B) because of the liturgical readings of weeks 21 – 27 of Ordinary Time. A special Marriage Day can be celebrated on 8th October, the 27th Sunday.
The Sacrament of Matrimony is the particular concern of those who are married, but is not only for them. It is a foundation sacrament of the Church with relevance to everyone, clergy, religious, laity, youth, elderly, single, married, separated or divorced. Ultra-sensitivity to the hurting relationships and divorces in the parish sometimes leads to avoiding the subject altogether. 

RESOURCES available from above or from MARFAM tl/fx 011 789 5449 info@marfam.org.za
 * 2006 Family Calendar featuring the colourful Soweto cooling tower and Regina Mundi church.
*  Monthly themes.
*  Faith sharing materials.   
* Liturgical: reflections in various languages, renewal of vows, reconciliation, bidding prayers. 
*  Educational: Lessons for children and youth and
discussion material for adults.  
* Various MARFAM publications, Marriage and Family Living (quarterly magazine), e-newsletter Family Matters,  Becoming Married,  One Faith Two Religions, A Movement of Continuous Prayer for Marriage and Family Life.  From Marfam.  

SUGGESTED ACTIVITIES

General.

1. Marriage is relevant to the whole community, clergy, religious, laity, youth, elderly, single, married, separated or divorced. Note the many different types of family situations, e.g. remarried, stepfamilies, interdenominational marriages. All these should be taken into consideration but treated with sensitivity. Explain this to the community. Oversensitivity to hurting relationships and divorces and avoiding the subject is counterproductive.  
2. Ideally a diocesan and parish family life coordinator or team responsible for family ministry should deal with this on behalf of the pastoral council and the parish priest.  Establish a family life team, provide training and empower them to continue to offer support to couples and families. 
3. Resource materials are being produced by the Family Life Desk, through Marfam and with others for the celebrations or as information resources. Many of these will be posted on the website www.marfam.org.za from where they can be downloaded. Materials can be sent on request at minimal cost. Information, resources, talks and workshops can be organized. Contact   trowland@sacbc.org.za  Toni@marfam.org.za
4. Marriage Sunday can be celebrated on 8th October, 27th Sunday of Ordinary Time, with 6 weeks of preparation from week 21. The readings of the time to be used for faith sharing. See separate leaflet.  
5. The monthly themes will be developed in the quarterly magazine Marriage and Family Living and monthly e-news Family Matters.     
6. Brief weekly liturgical reflections are translated into Afrikaans, Zulu, Sesotho and Sepedi, at this time.  These offer information and formation and are suitable for priests, liturgy teams, catechists, sodalities, families. 
7. Invite all family life movements, sodalities – men’s and women’s- and parish portfolios, e.g. liturgy and children’s liturgy to be part of the project in their various appropriate ways.
8. Organise one marriage orientated activity during each month in line with the theme. This can be a social or spiritual event, e.g. Mother’s Day Mass or Family Prayer Meal.
9. Liturgical focus. Bidding prayers at all Masses can include the current theme. Celebrate wedding anniversaries, particularly special ones e.g. 25, 50 years etc.   Offer a reconciliation service for couples. 
10. Have a regular Family Mass once a month and celebrate the theme for the month.
11. Incorporate an ecumenical focus recognizing that the majority of marriages are between a Catholic and a partner from another religion. These are still sacramental marriages and both spouses deserve to be ministered to.
12. Promote couple prayer and developing a couple spirituality, for interdenominational marriages too.
13. Set up the MOVEMENT OF CONTINUOUS PRAYER FOR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE. Participants pray at home on different days of the month. Pray for all the needs include pre-married, divorced and remarried, widowed, and those in abusive relationships as well as for strengthening good marriages. 
14. Organise a seminar/conference on marriage at regional level for those who provide some kind of service and for couples themselves.  This can be done in conjunction with the Family Life Desk, with the local family life movements and diocesan family life offices.
15. Encourage couples to participate in retreats or spiritual enrichment opportunities. These can be one-off events or can involve joining an existing group e.g. Equipes/Teams of Our Lady, Couples for Christ, Focolare – New Families, Marriage Encounter, Retrouvaille.
16. Start a newly-wed group.
17. Encourage couples to seek help in times of difficulties and provide information on local resources for counseling and support.
18. Invite couples not married in church to have their marriage blessed/validated with a due period of preparation.
19. Study relevant documents of the Church and scripture passages in faith sharing groups and sodalities.
20. Organise discussion on issues dealing with marriage, e.g. cohabitation, gay marriage, divorce, communion for  remarried Catholics cultural dimensions e.g. lobola, marriage and a self-reliant Church, arranged marriages. 
21. Provide simple faith sharing resources on marriage for all groups.
22. Celebrate World Marriage Day on 2nd Sunday of February (Marriage Enrichment month)
23. Find out what resources are available and advertise this on bulletin board. Include resources for marriage preparation, enrichment, counseling, etc. 
24. Invite schools to have lessons, a celebration or assembly on the subject and catechists at all levels to teach about marriage, sharing their own experiences too.
25. Marriage ministry is ideally peer ministry. Invite couples to become involved, to share their own insights and experiences and to own the programme.

“YOUR MARRIAGE IS OUR MARRIAGE,
YOUR SACRAMENT A GIFT TO OUR CHURCH”

MONTH BY MONTH ACTIVITIES

January.  Marriage preparation
At the beginning of the year it will be difficult to organize activities. However a parish talk or homily can be given to families about their responsibility and the stages of marriage preparation. The Remote stage happens mainly in the home environment, by example. The Proximate stage covers the teenage and young adult years and includes sexuality education. The Immediate stage is specific preparation for the marriage. Young adults should be encouraged to consider preparing for their marriage in good time, not after the reception venue has been booked and all the arrangements made.  
Special prayers can include those preparing for marriage, and inviting youth to pray for their future partner. Local resources for immediate marriage preparation to be advertised.

February. Marriage Enrichment
It is debatable whether the greatest need in our time is marriage preparation or marriage enrichment which is like maintenance on a car or property, as well as improvement, updating, revamping etc. This month encourage all couples to do something about the maintenance of their marriage.  Offer an opportunity in the local community and advertise local resources for marriage enrichment and also for marriages that are hurting.  
World Marriage Day on 2nd Sunday of February was started by Marriage Encounter but can be celebrated by all. The theme is always “Love One Another.” There can be renewal of vows, blessing of marriages, healing service/blessing for couples in distress, a marriage Mass at which the whole community celebrates with its couples.  Also see Marriage Sunday 8th October as the main marriage celebration of the year.   
Prayers can be included for all married couples, old and young, happily married or living in difficult relationships. Pray that the value of marriage as a way and calling to holiness will be more deeply valued and understood.

March. Rights and Responsibilities in Marriage.
The whole of March falls during Lent and in SA March 21 is Human Rights Day. These are both good opportunities for considering the question of rights and responsibilities of the various parties involved and a good time for stock-taking and reconciliation.
On a constitutional level it is also good to reflect on legislation around marriage in South Africa. Are our laws God-centred? Gaudium et Spes the Constitution of the Church states that Marriage is a way of life, a way of holiness for the couple, a way to complete their baptismal vocation.  Chapter 48 of this document can be studied.
Pray that Church and society will recognize the right of couples to the best quality of relationship possible and that Church and society should strive for conditions that address that right, i.e. children, housing, work, time, financial concerns. Also pray that rights and responsibilities of spouses within the marriage will be respected.
Pray that God’s plan for marriage as a permanent lifelong committed relationship of man and woman will be valued and supported.

April.  God in Marriage.
God is the third partner in a marriage.  Marriage is a sacrament of the Church, a sign of the presence of Jesus in the world. There is a spirituality of marriage, seeking and finding God together and within the relationship. Parishes or groups can offer talks on marital spirituality, a retreat, reconciliation service at home or in the parish around Easter time.    
Pray that the Sacrament of Matrimony may be a rich resource for the renewal of Church and society and that couples will come to realize and value their sacrament as a meeting place with God. Promote couple prayer. 

May. Motherhood.
Mary was mother but also wife.  This month we celebrate and consider the role of motherhood and the related responsibilities.  Single mothers should be included, however the main emphasis should be on the value of marriage and motherhood as an expression and gift of the love of the couple. Natural Family Planning and the topic of contraceptives can also be addressed.  
Celebrate Mother’s Day on 2nd Sunday of May. Invite couples to pray the Rosary. Pray for all mothers for strength and that they will value the gift of motherhood as an expression of love.    

June. Fatherhood.
It is said that the greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother.  Married parents are a great gift and blessing to a child.  All fathers should be encouraged and supported in their responsibility to provide, love and care for their children.
Celebrate Father’s Day on 3rd Sunday of June.  Around Youth Day, 16th June, promote a positive view of marriage, a desire for this vocation. In the battle against HIV/AIDS it is not helpful to promote abstinence until marriage without making marriage an attractive choice to look forward to.
Pray for all fathers for strength and commitment to their vocation of fatherhood.  Pray for youth that they may have the courage and will to value marriage as a future vocation.

July. The Extended Family 
Marriage is not just between two people but includes their parents and other family members according to traditional custom. This extended family and particularly the grandparents should be a support to the new couple and their family and not a cause of division and stress. Grandparents’ day can be celebrated on 26th July, the feast of Joachim and Ann.  Also focus on the needs of older couples.
Pray that families in their widest sense will care for and support their married couples, especially the young couples as they begin their life together. 
Pray in gratitude for grandparents around 26th July. Pray that families will be a model and school for marriage for their younger members.     

August. Man and Woman as Partners.
The Church teaches that men and women are equal and complementary, although they each have their own gifts, qualities, roles and characteristics. This relationship should be lived out in a particularly dynamic way in marriage and should be presented as a model to the couple’s own family and to others. Issues such as women’s empowerment, male chauvinism or the alienation of men can and should be worked through with the help of the community.
From 21st Sunday of Ordinary Time, 27 August the period of deeper reflection on marriage in preparation for Marriage Day begins.  See separate leaflet on this which is still to follow.
Pray for women and for men that through growing in their understanding and experience of true equality they will become more fulfilled human beings.  Pray for those who are struggling with this aspect of their relationship.

September. Marriage and Culture. 
Our family background and culture does have an impact on how a marriage works. This can be a strength but also a source of conflict especially if the spouses come from different cultures, where man-woman relationships may conflict. Understanding and managing our relationships in the broader cultural context is the key.  Cultural celebrations, particularly around marriage traditions can be held in families and communities.
Marriage was made in the beginning and, although increasingly couples choose to cohabit without marriage, it remains an integral part of all societies.
Pray in gratitude for this gift, for its diversity and for openness to the riches of our different cultures.   

October.  Marriage and the Mission of the Church.
October 8th, Marriage Sunday on the 27th Sunday of the Year should be the highlight of the marriage awareness programme of the year. A period of preparation, reconciliation for couples,  renewal of vows and a special blessing on all marriages, including those living apart, could be part of this.   Vatican Council II document  Gaudium et Spes calls marriage the way of holiness for couples, a fulfilment of their baptismal vocation.  This is again repeated in Ecclesia in Africa the African Synod document of 1994.  Not all adults choose marriage or remain married. However marriage is a natural way of being for adult Christians and can be called a foundation sacrament of the Church. It should be celebrated and supported as such by the whole community.    
Pray for all married couples that they may grow in understanding and joy in their vocation.
Pray for healing for those who have experienced pain and misery in their marriages. 
Pray for those preparing for marriage now and for the future of marriage, that our children will still experience this sign of God’s love in the world.
Pray for growth in understanding and acceptance of marriage as one of the foundation sacraments of the Church.

November. Marriage and Loss
Loss of a spouse can happen in various ways, through death of a spouse, or the death of the relationship.
Widowhood is the last stage of marriage, a time of growing apart, letting go, realigning one’s life and yet choosing to retain the bond that was such an integral part of one’s life over the years. Traditionally the Church prays for eternal rest for the departed. It is also valuable to pray for consolation and healing for the remaining spouse.
Loss occurs in other ways too. Separation and divorce are common and bring many conflicting emotions and also impact on one’s faith.
For various reasons marriages die. Sometimes the conditions for a valid marriage did not exist. Sometimes the relationship dies because of a poor foundation and lack of relationship skills. There are couples who stay together even though the love appears to be lost. The process and conditions for annulment need to be better known.    
Pray for widowed people, men and women, and for those who have lost their love and respect for one another, that God’s love for them will sustain them even in their sadness and loss.

December.  Marriage is a Gift.
Marriage as a permanent, committed relationship for mutual growth, personal emotional and sexual fulfilment is surely one of God’s greatest gifts to humankind.  How often do we appreciate and also show our appreciation for this gift from God of a man or woman with whom to share one’s life on the most intimate level It is said, who you are is God’s gift to you, what you become is your gift to God.  It is in marriage than we can live out most deeply Jesus command, “Love one another, as I have loved you.”  This is both gift and duty.
Pray in gratitude for the gift of marriage on a personal and community level.
Pray that marriage will be protected and supported in Church and society.    

Toni Rowland. November 2005